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Betrayal

I decided to start blogging again. I have this feeling for awhile now and never had to time to put it into action. So, here it is.

Why and what makes me started to, so-called, rewrite. I guess I needed that space to let out. I lost hope in humanity. I lost hope in friendship. So I’m going to use this space to let my thoughts out.

So, here’s why. She whom we gonna label as NRL is a colleague who is soon going to be an ex-colleague. She’s new with us for almost 3 months. Only during her last month, we somehow got close and I, got invested. It started off with her ranting to me about her reporting manager who is my ‘longest’ colleague MCSH. MCSH has always been that loud, grumpy and aggressive kind of ‘Boss’. Also, nothing new to me, all his ex-female drafters have approached me with the same vent. This ranting session is nothing new to me, however why NRL was an exceptional? First off, she’s someone much elder that me, 18 years older (a year older than MCSH). I’ve always connect with people whom older than me much better that those of my peers. My peers are all so lame. Secondly, it was easy to talk to her as she’s very laid back kind of type. Thirdly, we both decided to take up a course together, this very point - I have been waiting to pursue this course for the longest time just that I procrastinated cause I didn’t want to go alone. So, things clicked on well. We spoke casually. She also allowed me to hop on the journey to school with her. And I always thanked her graciously after each ride. To add on, we even decided to go a second course together in the following week. We wanted to go for baking. Always wanted my sister to go, but there is always a but. Save that for another.

I decided to allocate 3 days back to office to so-called accompany her and prevent her from further ‘bully’ from MSCH. I did that. I even did not bring my home cooked food so that we can have lunch together. I took 3 days off from site for this. That’s something big that I have never done for anyone else in the Company.  I was concerned for her health condition, any excessive stress might cost her life or even back to stroke. I went out of the way to ensure that she doesn’t get pressured towards her last days with the Company. True indeed, MCSH toned down when I’m around and she felt better. I thought of her as friend.

Then. One day. On the 3rd day of those allocated days, before I return to site on Monday. She. Have accidentally vented to the wrong chat. To me. About me.

She was ‘frustrated’? I don’t know how to describe her feelings. Now that she’s no longer truthful, I can’t really tell. So, she frustrated that I didn’t acknowledge her as “Kakak” and spoke to her in aku-kau lingo. Ok. Listen. Where do I even freaking begin.

1. I don’t even call my own Kakak, Kakak.

2. Aku-Kau? I used that lingo during jokes, only. Most of the times I go by I / You.

3. Everybody in the Company is technically older than me! You expect me go everywhere Kakak Abang every single bugger? This is a Company. Not my family tree. (See point 1)

4. If you hear me calling someone Kakak / Abang, I clearly need something from them or we’re casually talking and joking with each other.

5. People like Kakak Thien, Kakak Jenny, Uncle Neo, all this people have been with me since I was 20. Until now. My respect for them is different compare to her whom I invested 3 days with. You cannot claim yourself a big deal just because of your age.

6. In Company, despite age, we look at designation. You have to call me Ms A, because I’m sitting on a higher pedestal than you are now. But, I’m humble and kid shit about designation. You are holding my position when I was 20. I’m not looking down on you. But, move on. These little petty things don’t worth to be on my mind.

7. You are new to the Company. Some people were there and returned. Some people grew up in the Company. You cannot bring in your culture into ours and you cannot think that because you are older (in age), hence making you the senior in the Company. I repeat, I am not mocking her age or whatsoever. I have been called “Kakak” from someone elder than me cause they see me as Senior in the Company. Now how?

8. I am younger than you. I have a say in the Company. My voice is heard. I climbed my way up. Hence, I get things done my way and I make sure things get done too. So if you heard me say “Ahh. Aku balik dulu ah.” at 1530hrs. You jolly well shut the hell up cause you don’t know how much I have invested in the Company and yes, that’s a privilege. Sorry, you didn’t get to live that life.

9. I grew up in the Company. I’ve been through so many idiotic managements. And what I learnt is not to bring my heart to work. Whenever I leave for work, I leave my heart for my love at home, unless he’s not home, I leave my heart at the door. I’ll pick it up once I’m back from work. Metaphorically saying that, I don’t care about the people at work. I go to work, to work. Not to care about people. Yes, there are some we care for. But we don’t give our heart and soul to them. We care by listening. That’s all. Unlike her, she cares. She cares so damn much that later she question herself why after she rants about it.

10. Rude. Is it Rude? To not call your colleagues with Kakak / Abang. Eh sial ah ni office tau! Office!

I don’t know man. I just gave 10 points. So, have I been rude and sinful all these while?

I have another 6 days with her. May Allah spare me some of his patience.

This betrayal hit me different cause it’s been some time I didn’t have a female companion. And this is why I’m so done with making friends with the females.

*Add-on*

I think because she overheard me calling another colleague as AbangNZM. But that is because he also knew from way back and plus he asked to be called AbangNZM.  Another thing, even if I don’t call you as “kakakxx” or “abangxx”, that doesn’t mean I treat you as adik-adik what.

xK

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No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future.

Nicole Wharton (via o-alzamil)

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The Villainess (2017)

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The Villainess (2017)

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To the person who is reading this:

I know you are either worried, overwhelmed, struggling in some way or questioning Allah or the decision you made, but listen, He (swt) LOVES YOU, and has a plan to bring you out of this stronger, brighter and better than you were before!

Choosing Islam was never a mistake. It was the best gift of Allah to you. Just be a little patient insh'Allah

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ISLAM 101: Listen to the Qur'an

1. Do not mix the truth with falsehood (2:42)

2. Order righteousness to people only after practicing it yourself(2:44)

3. Do not commit abuse on the earth (2:60)

4. Do not prevent people from mosques (2:114)

5. Do not follow anyone blindly (2:170)

6. Do not break the promise (2:177)

7. Do not engage in bribery (2:188)

8. Fight only with those who fight you (2:190)

9. Keep the etiquettes of war (2:191)

10. Protect orphans (2:220)

11. Do not have sexual intercourse during menstrual period (2:222)

12. Breast feed your children for two complete years (2:233)

13. Choose rulers by their merit (2:247)

14. No compulsion in religion (2:256)

15. Do not invalidate charity with reminders (2:264)

16. Help those in need by finding them (2:273)

17. Don’t consume interest (2:275)

18. Grant more time to repay if the debtor is in hard time (2:280)

19. Write down the debt (2:282)

20. Keep the trust (2:283)

21. Do not spy and backbite (2:283)

22. Believe in all prophets (2:285)

23. Do not burden a person beyond his scope (2:286)

24. Do not become divided (3:103)

25. Restrain Anger (3:134)

26. Do not be rude in speech (3:159)

27. Think deeply about the wonders and creation of this universe (3:191)

28. Men and Women have equal rewards for their deeds (3:195)

29. Wealth of the dead should be distributed among his family members (4:7)

30. Women also have the right for inheritance (4:7)

31. Do not devour the property of orphans (4:10)

32. Do not marry those in your blood relation (4:23)

33. Do not consume one another’s wealth unjustly (4:29)

34. Family should be led by men (4:34)

35. Be good to others (4:36)

36. Do not be miserly (4:37) 37.Do not keep envy (4:54)

38. Judge with justice between people (4:58)

39. Do not kill each other (4:92)

40. Do not be an advocate for deceit (4:105)

41. Stand out firmly for justice (4:135)

42. Cooperate in righteousness (5:2)

43. Do not cooperate in sin and aggression (5:2)

44. Dead animals, blood, the flesh of swine are prohibited (5:3)

45. Be just (5:8)

46. Punish for crimes in an exemplary way (5:38)

47. Strive against sinful and unlawful acts (5:63)

48. Avoid intoxicants and alcohol (5:90)

49. Do not gamble (5:90)

50. Do not insult others’ deities (6:108)

51. ’Having majority’ is not a criterion of truth (6:116)

52. Don’t reduce weight or measure to cheat people (6:152)

53. Do not be arrogant (7:13)

54. Eat and Drink, But Be Not Excessive (7:31)

55. Wear good cloths during prayer times (7:31)

56. Forgive others for their mistakes (7:199)

57. Do not turn back in battle (8:15)

58. protect and help those who seek protection (9:6)

59. Keep Purity (9:108)

60. Never give up hope of Allah’s Mercy (12:87)

61. Allah will forgive those who have done wrong out of ignorance (16:119)

62. Invitation to God should be with wisdom and good instruction (16:125)

63. No one will bear others’ sins (17:15)

64. Be dutiful to parents(17:23)

65. Do not say a word of disrespect to parents (17:23)

66. Do not spend money extravagantly (17:29)

67. Do not kill your children for fear of poverty (17:31)

68. Do not even approach unlawful sexual intercourse (17:32)

69. Do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge (17:36)

70. Speak to people mildly (20:44)

71. Keep aloof from what is vain (23:3)

72. Do not enter others’ houses without seeking permission (24:27)

73. Allah will provide security for those who believe only in Allah (24:55)

74. Do not enter parents’ private room without asking permission (24:58)

75. Walk on earth in humility (25:63)

76. Do not neglect your portion of this world (28:77)

77. Invoke not any other god along with Allah (28:88)

78. Do not engage in homosexuality (29:29)

79. Enjoin right, forbid wrong (31:17)

80. Do not walk in insolence through the earth (31:18)

81. Lower your voice (31:19)

82. Women should not display their finery (33:33)

83. Allah forgives all sins (39:53)

84. Do not despair of the mercy of Allah (39:53)

85. Repel evil by good (41:34)

86. Decide on affairs by consultation (42:38)

87. Try for settlement between people (49:9)

88. Do not ridicule others (49:11)

89. Avoid suspicion (49:12)

90. Do not spy or backbite (49:12)

91. Most noble of you is the most righteous (49:13)

92. Honor guests (51:26)

93. Spend wealth in charity (57:7)

94. No Monasticism in religion (57:27)

95. Those who have knowledge will be given a higher degree by Allah (58:11)

96. Treat non-Muslims in a kind and fair manner (60:8)

97. Save yourself from covetousness (64:16)

98. Seek forgiveness of Allah. He is Forgiving and Merciful (73:20)

99. Do not repel one who asks (93:10)

100. Encourage feeding poor (107:3)

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The Story of Musa (as)

Holy Qur'an, Ta'Ha 9: And has the story of Moses reached you?

10: When he saw a fire and said to his family, “Stay here; indeed, I have perceived a fire; perhaps I can bring you a torch or find at the fire some guidance.”

11: And when he came to it, he was called, “O Moses,

12: Indeed, I am your Lord, so remove your sandals. Indeed, you are in the sacred valley of Tuwa.

13: And I have chosen you, so listen to what is revealed [to you].

14: Indeed, I am Allah . There is no deity except Me, so worship Me and establish prayer for My remembrance.

15: Indeed, the Hour is coming - I almost conceal it - so that every soul may be recompensed according to that for which it strives.

16: So do not let one avert you from it who does not believe in it and follows his desire, for you [then] would perish.

17: And what is that in your right hand, O Moses?”

18: He said, “It is my staff; I lean upon it, and I bring down leaves for my sheep and I have therein other uses.”

19: [ Allah ] said, “Throw it down, O Moses.”

20: So he threw it down, and thereupon it was a snake, moving swiftly.

21: [ Allah ] said, “Seize it and fear not; We will return it to its former condition.

22: And draw in your hand to your side; it will come out white without disease - another sign,

23: That We may show you [some] of Our greater signs.

24: Go to Pharaoh. Indeed, he has transgressed.”

25: [Moses] said, “My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance]

26: And ease for me my task

27: And untie the knot from my tongue

28: That they may understand my speech.

29: And appoint for me a minister from my family

30: Aaron, my brother.

31: Increase through him my strength

32: And let him share my task

33: That we may exalt You much

34: And remember You much.

35: Indeed, You are of us ever seeing

36: [ Allah ] said, “You have been granted your request, O Moses.

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Surah Yusuf teaches:

- the sick do recover - the missing do return - trials are eased - the sad become happy

All by the will of Allah!

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‘Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported:

I asked: “O Messenger of Allah! If I realize Lailat-ul-Qadr (Night of Decree), what should I supplicate in it?” He (ﷺ) replied, “You should supplicate: Allahumma innaka ‘afuwwun, tuhibbul-'afwa, fa'fu 'anni (O Allah, You are Most Forgiving, and You love forgiveness; so forgive me).” [At-Tirmidhi].