yes-we-are-always-this-autistic

[yes-we-are-always-this-autistic]

We all know Shadow wouldn't be able to handle kids, but let's be honest…

He realistically wouldn't teach Cream how to use a gun. Not only is that irresponsible, he would fear Vanilla's wrath. Issue is that Cream would, through some weird circumstance, find out some gun trivia and mention it offhand.

Cream while watching an Action movie: That gun is totally unrealistic! It's only semi-automatic, not fully! Shadow, walking by: … Shadow: How do you know that and why do I feel like I will be blamed for it?

On an actually serious note, I think Cream would be like a therapy animal to Shadow, just as a person. Them spending time together would allow him to calm his nerves and she would probably remind him of Maria's kindness. He randomly gives her headpats sometimes. She doesn't mind and maybe can even tell why he's doing it.

And then there's Shadow constantly dropkicking the 8 year old. Tails might remind him of Maria too, just more of the sister she actually was to him. Shadow presumably idolizes Maria a little, I wouldn't be surprised if his memory of her is a little idealized and he hates being reminded of how bratty a child she could be. It partially breaks him to remember that he had moments where he and his sister had genuine arguments. So, when he sees a similar sibling relationship in Sonic and Tails, it angers him. And, since Shadow is forced to accept that Sonic can dodge him really easily, he instead lets out his frustration on the one he can consistently hit.

Tails: Oh hi, Shadow- OW! Shadow: Sorry, I slipped. Next time, I recommend you stand a step further to the left. Tails, in pain: T-thanks…

Really, Tails is just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But he's getting better.

Shadow would improve over time. With Cream, Tails, Charmy, and also the Chao, he's kind of forced to get better with kids. Well, kids under 10. Sonic alone will forever make him hate teenagers.

If we consider the Mario cast, obviously the bros themselves are fantastic therapy for him.

Shadow: Is it normal that seeing other people happy makes me angry and sad at the same time? Mario, drinking tea: No, Shadow. That's a sign of-a trauma. Shadow: Oh. That explains things.

But, honestly? Rosalina could do some real good for him. They're both heavily isolated and had to grow up in space. She also somewhat looks like Maria, a blonde girl in blue clothes. Plus, the Luma can help calm his anxiety if needed.

Rosalina: It seems that they like you, Shadow. Shadow: (silently decides that Rosalina is his favorite amongst Mario's friends)

There's an obvious pattern that Maria still kinda defines what kinda relationships Shadow has, but that's understandable, since she used to be his entire world. Point is that Sonic, Mario and everyone else allow him to change that.

He eventually sees Cream as her own person. He eventually understands that Tails has no blame in how he feels and maybe even grows close to him. He eventually accepts Sonic and Mario as actual friends. He eventually allows himself to feel loved again, learning from Rosalina that family, even lost members, is meant to prop you up, not pull you down.

And he finds that family in Rouge and Omega. They're not a normal family by any means, but they're the one he needs and wants.

Omega: I KEPT COUNT IN OUR LAST ROUND. I DESTROYED 53 ROBOTS, YOU ONLY GOT 39. Shadow: I blew up at least 60 when I shot down that helicopter. Omega: THAT COUNTED AS ONE. Rouge: Hold up, I'll get the rule book before you two fight over this again.

(Source for the stolen joke)

So yeah, Shadow's bad with kids. He's bad with a lot of people and with being gentle, so he was screwed from the get go. But he's learning. He has all the time in the world to learn.

[yes-we-are-always-this-autistic]

Bowser and Eggman are polar opposites

Bowser is the darkness in nature against Mario's good of humanity. Eggman is the darkness of humanity against Sonic's good of nature.

Bowser's army works for him because they love him and he cares for them. Eggman's army works for him because he programmed them to obey him and nothing more.

I like to believe that Bowser and Eggman like to debate this while working together to enact a scheme.

Eggman would argue to Bowser that having his minions be living beings and trusting on their loyalty is sub-optimal and risky, as the troops can betray him at any time and HAVE, mentioning the Elite Trio's actions in Bowsers Inside Story and drawing from when he gave Neo Metal free will and immediately got betrayed, leading to the events of Sonic Heroes.

Bowser would retort by arguing that having troops with free will leads to better ideas and more inputs, something that wont happen with mindless machines, mentioning that Eggman experienced this with Orbot and Cubot and finally understood it with the creation of Sage, this idea being coming from how many ideas come from his troops and especially Kamek/Kammy.

Their only common points is being "evil" (although vastly different brands of it). A story that's genuinely about these two characters banding together would probably result in them falling apart due to their differences while Mario and Sonic would grow stronger because of theirs.

[yes-we-are-always-this-autistic]

Side note, but Sonic also purrs. He denies it, though.

Mario: Sonic are you-a purring?

Sonic: WHAT? No! I'm a hedgehog! Hedgehogs don't purr!

Mario: You're-a TOTALLY purring!

Tails: Sonic you do know that-

Sonic: Not now, Tails!

No one lets him live it down. Amy talks about it in infatuation, Knuckles in poking fun, yadda yadda. Only Tails, Cream and Vanilla are kind enough not to bring it up.

Blaze the Cat is a massive softy, she just doesn't want to accept it

This goes undiscovered until Sonic, bastard that he is, uses catnip against her. This is also the first recorded instance of Blaze purring. Although it's not Sonic who recorded it, ironically it's Mario. Sentimental fuck.

Speaking of Mario and Blaze, he'd want to basically adopt her just like most of Sonic's friends. At first, she'd openly object. Being the kind hero that he is, Mario obviously accepts it. However, Blaze herself doesn't.

Mario: Do you want to be adopted? Blaze: What…? No, I am the ruler of the Sol Dimension and I have a duty that I must serve here. Mario: Oki-dokey! *later* Blaze: Is… That offer from earlier still open?

She's a cat, after all. She does need some time to warm up to Mario, just like everyone else. And yes, the pun is intended.

[yes-we-are-always-this-autistic]

Blaze the Cat is a massive softy, she just doesn't want to accept it

This goes undiscovered until Sonic, bastard that he is, uses catnip against her. This is also the first recorded instance of Blaze purring. Although it's not Sonic who recorded it, ironically it's Mario. Sentimental fuck.

Speaking of Mario and Blaze, he'd want to basically adopt her just like most of Sonic's friends. At first, she'd openly object. Being the kind hero that he is, Mario obviously accepts it. However, Blaze herself doesn't.

Mario: Do you want to be adopted? Blaze: What…? No, I am the ruler of the Sol Dimension and I have a duty that I must serve here. Mario: Oki-dokey! *later* Blaze: Is… That offer from earlier still open?

She's a cat, after all. She does need some time to warm up to Mario, just like everyone else. And yes, the pun is intended.

[yes-we-are-always-this-autistic]

Okay, Mario's totally adopted Sonic, but consider the following as well:

Mario adopts Shadow as well.

Literally just "This is-a mine now, bye-bye!"

Shadow would maybe even accept it, seeing a little of Maria's kindness in Mario.

Meanwhile Rouge and Omega just completely lose it in the background.

He'd generally adopt most of Sonic's friends if we're honest, since he's a middle-aged adult and they're teenagers.

Only the adults like Vanilla or Vector are safe, he just has tea time with them and asks Vanilla for parenting advice (raising baby Yoshis is hard).

And one day, Mario just gives candy or whatever to Sonic and friends, partially to embarass them.

"I'm not a toddler, Mario."

"Alright-a Sonic, I can give the candy to someone else."

"No, buzz off!"

[yes-we-are-always-this-autistic]

Their friend groups only meet up at Olympic Events bc the paparazzi force Mario and Sonic to behave.

Now, normally Sonic can easily handle paparazzi, he can vanish at the speed of light, basically popping out like a Dragon Ball teleport.

Issue isn't that Sonic can't get away, more that he wouldn't want to. He wants to hang out with his new dad, Mario.

Also, the moment Wario and Shadow get involved, any activity becomes a battering case.

Meeting Sonic would probably turn Mario into an utter gremlin, especially on social media.

Meeting Daisy would already awaken some batshit side in Mario, but the blue rat just makes it so much worse. Worst part is that Sonic would act innocent and post satirical inspirational posts while Mario just says cursed nonsense in response.

Sonic: Live life to the fullest! Mario: Instructions unclear, I filled Peach's Castle with cantaloupes.

And both would just cackle maniacally while Mario's friends are horrified and Sonic's friends are proud of their weird uncle. Do note that Mario would still be the same kind-hearted soul in real life. He's still the same Super Mario in private, just with some ruined humor in certain situations.

Mario in DMs: I think you're a wonderful person and I'm glad to be friends with you! Mario in a group chat: your mom suck me good and hard thru my jorts

This could even lead to some hilarious scenario where Mario degrading on the internet goes from Peach: Daisy what did you do??? Daisy: (trying to suppress a grin) I… I don't know! to Mario: Sonic hows it going my blue quilled Hedgeity Hog! *Proceeds to terrorize the internet together*

[yes-we-are-always-this-autistic]

Meeting Sonic would probably turn Mario into an utter gremlin, especially on social media.

Meeting Daisy would already awaken some batshit side in Mario, but the blue rat just makes it so much worse. Worst part is that Sonic would act innocent and post satirical inspirational posts while Mario just says cursed nonsense in response.

Sonic: Live life to the fullest! Mario: Instructions unclear, I filled Peach's Castle with cantaloupes.

And both would just cackle maniacally while Mario's friends are horrified and Sonic's friends are proud of their weird uncle. Do note that Mario would still be the same kind-hearted soul in real life. He's still the same Super Mario in private, just with some ruined humor in certain situations.

Mario in DMs: I think you're a wonderful person and I'm glad to be friends with you! Mario in a group chat: your mom suck me good and hard thru my jorts

This could even lead to some hilarious scenario where Mario degrading on the internet goes from Peach: Daisy what did you do??? Daisy: (trying to suppress a grin) I… I don't know! to Mario: Sonic hows it going my blue quilled Hedgeity Hog! *Proceeds to terrorize the internet together*

[yes-we-are-always-this-autistic]

Sonic is the kinda guy to say "shucks" or "fiddlesticks" to piss off everyone around him.

It'd especially annoy Tails, probably due to his status as group baby. (Even moreso than Cream, for some reason.)

Sonic: Aw, fiddlesticks. Tails: SONIC PLEASE YOU CAN SAY THE FUCK WORD, CREAM ISN'T HERE, PLEASE SONIC I'M NOT THAT YOUNG-

Also, Tails would probably swear extremely rarely, but when he does everyone acts like it's a big deal. Like, the whole room gasps in surprise, with especially Shadow of all people playing it up the most.

"Tails! Language!" - the "damn" guy "I- YOU of all people saying that-" - a tired child

Shadow would probably just pretend that he hasn't sworn in years around Tails while still casually saying damn around Cream. He literally said "disgusting black creatures" in front of Charmy and acts like he's never sworn. He just messes with Tails because Fuck That Kid.