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[yeunarchive]

 bngjwn‌:

              ╭ ⌑ talking to minsu was always something pleasurable, something that jiwan actually enjoyed doing because the younger was so special to him. he care for him way more than he probably let it show, but this situation asked for a lot of jiwan and he knew he wouldn’t be able to be as harsh as he probably should be with minsu. he was weak, what about it? it’s not like people didn’t have weaknesses. jiwan just couldn’t do that… specially in such a fragile moment. doyeon was still in the hospital and everyone was shaken up by it, but there was absolutely no need for minsu to keep blaming himself for something he didn’t even start in the first place.

               he stayed quiet while minsu explained the situation the best way he possibly could, even if things were still kind of confusing inside jiwan’s head. yes, he had been informed of basically everything up until that moment, but it was always better to hear something from the person themselves instead of literally every single hellcat member that came up to him trying to gossip. he didn’t care about most of it – he cared about minsu’s s a f e t y. ❛ i know. i didn’t expect you to cheer while he was being beaten up. it’s a fucking tragic thing that happened, but you just… can’t blame yourself for it, ❜ jiwan let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head then. ❛ if you’re feeling guilty, then i should feel guilty too. we were both there, and we couldn’t do anything. it happened and it was unfortunate, but it was just too much. i’m sure he’s gonna be okay ❜, he wasn’t sure, but minsu didn’t need to know that. ❛ also… you know i don’t give a shit to the gang rivalry, but you know how people talk. if you’re trying to do something… just lay low. as much as i want to, i can’t protect you from everything. ❜

                            his uncle had always taught him to never show himself as vulnerable, as it could always be used against you, but around jiwan it was like his lungs that had been drowning underwater were finally allowed to breathe. insecurities surfaced and each breath was both difficult and relieving. minsu was insecure about a lot of things : not being good enough, not being wanted, the constant thought of being left behind. his relationship with the one before him was one of his insecurities, the occasional doubt in which he worried if he was a burden, an obligation that jiwan found himself stuck in. 

jiwan’s words make the guilt a little easier to carry, but it still remain there in his heart not going anywhere until doyeon was out of the hospital. “he is gonna be okay,” minsu repeats his voice coming out softly, trying to reassure himself and jiwan. it is hard to believe because of the complete silence that fell around the king fighter, no one no longer talked about doyeon in his presence, “they are not allowing me to see him,” and he wishes jiwan could do something about that, could speak to one of the hellcats, but then he knows the racer too well and knows that because of the emotional mess he appears to be, the lack of sleep, the lack of appetite. he would want him to get better first. he needs to, but its hard. a frustrated sigh leaves his bruised lips, he heard the gossips, felt the stares. for someone that was used to being talked about, demanded it even, with his immoral and reckless behavior, the topic of conversation about him was no longer of the ones he desired. pyro. reckless. traitor. everyone knew what happened to traitors, minsu wasn’t one, but had jiwan not been there for him it wouldn’t have mattered for some of the hellcats if he was or not. the way jiwan tells him to lay low makes it sound like he already knows, knows that minsu would not give up without revenge, against the person that did this to doyeon, against the cobras. he has to.  

“how are you?” with jiwan its so hard to tell sometimes how he felt. “i know, i’m not making it easy for you, but i-” there is a very blatant moment of hesitation and then “- i don’t want to be a burden by staying here. i can leave if you want me to.”

[yeunarchive]

 hyukhq‌:

     hyuk didn’t expect to take in this much bullcrap during his first week here . well , scratch that . he expected it , but it was to a certain extent . there wasn’t even a welcoming party waiting for him behind the doors he first walked through . a tea party , maybe ? a little picnic , perhaps ? or none of the above ? & of course , it was the latter . after growing up in a household that only ever spoke to each other at the dinner table , he didn’t feel like taking shit from anyone else but his father . that is what he was just used to . after receiving background of him , his so - called acquaintances thought it would be a good idea to pick on the newbie : a supposed squeaky clean rich kid who was dragged here by his uncle . did he have a choice ? sure . was he patient enough to sit & listen to the lecture ? definitely not , & that’s what got him here . after getting an ear full by his uncle , hyuk was tired of it . eventually , he got hyuk where he intended . nothing around here seemed to suit his tastes in the slightest ; besides the money . he knew how gangs worked because of all those young nights his uncle educated him .

     as he cut through the group of the kings members , hyuk recalled feeling a slight nudge from one of them . had it been anything harsher than that , he would have lost his temper right there , most likely ending with him taking another swing . but trying to keep himself collected , he let out a scoff , rolling his eyes behind his bangs , & snatching up his duffle bag . not wanting to be around them at this very moment , he traveled over to sit himself on an empty bench . he didn’t care if they spoke behind his back ; which , they were terrible at hiding by the way . it was like they were asking for more trouble .

     the remains of irritation crawling in his skin truly was something he couldn’t shake just like that ; especially when their murmurs were still present in the room . although , as soon as the scent of alcohol hit hyuk like a wave , his nose flinched with disgust at the disgusting aroma ; along with his eyes flickering up , but it wasn’t anything like making eye - contact . it was his eyes hovering over the amount of hickies left to taint minsu’s delicate skin . his initial thoughts were along the lines of , who the fuck are you ? ❛ yeun minsu , ❜ hyuk greeted back , in his new & improved dull tone . it was all for the right reasons anyway . hyuk made it clear he wasn’t a huge fan of seeing someone from his past like this : a complete mess . ❛ i guess . you certainly don’t look like a kid anymore , ❜ he mumbled , eyes looking bored as ever , trying to remove his eyes from minsu’s current state . to finish off , he decided to just react at minsu’s mention of the kings , leaving him with a small shrug . & to distract himself from showing how vexed he was in regard to minsu , he looked down to unzip the bag to forcefully shove the leftover bandages inside . in all honestly , all he wanted to do at that moment was grab the other by the chin to take a closer look , interrogating with a hell load of questions . he imagined a grand scolding , if anything . 

                    “are you serious?” he questions with a frown, annoyed by hyuk’s lack of attention and friendliness, hint of confusion vivid in his expression. “you ask to meet up and now you are acting like you don’t want to see me?” the frustration in his voice evident. it bothers minsu because he doesn’t understand the coldness in the older’s actions. hyuk has no idea how hard it was for him to be here, and then to be treated so unwanted without a reasonable explanation, it hurts more than it should. “it’s surprising you even notice since you haven’t even looked at me,” he retorted back, having noticed how hyuk’s gaze had been hovering on his neck - and only there. in all shameful honesty, the hickeys were given by a stranger without his recalling, an almost fog of unpleasant memory, made all that more unpleasant by the way hyuk stares at his skin. 

                     minsu whimpered when cold breeze drifted in from the door a few feet away, hands shaking from the cold and his mess of emotions made worse by the alcohol pumping through his veins. instinctively, he placed his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, pulling the coat closer to him. when hyuk only responds with a small shrug not telling him anything about his involvement with the kings, the younger has to hold himself back from lashing out with : ‘you certainly don’t look like the perfect rich kid anymore.’ only not doing so because he never judged hyuk in the past and doing that now would only make whatever it was that they shared meaningless. he was not ready to give up on that, yet. not when hyuk was one of the few in the past that didn’t judge him for being different ; as everyone near would say a bastard, he never looked at him with pity and disgust like the other rich kids did. 

                  being treated like this makes him regret coming here, surrounding himself with the people that he currently hates the most. that make his heart race and his hands curl and uncurl in anger in the confines of his pocket. the alcohol and lack of sleep to blame for the doubt that blossoms in his mind. was this some trick? had hyuk only invited him out of interest for the kings and this is all some game to ruin him? uncertainty is evident as he licked his lips, doe-eyes shift around the area, settling back on the older after a moment, “are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

[yeunarchive]

 hyukhq‌:

     again … again … do it again … that’s all he heard above the heated huffs coming from his own person . it had to have been more than a hundred times that he repeated the same sequence of punches , blocks , & kicks . his last nerve had been pulled long before this , but hyuk did his absolute best to hold in his frustrations : keeping the looks in his eyes bored , lifeless ; yet , somehow the atmosphere inside the gym fell heavier with his glare , while those who watched remained hushed . all eyes were on him : new meat coming in not too long after the cobras struck . what perfect timing he came in , wasn’t it ? now that the kings & the hellcats had to work together , a thousand times harder than before , they pushed hyuk towards any limit they could find within him . & that’s what he perceived to be true . he knew his fellow teammates wanted to watch him lash out : releasing all the potential anger he kept inside . unfortunately for them , it wasn’t the best decision to make with an unpredictable guy like hyuk .

     an hour —— maybe more —— later , hyuk was around his two - hundredth set . the sweat beads fell into the puddle beneath his body , keeping himself light on his toes , & not showing any signs of weakness . the crowd had already been filing in as the minutes went by , but there was one problem . now that he had an even bigger audience that had much more to say , the tall male rolled his eyes out of irritation . exhale after inhale , he kept his hands up for the last time , he finalized . with this one , he made sure to do his worst . reaching the end of the practiced order of techniques , hyuk added a little something else as a thank you for wasting my time . it ended with a loud thump against the padded mats , leaving his training partner knocked out cold . ❛ i’m done , ❜ he mumbled , ripping off the bandages around his hands & pushing passed the shocked crowd .

                * feat . @yeunminsu .

                     nauseous that’s how he feels, he only arrived thirty minutes ago, and he already regrets agreeing to meet with hyuk at the practice rings. he is alone for the first time and not accompanied by any hellcat and that is the only relieve he gets right now, not wanting someone from his past to see that after so many years, he is still kept under a short leash by others ; only difference now that it was not his family, but more humiliatingly his gangmates. he didn’t need hyuk to know anything about that.

                   minsu only agreed to be here, because his mind had kept telling him one more drink, one more drink, one more, until he was ready and confident enough to watch fighters practice. he hates himself for it. for how fucking weak he has become. it wasn’t even a real fight and still he finds himself restless on his spot, ruby lips already bruised enough from a long night of withholding himself from crying are pulled between his teeth at the sight before him. hyuk’s display of violence reminds him of himself in the fighting ring and it causes his heartbeat to rise, he tries to calm his breathing, his finger clenched around the lighter in his hand. he tries so hard to control his emotions, as he feels the heavy stares of the kings on him, not looking up to meet their gaze, because he doesn’t want them to see any emotion of misery and fear his features are begging to hold. he can’t afford to show weakness. there is a clear distance between him and the rest as no one dares to stand close to him, but he still can hear the loud whispers of curiosity at the sight of him, he can hear them louder then hyuk’s fist against his opponent. while some of the hellcats knew the reason behind his decision to quit, and only did after his outburst at subin, it was still a hushed topic because not everyone agreed with his feelings, especially not now, when things were difficult as it was because of the cobras. 

                 its the sight of hyuk knocking his opponent out, that almost does it for him, the loud sound of a body hitting the mat screaming in his ear, doe-eyes immediately shifting everywhere for some sort of safety beyond the fighting ring, but it hardly helps as paranoia paints siwoo’s murder on each king around him. don’t panic. don’t panic. not here. not again. minsu tells himself. not now. he tells himself not to be so fucking weak as he steps before hyuk’s line of path, the smell of alcohol coming off him in waves, an indecent trail of hickeys on his throat clear up close, “sin hyuk,” minsu greeted, lips pulled in a smile that does not quite meet his eyes and it has nothing personally to do with the male before him. “long time no see,” he added, only to clear his throat, when he notices his voice give away the recent acquired deep, hoarse, and little broken tone caused from screaming himself awake. “the kings, huh.” 

[yeunarchive]

 hcsongj‌:

J paused whenever he heard Minsu speak up. The drugs. He was silent for a second, eyes looking over the other’s face with a frown. Does that come with the job? If it had been anyone else, someone that wasn’t Jiwan’s friend, and someone he could tell was not in the right mindset as it was, he probably would have punched him. But instead, J shook his head, keeping his eyes from settling back on Minsu. “No, the drugs comes with the years of rape and abuse from my parents. And the only thing that got the rape to stop after seven years was for me sell drugs for my good ole daddy, gang leader and pimp, so he’d stop letting people pay to take my body,” he muttered, casting a slight glare to Minsu. 

“But y’know, when you sell drugs, you tend to do drugs, and teen me liked drugs before I even started selling drugs. So I did drugs. And had access to the hard drugs. Got arrested for drugs. Was clean for some time after because I was with Hyuk. And now I’m back doing drugs and living the gang life because that’s all I’m fucking good at. So, drugs come with the gang life and lack of coping skills because I, am a dumbass, that can’t do anything other than ride dick and do drugs because I’m empty and fucking sad,” he muttered, casting one last glance at him before shaking his head. “Stop being a prick because you’re angry for some useless fucking reason. I’m not the one you need to be angry at. I haven’t done shit to you. If you’re mad about your night of a bad trip, go cry to someone else because if I remember correctly, I didn’t even offer you coke. You asked to do a few lines of coke. And offered sex. I was high and horny, you really think I’d say no in that mindset? Fuck off with your anger bullshit, yeah? You’re upset for what reason, again? And crashing on Jiwan’s couch because why?” 

he listens to each thing that jae tells him in complete and sepulchral silence and lips are pulled between his teeth, as the older’s revelation shuts his mind in a mantra ; he shouldn’t have spoken, shouldn’t have, shouldn’t have. unlike the familiarity of his voice telling him to be quiet in the past, when he shut down and made himself small and unnoticeable around the presence of family members, now it was not out of anxiety, but regret. because beneath his façade of unreasonable anger towards the older male, there are too many feelings of guilt and pain about what happened that night that he so desperately wants to avoid. and that avoidance was a little bit easier around jae’s presence, until now. minsu realizes how in the wrong he is, lashing out on someone that meant so much to his hyung.

he is upset because he had felt so helpless that night, no one around him could understand how much he cared about doyeon, how protective and possessive he was over someone that helped him stand on his feet after the loss of siwoo. he couldn’t go through that again. “what happened to them?” he asked, replacing the expected phrase of i’m sorry this happened to you, ( which in minsu’s mind would have done nothing ), with curiosity, because he wants to go after the source of his own trauma, and kill the person that murdered siwoo, and he wonders if jae had taken the path of revenge against his own parents.  

only around jiwan could he feel safe from the nightmares he can’t escape from, the screams of please don’t leave me begged every night. “useless fucking reason,” he begins to say, and in a long time, minsu felt like owed someone a reason for his anger, “can’t sleep, but that’s my own fault. i know that. i shouldn’t be so fucking dependent on people that get taken away from me.” more than restless, regretful, and uncomfortable at his own realization, he stands up from the couch and is immediately met with dizziness, and he is so far in denial that he doesn’t recognize the signs of sleep deprivation. languid limbs stagger and his hand instinctively reaches out and lands on j’s shoulder to keep himself balanced, letting go just as quickly when he finds his footing, hoping that the other wouldn’t think much of it. 

[yeunarchive]

 ycjins‌:

                                                                   ⁓ ♡ ♡ ♡ ⁓

every move of her aching body, every step taken by lacerated legs reminded her of how unfit she was all for this. she was deeply shaken. scared that someone might come for her again & put her into the same place she’d barely escaped from not too long ago, just so she’d lose control over her life again. and although nothing had happened yet, the dark shadows framing her eyes and the slight twitching at every so little ‘suspicious’ movement, indicated on how paranoid she already had become. yet she was still hanging on, deciding to choose loyalty over rationality and letting her emotions force herself into unwanted situations. of course, in the mid all of this, she knew that perhaps she should’ve chosen keeping her mouth shut, but yejin knew that past mistakes ( even mistakes one might not even have commited ) couldn’t be undone. so here she was, smell of oil and rust hanging in the air, with her body leaned against a wall & her eyes taking in every detail, not only to avoid looking at him but to look if something had changed.  searching almost frantically for something that was different so she could blame something for the uneasiness she was feeling. however, it seemed like everything had remained the same, with just the tiny but not so insignificant that only their relationship was nothing like it used to be.

as she was standing their in silence, trying hard not to say anything as she knew that anything that would come out of her mouth would only mess up with her again, she couldn’t help but to take a glimpse at him. she noticed that his dark hair, the defined jaw that framed a straight nose and eyes that shone with a boyish charm, had remained the same, but unlike the last time she had seen him they were now distant. perhaps, he just didn’t want to talk about what had happened at the night she had found him, completely disoriented and distraught, but it would be stupid if she blamed the anonymity surrounding that only on that. if he wanted to talk to her he wouldn’t have left just like. yes, just being left behind like that without even having the chance to talk to him hurt her pride, but somehow it didn’t stop her from protecting him from the harsh words of the other members and causing her to end up playing some sort of guard for him. “ but they told me to stay.” she almost flinched when he suddenly spoke to her but then replied almost automatically, careful about any other words that would trigger any of her emotions. and even though yejin could control what she said, she couldn’t do the same to him. she thought she would be fine but his next words stung. it hurt. but she wasn’t meant to be like this. everything he said should be nothing but trifling. she thought she was done with all of it, when she left him a note with the last words she would ever hear from her again. when she convinced herself, that all of this never meant anything anyway and were nothing but a memory wrapped in the sweetness of youth and her own naivety. but it didn’t stop her throat tightening or the flash of guilt crossing her eyes. “ i don’t think i have the right to miss you, minsu. ” she could barely held her gaze from dropping to the ground, only after a minute daring to look up again. “ i’m here because i was assigned the task to watch over you.  i get that you don’t want to see me.” she continued, her last words fading into silence again. “ but i was worried about you … it hurt seeing you like this. you just left without even explaining anything to me. why were you there that night and what exactly happened to you when i found you ?”

                                                                  ⁓ ♡ ♡ ♡ ⁓

the features on his face are uninviting as minsu studies her in silence for a good moment or two, disbelieved at how she made it sound like he was at fault here, that he had done something wrong by leaving. “leaving without explanation, sounds a bit familiar, doesn’t it?” he retorted with a hollow laugh, “you left without explaining anything to me. you couldn’t even fucking give me that.” what hurt the most was knowing absolutely nothing, there was no reason behind their breakup. she was the one that had enough of them, of him. and he was someone so desperate enough to feel wanted that he actually believed that someone like her could love him. how could he think that he was worthy of love in the first place? had his childhood not shown him that love was difficult to have. it was stupid. and still, he had tried, had opened his heart and let someone in only for them to leave and betray what he had given them and it weakened his self-esteem, making it hard for him to trust someone. to love someone again. two years, his ex-girlfriend, knew a lot more about his past than anyone else did. yejin knows that his real name is yeun minseok, politician’s son, and not minsu, she knows this because she heard his father call him that, but his family had ruined him so much that his name spoken out loud only triggered unwanted memories. that every single thing wrong with him was caused by a childhood that shouldn’t have been so difficulty unfair. yejin knows all of this because he told her that in the bar where they first met because he trusted her. what she doesn’t know that he visited the bar again and had daegeun not stopped him, he would have set fire to that place, nearly destroying all their memories in a moment of reckless insanity.

“i don’t need you to worry about me,” minsu firmly told her, and yet he can’t even add that he is managing fine by his own, because its not the truth, and that night, when she found him with pupils dilated, heart race frantic and almost arrested, held all the evidence she needed. but he had been fine. it’s terrifying how much can change within a couple of moments, enough to mess someone up so much that they have to rely on drugs to keep them through the day, pushing away the people that cared about him. “you can’t just come back and demand answers from me. you can’t do that,” he spat expression of dismay at everything that left her lips. they always did this, made it seem so easy to leave him behind like he was not good enough to stay for. and he remembers, remembers how he had called his own father out on it. minsu never thought that he would say something so similar to her. it was naivety that believed he could have something good, “you are just like him,” he muttered and the coldness of his features have softened only to form a pout of disappointment. “you want to know what i was doing there? go ask a hellcat. we have already established that we are both part of the same gang,” there was a heavy emphasis on the word gang, criminality having found the two now older pair, when back then their only crime existed of underage drinking. “so, you tell me. what are you doing here?”

[yeunarchive]

 pxrcelaintosteels‌:

“He clings to his hate so stubbornly, because once the hate is gone he’ll have no other choice but to deal with his pain.”

—

[yeunarchive]

hello, hello,  i have been unexpectedly busy because my friend have surprised me with a trip abroad for my birthday which is this sunday. i have my replies drafted and if i can’t finish them up before my flight tonight, i will respond to everything when i get back next tuesday. 

[yeunarchive]

 rcdmoons‌:

“oh, i see. you seem to know quite a lot, for someone who only has some friends here and there”, she lashes back, almost instinctively, as every time her temper gets in the way. “it isn’t so surprising that you are being kept under a short leash, who knows what you may be slipping in return for this precious information, right?”, the blow is low and siyeon knows that. she knows the accusation is baseless, harsh and completely uncalled for. what she doesn’t know is a different way to handle conflicts like this one that doesn’t involve biting back. “you see, that’s your problem: you think you know so much but, actually, you know nothing” she has to restrain herself from laughing. she’s trying, she’s really trying to calm down, to not let the anger rule her thoughts and words, but it’s difficult. 

it’s almost as if they’ve got back in time to one year ago, when they had been together. the idea felt almost surreal to siyeon, now that she had put time to that period of her life and had reflected on it, but it had happened and it had ended. and, oh boy, how bad had it ended. all due to those lasts months they had spent basically arguing. arguing just like they are doing right now, words thrown at each other like blades, too much care channeled into anger. and it’s ironic because the reason why they are arguing right now is cemented on the same thing that opposed them back then. and it is even ironic, because the whole reason that had made them make amends after that relationship fiasco, the thing that had brought them back together as the friends they had been for so long, is now the deep root cause of their confrontation.

siwoo. not the kings, not any gang’s loyalty. it’s siwoo, it’s his murder.

but, of course, minsu doesn’t know. she didn’t tell him back then. and it’s not that siyeon didn’t trust him with that. and she knows, just as he has just now said that he would never betray jiwan, that he would never betray her either. she trusts him, but his friends, his kings friends, them she doesn’t trust at all. and maybe this is only an excuse, maybe she’s only being egoistic and wants it to be her the person who finds siwoo’s killer, who does want needs to be done. but, at the end of the day, that was her reasoning to keep it to herself.

“do you want to know what’s the connection between these two things?” she hisses, because this is so ironic. “he was killed, minsu. it was not an accident, not a medical complication. it was murder” siyeon finally cries out, hands grasping his jacket in a desperate attempt to release her anger and her loss. she doesn’t know why she has finally told him, if it’s to seek his support and consolation or to hurt him with the knowledge. “now think about that and maybe you’ll realize yourself why i’m suddenly so interested in the kings”.

siyeon wears rage just as he does and he learned that when their relationship started. their relationship was like a red red rose, blossoming, blossoming until its love was lost, and set alight, burning from broken hearts and anger handled in the wrong way. he felt the sharp thorns of the rose in the cruelty of her words, stinging into his skin. she was one of the few that could hurt him, truly hurt him with spoken word and making a low blow out of his situation, accusing him of betraying the hellcats — his uncle, her brother, jiwan ; the people that gave him a home, made him feel a little less lonely. that accusation fucking stung a lot.

she had made him feel less alone once.

that feeling in his heart only hurts more when she continued and the reality he had known shatters and he feels so lost, so naive. how could he believe it was an accident? doyeon taints his vision, he had seen with his own eyes that accidents and murder came close in underground fighting. how many times had they pulled him away from his violence, not knowing when enough was enough? his doe-eyes are drowning in the misery of the truth. murder. that specific word is suddenly playing like a broken record, in minsu’s messed up mind, and with the revelation, his heart drops in an instant, breaking in the hold of a ribcage that had protected him from all the years of pain and suffering. he doesn’t have the will to take a breath, instead long lashes flutter shut in response to her words, blocking out her expression of pain, her cries, the tight grasp on his jacket, she could hit him, let out all of her anger and he only responds by shaking his head in denial, words not leaving his trembling lips. taking his bottom lip captive between his teeth, he does not let go, he bites and bruises, not allowing himself to cry. he was hardened not to, but he has been breaking his uncle’s rules of worry and of weakness for some time now. crying doesn’t fix things. crying about an unfair childhood of neglect and verbal abuse doesn’t fix things, he remembers his uncle’s words. but putting that sadness into anger didn’t feel any better. how many times did he have to suffer to have it so easy and feel nothing at all?

his gaze met hers and without thought, he finally said, “i’m gonna kill the person that did this to him,” voice scratching against his throat. and then because of familiarity, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, and it is with so much affection that it showed a bit of recognition that their relationship had been good, that it was just as strong as their friendship had been. “you should have told me. we told each other everything,” he said as he leaned down and nuzzles his face into the nape of her neck, eyes shut as he breathes it all in. “did i not deserve the truth?” his voice breaks, not wanting to know the answer. all his life minsu had to deal with things withheld from him, the truth behind his own birth mother the heaviest, this was close. “i’m so fucking tired,” he whispers against the veins on her neck.

[yeunarchive]

                                                 closed starter for @hyukhq

              it was a bad idea, and he feels it immediately ; the trembling delirium of trauma, fear, and frustration. his eyes are slightly bloodshot and the first few buttons of his white shirt are undone to reveal a neck scattered with hickeys. it had seemed like a good idea, when the alcohol had still been drowning noticeably in his veins, giving him the courage, he once thought he never would seek for. but now more sober than half an hour ago, its given away that he no longer feels comfortable with how hard he is clenching his jaw, how pained doe-eyes look at the fighting ring, how hard his hands shake beside him. minsu looks like he could break with a single touch.  

as he watches hyuk fight realization hits him that it’s been a while since he had seen him ( its been a while since his traitorous heart bruised in his own denied want against his ribcage, every time in the king fighter’s presence. ) hyuk is a king and a fighter and it only makes it harder for him to watch, his head hurting with the truth, the echo of siyeon’s words : he was killed, repeating loud against the beating of his heart. 

for a moment, he sees himself in the fighting ring and its just like his nightmares. he wants to leave, he has to. quickly, turning on his heel, minsu ignores the hellcat who he was with calling out his name, making his way towards the safety and silence of the locker rooms. its empty, and he is relieved, not wanting anyone to see him in such a state, he couldn’t afford any more humiliation. leaning against the wall, it doesn’t take him long before he slides down the wall until he is sitting on the floor. onyx lashes kissed the top of his cheeks, enveloping him in pitch blackness. harsh breathing rattle within his chest, calming down with each passing minute that he plays with the lighter in his hand - it had always helped the pyromaniac calm down. minsu doesn’t know how long he has been sitting in silence when he hears the door of the locker room open, and he quickly responds with a harsh, “get out.”

[yeunarchive]

 ofdasoms‌:

  da-som had been keeping an extremely low profile after everything that happened, not even wanting to be around any gang member in public until everything died down. her attention had been solely focused on the older men she had been seeing and just.. time for herself. which was something she didn’t really get nowadays considering she was always working or out with somebody. it was nice having the time to reflect and relax, and she honestly needed that time for herself. so when minsu had asked her to hang out, she was extremely reluctant at first, especially because she assumed that he wanted something.

     she had been browsing through the bottles of alcohol herself, her manicured nails gliding across the glass as she walked down the aisle, though her gaze snapped to him in an instant as the glass smashed around the floor, eyes closing slowly before her palms rubbed against her eyes gently. she was frustrated as hell, but there was no way that she was messing up her eye make-up. after all, she assumed he wanted something, obviously she thought he wanted a good time, and she could supply that in a dance. though what caught her off guard completely was what he really wanted, her eyes rolling as she reached for a bottle of soju. now she definitely needed something to get her through this conversation. it was her job, but she felt bad dealing to people she knew and who seemed like they desperately needed it.

        “so that’s what you want.” da-som said, re-adjusting her skirt as she walked past a few guys, holding out the bottle for minsu to carry for her. “i know we’re friends and everything, but i thought you wanted me to dance for you or something.” it was slightly sad that was her first thought of someone wanting something from her, but drugs wasn’t necessarily the best second option either. “have you tried anything? because i don’t want you doing the hard shit and getting addicted to it.” she whispered under her breath, moving to link arms with him so she didn’t have to speak so quietly. “– modafinil.. it act as a stimulant but is actually a eugeroic – it’ll keep you awake and alert, so i could ask around and see if i could get my hands on some of that for you. it will probably stop working after a while though.” she explained, unlinking arms with him quickly after and reaching for the bottle she had once gave him, “i care about you.. a lot. so if you want to fuck that up and take something hard? i’ll get you whatever you want, but i’m advising against it.”

when she hands him the bottle ; he takes hold of it and grabs one for himself. despite their friendship, minsu isn’t surprised when she tells him that her first thought was a dance, that was what haneul’s immediate reaction had been as well. fighters weren’t known to use drugs, as it affected their performance, but currently, minsu was not partaking in any underground fights which was a decision that was questioned with doubt by his gang members. “i have done some coke,” he whispers in return, and he remembers lines of cocaine spread on pale skin. tactfully, minsu leaves out the part of the panic attack. if she knew about the bad trip, he was sure that her mind would be made up, leaving him with nothing. the actual chances of her knowledge were small, too much had happened that night and the main topic of discussion for the hellcats was the arrest of their leader, choi sanghun. “i won’t get addicted. i just need something for now. something temporarily,” he tries not to make his voice sound desperate. unsure if it reflects on his features, doe-eyes roam around the store in a wish to avoid looking at her. as they reach the cashier, arms still linked together, he whispers for the last time, “and if modafinil isn’t available, anything else that is just as effective will do.” 

her words mean a lot to minsu, more than he lets on. an unloved child is always wary when someone expresses they care about him. he can’t help his insecurity. its so hard to believe. and if she is telling the truth, he doesn’t want to fuck that up, this friendship, but he desperately needs something to keep him awake, “i won’t tell anyone,” he promises, the ending of the sentence left unsaid : that you are dealing to me - but with the presence of someone else its not pronounced out loud. “you don’t have to worry about that,” he reassures her, pulling a folded bill from his pocket to pay for the two bottles of soju, but not the broken bottle of wine, the cashier had not said anything so, why should he? moving out of the line, without bothering to wait for the cashier to print out the receipt, he turns his attention back to da-som, holding the door of the convenience store open for her, “how quick can i get it?”

[yeunarchive]

 hcsongj‌:

J, just as always, was always having sex somewhere. With someone. Well, that someone was his best friend and his current, very frequent sex buddy, so it didn’t really count, but it wasn’t always that the person he had slept with was also around while he was getting fucked. Didn’t stop him from being loud at all. J was a vocal lover. If he liked something, he’d let the person know. A burden and a blessing. Besides, it was only Minsu in the house. Someone he had also recently slept with and made fall apart. J normally didn’t care anyways, but once he slept with someone, he completely stopped caring about boundaries. If someone was balls deep in him, then, they could hear him having sex with someone else. Even if that someone else was a mutual friend.  J let out a small sigh, his sweatpants low on his hips and hair mused as he walked out of the room. He hadn’t bothered putting himself much together when all he was getting was a drink and a snack. What could he say? Sex made him hungry. He closed the door behind him, brown eyes falling to Minsu, who spoke up. He raised an eyebrow at his tone of voice and the remark. “I work at night, and besides, it’s my day off,” he shrugged, running a hand through his already messy hair. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and shook the sleep from his limbs as he walked closer. “He doesn’t. Because he’s not a job to me, hasn’t ever paid me for the years of sex,” he rolled his eyes, looking down to the younger male with a frown. Minsu was Jiwan’s friend, a little brother kind of. Minsu was also a Hellcat. And they didn’t have bad blood. So why, out of everyone, was in such a piss mood with J? “I quite enjoy sex with him, unlike my job. My job is a job. You think I enjoy sex with strangers?” he scoffed, shaking his head. “Hell no.”

for half a second he thought jae would get angrier than that, hoped he would, but then not everyone was as easy to anger like he was. minsu’s own anger issues is still something uncontrolled, the fighting ring had been an outlet, but now the idea was met with a shiver running up his spine, a crawling fear by the idea of it. he notes how defensive the other is with his words. minsu never did hide his distaste for jae’s occupations. the illusion of making someone feel desired and wanted, and the desperateness of those who were willing to pay, somehow did not settle right with him. he has had strangers hit on him, whispering sweet and dirty nothings into his ear in an attempt to talk him into their bed, but the moment he opened his mouth the innocent, boyish pliant image they had about him shattered. insubordinate brat, some called him, while others liked the challenge. he couldn’t do what the older did, couldn’t imagine himself in that position of allowing strangers too much control. 

“got it,” was his only response to j’s defense. fidgety, he shifts on the couch. he is tired and laying on the couch only brings temptation in closing his eyes for a minute. no, he can’t sleep when there isn’t someone pulling him out of his nightmares. he can’t bother jiwan now. his hand reaches out for the mug on the coffee table, but lips pull into a pout when he notices there is no coffee left. it’s then that he asks, “and the drugs does that come with the job?” while it is asked out of resentment, minsu can’t say for sure that he wonders whether it actually helps. one bad first experience has him questioning. the last time his curiosity had been something reckless, but now a small voice in his head wonders if it could help with the pain.

[yeunarchive]

                                                 closed starter for @ofdasoms

               when he had asked if da-som could hold watch over him today, haneul had given him a knowing-grin and for a moment, minsu had thought that his answer would have been no, until the older hellcat patted him on his cheek, something patronizing, and said, “you have been so good, you deserve a good time.” minsu had almost smacked the other with the skateboard tucked under his arm. wondered how hard he had to hit to break haneul’s nose and make his smug face something appealing to look at, but then that wouldn’t have given him what he wanted and maybe the appearance that he was actually trying to behave would get him out of the situation he was in. 

so here he is right now, in a convenience store with the presence of the dancer. there is nothing, in particular, he is looking for, just combing through the alcohol aisle. last night was with a few hours of sleep, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it, the horror of his nightmares creeping each time he shuts his eyes, crawling like spiders his skin. 

reality comes back to him when the ringing of a shop bell alerts the entrance of a customer. flinching at the loud sound, the bottle he had been holding slips from his grasp and smashes on the floor. red wine spills across white floor tiles and from his angle, in the dim lights of the convenience store, the wine looked like blood from a wound, triggering with it the trauma, the memory of his friend beaten, that he tried so hard to avoid. to those that know him, the broken bottle, appears like one of his careless and reckless actions and not something serious. “well, it’s not gonna be this one,” he says looking her way, his words drenched in their usual playfulness of sarcasm. dark green glass cracks under his boots, as he steps on it to move to another shelve of the section, the cracking sound trying to mask the torment that his heart is going through. “you sell something for sleep?” he mutters, skipping straight to the point of what he wants from da-som, and between the shelves of the store, they both know he means something that isn’t easily available without prescription. doe-eyes lingering on a bottle of soju, he adds, “something that keeps you awake for a long time.” 

[yeunarchive]

 thvnderstrck‌:

The apartment becomes his solace and despite the hours he sleeps away, he doesn’t remember a time he’s ever felt this exhausted by life ( other than years ago when his family circulated around his head ) and he wonders why that is, when all he does is stay in bed and listen to playlists that keep him in a horrible mood. He needs an outlet, but his care is gone and races have been put on hold and stealing cars isn’t fun because he knows he isn’t returning home to his own, he’s just looking for a temporary replacement alone and that sucks. He’s never had healthy coping mechanisms, but he figures sleeping and drinking is better than getting back into the heavy shit he used to do. The sound of his window opening catches his attention, the person being at least a glimmer of something positive; Minsu brightens his mood, even if he deadpans at his bottle of soju being stolen. Well, he should have seen that coming anyway.  ❝  Does Satan have any idea you’re sneaking out ?  ❞  The question rolls off his lips before he can correct the name, hand waving once he’s finished.  ❝  I mean Jiwan. ❞  Same difference. Daegeun’s nose scrunches up as soon as he sees the handcuffs, eyes rolling when the other opens his mouth, arms crossing over his chest as he glares — but it’s halfhearted, the corner of his lip slightly raised.  ❝  Are you sure you don’t want to keep that ? You’re the one under lock and key. ❞  He teases him back, proud of his own joke and it shows when he laughs at himself, but then he’s almost sulking.  ❝  I thought about it a lot, but I think they’re being outrageous. I mean, if you weren’t loyal would’ve switched sides the moment you realized how cool I am. ❞  He’s joking, but he figures humor lessens the weight of the situation.  ❝  I wish I could help. ❞  He wasn’t there when Doyeon was fighting, he didn’t agree with the decision to fight and stayed at the bar out of spite, but how could anyone not act if their friend was getting hurt right in front of them? Daegeun would have done the exact same thing for Minsu. Reaching over, he snags the handcuffs from Minsu and absentmindedly fiddles with them.   ❝  Well, I owe you one for bail so if you need anything, let me know. ❞ 

tongue clicks against the back of his teeth in a low, tsk, tsk, at the nickname used. “he’s not your biggest fan either,” he pointed out with the bottle of soju in his hand. “i wouldn’t have to take the fire escape if he knew, could have walked straight through your door. the hellcats leave me alone as long as i’m staying at his place,” minsu explained, taking another swig of soju. 

a slight curve to his lips at the comeback daegeun made, rendered for once, without something to remark back. their friendship is a barbed wire of protection for each other, preventing the two gangs from having involvement in stopping a friendship that was clearly too chaotic and dangerous. bailing dae out of jail didn’t come with second thoughts, even as he buried himself into bigger trouble if the hellcats where to find out. his friend owed him one, and minsu would definitely cash in a favor, but it didn’t come in the form of what he had in mind now, this was something else, something of mutual interest he was sure. “i actually need you with something. i’ve been thinking of ways to get back at the cobras for what they did,” he began, watching the way dae fiddled with the handcuffs for a moment, before getting to the actual part of what he wanted from him, “you need to BEFRIEND one of them, someone foolish, who will lead us to one of their hideouts. charm them. the rest is on me. once we know where their den is located, i will drench the place down with gasoline,” depending on the size of the den he wondered for a minute how many cans of gasoline it might take to drench the place enough that it went up with one match. “and you know what happens next,” he added with a cheeky grin and a toss of a wink. the video of a golden lamborghini burning after dae lost their bet a few weeks ago, was saved in the photo album of his phone, added to the rest of his collection of burned cars. “their profits g o n e,” drugs, money. the plan would be risky and dangerous, would take some time and had to be done with minimal involvement from others, but minsu had done it before and so he was confident. patting the pocket of his leather jacket at the thought, “i already got the lucky lighter. so, what do you say?”

[yeunarchive]

                                                    closed starter @ycjins

               clouds are out and tinged with glowing orange around the very edges, the first ray of sunlight, dropping into the mechanic shop. another sleepless night, spend away in the hours that he restored damaged cars. minsu would work without rest for as long as he could, coffee, and the bottle of pills hidden in his leather jacket keeping him awake. unfortunately, even this early in the morning, he wasn’t allowed to be alone. his pride did not do well damaged and out of everyone possible to take watch over him its completely u n w a n t e d that his ex-girlfriend was assigned the responsibility, as if her helping him through a panic attack after not seeing each other for so long hadn’t bruised his pride enough. it seemed like one unwanted scenario stacked on top of another. his memory of that night was horribly disoriented, woken up in a bed that was not his, with a handcuff still locked on his wrist. the memories caught up to him, with the start of a throbbing headache. the sore and dryness his nose and throat felt as the result from the cocaine and her lying beside him while he still smelled of another men’s cologne all tangled up in a rush to leave immediately, taking a couple of her bobby pins, needed for the removal of the handcuffs with him.

its been long since he last saw her and his bitterness would have liked her to stay away. he did not do well with being left behind and made feel unwanted, and that was what she had done. “you know,” he started, as he wheels himself from out under a blue subaru impreza, where he had been inspecting every inch of the undercarriage. “you don’t have to stay,” sitting up straight, he meets the familiarity of her features, cat-like eyes, dark hair, lips pulled in a pout. she was soft, the golden daughter meant to soar, and not someone he wanted to be part of the hellcats. he never once told her about the gang during the time they dated. “this seems like you have missed me.”

[yeunarchive]

                                                  closed starter @hcsongj      

               he’s lounging on the couch gaming on a psp, that he had cheated on getting from an american, after a bet of who could do the best skateboarding flatground. minsu had boosted the stranger’s confidence by pretending to have never touched a skateboard in his life and after a few practices given by the clueless american, he’d proposed the bet. easy. unlike the game he was currently playing. he curses out loud when he almost dies again which would’ve been the fourth time, unable to concentrate because of the loud noises resounding throughout the apartment. 

its when he dies for the seventh time, that he carelessly tosses the psp on the coffee table and it’s not a moment later when jae appears. minsu observes him with the grace and gaze of a cat lying on the couch, playing with the silver earring hanging from his ear. “don’t you have a job with customers waiting to pay you for sex?” his voice cold like the press of ice to one’s cheek, j doesn’t deserve his unnecessary remark, but so didn’t half of busan who had to deal with minsu’s sulky behavior. everything that happened in a matter of two weeks only angered him and it’s not the fun kind that needs to be released in a fighting ring. the sight of jae only adds fuel when he thinks of how running into the older hellcat that night was part of the reason why he had been in such an anxious and panicked state. completely ignoring how moments prior the madness, he’d fallen apart under the others touch. “i’m pretty sure jiwan doesn’t pay you.”

[yeunarchive]

“I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”

— (via flame)

[yeunarchive]

 bngjwn‌:

              ╭ ⌑ the last few days had been an absolute mess. it was impossible to not feel stressed out when all of jiwan’s thoughts involved different topics, all leading down to the same thing – doyeon. his head was tangled in a complicated web of second guesses and confusion and worries and he just wanted all of that to be over already. on top of it all, word around the city was that minsu was going through some pretty tough shit. jiwan couldn’t blame him, but there was something tugging at his heart strings that made it extra h a r d for him to breathe properly. he was only ONE man; how could he deal with all of that without going insane? arriving at home, he could already sense minsu’s presence by the smell in the air. it was comfortable, but he couldn’t even let himself be soothed by it because he was so distressed. walking into the kitchen, clearly jiwan hadn’t expected the younger to bring doyeon up right away, since he froze on the spot at that, a slow, controlled breath leaving his lips. that didn’t sound good at all. any mention to his ex’s fragile state triggered him currently. how could jiwan control his mouth? ❛ did that something help him at all? ❜

                         there is tension between the two and like a kettle it was gradually rising. jiwan had always been good at hiding how he felt, unlike minsu, when he felt something he confronted it and that’s why it was unsurprising that he would be the one to bring up what happened and do so abruptly. when the question was asked, he seemed to be quiet for a moment, they both knew the answer and still jiwan expected an answer from him. it felt unnecessary and close to being treated as a child, and minsu didn’t like it. he liked to think that he had at least helped doyeon, that his screaming and cursing and attempt to get to the fighting ring to attack doyeon’s opponent had stopped him from continue throwing hits, but it didn’t help with the guilt. “no,” he answered through gritted teeth, forcing the response, jiwan wanted him to say, “i messed up,” a part of him wants to snap, ‘that you already knew, right?’ but he swallowed it down, letting his hand move directly above his hot coffee cup, even if it was very hot, the warmth breezing against his fingers only helped to calm him.

“i did some coke after our drinks at the bar to celebrate,” he wonders if jiwan was already made aware of his first-time drug dabbling or the panic attack he had, because it was like the older knew everything about him. always the first one to get notified by others when he messed up, the first one to know about his wins, about any new injuries. “and then when i saw him get beat up like that, everything just reminded me of —-” of what? he wasn’t there that night with siwoo. “i just panicked. but what was i supposed to do, nothing? just run away, or better yet what if the police hadn’t come, stand there and cheer like the gang wanted me to because he was losing? that ain’t me.”