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yoongitexts · 5 years

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.•*forever*•.

Min Yoongi Angst/Romance/Smut

“It’s that simple Yoongi, you’re going to live out your dreams and I’ll be stuck here and you’ll be forced to forget about me.”

Warnings: Cursing, sexual intercourse, angst, rough childhood

Neither you nor Yoongi brought up that these may be your last few nights together. You both knew it, and that’s exactly why you wouldn’t dare say anything about it.

Kindergarten

A little thing you were, without a single worry yet you ran into your classroom on your first day of school. All of the shows and all of the movies that showed kids just like you making friends had you full of energy, of course you were disappointed when this didn’t happen immediately. You walked into the class and everyone already seemed to be playing with someone else. It wasn’t until recess when you went up the hill to the sandbox, alone. You dug away at the grains little by little, suddenly a boy ran up the short hill to that same sand box you were in and stopped in his tracks. He almost seemed scared, like you were some kind of creature.

“Hi.” You uttered taking a break from your digging.

Instead of responding the boy took your shovel right from your hand and began digging a hole right next to yours.

“You know there’s another shovel, it’s right over there.” You said pointing at it, for some reason now you were the one who was scared.

The boy looked up at the other shovel across the sand box but ignored it and continued to dig the hole next to yours he had started.

You huffed and walked over to the other shovel, although this one was quite beaten up it would do for the job. You walked back to where the boy had started digging and dug right next to him. Eventually the two of you made the largest pit ever to be made in that sand box. When you finished you both jumped down to the bottom of the pit and looked around at the tall walls of sand very proud of your work. He smelled really sweet for some reason, literally like a cube of sugar and a hint of coffee, you being a five year old thought he lived in a magical candy factory so you secretly gave him the nickname Suga Boy.

“I’m Min Yoongi, we should be friends.” He said.

Your eyes lit up. ‘Finally!’ You thought to yourself.

“Best friends.” You said back.

Sixth Grade

Yoongi promised to walk with you to school on the first day of sixth grade so you wouldn’t have to go looking for each other once everyone was crowded inside. You stood in front of the building apprehensively.

“Yoongi I’m scared, what if we don’t have any classes together?” You said.

Yoongi was never quite sure of anything but he would also say just about anything to make you feel better.

“We will nerd, now we need to actually get inside to find out.” He said pulling you through the doors.

It turned out that you and him had four of your six periods together excluding lunch.

Sooner or later the nick name Suga boy came out of the dirt but Yoongi stated multiple times that he didn’t like it so you kept it in your back pocket for whenever you wanted to annoy him.

Everyday until winter you and Yoongi sat together at lunch alone, but as the weather became more unbearable came basketball season. Yoongi slowly began leaving you alone during lunch to sit with the team. You didn’t mind eating alone at all, but you were human and did miss him. You still talked every day after school almost non-stop but during school he seemed to be drawn to other boys who wanted nothing to do with you. And yet he was your best friend and nothing could change that. Not even your feelings for him.

Freshman Year

The summer before freshman year Yoongi had been talking non-stop about becoming a rapper. Whenever you two were at his house he would blast T.I. and Jay Z. You found it super entertaining to watch him imitate rapper phrases and poses. It was also the summer you grew boobs and Yoongi wanted to stare at them literally all day everyday but he would never admit that. You two questioned how you stayed friends for so long very often, and there was no exact answer and that was perfectly fine to you. Your feelings for him on the other hand only got stronger. You fantasized about holding hands and kissing him almost every night and you were pretty stupid but not stupid enough to tell him and ruin a friendship of 10 years.

Of course with the good came the bad. Throughout high school Yoongi’s parents started to doubt that he’d be able to go to University based on the way their income was looking and they didn’t support his rapper lifestyle in the slightest. Yoongi felt completely lost with what he was gonna do. Your parents offered his parents jobs at your dad’s law firm but they graciously turned down the offer as they thought it was too much.

It was no secret that your family was well off compared to his but those types of things didn’t matter to Yoongi because you never acted like it. One of the many reasons he admired you so much was because of how down to earth and quirky you were. You listened to everything he had to say so intently, like he was an encyclopedia or nature documentary. You never gave up on him, even when he did leave you to play basketball or just be himself as an underground rapper, you were always there. He didn’t think there would ever be a day when he could express how greatful he was for that.

Now

“You’re gonna be all the way in Seoul?” You said sitting on Yoongi’s bed.

“Yup.” He said scratching he back of his head.

You were at a loss of words. Life without Yoongi wasn’t life at all, it was hell. You began to panic right then and there.

“Yoongi what am I gonna do without you?” You asked turning to him.

Yoongi saw the tears in your eyes and the blank expression on his face became attentive and reassuring.

“Hey, stop that, you’ll be perfectly fine here without me. I’ve spent my whole life being told by you that I can do whatever I want and be whoever I want so now I’m telling you that you can definitely do the same without me.” He said.

“No! I can’t, you don’t understand, th-this is like when you stopped talking to me during lunch but worse! A million times worse.” You said crying even harder. Yoongi didn’t know what to say so he pulled you in as tight as he could. Your breathing slowly began to become more steady and you sighed.

“Yoongi please don’t forget about me…” you said quietly.

“You can’t be fucking serious y/n. What makes you think I could ever in a billion years forget about you.” He said disappointedly.

“Because you’re gonna be an idol, I’m just gonna be some college kid who does their work and maybe gets wasted if they have time, and maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get a good job in an office with A.C. and nice vacation perks. Trust me it won’t be that hard.” You said.

“You’re not just that though you’re my best friend-“

“It doesn’t matter, we’ll never be able to see each other, do you know what magazines will say about me? Everyone will think we’re dating and everyone will just end up hating me and it will ruin your career. It’s that simple Yoongi, you’re going to live out your dreams and I’ll be stuck here and you’ll be forced to forget about me.” You said looking away from him.

“Aren’t you in the slightest bit happy for me?” He asked. You forgot how hard this was for him too and your tone changed just like that.

“Of course, of course I’m happy for you Yoongi, this is all I’ve ever wanted for you ever, you know that, but I can’t sit here and act like I’ll be okay once you leave.” You said.

“Stop saying that okay? You’re my best friend. I love you. I’ve never loved anyone or anything half as much as I love you, ever, and I never will. So would you cut it out with the ‘you’ll forget about me, and I’ll be nothing without you’ bullshit. Cause that’s what it is. Bullshit.” He said.

Yoongi hardly ever said he loved you, he hated talking about his feelings, especially with you.

“I love you too stupid, that’s why I’m such a fucking mess just thinking about being without you.” You chuckled wiping your tears away.

“Fuck…” he said quietly.

“What?”

“I fucking love you…” he said. You didn’t get why he was suddenly expressing his feelings but you didn’t mind it.

“I know and I love you too.” You said.

“No like I love love you, like how I shouldn’t.” He said looking up at you. You paused in shock.

“Are you serious?” You asked.

He didn’t respond.

“Fuck I fucked everything up.” He finally said.

Yoongi never cried, ever, but right now he couldn’t couldn’t control the tears welling in his eyes. You were taken back at first but the sight only made you begin to cry too.

“Yoongi…” you began.

“I know.” He said.

“No listen, I’ve loved you how I shouldn’t since the sixth grade.” You admitted.

He looked at you and shook his head. “No, we can’t do this, not now.” He said.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“This is too much, it’s gonna hurt us too much after I leave.” He said.

“I think we’ve both done enough damage to ourselves by hiding how we feel, what good is it doing if we just bottle it up more?” You said. Yoongi refused to look at you or respond.

“Yoongi look at me please… please.” You said. When he looked up his eyes were puffy and glazed over. He looked like a lost puppy and you scratched delicately along the back of his hair. You knew from many other incidents that this calmed him down as well as any medication. You carefully brought your lips to his and kissed him slowly. It was everything you had imagined it to be since you were twelve. You expected him to pull away but he kissed you harder and pulled you up you to sit on his lap.

“Are we really doing this?” Yoongi asked. You nodded and took your shirt off.

He admired every inch of you with his soft eyes before he was even able to say anything.

“God you’re so beautiful.” He said.

He knew you hated compliments, wether or not you agreed with them didn’t matter cause if you did you didn’t want to sound cocky and if you didn’t you didn’t want to lie by saying thank you.

His lips trailed down your jaw to your neck as several quiet moans hummed through your lips.

He swiftly pulled his shirt over his shoulders and flipped you over so that he was on top. His hands admired the parts of your body that he couldn’t see while his lips were focused on your skin. You pulled his belt out of the buckle and unzipped his pants for him, he quickly took them off and you pulled off your loose shorts easily. You felt Yoongi getting hard underneath you and you wanted nothing less than for him to be inside of you, you’d wanted it for years.

“Yoongi?” You said.

“Hm?” He said.

“Please just fuck me.” You begged.

His breathing increased almost unnoticeablely, but of course you being you, noticed. He slipped his boxers down revealing his cock. It was perfect, the kind you see in the sex ed diagrams, just the slightest bit crooked but you thought that’s what gave it character. He took a condom from the drawer in his night stand and rolled in on his cock. You positioned yourself over it and slowly lowered yourself onto him. It almost hurt for a second but then it was exactly how you imagined fucking him being.

You rolled your hips back and forth and Yoongi grabbed your hips for extra support. He let out low almost inaudible moans. You expressed that you were unimpressed by this by suddenly picking up the altitude of your strides, forcing out a groan from his throat. ‘Better’ you thought to yourself. Your plan back fired when Yoongi used all of his strength to double the force and thrust into you as well. You let out a loud whimper and he smiled at the effect he had been wanting to have on you for so long.

He continued at this pace until your legs began to get weak and he felt more and more of your weight begin to be put on him. The feeling became too much and you tightened around him. You let out a final moan and tried your best to keep going for him. Soon after he came in the condom and removed himself from inside you. He threw the condom in the garbage next to his bed and layed down next to you.

You both stayed silent, completely drained from everything that had occurred that night. The sound of your breathing together was the epitome of musical perfection.

“I could never forget you, ever.” Yoongi said.

“Yoongi-“

“No let me finish. I love you, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m not just saying that because of the situation we’re in right now, I’ve been meaning to say it for the past thirteen years and I’m so fucking sorry I haven’t.” He said.

“Yoongi you have nothing to apologize for.” You said.

“Yes I do, you’re always there for me unconditionally and I’ve never been able to reciprocate that and now I’m leaving you, it’s so incredibly fucked up but I have to do it if I ever want to get out of this god forsaken town.” He said.

“I know, I know love.” You said.

“This is so absolutely not the end of us y/n, it’s us, we’re forever. I’ll be in love with you for fucking ever.” Yoongi said.

“I’ll love you forever too Yoongi.” You said then yawning.

“Goodnight y/n. I love you forever, don’t you ever forget it, ever.” He said sternly and embraced you before you both drifted to sleep.

~~~~~

The next morning Yoongi was gone but two letters lied on his bed where he should have been lying. His beautifully messy handwriting covered one of the papers.

“My dearest Y/n,

The train left this morning for Seoul, I would have put it off but I went to your house first and your parents asked me to give you this letter before I left, I’ll see you in a few months, call me whenever you need to, or don’t need to, or you’re mad at me, or I’m mad at you, or you just want to.

Love you forever,

Suga Boy”

You were confused why he said you would see him in a few months until you saw the letter underneath.

Seoul National University

Congratulations

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yoongitexts · 5 years

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.•With Me•.

Min Yoongi Romance/Fluff

(Warnings: lil bit of fluff & romance)

Days as a Big Hit trainee were tough but you were always able to look to Yoongi for advice.

In many ways you reminded him of himself; hard working, good at your craft, occasionally self doubtful but most of all sleep deprived. It wasn’t long after he met you and started talking that he basically decided to take you under his wing. He rememebred how hard it was for him to balance being a trainee with university and regular day to day expenses, so whenever he ordered food to his studio he would find you in your usual spot.

There was a small soundproof room with a piano in it that you sometimes sat in playing it or doing absolutely nothing at all. Yoongi expected you to be there around 6 pm and brought you food occasionally. You were extremely gracious of these kind acts since he really didn’t have to do it at all. You also secretly appreciated how he did it when no one else was around so the other trainees wouldn’t tease you or feel left out because of your semi-special treatment.

One day the other girls in your age group decided it would be fun to play hide and seek.

As the seeker counted to sixty you ran up the stairs to Yoongi’s studio as fast as you could. You ran down the hall and rang the buzzer so he would know you were outside. You looked down and read the “go away” written on his door mat and immediately regretted coming to him. ‘He’s probably so busy right now what am I doing?’ You asked yourself. Shortly afterward the door opened slowly, he seemed a little bit bothered that someone interrupted him at first but as soon as he saw the pleading look on your face his eyes softened and he was about to ask what you were doing there but you spoke first.

“Yoongi-Oppa is it okay if I hide in here? I won’t bother you or make a sound I just need somewhere to hide.” You asked as quickly as you could

He didn’t say anything and only stepped back and opened the door wider for you. You came in and shut the door quickly behind you.

“Why are you hiding?” He asked.

“We’re playing hide and seek.” You replied contently, you then realized how childish you must have sounded.

He hid his chuckle by looking away from you and grinned at how cute you were, sitting in the corner crouched into a ball, like anyone would suspect that you were in his studio.

“Well no one will find you here with me.” He said turning back to his computer.

You waited for about fourty five minutes without making a sound and Yoongi even forgot you were there because of how quiet you were but there was a good reason for that, as you waited for any sign of the others you began to doze off but caught yourself every time you were about to collapse on Yoongi’s floor.

Yoongi turned around and saw how exhausted you were.

“Are you tired?” He asked.

“Wh-what, no.” You said quickly pulling yourself together to look as awake as possible.

He sighed looking you dead in the eyes with his ‘I know what you just said was bullshit and I wasn’t born yesterday’ face.

“Maybe a little.” You said.

“Then you should go back to your friends, they probably already finished the game.” He suggested.

“But what if it’s not over yet and I lose?” You asked.

Yoongi thought you were insane and adorable for thinking that all that mattered here was that you won hide and seek.

“Well I’m not letting you sleep on my floor and that little couch is too small for you to sleep on.” He said.

You knew he was gonna have to kick you out of his studio sooner or later but you really didn’t want to leave. You genuinely enjoyed being in his presence.

“Come here.” He said motioning for you to sit on his lap.

You were a little confused at first, you and Yoongi were close but it had never been physical before. However you didn’t oppose and walked over to him. His chair slightly reclined so you could lie into his chest comfortably.

“Can I hear what you’re working on?” You asked softly.

“Not yet, when I think it’s finished you can listen to it and tell me what finishing touches it needs.” He said.

Yoongi did this often, he would look to you for advice too even though you were younger and less experienced with music than he was. Even so he found that when you gave constructive feedback on his pieces they always turned out better. He felt like each song had a little part of you in it which made it marginally more enjoyable to him.

“Okay.” You said closing your eyes. To your surprise Yoongi gently kissed your forehead.

“Sleep well my princess.” He mumbled.

You did everything in your power to hold your smile back but couldn’t help but feel the heat rushing to your cheeks. At that point you fell asleep almost immediately, feeling completely relaxed.

When you woke Yoongi was fast asleep underneath you. You admired each of his features as his skin gistened in the dim light. You tried to reposition yourself without waking him but accidentally pressed your elbow into his rib cage.

“Ah-ow.” He said blinking an eye open and furrowing his eyebrows.

You turned so that you were facing Yoongi and put your palms on both sides of his rib cage gently rubbing the spot that you elbowed him.

“I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” You asked franticly. You then realized the position you were in. Straddling Yoongi with your hands at his sides.

He stared at you with an expression you couldn’t read for a few moments.

You stumbled over your words trying to think of what to say. You quickly tried to remove your hands from where they were but Yoongi grabbed your wrists and pulled you down on top of him, he gracefully planted a kiss that was perfectly positioned on your lips. You froze up at first but quickly got comfortable with this odd but euphoric situation. When your lips parted Yoongi’s he didn’t hesitate to look at you. He never felt shy with you, even before that moment you were the closest thing to a girlfriend he’d ever had and even sometimes accidentally thought of you as such before snapping himself back into reality.

“I’m fine.” He replied.

You looked away giggling in defeat.

“Well you didn’t need to kiss me to say that.” You said.

“But here’s the thing… I wanted to.” He told you super matter-of-factly.

“Yoongi you know we can’t date.” You said stating the sad truth. There’s no way you could, you would get kicked out of Big Hit faster than you could say you made a mistake and that you were sorry.

“Who cares, life is too fucking short y/n, besides no one even knows we’ve even spoken to each other before besides Hoseok and what would he do with that information?” He asked laughing.

You had to admit he had a point.

“Yoongi…” you trialed off.

“Y/n…You’re secret safe with me, so please just kiss me, please.” He said.

So you did. Again, and again, and again.

You walked out of his studio back down stairs to the other trainees. You hesitantly turned the door knob. Everyone’s heads snapped to turn to you.

“Y/n where were you??” Everyone asked in almost unison.

“Did I win?” You asked back.

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yoongitexts · 6 years

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having both depression and anxiety

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yoongitexts · 6 years

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Rafael M. Milani aka Strange Old Things (Brazilian, b. 1989, São Paulo, Brazil) - 1,2: Untitled from Fata Morgana series, 2016 Photography

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yoongitexts · 6 years

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Why ‘female-presenting nipples’ matter

When I was 10, my mom made me wear a bra and it felt like a punishment for being different.

When I was 10, I took the bra off when changing for gymnastics and accidentally dropped it in the school hallway. A teacher picked it up and said, “Oh, this must belong to you” and handed it back to me in front of everyone. I quit gymnastics.

When I was 11, I thought maybe the boobs would be okay so long as they didn’t get any bigger than would fit in my hand, so I kept measuring it, but they did.

When I was 12, I started wearing two or three sports bras to smush them down, until one day a classmate said, “Are you wearing two bras?!” while laughing.

When I was 13, a boy told me he wanted to squeeze my boobs “until they popped.”

When I was 14, I got cast in a play as an older character and a classmate told me I got the role because I had boobs.

When I was 17, my mom told me to return a swimsuit because it would be too distracting for my boyfriend’s father.

When I was 21, I got properly fitted for a bra and everyone felt the need to tell me how much better my boobs looked.

When I was 26, I got pregnant and my immediate fear was that my boobs would get bigger.

When I was 28, I got shamed for trying to feed my screaming baby in public without a cover.

When I was 28, people asked me “why are you bothering to use a breastfeeding cover?”

When I was 30, people gave me weird looks that I wasn’t yelling at my kid for putting their hand on my boob.

When I was 31, I avoided going to the beach or pool because I didn’t want to have to deal with boobs in a swimsuit.

When I was 32, I got asked, again, “why don’t you get a breast reduction?”

When I was 33, I watched a 5yo girl get shamed for running around in sweltering heat without a shirt on and had to reprimand a bunch of tween boys who thought it was okay to shame her for doing something they do all the time.

When I was 34, my kid kept patting my breast and saying “Mommy’s squishy breast!!” They will never see me express any shame about tits, because I want them to have a different mindset than I had. Yes, boobs are nice! They’re squishy! They’re fun! That’s the end of that.

I’m 35 and no longer give a fuck. I don’t care anymore. As a teenager my tits were covered in stretch marks. They’ve been engorged with milk. My nipple changed shape with pregnancy. Give it another couple decades and my breasts will probably be all wrinkly. It’s sexual when I’m using it sexually. I don’t fucking care, and I won’t be ashamed anymore.

Every time a policy or cultural hangup treats people with breasts differently, it fucks us over.

Tumblr’s new policy makes an active choice to participate in this culture of shame. By classifying “female-presenting nipples” as explicit material, Tumblr has taken a stance that any chest or breast that differs from a male default is worthy of shame and unavoidably sexual. The idea that breasts are shameful and unavoidably sexual is exactly what fucked me up for so much of my life.

Stop shaming people for having bodies.

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