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Every second of every day revolves around you and yet you have the audacity to say I only care about myself

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Someone who starts fights in front of their own family. Says offensive stuff and things they know are ridiculous and untrue just to see if you’ll correct them and then blow up. Then when you go sit in the car to avoid the drama they’re trying to create they act like they’re going to be left like that’s ever happened. And even more disgusting they say stuff like I’ll suck you off if you don’t start any fights. And since they’ve been breadcrumbing me for months and abusing me into depression I need anything that resembles the love and intimacy we once had and lately any intimacy outside of sex is unheard of. No touching, she moved across the room so she can hide who she’s texting. The house is 85 degrees at all times so we don’t sleep skin to skin. So here I am like a fucking addict. Letting someone push my buttons and win at card games for a taste of the connection we once had. I was willing to pay anything do anything to get back to where we started. I was going to have the attic insulated or add an a/c unit to our window but she hated that because it looked trashy. Even when her father points out why she didn’t ask me what kind of paint and brushes we needed she gets mad at me.

It’s exhausting house shopping while also paying for renovations that aren’t adding to the value of the house. And we were one day away from going and looking at a house.

You knew

You knew you planned on cheating

Atleast logically that’s what makes sense.

But that’s the crazy part literally

I can’t find an explanation because nothing about it was logical.Nothing made sense.

The punishment didn’t match the “crime” (microscopic fight)

You begged me to stay

You told me you wanted me there and had just had me sign away my house

You told me you hadn’t lost feelings which is probably technically true if you never had them.

And this is the insanity rolling through my head all while I don’t know if my Dad is dead or alive.

The world stopped when you had a bad day

I might have lost the most important person in my life and it’s “just an excuse”.

And part of you know it’s wrong. That’s why you have to make up so many ridiculous lies to try to rationalize it.

The sad part is an apology could have solved it. And it did. You apologized and we made a plan to correct it and it was all feeling better.

But you “couldn’t take the risk”. You have nothing at risk apart from an affair.

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I feel insane for remembering these conversations that don’t mean anything because I’m sure she forgot them within 24 hours and here I am 6 months later and I still do.

Are you sure you want me to move in it’ll put a lot of extra stress on our relationship.

If it’s too much I can move out and it won’t change our relationship?

And we’ll make it work no matter what?and if we can’t we’ll find a therapist.

You’re not one of those people who get tired of princess treatment and lowkey like to be treated like crap

Is it ok that I do photography,shoot, do urban exploring,have friends over, go out with friends on occasion,host parties, and I’d like to get a dog.

You said yes but not a single thing was okay and you acted like I was crazy and constantly rubbed it in and were a hypocrite about.

Are you sure you’re ready to settle down you’re really young?

*watching lalaland* Is that going to be us?

I’m looking for something serious and mature are you?

I’ll stick around when your depression gets bad

If I ever cheat on you you should leak my nudes

I’m okay with doing all the work and taking all the risk for both of us as long as you’re appreciative and stay loyal.

I don’t need a 50/50 relationship just 90/10. Which I personally feel isn’t a ton to ask for.

Watching tv isn’t quality time and you won’t remember it. Also you said you wanted to live life.

I am cool moving out and I think it’ll be good to slow down also going to quit the church and get an apartment near by.

Your Dad offered me a job, if I take it we can get engaged quicker but obviously it’ll mean less time together so I wanted to see which you wanted.

Yeah you can keep the necklace and ring just give it back before you run off with another guy.

But as you said it’s “not like that”

“I could never get tired of you Josh “

Most people just use me for 6 months and then move on once they’re healed.

Which in your case idk where you landed but I sure did give you a god complex if it wasn’t already there sleeping.

Not to mention the dozens of dates we had planned and trips but suddenly I move in and you can’t even be bothered. It was all a trap 🪤.

So you having made all of these decisions and told all of these lies and then once I feel miserable and we end up in a one sided relationship where you contribute nothing but take and drain constantly by creating issues. It was bad enough when it was just at home but then you take it with us. You start a fight and I sit in the car to avoid it and you have your family thinking I’m leaving without you as if that has ever even remotely happened.

What happened to the girl who drove me to work at 3am in an ice storm? That girl was a good person. She was loyal,independent, smart and emotionally aware, mature, hard working.

Then two months in you completely switch

You clearly never cut anyone off since you’re still entertaining a whole group chat despite being damn near engaged.

You sigh and roll your eyes and act like I’m bothering you just for asking for your help with anything like I haven’t done everything for you.

You went from allegedly going out to eat alone to not even being able to bathe or cook alone.

I don’t think you were less smart but you became more irrational.

To not being able to talk about feelings without crying or exploding screaming to the point our only way of resolving fights was over text but then it got even worse and we just swept it under the rug.

To having toddler tantrums when something doesn’t go your way or your phone game pisses you off.

Then come March you had no job but couldn’t even clean your own house.

Which is crazy bc I put up with it all as long as you didn’t treat me like shit.

Then have the audacity to cry when I told you I haven’t been able to reach my dad. You don’t feel bad. You don’t have a conscience. You can’t say this isn’t easy for me. You can’t say you want to see me but it’s “hard” right now.

You put me where I was and you put our relationship where it was. And I was the one paying the consequences.

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It was never about me being right. I just know how things work. I was willing to hear you out and try things your way bc that’s what equality is but don’t blame me when it blows up in your face.

Told you birth control was going to make you feel crazy and then asked you to get off of it and surprise surprise you feel a ton better and want to hop into bed every 5 minutes.

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The guy that was by your side for every manic and depressive episode can’t even have a bad day unless it becomes. “ well I’m just a shitty girlfriend”

You know how exhausting that is to not even be able to have a bad day or it creates extra work for me. You wonder why I play Xbox for two hours a day or sit in my car or even just sleep.

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The constant talking down on me.

The condescending and backhanded comments

The constant fight starting just to add to my stress bc it’s “cute”

Your fiancé had a heart attack and you’re trying to “brat” in order to get fucked

The constant need for more more more

I have to plan everything, I have to pay for everything,I have to fix everything and you’re throwing more shit on the pile while sitting on your ass.

Criticizing the only one who is doing anything productive. And have the audacity to speak down on me for not wanting to binge watch shows with you. WOW it’s almost like that’s what we’ve done for 5 months. And crazy enough when you choose to date someone with adhd they don’t want to sit still and watch bratz for 8 hours a day. Or even lay out and tan. There needs to be something that gives me dopamine and I don’t want to fuck you bc you treat it like a chore to keep me from cheating when it fact it’s you you cheats.

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Drains your balls and motivation and then kicks you to the curb

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You didn’t sleep well for a few nights bc it was hot.

I didn’t sleep well for 5 months because all I did was work.

And you feel justified in having a full blown mental breakdown over a cup.

But I shouldn’t have raised my voice…

When your whole existence is sitting at home and watching tv and spending money.

How exciting it is for me to come home and have to constantly solve problems that you create bc you think it’s “fun”. “Bc that’s just how women are”.

That’s fucking disgusting to intentionally make someone’s life hard when they do everything for you already. Genuinely still a teenager which makes me feel even more disgusting.

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Not like anything else you do makes since but how do you have Daddy issues but also rely on him for everything? Like you want your nudes leaked or him to find out about you sleeping with a guy he hates?

Like it doesn’t make sense.

Like wanting to be a cheater and be so “empowered” by being a fuckgirl but then also want to be loyal and consider a decent human being and your family not to think you’re a whore every Christmas ?

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I just kicked you out for dropping a cup and not letting me walk all over you. And we can’t talk about it because I’m “scary to be around”. So we have to do the fighting at your dad’s house. I mean he’s seen you start fights every Sunday for the last 2 months. He knows how ungrateful you are. He knows all about you throwing phones while trying to hide who you’re texting. But more than anything the immediate victim complex.

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Hate me because I remember everything so you can’t just make up whatever is convenient for your narrative and I keep receipts. No wonder you can’t remember anything. Reality is mundane

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Why’d you post the pictures you took take those down right now. Post them herself

I don’t want to breakup,I think you having your own place nearby would be nice and when you asked me are you sure I blew up on you and said obviously, don’t date anyone I’m worried about you cheating . Hands out my pussy and acts like we broke up months ago but still has our ring.

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So much for I’ll stick around when the depression gets bad.

So much for I could never get tired of you.

I move out and do exactly as you ask and yet you cheat. I went no contact and yet you expect me to drop everything every time you call. To come over when you’re drunk and lonely.

So now I’m stuck with an apartment 5 minutes away from you because you said that’s what you wanted.

Now I’m out all the money and time I spent because you want to be emotionally 13 forever.

How can someone who used you as a rebound and never had feelings for you damage you like that? To get kicked out by your own father and still be obsessed with a guy that calls you a slut. How damaged can you be that all your favorite people are people that you have to chase and fake your whole personality for. Yet the two men who love you unconscionably get their names drug through the mud.

No wonder you go through life not caring about anyone but yourself. Imagine that times 100. It’s hard to explain buying an engagement ring for someone. It’s impossible to explain working 10-14 hour days to someone to never has/will. Then to come home to entertain you and clean up after you and make sure you’re ok.

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It’s nothing short of crazy that I had to drop everything to buy us a new house and get married and did and yet 4 years later no one’s been stupid enough to. I wouldn’t be surprised if she got knocked up she never cared about the long term consequences of anything, begging for creampies within the first month. Asking to get engaged after dating less than a week. Even being self aware for a second to call yourself a walking red flag. Cry you’re too damaged to be loved. Tell me before we even started that you don’t want your baggage to effect your relationships and yet you let it. 100 times over. Too much of a simp not to say we can carry it together 🤢🤢🤢. And you would work on it. But it was only ever me sacrificing to make you comfy with you promising we had forever to figure it out and yet you put no effort in. It was just me constantly sacrificing while you procrastinate. Just like when I moved out and you told me you want to see me and yet it’s hard despite you being full of shit I told you the longer we wait the harder it gets.

I ended up in the ER twice and didn’t quit but a dropped cup and pms gets my life ruined, and you feel important for that. Your ego is so big you want someone to kill themselves over you. You want them to give a fuck after 4 years even after you kept everything. God bless wanting a “mature” relationship. Then do nothing mature past the first month

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Imagine fumbling the bag and making it the bags fault👀👀

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“People don’t believe what you tell them. They rarely believe what you show them. They often believe what their friends tell them. They always believe what they tell themselves.”

— Seth Godin (via thoughtkick)