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yeryeryea · 4 months ago

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Anamnesis Playlist

First of all, I did not at all realize how freaking long this playlist is. 53 tracks! After I deleted some that made no sense that I didn't remember adding or why! Whew!

Anyway, let’s get to it.

Here is the full playlist. Let me know if you can’t open it. I switched from Spotify to Tidal and I’m not sure how sharing works. Their website says you’ll be able to select any platform to stream on, I am not sure if that’s true.

Song by song breakdown:

Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Once upon a time while I was in school, I had to make a found footage music video for a song and I chose this one, then paired it with all the most disturbing (but not graphic - this was for school) video clips I could rip from YouTube. Thanks to that, and to other relevant life experiences at the time I made the video, that song took on an ominous feeling to me, and that’s why I used it the way I did in this fic.

I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) from Disney’s Hercules. This song just screams Mikasa in the fic for many reasons: she’s a musical theater nerd and would absolutely insert musical numbers into her daily life if she thought she could get away with it, she wants to be a voice actor, and she cannot admit she has feelings for Eren.

This December by Ricky Montgomery. I didn’t have a specific reason beyond that the vibe was right. It actually doesn’t work for the fic in a lot of ways, when you get right down to it, but it helped get me in the right mood.

Wannabe by the Spice Girls. This is because Eren must brave the gauntlet of Mikasa’s loyal roommates on his quest to win her heart.

Bad Child by Tones and I. This is how Mikasa felt about her family after she was rescued and returned home as a child.

Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen. I like this song. That’s all.

Take Me To Church by Hozier. Eren basically worships Mikasa. And, honestly, so does her freak stalker, but he’s not a true devotee like Eren is. Eren would die for her and kill for her.

Jolene by Dolly Parton. Because Mikasa and Eren both are super insecure about each other’s past relationships/ hookups and think that they are second best.

Just Like Heaven by the Cure. This song reminded me of them because they are both lonely but still in love.

Morph by Twenty-One Pilots. Mikasa struggles to connect with herself ever since what happened to her as a kid. She doesn’t feel like her real self, but she also can’t quite remember who her real self was. To a lesser extent, this is also something Eren struggles with due to his mental health issues.

Overwhelmed (Ryan Mack Remix) by Ryan Mack. This made reminded me of Eren and his panic attacks and the way he will go off the deep end sometimes when he’s not on his medication.

Fallin’ For You by Colbie Caillat. Mikasa once she starts falling for Eren, although she is way more stressed about the fact than this upbeat song makes it seem like.

Snowman by Sia. I mean, they haven’t seen snow in years, but I feel like the cold represents a reprieve for them, for one thing, and I liked the push and pull between eternity and transience in the song. It seemed fitting. Like, “let’s fight to stay together even though the sun is waiting behind the clouds.”

I Hear a Symphony by Cody Fry. I think it’s a cute song and I think it suits how Mikasa starts to feel about Eren.

Where Is My Mind? by the Pixies. This reminded me of both Eren and Mikasa. Both of them feel alienated from their own thoughts sometimes, and I feel like they are both trying to find their real selves.

Heather by Conan Gray. Because Mikasa spends a good portion of the fic convinced that Eren was in love with his ex-girlfriend, Heather, and sulking about it.

My Girl by the Temptations. This is another song that gets referenced in the fic.

redesign by awfultune. This is an Eren song. He wants to be a different, healthier person, but he is the way he is.

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson. It’s not a great match lyrically, but the chorus reminds me of Mikasa’s feelings about [redacted] and the fear she still lives with as a result of what happened when she was nine.

All I Have to Do Is Dream by the Everly Brothers. This is all Armin and his Quantum Zee.

This Magic Moment by Jay & The Americans. I like oldies and I feel like this could totally be Eren’s feelings when he first hooks up with Mikasa, or it can be what Jean is drunkenly thinking when that thing happens at his apartment.

Memory from Cats. Mikasa is a musical nerd and she has dissociative amnesia so she thinks a lot about her past and how she used to be and how she’s changed and how she wants to change again. I feel like a lot of parts of this song would resonate with her. She probably sings it for auditions and stuff.

Miss Wanna Die by JubyPhonic. My kid was really into this song at the time and it ended up on a lot of the playlists I was making at the time. This really has nothing to do with the fic.

Smithereens by twenty one pilots. Eren would try to fight a titan for Mikasa.

idfc by blackbear. This is Eren and Mikasa towards each other when they’re both convinced the other one isn’t that into them. Trying to play it cool, but they’re both total wrecks.

I Wanna Be With You by Mandy Moore. I guess I added this when I was looking up Crush. I don’t remember doing it. I’m going to leave it on, though. It reminds me of watching TRL as a youth.

Crush by Mandy Moore. This is Reiner’s karaoke go-to song.

I Deserve To Bleed by Sushi Soucy. This is yet another Eren song. He hates himself so much and the intrusive thoughts don’t help.

despair by leo. This song is for Mikasa and her fear of commitment and romance.

Broken by Anson Seabra. This might as well be the Anamnesis theme song. Any time I was having a hard time getting into the right mindset, I’d put this on. I feel like it slightly more suits Eren as a character, but it worked for getting into the right space to write either of them. It captures that feeling of being unrecognizable to yourself and feeling worthless because of it.

Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me) by the Temptations. Eren after they first hooked up, when he was thinking he was going to get with Mikasa and live with her happily after only to find out that she doesn’t date.

When He Sees Me from the Waitress musical. This is because Mikasa is a musical theater with commitment issues and a crush on Eren.

die first from Nessa Barrett. Eremika’s private thoughts about each other after they realize their lives are actually in danger.

Only Us from Dear Evan Hansen. Once again, Mikasa is a musical nerd. I wanted to incorporate this into the fic because I felt like it would remind her of Eren, but I couldn’t fit it in in a natural way, so I didn’t. But if Mikasa were to make a playlist of love songs that make her think of Eren, she would put this track on it.

I’ll Have To Say I Love You In a Song by Jay Durias. This version is a cover, but I liked it the most out of all the versions I listened to. Mikasa physically can’t bring herself to say, “I love you” for trauma reasons. This song would also go on her Eren playlist.

The Boogie Monster by Gnarls Barkley. This is another Eren song. He is really enemies with his own self.

Perfect by Ed Sheeran. I feel like this is a very Eremika song in general.

Pancakes for Dinner by Lizzy McAlpine. This is a Mikasa song to me. She really wants to tell Eren how she feels about him, but she has to find other ways to show him how much he means to her.

everything sucks by vaultboy. This feels like an Armin song to me.

broken by lovelytheband. This is Mikasa when Jean was telling her what a psycho Eren is and she instantly became more interested in him.

Carry On by fun.. I put this one on the playlist because even though the characters in the fic are all dealing with some shit and often feel hopeless, overall they choose to keep going and trying to survive.

Yesterday (Remastered 2009) by the Beatles. This is a Mikasa-centric song. She misses her old self and how much easier life was and how much happier she was. She doesn’t know how to get it back or what changed, but I think she spends a lot of time longing to go back to how things were.

The Other Side from the Greatest Showman. This song gets referenced by Falco in the fic.

I Think I’m Going to Kill Myself by Elton John. Most of the characters want to die a little bit.

Murder! Murder! by American Murder Song. I think this is self explanatory.

Brave as a Noun by AJJ. This is how Eremika feel about their own mental illnesses and related struggles.

I Can’t Decide by the Scissor Sisters. [Redacted] wouldn’t listen to this song, but I think this is accurate to him.

Love You Madly by Cake. I think this is kind of a Mikasa song, although she would never say “I want to love you madly.” She does want to keep her feelings in the moment as much as possible and not think about it too deeply.

You Don’t Own Me by Lesley Gore. This is a song for Mikasa as well. It’s kind of her whole thing until she meets Eren.

Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold. Once again, the vibe was right.

Any Other World by MIKA. This is another one of those songs that reminds me of what Mikasa is going through feeling disconnected from her past self. I think that to her the time before what happened to her does feel like a different world and it’s a better one. I mean, that’s one of the reasons why I settled on Anamnesis for a title. It means “The remembering of things from a supposed previous existence.” It alludes to Mikasa’s amnesia, her feelings about her life before her trauma, Armin’s Quantum Zee use, and also a bit the fact that they all do have different lives in the alternate universes (even though those are more like concurrent existences).

Have a Seat, Misery by Shayfer James. Sometimes, you get comfortable with sadness and you start to embrace it. I feel like in some ways Mikasa is afraid to let go of hers.

As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese. There’s no nuclear apocalypse in this fic (beyond it being used as a setting in the hit YouTube sensation Nuclear Picnic) but I think there is a feeling of doom as the fic progresses and things get worse, and all Eremika want as things get shittier and shittier is each other. Whew! That was a project! I’ll get started on Bless This Mess next. If you haven’t yet and think you might want to take a foray into my stab at writing angst, you can read Anamnesis on AO3.

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