yoonvvs

[yoonvvs]

stunner

[yoonvvs]

𖼥ৎ can i tell you a secret? ₍ yoonjin ₎

yoonah decided it was finally time to tell everyone about her and hyunjin. but at the end of the night - she wonders if hyunjin is the right man.

now playing > casual by chappell roan

yoonah always loved to try to count the amount of the stars in the sky. her and her little sister would sneak out of the house late at night and sit on the swings next to her house, yoonah would count the stars out loud, while her sister would sing a childern's song she learned from school. night was always so peaceful for yoonah, that's why she found it so hard to fall asleep at night, like she was now, sitting on the balcony of the dorm, snuggled in an old sweatshirt and hyunjin's pj pants.

night was a time where it felt like the whole wide world was quiet, where there was no obligations, no song to record, no dance to learn, and no reason to be looking her best. no one expected anything, no one needed anything. it was time for only her, her thoughts, and the stars. some nights she found herself fighting to stay awake just to cherish the time where it was just her, and no one else.

this time really allowed her to think, to ponder about her life. and tonight's topic, was about hyunjin. most of her nights she spent thinking about hyunjin. if he ate enough, if he was happy, the memories they shared together. but tonight, it was a little different.

it had been a month since they debuted. a month since district nine was released, a month since her life was changed forever. idol life wasn't what she expected it to be - she was alot more busy than she anticipated, but she loved it. she loved peforming on the stage, and she loved seeing all the hard work the ten of them had put in finally pay off. she loved meeting all the new fans, she loved hearing them cheer for her, cheer for them.

but, it had been a month since it all started, and as she reflected on her short career, she remembered seungmin's words from all of those nights ago.

"you have a month after debut to tell them."

well, they sailed their ship, they were all closer than ever, and yoonah never broke a promise. she had to tell the members. but, some things have changed since that promise was made. hyunjin had took her on a date, to a old theatre, where they watched a simple rom-com and shared a tin of popcorn. and then he took her on a couple more dates, each one better than the last, and eventually, he asked her to be her girlfriend.

it was so odd, to be dating someone without anyone knowing. she didn't even tell her best friend from high school that they were together. and while it made yoonah feel more secure about telling the members - it also made it more scary. they were more committed to each other now, and more strings were attached. sometimes she wished that the members would just figure it out, and be okay with it, and move on, but she knew it wouldn't be as easy as that.

yoonah was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the balcony door open, smiling when she saw jisung emerge from the door, sitting on the chair next her.

"what are you doing awake?" yoonah asked, smiling when jisung yawned, brushing his hair out of her face. it wasn't a rare occasion for one of the members to come check on her in the middle of the night, usually it was chan coming out to tell her to go to bed, or to just sit with her in silence. yoonah never wanted to be the first one to leave, so chan almost always had to carry the girl back to her bed when she fell asleep in her chair.

"jeongin woke me up when he went to the bathroom, and i was thirsty." jisung shared, showing the girl a glass of water. "what are you thinking about tonight?"

yoonah sighed, turning from the boy and looking back at the stars. she really wanted to be honest with him, she needed someone to talk to about it. someone that wasn't seungmin, who would only get upset, and hyunjin, who would get scared. perhaps jisung would understand.

"i'm thinking about hyunjin, to be honest with you." yoonah said, not daring to turn her head to look at jisung. she hoped that jisung had enough intuition to figure out what she was laying out, because if though she needed someone to talk to, it was scary to say the truth out loud, especially after hiding it for so long.

"you fight, or something?" jisung asked, smiling when yoonah shook her head, "let me guess - you got a little something something going on with him?" jisung said, laughing when yoonah only nodded in defeat.

"and i'm not sure how to break the news. i feel like chan would kill me, and changbin would definitely kill him." yoonah said, finally turning her head to look at the boy.

"nah, changbin wouldn't kill him. he wouldn't take away your happiness. he would only threaten him some. on the other hand, chan....i feel like he'd be a little disapointed. give him a few days, i think he would come around." jisung said, smiling when yoonah only frowned. "all of us aren't idiots, i noticed at least that you smile more around hyunjin. and it isn't your typical smile. you just, you seem more alive when you are with him."

"but how do i tell everyone else? seungmin already knows, but he was upset about it. why can't everyone just take it like you? and you can barely stand hyunjin!" yoonah exclaimed, brushing her hands through her hair in frustration. "im so scared that i'm going to be shunned or something, i'm just scared i'm going to cause issues in our group. we just debuted, too."

"they won't shun you. and not everyone is going to be like me and not care, but that's on them. you're a smart girl, i have my trust in you to not let this relationship impact the group. but, i would suggest telling chan first. and then break the news to each of them after. if chan is ok with it, then the rest of them would be too." jisung suggested, patting the girls leg.

"as much as i wish i could give you advice all night, i'm tired. and we need to be awake early tomorow, so you should probably go to bed too." jisung said, looking over at yoonah. yoonah sighed and looked at he watch, frowning when the clock already read midnight.

"i suppose so," yoonah mumbled, pushing herself up and following jisung back into the dorm. when she made it back into her warm bed, all she could think about was what chan's face would look like when she broke the news to him that she was dating hyunjin, and she couldn't deny that it left an uneasy pit in her stomach.

the next day, she couldn't stop thinking about her and jisung's conversation the night prior. his words brought some comfort to the girl - she was so worried that the boys would be upset, mad, or disappointed in her, she dreaded it. but jisung was right - they all wouldn't be upset for too long. it was her life and her relationship, she knew that even if they didn't like, they would have to get over it and forgive her eventually, right?

because while she was nervous to tell the members, she was more terrified that she would loose hyunjin in the process. what if they made them break up? what if hyunjin decided she wasn't worth the awkwardness or the arguing? what if one day he decides she isn't who he wants anymore, and leaves her? jisung said he trusted her - but the reality is, she knew it would be challenging if they did end up splitting up.

yoonah sighed, bringing her knees to her chest and throwing her face in her faces, a headache starting to arise from her worries. this seemed like too much for a eighteen year old girl to deal with.

"what's wrong, yoonie?" hyunjin asked, sliding down the wall of the practice room to sit next to her, handing her a water bottle.

"head hurts." yoonah mumbled, taking the water from hyunjin and drinking it. it provided some relief to her now pounding headache. "thought too much."

"what about?"

yoonah looked over at hyunjin, forcing a small smile. it was only the two of them in the practice so far, both of them were still waiting for the rest of the members to arrive to practice.

"have you thought about telling the members about us?" yoonah asked, chuckling slightly when hyunjin's eyes widened, his ears turning red slightly. "we made a promise to seungmin we would tell them after we debuted, jisung already knows. that leaves six members. but still scary."

"wait, how does jisung know?" hyunjin asked, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. yoonah smiled slightly - it would seem a bit odd to hyunjin for jisung to know so early, considering their drama they had before debut.

"we talked last night, he told me to tell chan first. but, that feels like waking up a bear." yoonah joked, trying to make the situation seem less scary than it actually was. if all ten of them were simply just friends, she wouldn't be as terrified - but while they are very close with each other, their are more factors to the situation than their friendship.

they were idols - an occupation where everything about you was overanalyzed, where every picture of you was zoomed in, people trying to find out anything about your personal life - even the type of chapstick you use. while she knew what she signed up for, it made things like romantic relationships hard. especially where fans and companies would act if you committed a crime if you dated someone.

"well - chan would defiently be one to start with. i mean, get the hard part of the way. maybe we will get lucky and he will yell so loud we won't have to tell the other members." hyunjin suggested, slight edge in his voice. yoonah only glared at him.

"you aren't helping me stay positive." yoonah said, biting her lip to keep herself from smiling when hyunjin gave her a hug.

practice went by like a breeze - all of the members acted like normal. like nothing was going on, even hyunjin was able to act disrectly with her, holding her hand and resting his head on her shoulder when no one was looking. she knew that once the secret was finally out, she would miss the thrill of hiding their relationship, perhaps the secret touches won't feel so special anymore, once everyone knew.

but then she would finally be able to get rid of the anxiety. minho had mentioned cooking dinner for everyone - so yoonah knew, she had to tell them then. there was no other time where should could get all of the members together, in the peace of their own home, and most importantly, no other staff in the room.

when she got home, she went straight to her bedroom, hoping to get atleast some time by herself to rehearse what she was going to say. sitting at her desk, she stared at herself in her mirror, taking deep breaths and hyping herself up, rehearsing what she would say. she knew the prep wasn't going to help anything, because she knew when she was going to start to tell them, everything would leave her brain. but it helped her feel better.

soon enough, dinner time rolled around, and she was seated at the kitchen table, surrounded by her nine members. hyunjin was sitting on her left, and jeongin was on her right. throughout the night, all ten of them had laughed, talked about nonsense, and yoonah allowed herself to smile, to relax, to take the relationship situation out of her mind for awhile. but when things had started to calm down and every one's plates were empty, she knew she had to act now. before everyone went off for bed.

yoonah cleared her throat, looking around at the members, smiling nervously when everyone looked at her in confusion. "i have a secret to tell you guys." yoonah whispered out, twisting the ends of her hair as she watched the boys look at her more intently.

"what did you do, did you break something again?" felix asked, referencing the time she dropped one of the members candles months ago. the rest of the boys laughed, but yoonah stayed quiet, she wish it was something as simple as that.

"no....hyunjin and I, we're dating. we have been for a few weeks." yoonah breathed out, placing her hand on her chest in attempt to control her breathing. she felt like she needed to gasp for air, like all of it was sucked out of her, but she had to stay confiscated, at least until she could sneak back into her room.

"dating? did i hear that right?" chan asked, his brows furrowing when yoonah only nodded. he had a face of disapointment, just like she expected, but she couldn't find a trace of anger or resentement. jisung and seungmin looked unbothered, but when she saw a glimpse of a smile when she looked over at jisung.

felix only looked shocked, his mouth slightly agape, and jeongin seemed like he was in deep thought, and yoonah had to guess that he was thinking about the pairs behaviors, trying to connect the dots.

minho seemed slightly angry - but at the same time he looked pained, she wasn't too sure what was the leading emotion.

"why do think this is going to benefit the group in any way? did you ever stop to think about the consequences?" chan asked, crossing his arms when he looked at the pair, sighing when neither of them answered. "we sacrificed so much to debut, and now you want to play this dangerous game? if the company finds out, both of you could loose the dream you worked so hard for. we all could. but you wanted to gamble that just so you guys can kiss and hold hands?"

"it's not like that - we know the weight of our actions. we're just casual, anyways. yes we're dating...but it's nothing serious." hyunjin said, and yoonah felt like her heart stopped beating. everything became quiet, her breathing stilled. casual? nothing serious? was that all the relationship was for hyunjin?

theyve only been dating for a week, but they were chasing after each other for a whole year before he even asked her out. she told him all her secrets, she told him all her insecurities, she was vulnerable with him. they slept in the same bed, they kissed and they hugged. and yoonah poured so much love into hyunjin, but to him..it was merely casual.

how could he define their relationship with such a plain word? he knew his weight of his actions? then he must know how she could feel her heart breaking, tears swelling up in her eyes, because someone that she saw the world in, the person she spent hours and hours of the day thinking about, the person she defined as her reason to keep going, the person who made her smile each day, said she wasn't anything serious to him.

chans voice made her tune back into the conversation, forcing herself to swallow down the pain, just for awhile longer.

"like that makes it so much better," chan said sarcastically, shaking his head. "i have to admit - i can tell you make each other happy. i think we all could see it. but it just bothers me you both let this get so far, without saying a word to any of us." chan said, uncrossing his arms. "but i'm not going to make you guys break up. but if you do something stupid, i swear to god."

"we won't do anything stupid, i promise." yoonah choked out, blinking quickly in attempt to see clearly, cursing her tears for disorienting her. "if i do, i'll leave."

"no one is leaving the group, regardless if something happens." changbin said, sending the girl a reassuring look. "if we survived the survival show together, then we can survive just about anything. we're a team." changbin says, nodding strongly.

the table was silent for awhile, everyone avoiding eye contact, yoonah looking at the painting in the living room, as if it would give her words of advice, solve all her problems, or magically make them go away. eventually, jeongin broke the silence.

"i'm happy for you, yoonah. he makes you happy, happier than what i have seen you." jeongin said, awkwardly patting the girls shoulder, yoonah thanked him, attempting a soft smile. hyunjin did make her happy - but it was hard to say anything positive right now when he just crushed her heart.

"if does anything to hurt you....i'll beat him," minho said in joking voice, but yoonah knew he really meant it. he was insanely protective over her, always making sure wasn't walking on the road side, hiding her when she was getting out of the car, and protecting her as they walked through crowds of fans, even if there was bodyguards.

"i think we all should go to sleep, and we can talk about this again later, we had a long day." felix suggested, standing up to stretch. yoonah took the oppurtunity, leaving the table first, and heading straight to her room, locking the door behind her. she changed into her pajamas, tucking herself into the bed.

and then she let the tears fall, replaying hyunjin's words over and over agian, the disappointment in chan's face, the anger in minho's, and the unamused look in seungmin's. she regretted it all. how could she let it go so far? why did she let herself invest so much into someone that didn't have the same amount of feelings back? she couldn't help but feel neglected by hyunjin. he never once defended her from scoldings, he never helped her when she was anxious in the crowd, and now he called her "casual". for yoonah, it felt far from casual.

her last thought before she fell asleep, was wondering if he was truly worth all of the pain. if she made the right choice telling him she'd be his girlfriend.

she wasn't too sure about the answer.

[yoonvvs]

don't want to be without you — pre-debut

sooyoung and hyunjin face some difficulties in hiding their relationship, and even though getting caught faces some consequences, they realize they don't want to be without eachother.

warnings: kissing, angst

now playing > peace by t.swift

blaise could feel her breath get caught in her throat when hyunjin’s hands slipped under her shirt to rest on her waist, his ice-cold hands bringing her out of her sleepy daze. now, instead of dozing off as she casually watched jeongin record his parts, she was staring at hyunjin wide eyed, mumbling “be careful” under her breath.

the boy only shrugged, his hand now softly playing with the loose thread on the waistband of her skirt, “not that the others would notice…chan is too busy and the rest of them can barely stay awake. besides, i just want to warm up my hand.”

yoonah sucked in another breath when his other hand found purchase on her knee, the second one even more cold than the first. “what do you do? sleep in the freezer?” yoonah joked, frowning when hyunjin only shrugged. “i’m not your heater, hyunie, get your hands off of me.”

“but you’re so warm, love. i’ll make sure no one sees.” hyunjin said, smiling when yoonah only slouched, going back in watched the youngest member sing. the members were used to yoonah and hyunjin being a little cuddly, but ever since they kept stealing kisses in empty practice rooms, yoonah had been paranoid about the other boys catching onto their…special bond.

much to yoonah’s relief, hyunjin removed his hand from her waist, now resting one hand on her knee, the other hiding in his own pocket. yoonah smiled when jeongin exited the recording studio, giving him a high five when he sat next to her.

“alright yoonah, you’re next.” chan said, turning around to see the girl barely awake. the boy resisted the urge to roll his eyes and scold the young girl for staying up late like he knew she did, and instead handed her his coffee before she went in the studio. “it’s black. but it will keep you awake.”

yoonah took the warm drink and grimaced when the liquid ran down her throat, immediately drinking water to help the bitter taste in her mouth. “you’re actually insane.” yoonah chuckled, smiling when chan gently pushed her in the booth, giving the girl a few minutes to get set up.

as expected, yoonah made very few mistakes. that was something that chan appreciated the most about yoonah - even if she was not feeling well, she was very attentive to detail, and probably listened the most to him when giving feedback. chan could always tell when yoonah had been spending hours and hours on end in the studio.

as yoonah was recording her parts, her eyes kept trailing towards hyunjin. hyunjin was not very secretive at hiding his admiration for yoonah, and the girl knew it. she quickly cursed the boy in her head for being so obvious, she could see his blown pupils through the layers of glass - and she knew that seungmin, who was staring right at him, could see them too.

she watched seungmin look back and forth between her and hyunjin as she took a water break, and she knew that the boy was slowly making connections. frustrated with hyunjin’s lack of awareness, she furrowed her eyebrows at the boy and waved at him, trying her best to not seem too aggravated. hyunjin quickly snapped out of his haze, and yoonah took a sigh of relief when the boy smiled like nothing happened, making conversation with seungmin. she could still see the suspicion on seungmin’s face, but she prayed he would let the moment of weakness go.

yoonah tried to let the moment go, swallowing her anxieties as she finished recording her parts, tweaking a few sections and adjusting her notes. when chan gave her a thumbs up, yoonah quickly exited the booth, taking another drink from chan’s coffee. the bitterness was slightly more bearable, but yoonah could feel herself relaxing as the warm liquid filled her throat.

chan only quirked his eyebrow at the girl, laughing when the girl mumbled, “you are still crazy.”

“if you went to sleep at a reasonable time like i told you, you wouldn’t have to drink my coffee.” chan said, teasing the girl. he knew that he had no room to talk, but he always told yoonah to not follow his footsteps. he chuckled as the girl only gave him a look, unimpressed with his nagging. yoonah returned to the spot on her couch, squirming when she could feel seungmin’s eyes burning into her from the side of her. to yoonah’s demise, hyunjin was next to record, leaving her with seungmin alone.

“what’s up with you and hyunjin?” seungmin asked with a low voice, his face completely serious. yoonah only looked over at him, giving him doe eyes, hoping to play confused. but unfortunately, seungmin saw right through her. “don’t give me that look - he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. something has to be going on.”

she was never a good liar.

yoonah gulped as seungmin looked at her with an unimpressed gaze, squirming in her seat again. she couldn’t lie - she never knew what to say. whenever she got caught red-handed, her words always got caught in her throat. her brain completely blanked, unable to come up with any believable excuses, which turns into yoonah blocking out her surroundings, playing her guilty action over and over again until she eventually breaks.

but, yoonah tried to keep her nerves in check, biting her lip to keep herself from loosing her focus on seungmin, twiddling her hands in her lap. she knew she couldn’t be mad at hyunjin for being oblivious when she was also terrible at hiding things - but it was his fault she caught in this situation.

“i don’t know what you’re thinking, seungmin. but it’s probably not what you think it is. hyunjin….you know he gets. he didn’t realize he was staring at me for that long, i’m sure he meant nothing by it.” blaise finally found herself whispering, holding her breath while she waiting for seungmin’s response. he didn’t seem like he believed her, still giving her a suspicious look, mumbling out, “sure.” regardless of his curiosity, seungmin turned his body back around and watching as hyunjin recorded, letting yoonah finally breath.

the rest of the recording went like a blur, yoonah kept a small distance between her and hyunjin, giving him an apologetic look whenever he frowned at her. as much as she wanted to rest her head on him and smell his cologne, she knew she had to play it safe, for both of their sakes.

when the group was finally dismissed, yoonah jumped out of her seat and rushed out of the studio, making a beeline toward the cafeteria, hoping to use her saved coupons to buy her comfort foods and help relieve her anxieties. yoonah found an isolated table and sat her tray down, humming in content as she ate.

yoonah appreciated her time to herself, sitting in the silence and accepting her current situation. she knew that seungmin was going to keep watching her and hyunjin, even more so after this morning, but she didn’t want to cut off what she had with hyunjin. the two weren’t dating - they didn’t go on dates or necessarily flirt with each other, but they definitely were not friends. they had countless of nights where the two of them snuck out of the dorms and went somewhere hidden, where they finally were able to show their affection they had locked away for so long.

she couldn’t let go of their stolen nights, she couldn’t imagine not having the nights where hyunjin draws constellations on her back as he kisses her, mumbling sweet nothings as their lips interlocked. but - if they didn’t become more secretive about their…situation, they might have to call it quits.

and yoonah wasn’t sure if she could live with that.

she knew that if her and hyunjin were going to eventually make their relationship work, they had to hide it. atleast for awhile - atleast until they finally debut and make their name known. it would be too risky to come clean about their secrets when tensions were already high - she already knew chan would disapprove, she could already imagine his reaction to her telling him she planned to date hyunjin. he’d be unimpressed, confused - and most likely hurt that they were hiding this from him.

yoonah groaned and leaned her head back, forcing herself to clear her head. she needed to stop overthinking the situation - yes, it had a possibility to turn out for the worst, but didn’t everything? so, instead of allowing herself to worry, she brought herself to stand up, returning her tray, and made her way to her and hyunjin’s designated hiding spot. it was a dance room they knew nobody in the company used, not even the trainees.

yoonah smiled softly when she saw the boy resting against the mirror, lightly jogging towards him. she immediately sat down and layed against hyunjin’s chest, smiling when the boy started running his fingers through her hair.

“you never fail to calm me down,” yoonah whispered, humming in content as she snuggled closer to the boy, relaxing even further into his chest. "no matter what, I know I can rely on you."

"anything for you, yoonie." hyunjun said, tilting her chin up with one finger, giving her a loving smiling before placing a soft and gentle kiss on her lips. he loved the taste of her peach lipgloss, he loved her sweet vanilla smell and her cherry blossom shampoo, he loved her presence, how he felt instantly happy whenever she was next to him.

hyunjin and yoonah never really talked about their feelings about each other - yes, they knew they had feelings for each other. but if someone were to ask them what they really were doing...they wouldn't be able to answer that. they never went further in saying their feelings for each other, but the communicated their passion through their kisses, through small actions like bringing each other coffee or snacks, or just by sneaking off and spending some quiet and relaxing quality time with each other. they weren't dating, yet they definitely weren't just friends. their relationship was confusing - but it was enough for them in the moment.

even if they never dated - yoonah could say she was just happy with kissing and hugging hyunjin. anything to feel him close to her, to hear his hums when he kissed her and his soft hands drawing circles on her waist - she was willing to get her feelings hurt just to have a few moments of happiness with hyunjin. to feel loved like she craved for so long.

before yoonah had the chance to run her fingers through hyunjin's soft hair, the practice room door swung open, and hyunjin pratically shoved yoonah off of him and to the side. yoonah could feel her heart pounding as she turned her head - biting her lip to prevent herself from screaming when she saw her future group member - seungmin.

"this is really looking like what I thought was happening, yoonah." seungmin said, scoffing when the girl panically rose to her feet, almost tripping to get towards him. "give me one good reason why I shouldn't tell the rest of the boys about this."

seungmin clearly looked upset, yoonah could tell. even past his anger, she could see the reaction she was most terrified of - hurt. she could see it in his eyes - hurt and disappointment. hurt that she lied, disappointed her and hyunjin tangled them into a mess.

"we aren't ready, seungmin. we aren't ready to tell them, the timing is just not good right now. we aren't even dating - min." yoonah said, her voice breaking at the last part - even though she was thrilled to have part of hyunjin considered hers, it still stung to know that she would possibly never have his whole heart.

seungmin looked unimpressed, scoffing. "you really think it's a good idea to hide something like this from the members?" seungmin asked, crossing his arms. "ever think of that, hyunjin?" seungmin looked past yoonah, rolling his eyes when he saw hyunjin still sitting on the floor, his face filled with worry.

"just gonna let yoonah do the talking? got it." seungmin mumbled, and yoonah could feel herself cringe. she knew this tension between hyunjin and seungmin would go unaddressed unless hyunjin spoke up for himself and for yoonah, but a part of her knew hyunjin wouldn't do that.

"to answer your question, no, I don't think it is a good idea to hide this from everyone, but it is also too risky to tell them at the same time. if I tell them...could you imagine the strain that could put on everyone's relationship? the dynamic? it would be awkward, and how are we supposed to have a good debut when we have no chemistry?" yoonah said , clearing her throat before speaking again, hoping to get the shakes out of her voice. "I know, that the members would be hurt if they found out we hid this - but I think they would understand."

"well, I dont understand. why potentially ruin both of your spots in the group before we even debut? you both know we are going to be on a dating ban." seungmin said, furrowing his eyebrows at yoonah. "how long has this been going on?"

"a month." yoonah whispered, lowering her head.

seungmin only sighed. "do you really like him?" seungmin asked lowly, to the point where yoonah could barely hear him herself.

"I do. and I promise, if something were to happen - I won't leave the group. I won't cause issues. I'll be upset, but no one would ever suspect a thing." yoonah muttered out, giving seungmin a weak smile. "and I promise, I'll tell the boys. after we debut."

"you have a month tell them after we debut. and if you don't then I will. understand?" seungmin said, pursing his lips when yoonah nodded. "just...don't let this get messy." seungmin finished, turning around and leaving the practice room. yoonah knew he was still upset - but she needed to give him time to absorb the information. and then she will talk to him, hoping that he wasn't going to stay upset at her for too long.

yoonah kept replaying seungmin's words in her head, "dont let this get messy", and as she turned around to look at hyunjin, his eyes as wide as a doe, she felt a sinking pressure in her heart, that in some way, it was already messy.

“it’s okay. it’s over.” yoonah mumbled to herself, trying to quieten the voices in her head. it wasn’t over, it would never truly be over. the weight of her actions was starting to sink in, making her feel like her heart was going to break into millions of pieces. what if it doesn’t work out? what if the boys hate her forever because she was naive? was this a mistake?

what if this was it?

what if she didn’t debut? because she was in love?

she couldn’t stand any longer, falling down to her knees, broken sobs coming through her mouth. she couldn’t see even though she knew her eyes were open. it felt like she was out of control of her own thoughts - she felt like she was racing from every irrational thought in a cellar, getting trapped over and over again. she could barely feel hyunjin’s hand on her shoulder, barely hear his voice in her ear.

hyunjin knew she was stuck. the only thing he could think to do was to hug her, squeezing her tightly until her breathing calmed and her body slackened from exhaustion.

“i can’t be okay without you, hyunie.” yoonah mumbled out, blankly looking at the floor. she knew she messed up. she was too attached - too attached to someone who she wasn’t even sure if they were really committed. she could never tell where hyunjin’s heart was.

“oh yoonie, i’m not going anywhere,” hyunjin said, immediately coming to sit by yoonah’s side, “you aren’t going to go through this alone - if something wrong happens, if they disagree, we will get through it, together.” hyunjin said, resting his head on yoonah’s shoulder.

and in the silence, she knew that it wasn’t there. the passion she needed wasn’t there, the love to make this messy and sticky situation wasn’t there. hyunjin wasn’t ready to fight like she was.

he was scared. he could feel the impending doom just like yoonah.

“maybe this can’t work.” yoonah mumbled out, forcing herself out of hyunjin’s hug, bringing herself to her feet, and walking out the door. walking out on the sweet nights and long conversations - where they talked about everything. from their favorite things to wounds that haven’t quite healed yet, opening up to each other like they were each others diaries. playing a dangerous game.

yoonah didn’t expect hyunjin to follow her. she didn’t look behind her to see if he was on her heels, she just kept moving, she didn’t know where she was going - but she knew she had to get out. she had to get air to breathe. she felt suffocated, trapped, trapped in a hole she blindly dug herself.

it can’t already be over, it only just started. she knew she couldn’t let it end so soon - but how could she keep going when it felt like everytime something scary happened, she felt like she was going to die on the spot? how could she keep going when she stayed laying awake in her bed at night worrying when the last time she’s going to get to kiss hyunjin, when the last time she’s going to be able to have him all to herself. like her little secret.

how long was it going to last, before it all came crashing down?

it was too early.

she couldn’t let him go.

she loved him too much.

already, one month in - she loved him with all her heart. she couldn’t stop thinking about him. even now - when she was thinking of all of the worst things that could happen, she was thinking about all of the things she admired about hyunjin. she loved how his eyes sparkled whenever he smiled, how he always gave her a lopsided smile when she was being clumsy, how he gave her a knowing look when she was getting frustrated at practice - and how safe and protected she felt in his arms.

how could something so scary feel so safe and right at the same time?

she couldn’t run away from hyunjin. she couldn’t give up and let something so beautiful go to waste. she chased that feeling all of her life, to be loved and to be cherished, she can’t throw it down the drain when the love she desired was finally in her grasp. but could she really risk her heart being crushed? could she handle the possibility of being heartbroken while dealing with the pressure of having a successful debut?

she felt like her world was crushing in on her, her chest was getting tighter and tighter, pushing against the walls she built around her heart - she felt like she was going to implode. she hated that she ran away from hyunjin, it felt like her heart was screaming at her to go back to him, go back to the person that made her feel loved, the person she craves to be next to constantly.

even if they are just eating together, washing dishes, or folding the laundry, those are yoonah's favorite times. she feels like she can actually relax, let herself go, those are the times she feels like her true smile really came out. Hyunjin healed her inner child that was so broken from the bullies she dealt with all her life - from the boys who would constantly taunt her and tease her for her scars and blemishes. but hyunjin embraced them, he loved them, he traced her scars on her face with such delicate fingers, it felt like he was tracing the constellations.

she can't run away from hyunjin. she would hate herself forever if she threw everything they had away just because she was scared. she took a deep breath, stood up, and brushed her skirt off. she could do this, she could deal with this.

she only had one life, why should she hold herself back from loving someone just because it may not be the most "ideal" situation.

she could think of a few reasons why she should stop loving hyunjin - but they were all because of her career - her company. but she could hide it, right? she could keep the secret.

yoonah practically ran back to the dorms, immediately going to Hyunjin's room, praying he was there.

and he was, sitting up on his bunk, blankly staring at the wall. yoonah climbed up the latter, and now that she sat infront of the boy - she realized she had no idea what she was going to say. she didn't think that far.

but saying something was better than saying nothing, right?

so, yoonah cleared her throat, brought her hands in her lap, smoothing out her skirt while taking a deep breath.

"im sorry I ran off. I shouldn't have done that, but I was scared. seungmin finding us...it made me realize it is going to be really hard to hide us, and the thought of how the boys or the company would react really scared me. and I thought that if they were to find out...theyd make us break up, and that made me really sad. and I realized how attached to you I truly was, and I didn't want to burden you with that. I don't want you to feel pressured to stay with me just because I won't be okay." yoonah said, sighing when she felt tears trail down her face.

"I want to be with you, hyunjin. it pains me, emotionally and physically, to think about not being with you. you're my everything...without you I don't think I would still be in this group, you always find ways to keep me going and find ways to make me feel loved. but if you don't want to keep going...thats okay." yoonah trailed off, taking a deep breath. hyunjin...he looked lost. like he didn't know what to say. and that scared yoonah.

what if he didn't think their relationship was worth the mess?

the duo sat in silence for few minutes, until eventually, hyunjin cleared his throat, and finally spoke up.

"I don't want to be without you, but I don't think im the person you want me to be. i never know what to say, im scared of the consequences just like you are, I dont want that to worry you. I wish I was brave like you." hyunjin finnaly whispered out, slowly reaching for yoonah's hand. "I want to keep going, but I dont want to hurt you."

"this is a hard situation, hyunjin. i'm scared too. i don't know what to do. this is our first time living, and I don't want to run away from something that I want so badly, just because of fear. if things were to happen - we can promise to talk it out. to work it out. but for now, can we just be happy?" yoonah asked, smiling when hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows. " we make eachother happy, we keep eachother sane, so can we keep what we have?"

hyunjin softly smiled at the girl, laughing when she giggled sweetly. "I promise to you yoonah, that I will do my best for you. i'll take you on dates, make you dinner, and most importantly, do everything I can to make you happy." hyunjin said, bringing the girl into a hug. "i'll always be here for you, regardless of what happens."

"i'll be here too, hyunjin. i'm not going anywhere." yoonah whispered, taking a deep breath, smiling when hyunjin wrapped his warm arms around her, squeezing her tightly, leaving a soft kiss on her head.

they might not have everything figured out, they might not know what tommorow entails and the what the path ahead was, but they had each other. and to them, that was enough.

home was hyunjin's arms for yoonah - nowhere had ever made her feel this warm, and she didn't plan on leaving anytime soon, even if the universe was trying to peel them apart. she knew, she would fight for hyunjin, and she just hoped he'd do the same.

[yoonvvs]

don't ever hit one of my kids again.

warnings: mentions of mental/physical abuse, cheating, depression

hongjoong always knew he had a protective side - especially when it came to yuri. he knew that she could defend herself, and she wasn't his kid or sister, but she had gone through so much, had been hurt by so many people. he never understood why people could hurt the girl, she was the most pure and sweet soul he had ever meet. so, when yuri's mother showed up to one of their apartment unannounced, wanting to speak to yuri, hongjoong didn't let it slide.

mark was the older brother sooyoung needed. before sooyoung's older brother passed away, mark promised her brother that he would always look out for her. he never once failed to keep that promise. so when their manager was constantly mistreating sooyoung and bullying her - mark took the matter in his hands and stood up for her, time and time again, until eventually, the manager was gone.

changbin always had a soft side for blaise. blaise never once said anything mean towards changbin, joking or not, and she had always admired him. she was always the supportive friend that changbin needed. so when hyunjin cheated on her - he never once left her side. he supported her through it all, he was the shoulder she needed to cry one, the one that would make her laugh, and the once to bring her soul back.

seungcheol would do anything for his members, he always worried about them, if they ate enough, if they were healthy, and if they were happy. he always sent texts to the members if they were away for the weekend to check on them - so when renee went to visit her father for the weekened when he was in south korea, seungcheol texted her every night, asking how her day was. but, renee didn't respond all weekend. seungcheol knew this wasn't normal, and he had this gut feeling that something was wrong. so, he drove two hours to where renee and her father was staying, and when he arrived at the hotel...he could never forget the sight he saw. renee was covered in bruises, and her phone was smashed, her screen in pieces. seungcheol knew it was her father that did this to her, and if it weren't for renee, he would've beat her poor excuse of a father to a pulp that night. he helped her through everything, with the lawyers, reports, court, he was the one who kept her alive during the whole thing.

OCS IN VIDEO -

yuri - ateez oc (@ateezyuri)

sooyoung - nct oc (@nctangelz)

blaise - skz oc (@yoonvvs)

renee - seventeen oc (@svtgrls)

[yoonvvs]

don't want to be without you — pre-debut

sooyoung and hyunjin face some difficulties in hiding their relationship, and even though getting caught faces some consequences, they realize they don't want to be without eachother.

warnings: kissing, angst

now playing > peace by t.swift

blaise could feel her breath get caught in her throat when hyunjin’s hands slipped under her shirt to rest on her waist, his ice-cold hands bringing her out of her sleepy daze. now, instead of dozing off as she casually watched jeongin record his parts, she was staring at hyunjin wide eyed, mumbling “be careful” under her breath.

the boy only shrugged, his hand now softly playing with the loose thread on the waistband of her skirt, “not that the others would notice…chan is too busy and the rest of them can barely stay awake. besides, i just want to warm up my hand.”

yoonah sucked in another breath when his other hand found purchase on her knee, the second one even more cold than the first. “what do you do? sleep in the freezer?” yoonah joked, frowning when hyunjin only shrugged. “i’m not your heater, hyunie, get your hands off of me.”

“but you’re so warm, love. i’ll make sure no one sees.” hyunjin said, smiling when yoonah only slouched, going back in watched the youngest member sing. the members were used to yoonah and hyunjin being a little cuddly, but ever since they kept stealing kisses in empty practice rooms, yoonah had been paranoid about the other boys catching onto their…special bond.

much to yoonah’s relief, hyunjin removed his hand from her waist, now resting one hand on her knee, the other hiding in his own pocket. yoonah smiled when jeongin exited the recording studio, giving him a high five when he sat next to her.

“alright yoonah, you’re next.” chan said, turning around to see the girl barely awake. the boy resisted the urge to roll his eyes and scold the young girl for staying up late like he knew she did, and instead handed her his coffee before she went in the studio. “it’s black. but it will keep you awake.”

yoonah took the warm drink and grimaced when the liquid ran down her throat, immediately drinking water to help the bitter taste in her mouth. “you’re actually insane.” yoonah chuckled, smiling when chan gently pushed her in the booth, giving the girl a few minutes to get set up.

as expected, yoonah made very few mistakes. that was something that chan appreciated the most about yoonah - even if she was not feeling well, she was very attentive to detail, and probably listened the most to him when giving feedback. chan could always tell when yoonah had been spending hours and hours on end in the studio.

as yoonah was recording her parts, her eyes kept trailing towards hyunjin. hyunjin was not very secretive at hiding his admiration for yoonah, and the girl knew it. she quickly cursed the boy in her head for being so obvious, she could see his blown pupils through the layers of glass - and she knew that seungmin, who was staring right at him, could see them too.

she watched seungmin look back and forth between her and hyunjin as she took a water break, and she knew that the boy was slowly making connections. frustrated with hyunjin’s lack of awareness, she furrowed her eyebrows at the boy and waved at him, trying her best to not seem too aggravated. hyunjin quickly snapped out of his haze, and yoonah took a sigh of relief when the boy smiled like nothing happened, making conversation with seungmin. she could still see the suspicion on seungmin’s face, but she prayed he would let the moment of weakness go.

yoonah tried to let the moment go, swallowing her anxieties as she finished recording her parts, tweaking a few sections and adjusting her notes. when chan gave her a thumbs up, yoonah quickly exited the booth, taking another drink from chan’s coffee. the bitterness was slightly more bearable, but yoonah could feel herself relaxing as the warm liquid filled her throat.

chan only quirked his eyebrow at the girl, laughing when the girl mumbled, “you are still crazy.”

“if you went to sleep at a reasonable time like i told you, you wouldn’t have to drink my coffee.” chan said, teasing the girl. he knew that he had no room to talk, but he always told yoonah to not follow his footsteps. he chuckled as the girl only gave him a look, unimpressed with his nagging. yoonah returned to the spot on her couch, squirming when she could feel seungmin’s eyes burning into her from the side of her. to yoonah’s demise, hyunjin was next to record, leaving her with seungmin alone.

“what’s up with you and hyunjin?” seungmin asked with a low voice, his face completely serious. yoonah only looked over at him, giving him doe eyes, hoping to play confused. but unfortunately, seungmin saw right through her. “don’t give me that look - he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. something has to be going on.”

she was never a good liar.

yoonah gulped as seungmin looked at her with an unimpressed gaze, squirming in her seat again. she couldn’t lie - she never knew what to say. whenever she got caught red-handed, her words always got caught in her throat. her brain completely blanked, unable to come up with any believable excuses, which turns into yoonah blocking out her surroundings, playing her guilty action over and over again until she eventually breaks.

but, yoonah tried to keep her nerves in check, biting her lip to keep herself from loosing her focus on seungmin, twiddling her hands in her lap. she knew she couldn’t be mad at hyunjin for being oblivious when she was also terrible at hiding things - but it was his fault she caught in this situation.

“i don’t know what you’re thinking, seungmin. but it’s probably not what you think it is. hyunjin….you know he gets. he didn’t realize he was staring at me for that long, i’m sure he meant nothing by it.” blaise finally found herself whispering, holding her breath while she waiting for seungmin’s response. he didn’t seem like he believed her, still giving her a suspicious look, mumbling out, “sure.” regardless of his curiosity, seungmin turned his body back around and watching as hyunjin recorded, letting yoonah finally breath.

the rest of the recording went like a blur, yoonah kept a small distance between her and hyunjin, giving him an apologetic look whenever he frowned at her. as much as she wanted to rest her head on him and smell his cologne, she knew she had to play it safe, for both of their sakes.

when the group was finally dismissed, yoonah jumped out of her seat and rushed out of the studio, making a beeline toward the cafeteria, hoping to use her saved coupons to buy her comfort foods and help relieve her anxieties. yoonah found an isolated table and sat her tray down, humming in content as she ate.

yoonah appreciated her time to herself, sitting in the silence and accepting her current situation. she knew that seungmin was going to keep watching her and hyunjin, even more so after this morning, but she didn’t want to cut off what she had with hyunjin. the two weren’t dating - they didn’t go on dates or necessarily flirt with each other, but they definitely were not friends. they had countless of nights where the two of them snuck out of the dorms and went somewhere hidden, where they finally were able to show their affection they had locked away for so long.

she couldn’t let go of their stolen nights, she couldn’t imagine not having the nights where hyunjin draws constellations on her back as he kisses her, mumbling sweet nothings as their lips interlocked. but - if they didn’t become more secretive about their…situation, they might have to call it quits.

and yoonah wasn’t sure if she could live with that.

she knew that if her and hyunjin were going to eventually make their relationship work, they had to hide it. atleast for awhile - atleast until they finally debut and make their name known. it would be too risky to come clean about their secrets when tensions were already high - she already knew chan would disapprove, she could already imagine his reaction to her telling him she planned to date hyunjin. he’d be unimpressed, confused - and most likely hurt that they were hiding this from him.

yoonah groaned and leaned her head back, forcing herself to clear her head. she needed to stop overthinking the situation - yes, it had a possibility to turn out for the worst, but didn’t everything? so, instead of allowing herself to worry, she brought herself to stand up, returning her tray, and made her way to her and hyunjin’s designated hiding spot. it was a dance room they knew nobody in the company used, not even the trainees.

yoonah smiled softly when she saw the boy resting against the mirror, lightly jogging towards him. she immediately sat down and layed against hyunjin’s chest, smiling when the boy started running his fingers through her hair.

“you never fail to calm me down,” yoonah whispered, humming in content as she snuggled closer to the boy, relaxing even further into his chest. "no matter what, I know I can rely on you."

"anything for you, yoonie." hyunjun said, tilting her chin up with one finger, giving her a loving smiling before placing a soft and gentle kiss on her lips. he loved the taste of her peach lipgloss, he loved her sweet vanilla smell and her cherry blossom shampoo, he loved her presence, how he felt instantly happy whenever she was next to him.

hyunjin and yoonah never really talked about their feelings about each other - yes, they knew they had feelings for each other. but if someone were to ask them what they really were doing...they wouldn't be able to answer that. they never went further in saying their feelings for each other, but the communicated their passion through their kisses, through small actions like bringing each other coffee or snacks, or just by sneaking off and spending some quiet and relaxing quality time with each other. they weren't dating, yet they definitely weren't just friends. their relationship was confusing - but it was enough for them in the moment.

even if they never dated - yoonah could say she was just happy with kissing and hugging hyunjin. anything to feel him close to her, to hear his hums when he kissed her and his soft hands drawing circles on her waist - she was willing to get her feelings hurt just to have a few moments of happiness with hyunjin. to feel loved like she craved for so long.

before yoonah had the chance to run her fingers through hyunjin's soft hair, the practice room door swung open, and hyunjin pratically shoved yoonah off of him and to the side. yoonah could feel her heart pounding as she turned her head - biting her lip to prevent herself from screaming when she saw her future group member - seungmin.

"this is really looking like what I thought was happening, yoonah." seungmin said, scoffing when the girl panically rose to her feet, almost tripping to get towards him. "give me one good reason why I shouldn't tell the rest of the boys about this."

seungmin clearly looked upset, yoonah could tell. even past his anger, she could see the reaction she was most terrified of - hurt. she could see it in his eyes - hurt and disappointment. hurt that she lied, disappointed her and hyunjin tangled them into a mess.

"we aren't ready, seungmin. we aren't ready to tell them, the timing is just not good right now. we aren't even dating - min." yoonah said, her voice breaking at the last part - even though she was thrilled to have part of hyunjin considered hers, it still stung to know that she would possibly never have his whole heart.

seungmin looked unimpressed, scoffing. "you really think it's a good idea to hide something like this from the members?" seungmin asked, crossing his arms. "ever think of that, hyunjin?" seungmin looked past yoonah, rolling his eyes when he saw hyunjin still sitting on the floor, his face filled with worry.

"just gonna let yoonah do the talking? got it." seungmin mumbled, and yoonah could feel herself cringe. she knew this tension between hyunjin and seungmin would go unaddressed unless hyunjin spoke up for himself and for yoonah, but a part of her knew hyunjin wouldn't do that.

"to answer your question, no, I don't think it is a good idea to hide this from everyone, but it is also too risky to tell them at the same time. if I tell them...could you imagine the strain that could put on everyone's relationship? the dynamic? it would be awkward, and how are we supposed to have a good debut when we have no chemistry?" yoonah said , clearing her throat before speaking again, hoping to get the shakes out of her voice. "I know, that the members would be hurt if they found out we hid this - but I think they would understand."

"well, I dont understand. why potentially ruin both of your spots in the group before we even debut? you both know we are going to be on a dating ban." seungmin said, furrowing his eyebrows at yoonah. "how long has this been going on?"

"a month." yoonah whispered, lowering her head.

seungmin only sighed. "do you really like him?" seungmin asked lowly, to the point where yoonah could barely hear him herself.

"I do. and I promise, if something were to happen - I won't leave the group. I won't cause issues. I'll be upset, but no one would ever suspect a thing." yoonah muttered out, giving seungmin a weak smile. "and I promise, I'll tell the boys. after we debut."

"you have a month tell them after we debut. and if you don't then I will. understand?" seungmin said, pursing his lips when yoonah nodded. "just...don't let this get messy." seungmin finished, turning around and leaving the practice room. yoonah knew he was still upset - but she needed to give him time to absorb the information. and then she will talk to him, hoping that he wasn't going to stay upset at her for too long.

yoonah kept replaying seungmin's words in her head, "dont let this get messy", and as she turned around to look at hyunjin, his eyes as wide as a doe, she felt a sinking pressure in her heart, that in some way, it was already messy.

“it’s okay. it’s over.” yoonah mumbled to herself, trying to quieten the voices in her head. it wasn’t over, it would never truly be over. the weight of her actions was starting to sink in, making her feel like her heart was going to break into millions of pieces. what if it doesn’t work out? what if the boys hate her forever because she was naive? was this a mistake?

what if this was it?

what if she didn’t debut? because she was in love?

she couldn’t stand any longer, falling down to her knees, broken sobs coming through her mouth. she couldn’t see even though she knew her eyes were open. it felt like she was out of control of her own thoughts - she felt like she was racing from every irrational thought in a cellar, getting trapped over and over again. she could barely feel hyunjin’s hand on her shoulder, barely hear his voice in her ear.

hyunjin knew she was stuck. the only thing he could think to do was to hug her, squeezing her tightly until her breathing calmed and her body slackened from exhaustion.

“i can’t be okay without you, hyunie.” yoonah mumbled out, blankly looking at the floor. she knew she messed up. she was too attached - too attached to someone who she wasn’t even sure if they were really committed. she could never tell where hyunjin’s heart was.

“oh yoonie, i’m not going anywhere,” hyunjin said, immediately coming to sit by yoonah’s side, “you aren’t going to go through this alone - if something wrong happens, if they disagree, we will get through it, together.” hyunjin said, resting his head on yoonah’s shoulder.

and in the silence, she knew that it wasn’t there. the passion she needed wasn’t there, the love to make this messy and sticky situation wasn’t there. hyunjin wasn’t ready to fight like she was.

he was scared. he could feel the impending doom just like yoonah.

“maybe this can’t work.” yoonah mumbled out, forcing herself out of hyunjin’s hug, bringing herself to her feet, and walking out the door. walking out on the sweet nights and long conversations - where they talked about everything. from their favorite things to wounds that haven’t quite healed yet, opening up to each other like they were each others diaries. playing a dangerous game.

yoonah didn’t expect hyunjin to follow her. she didn’t look behind her to see if he was on her heels, she just kept moving, she didn’t know where she was going - but she knew she had to get out. she had to get air to breathe. she felt suffocated, trapped, trapped in a hole she blindly dug herself.

it can’t already be over, it only just started. she knew she couldn’t let it end so soon - but how could she keep going when it felt like everytime something scary happened, she felt like she was going to die on the spot? how could she keep going when she stayed laying awake in her bed at night worrying when the last time she’s going to get to kiss hyunjin, when the last time she’s going to be able to have him all to herself. like her little secret.

how long was it going to last, before it all came crashing down?

it was too early.

she couldn’t let him go.

she loved him too much.

already, one month in - she loved him with all her heart. she couldn’t stop thinking about him. even now - when she was thinking of all of the worst things that could happen, she was thinking about all of the things she admired about hyunjin. she loved how his eyes sparkled whenever he smiled, how he always gave her a lopsided smile when she was being clumsy, how he gave her a knowing look when she was getting frustrated at practice - and how safe and protected she felt in his arms.

how could something so scary feel so safe and right at the same time?

she couldn’t run away from hyunjin. she couldn’t give up and let something so beautiful go to waste. she chased that feeling all of her life, to be loved and to be cherished, she can’t throw it down the drain when the love she desired was finally in her grasp. but could she really risk her heart being crushed? could she handle the possibility of being heartbroken while dealing with the pressure of having a successful debut?

she felt like her world was crushing in on her, her chest was getting tighter and tighter, pushing against the walls she built around her heart - she felt like she was going to implode. she hated that she ran away from hyunjin, it felt like her heart was screaming at her to go back to him, go back to the person that made her feel loved, the person she craves to be next to constantly.

even if they are just eating together, washing dishes, or folding the laundry, those are yoonah's favorite times. she feels like she can actually relax, let herself go, those are the times she feels like her true smile really came out. Hyunjin healed her inner child that was so broken from the bullies she dealt with all her life - from the boys who would constantly taunt her and tease her for her scars and blemishes. but hyunjin embraced them, he loved them, he traced her scars on her face with such delicate fingers, it felt like he was tracing the constellations.

she can't run away from hyunjin. she would hate herself forever if she threw everything they had away just because she was scared. she took a deep breath, stood up, and brushed her skirt off. she could do this, she could deal with this.

she only had one life, why should she hold herself back from loving someone just because it may not be the most "ideal" situation.

she could think of a few reasons why she should stop loving hyunjin - but they were all because of her career - her company. but she could hide it, right? she could keep the secret.

yoonah practically ran back to the dorms, immediately going to Hyunjin's room, praying he was there.

and he was, sitting up on his bunk, blankly staring at the wall. yoonah climbed up the latter, and now that she sat infront of the boy - she realized she had no idea what she was going to say. she didn't think that far.

but saying something was better than saying nothing, right?

so, yoonah cleared her throat, brought her hands in her lap, smoothing out her skirt while taking a deep breath.

"im sorry I ran off. I shouldn't have done that, but I was scared. seungmin finding us...it made me realize it is going to be really hard to hide us, and the thought of how the boys or the company would react really scared me. and I thought that if they were to find out...theyd make us break up, and that made me really sad. and I realized how attached to you I truly was, and I didn't want to burden you with that. I don't want you to feel pressured to stay with me just because I won't be okay." yoonah said, sighing when she felt tears trail down her face.

"I want to be with you, hyunjin. it pains me, emotionally and physically, to think about not being with you. you're my everything...without you I don't think I would still be in this group, you always find ways to keep me going and find ways to make me feel loved. but if you don't want to keep going...thats okay." yoonah trailed off, taking a deep breath. hyunjin...he looked lost. like he didn't know what to say. and that scared yoonah.

what if he didn't think their relationship was worth the mess?

the duo sat in silence for few minutes, until eventually, hyunjin cleared his throat, and finally spoke up.

"I don't want to be without you, but I don't think im the person you want me to be. i never know what to say, im scared of the consequences just like you are, I dont want that to worry you. I wish I was brave like you." hyunjin finnaly whispered out, slowly reaching for yoonah's hand. "I want to keep going, but I dont want to hurt you."

"this is a hard situation, hyunjin. i'm scared too. i don't know what to do. this is our first time living, and I don't want to run away from something that I want so badly, just because of fear. if things were to happen - we can promise to talk it out. to work it out. but for now, can we just be happy?" yoonah asked, smiling when hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows. " we make eachother happy, we keep eachother sane, so can we keep what we have?"

hyunjin softly smiled at the girl, laughing when she giggled sweetly. "I promise to you yoonah, that I will do my best for you. i'll take you on dates, make you dinner, and most importantly, do everything I can to make you happy." hyunjin said, bringing the girl into a hug. "i'll always be here for you, regardless of what happens."

"i'll be here too, hyunjin. i'm not going anywhere." yoonah whispered, taking a deep breath, smiling when hyunjin wrapped his warm arms around her, squeezing her tightly, leaving a soft kiss on her head.

they might not have everything figured out, they might not know what tommorow entails and the what the path ahead was, but they had each other. and to them, that was enough.

home was hyunjin's arms for yoonah - nowhere had ever made her feel this warm, and she didn't plan on leaving anytime soon, even if the universe was trying to peel them apart. she knew, she would fight for hyunjin, and she just hoped he'd do the same.

[yoonvvs]

don't want to be without you — pre-debut

yoonah and hyunjin face some difficulties in hiding their relationship, and even though getting caught faces some consequences, they realize they don't want to be without eachother.

warnings: kissing, angst

now playing > peace by t.swift

yoonah could feel her breath get caught in her throat when hyunjin’s hands slipped under her shirt to rest on her waist, his ice-cold hands bringing her out of her sleepy daze. now, instead of dozing off as she casually watched jeongin record his parts, she was staring at hyunjin wide eyed, mumbling “be careful” under her breath.

the boy only shrugged, his hand now softly playing with the loose thread on the waistband of her skirt, “not that the others would notice…chan is too busy and the rest of them can barely stay awake. besides, i just want to warm up my hand.”

yoonah sucked in another breath when his other hand found purchase on her knee, the second one even more cold than the first. “what do you do? sleep in the freezer?” yoonah joked, frowning when hyunjin only shrugged. “i’m not your heater, hyunie, get your hands off of me.”

“but you’re so warm, love. i’ll make sure no one sees.” hyunjin said, smiling when yoonah only slouched, going back in watched the youngest member sing. the members were used to yoonah and hyunjin being a little cuddly, but ever since they kept stealing kisses in empty practice rooms, yoonah had been paranoid about the other boys catching onto their…special bond.

much to yoonah’s relief, hyunjin removed his hand from her waist, now resting one hand on her knee, the other hiding in his own pocket. yoonah smiled when jeongin exited the recording studio, giving him a high five when he sat next to her.

“alright yoonah, you’re next.” chan said, turning around to see the girl barely awake. the boy resisted the urge to roll his eyes and scold the young girl for staying up late like he knew she did, and instead handed her his coffee before she went in the studio. “it’s black. but it will keep you awake.”

yoonah took the warm drink and grimaced when the liquid ran down her throat, immediately drinking water to help the bitter taste in her mouth. “you’re actually insane.” yoonah chuckled, smiling when chan gently pushed her in the booth, giving the girl a few minutes to get set up.

as expected, yoonah made very few mistakes. that was something that chan appreciated the most about yoonah - even if she was not feeling well, she was very attentive to detail, and probably listened the most to him when giving feedback. chan could always tell when yoonah had been spending hours and hours on end in the studio.

as yoonah was recording her parts, her eyes kept trailing towards hyunjin. hyunjin was not very secretive at hiding his admiration for yoonah, and the girl knew it. she quickly cursed the boy in her head for being so obvious, she could see his blown pupils through the layers of glass - and she knew that seungmin, who was staring right at him, could see them too.

she watched seungmin look back and forth between her and hyunjin as she took a water break, and she knew that the boy was slowly making connections. frustrated with hyunjin’s lack of awareness, she furrowed her eyebrows at the boy and waved at him, trying her best to not seem too aggravated. hyunjin quickly snapped out of his haze, and yoonah took a sigh of relief when the boy smiled like nothing happened, making conversation with seungmin. she could still see the suspicion on seungmin’s face, but she prayed he would let the moment of weakness go.

yoonah tried to let the moment go, swallowing her anxieties as she finished recording her parts, tweaking a few sections and adjusting her notes. when chan gave her a thumbs up, yoonah quickly exited the booth, taking another drink from chan’s coffee. the bitterness was slightly more bearable, but yoonah could feel herself relaxing as the warm liquid filled her throat.

chan only quirked his eyebrow at the girl, laughing when the girl mumbled, “you are still crazy.”

“if you went to sleep at a reasonable time like i told you, you wouldn’t have to drink my coffee.” chan said, teasing the girl. he knew that he had no room to talk, but he always told yoonah to not follow his footsteps. he chuckled as the girl only gave him a look, unimpressed with his nagging. yoonah returned to the spot on her couch, squirming when she could feel seungmin’s eyes burning into her from the side of her. to yoonah’s demise, hyunjin was next to record, leaving her with seungmin alone.

“what’s up with you and hyunjin?” seungmin asked with a low voice, his face completely serious. yoonah only looked over at him, giving him doe eyes, hoping to play confused. but unfortunately, seungmin saw right through her. “don’t give me that look - he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. something has to be going on.”

she was never a good liar.

yoonah gulped as seungmin looked at her with an unimpressed gaze, squirming in her seat again. she couldn’t lie - she never knew what to say. whenever she got caught red-handed, her words always got caught in her throat. her brain completely blanked, unable to come up with any believable excuses, which turns into yoonah blocking out her surroundings, playing her guilty action over and over again until she eventually breaks.

but, yoonah tried to keep her nerves in check, biting her lip to keep herself from loosing her focus on seungmin, twiddling her hands in her lap. she knew she couldn’t be mad at hyunjin for being oblivious when she was also terrible at hiding things - but it was his fault she caught in this situation.

“i don’t know what you’re thinking, seungmin. but it’s probably not what you think it is. hyunjin….you know he gets. he didn’t realize he was staring at me for that long, i’m sure he meant nothing by it.” blaise finally found herself whispering, holding her breath while she waiting for seungmin’s response. he didn’t seem like he believed her, still giving her a suspicious look, mumbling out, “sure.” regardless of his curiosity, seungmin turned his body back around and watching as hyunjin recorded, letting yoonah finally breath.

the rest of the recording went like a blur, yoonah kept a small distance between her and hyunjin, giving him an apologetic look whenever he frowned at her. as much as she wanted to rest her head on him and smell his cologne, she knew she had to play it safe, for both of their sakes.

when the group was finally dismissed, yoonah jumped out of her seat and rushed out of the studio, making a beeline toward the cafeteria, hoping to use her saved coupons to buy her comfort foods and help relieve her anxieties. yoonah found an isolated table and sat her tray down, humming in content as she ate.

yoonah appreciated her time to herself, sitting in the silence and accepting her current situation. she knew that seungmin was going to keep watching her and hyunjin, even more so after this morning, but she didn’t want to cut off what she had with hyunjin. the two weren’t dating - they didn’t go on dates or necessarily flirt with each other, but they definitely were not friends. they had countless of nights where the two of them snuck out of the dorms and went somewhere hidden, where they finally were able to show their affection they had locked away for so long.

she couldn’t let go of their stolen nights, she couldn’t imagine not having the nights where hyunjin draws constellations on her back as he kisses her, mumbling sweet nothings as their lips interlocked. but - if they didn’t become more secretive about their…situation, they might have to call it quits.

and yoonah wasn’t sure if she could live with that.

she knew that if her and hyunjin were going to eventually make their relationship work, they had to hide it. atleast for awhile - atleast until they finally debut and make their name known. it would be too risky to come clean about their secrets when tensions were already high - she already knew chan would disapprove, she could already imagine his reaction to her telling him she planned to date hyunjin. he’d be unimpressed, confused - and most likely hurt that they were hiding this from him.

yoonah groaned and leaned her head back, forcing herself to clear her head. she needed to stop overthinking the situation - yes, it had a possibility to turn out for the worst, but didn’t everything? so, instead of allowing herself to worry, she brought herself to stand up, returning her tray, and made her way to her and hyunjin’s designated hiding spot. it was a dance room they knew nobody in the company used, not even the trainees.

yoonah smiled softly when she saw the boy resting against the mirror, lightly jogging towards him. she immediately sat down and layed against hyunjin’s chest, smiling when the boy started running his fingers through her hair.

“you never fail to calm me down,” yoonah whispered, humming in content as she snuggled closer to the boy, relaxing even further into his chest. "no matter what, I know I can rely on you."

"anything for you, yoonie." hyunjun said, tilting her chin up with one finger, giving her a loving smiling before placing a soft and gentle kiss on her lips. he loved the taste of her peach lipgloss, he loved her sweet vanilla smell and her cherry blossom shampoo, he loved her presence, how he felt instantly happy whenever she was next to him.

hyunjin and yoonah never really talked about their feelings about each other - yes, they knew they had feelings for each other. but if someone were to ask them what they really were doing...they wouldn't be able to answer that. they never went further in saying their feelings for each other, but the communicated their passion through their kisses, through small actions like bringing each other coffee or snacks, or just by sneaking off and spending some quiet and relaxing quality time with each other. they weren't dating, yet they definitely weren't just friends. their relationship was confusing - but it was enough for them in the moment.

even if they never dated - yoonah could say she was just happy with kissing and hugging hyunjin. anything to feel him close to her, to hear his hums when he kissed her and his soft hands drawing circles on her waist - she was willing to get her feelings hurt just to have a few moments of happiness with hyunjin. to feel loved like she craved for so long.

before yoonah had the chance to run her fingers through hyunjin's soft hair, the practice room door swung open, and hyunjin pratically shoved yoonah off of him and to the side. yoonah could feel her heart pounding as she turned her head - biting her lip to prevent herself from screaming when she saw her future group member - seungmin.

"this is really looking like what I thought was happening, yoonah." seungmin said, scoffing when the girl panically rose to her feet, almost tripping to get towards him. "give me one good reason why I shouldn't tell the rest of the boys about this."

seungmin clearly looked upset, yoonah could tell. even past his anger, she could see the reaction she was most terrified of - hurt. she could see it in his eyes - hurt and disappointment. hurt that she lied, disappointed her and hyunjin tangled them into a mess.

"we aren't ready, seungmin. we aren't ready to tell them, the timing is just not good right now. we aren't even dating - min." yoonah said, her voice breaking at the last part - even though she was thrilled to have part of hyunjin considered hers, it still stung to know that she would possibly never have his whole heart.

seungmin looked unimpressed, scoffing. "you really think it's a good idea to hide something like this from the members?" seungmin asked, crossing his arms. "ever think of that, hyunjin?" seungmin looked past yoonah, rolling his eyes when he saw hyunjin still sitting on the floor, his face filled with worry.

"just gonna let yoonah do the talking? got it." seungmin mumbled, and yoonah could feel herself cringe. she knew this tension between hyunjin and seungmin would go unaddressed unless hyunjin spoke up for himself and for yoonah, but a part of her knew hyunjin wouldn't do that.

"to answer your question, no, I don't think it is a good idea to hide this from everyone, but it is also too risky to tell them at the same time. if I tell them...could you imagine the strain that could put on everyone's relationship? the dynamic? it would be awkward, and how are we supposed to have a good debut when we have no chemistry?" yoonah said , clearing her throat before speaking again, hoping to get the shakes out of her voice. "I know, that the members would be hurt if they found out we hid this - but I think they would understand."

"well, I dont understand. why potentially ruin both of your spots in the group before we even debut? you both know we are going to be on a dating ban." seungmin said, furrowing his eyebrows at yoonah. "how long has this been going on?"

"a month." yoonah whispered, lowering her head.

seungmin only sighed. "do you really like him?" seungmin asked lowly, to the point where yoonah could barely hear him herself.

"I do. and I promise, if something were to happen - I won't leave the group. I won't cause issues. I'll be upset, but no one would ever suspect a thing." yoonah muttered out, giving seungmin a weak smile. "and I promise, I'll tell the boys. after we debut."

"you have a month tell them after we debut. and if you don't then I will. understand?" seungmin said, pursing his lips when yoonah nodded. "just...don't let this get messy." seungmin finished, turning around and leaving the practice room. yoonah knew he was still upset - but she needed to give him time to absorb the information. and then she will talk to him, hoping that he wasn't going to stay upset at her for too long.

yoonah kept replaying seungmin's words in her head, "dont let this get messy", and as she turned around to look at hyunjin, his eyes as wide as a doe, she felt a sinking pressure in her heart, that in some way, it was already messy.

“it’s okay. it’s over.” yoonah mumbled to herself, trying to quieten the voices in her head. it wasn’t over, it would never truly be over. the weight of her actions was starting to sink in, making her feel like her heart was going to break into millions of pieces. what if it doesn’t work out? what if the boys hate her forever because she was naive? was this a mistake?

what if this was it?

what if she didn’t debut? because she was in love?

she couldn’t stand any longer, falling down to her knees, broken sobs coming through her mouth. she couldn’t see even though she knew her eyes were open. it felt like she was out of control of her own thoughts - she felt like she was racing from every irrational thought in a cellar, getting trapped over and over again. she could barely feel hyunjin’s hand on her shoulder, barely hear his voice in her ear.

hyunjin knew she was stuck. the only thing he could think to do was to hug her, squeezing her tightly until her breathing calmed and her body slackened from exhaustion.

“i can’t be okay without you, hyunie.” yoonah mumbled out, blankly looking at the floor. she knew she messed up. she was too attached - too attached to someone who she wasn’t even sure if they were really committed. she could never tell where hyunjin’s heart was.

“oh yoonie, i’m not going anywhere,” hyunjin said, immediately coming to sit by yoonah’s side, “you aren’t going to go through this alone - if something wrong happens, if they disagree, we will get through it, together.” hyunjin said, resting his head on yoonah’s shoulder.

and in the silence, she knew that it wasn’t there. the passion she needed wasn’t there, the love to make this messy and sticky situation wasn’t there. hyunjin wasn’t ready to fight like she was.

he was scared. he could feel the impending doom just like yoonah.

“maybe this can’t work.” yoonah mumbled out, forcing herself out of hyunjin’s hug, bringing herself to her feet, and walking out the door. walking out on the sweet nights and long conversations - where they talked about everything. from their favorite things to wounds that haven’t quite healed yet, opening up to each other like they were each others diaries. playing a dangerous game.

yoonah didn’t expect hyunjin to follow her. she didn’t look behind her to see if he was on her heels, she just kept moving, she didn’t know where she was going - but she knew she had to get out. she had to get air to breathe. she felt suffocated, trapped, trapped in a hole she blindly dug herself.

it can’t already be over, it only just started. she knew she couldn’t let it end so soon - but how could she keep going when it felt like everytime something scary happened, she felt like she was going to die on the spot? how could she keep going when she stayed laying awake in her bed at night worrying when the last time she’s going to get to kiss hyunjin, when the last time she’s going to be able to have him all to herself. like her little secret.

how long was it going to last, before it all came crashing down?

it was too early.

she couldn’t let him go.

she loved him too much.

already, one month in - she loved him with all her heart. she couldn’t stop thinking about him. even now - when she was thinking of all of the worst things that could happen, she was thinking about all of the things she admired about hyunjin. she loved how his eyes sparkled whenever he smiled, how he always gave her a lopsided smile when she was being clumsy, how he gave her a knowing look when she was getting frustrated at practice - and how safe and protected she felt in his arms.

how could something so scary feel so safe and right at the same time?

she couldn’t run away from hyunjin. she couldn’t give up and let something so beautiful go to waste. she chased that feeling all of her life, to be loved and to be cherished, she can’t throw it down the drain when the love she desired was finally in her grasp. but could she really risk her heart being crushed? could she handle the possibility of being heartbroken while dealing with the pressure of having a successful debut?

she felt like her world was crushing in on her, her chest was getting tighter and tighter, pushing against the walls she built around her heart - she felt like she was going to implode. she hated that she ran away from hyunjin, it felt like her heart was screaming at her to go back to him, go back to the person that made her feel loved, the person she craves to be next to constantly.

even if they are just eating together, washing dishes, or folding the laundry, those are yoonah's favorite times. she feels like she can actually relax, let herself go, those are the times she feels like her true smile really came out. Hyunjin healed her inner child that was so broken from the bullies she dealt with all her life - from the boys who would constantly taunt her and tease her for her scars and blemishes. but hyunjin embraced them, he loved them, he traced her scars on her face with such delicate fingers, it felt like he was tracing the constellations.

she can't run away from hyunjin. she would hate herself forever if she threw everything they had away just because she was scared. she took a deep breath, stood up, and brushed her skirt off. she could do this, she could deal with this.

she only had one life, why should she hold herself back from loving someone just because it may not be the most "ideal" situation.

she could think of a few reasons why she should stop loving hyunjin - but they were all because of her career - her company. but she could hide it, right? she could keep the secret.

yoonah practically ran back to the dorms, immediately going to Hyunjin's room, praying he was there.

and he was, sitting up on his bunk, blankly staring at the wall. yoonah climbed up the latter, and now that she sat infront of the boy - she realized she had no idea what she was going to say. she didn't think that far.

but saying something was better than saying nothing, right?

so, yoonah cleared her throat, brought her hands in her lap, smoothing out her skirt while taking a deep breath.

"im sorry I ran off. I shouldn't have done that, but I was scared. seungmin finding us...it made me realize it is going to be really hard to hide us, and the thought of how the boys or the company would react really scared me. and I thought that if they were to find out...theyd make us break up, and that made me really sad. and I realized how attached to you I truly was, and I didn't want to burden you with that. I don't want you to feel pressured to stay with me just because I won't be okay." yoonah said, sighing when she felt tears trail down her face.

"I want to be with you, hyunjin. it pains me, emotionally and physically, to think about not being with you. you're my everything...without you I don't think I would still be in this group, you always find ways to keep me going and find ways to make me feel loved. but if you don't want to keep going...thats okay." yoonah trailed off, taking a deep breath. hyunjin...he looked lost. like he didn't know what to say. and that scared yoonah.

what if he didn't think their relationship was worth the mess?

the duo sat in silence for few minutes, until eventually, hyunjin cleared his throat, and finally spoke up.

"I don't want to be without you, but I don't think im the person you want me to be. i never know what to say, im scared of the consequences just like you are, I dont want that to worry you. I wish I was brave like you." hyunjin finnaly whispered out, slowly reaching for yoonah's hand. "I want to keep going, but I dont want to hurt you."

"this is a hard situation, hyunjin. i'm scared too. i don't know what to do. this is our first time living, and I don't want to run away from something that I want so badly, just because of fear. if things were to happen - we can promise to talk it out. to work it out. but for now, can we just be happy?" yoonah asked, smiling when hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows. " we make eachother happy, we keep eachother sane, so can we keep what we have?"

hyunjin softly smiled at the girl, laughing when she giggled sweetly. "I promise to you yoonah, that I will do my best for you. i'll take you on dates, make you dinner, and most importantly, do everything I can to make you happy." hyunjin said, bringing the girl into a hug. "i'll always be here for you, regardless of what happens."

"i'll be here too, hyunjin. i'm not going anywhere." yoonah whispered, taking a deep breath, smiling when hyunjin wrapped his warm arms around her, squeezing her tightly, leaving a soft kiss on her head.

they might not have everything figured out, they might not know what tommorow entails and the what the path ahead was, but they had each other. and to them, that was enough.

home was hyunjin's arms for yoonah - nowhere had ever made her feel this warm, and she didn't plan on leaving anytime soon, even if the universe was trying to peel them apart. she knew, she would fight for hyunjin, and she just hoped he'd do the same.

[yoonvvs]

【☆】★ ── BLAISE IN THE 【☆】 ATE ★ TRAILER

WHO ATE THE LUCK?

【☆】★ OUTFIT

【☆】★ NO LUCK 4 ME

blaise’s scene in the trailer started with her driving a car ( STAYS WENT CRAZY ), parking and exiting, humming a song (it sounded like drive 👀). she locked the car with the button on the door, and walked away without thinking. then, she suddenly stopped, frantically feeling her pockets, widening her eyes and running back to the car when they were empty. she looked into the car and saw her keys sitting on the drivers seat, and her attempt to open the car was unsuccessful.

“are you serious right now?” blaise said, huffing and shaking her head.

【☆】★ SO LUCKY!

her next scene, she was shown on what seemed to be a game show, and with the highest amount of points.

“congratulations! you just won yourself a new car!” the announcer yelled, and blaise excitedly jumped out of her seat and cheered, running to take the keys out of the man’s hand. “this is insane!”

【☆】★ RED CARPET

she’s so pretty

[yoonvvs]

BLAISE IN MIXTAPE ERA

AGE :: 18 POPULARITY :: 80% [ positive & negative ]

HELLEVATOR

SOLO SCENES

during blaise’s solo scenes, she was walking / skating in an abonded parking lot at night.

OUTFIT #2 [ GROUP SCENES ]

OUTFIT #3 [ GROUP SCENES ]

*flannel is unbuttoned

LINES

0:59 — 1:08

they’re going up riding on my pain, my tears. i’m on a hellevator

1:25 — 1:27

my hellevator

2:20 — 2:30

they’re going up riding on my pain, my tears. i’m on a hellevator

2:47 — 2:49

i’m on a hellevator

3:38 — 3:40

my hellevator

BEWARE

PERFORMANCE VIDEO OUTFIT

0:49 — 0:57

i want you to understand me, i don’t know what will happen today, im thirsty.

1:05 — 1:09

i’m frustrated, so frustrated

1:10 — 1:13

after i bite, ill chew and gnaw

1:38 — 1:48

my current state, the way i talk, my actions, i know i shouldn’t be like this but everything goes the opposite way.

SPREAD MY WINGS

PEFORMANCE VIDEO OUTFIT

0:56 — 1:03

i wanna live my age, naturally, ey, ey, Fly with my young wings, spread my wings ey ey.

1:16 — 1:18

i’m still young

1:19 — 1:21

i become an adult

2:06 — 2:13

even if i’m bad at it, i like the word beginning. it’s foolish but im still young.

2:32 — 2:35

so i watched the news for no reason

3:04 — 3:06

the day i become an adult.

YAYAYA

1:06 — 1:13

you’re so cruel in my dreams / when i open my eyes, seems like you’ll disappear

1:42 — 1:49

i don’t know where you’ll go, you drive everyone crazy. it’s been long since i’ve gone crazy, no expirational date, you’re value is like a national treasure.

2:04 — 2:11

you’re so cruel in my dreams / when i open my eyes, seems like you’ll disappear

2:50 — 2:56

you’re so cruel in my dreams / when i open my eyes, seems like you’ll disappear

3:05 — 3:11

you’re so cruel in my dreams / when i open my eyes, seems like you’ll disappear

GLOW

1:32 — 1:42

going to work in the morning, coming back the next morning, after two or three hours of sleep with the oppa behind me. i go to work even if the fluttering feeling of my first day disappeared my passion still overflows, hope it reaches you through this rap.

2:08 — 2:14

the lights in the studio shine brighter, the lights in my eyes turn on too, so I can find paths that weren't there before.

2:46 — 2:58

On this path without a map, It's a maze, don't wanna look back, Only looking forward as we run, Shining through the darkness

SCHOOL LIFE

0:58 — 1:02

wishing tomorrow would be a little different

1:04 — 1:05

again today

1:49 — 1:53

school bell goes ring ring ring

2:50 — 2:53

wishing tomorrow would be a little different

3:32 — 3:34

again today

4419

0:06 — 0:08

r-r-real, recognize real

1:16 —1:30

how are you doing? your spot next to me feels so empty. i try pushing back the unforgettable days, but i wonder how you are doing.

2:48 — 2:59

how are you doing? your spot next to me feels so empty. i try pushing back the unforgettable days, but i wonder how you are doing.

PHOTOCARDS !

[yoonvvs]

【☆】★ ── BLAISE IN THE 【☆】 ATE ★ TRAILER

WHO ATE THE LUCK?

【☆】★ OUTFIT

【☆】★ NO LUCK 4 ME

blaise’s scene in the trailer started with her driving a car ( STAYS WENT CRAZY ), parking and exiting, humming a song (it sounded like drive 👀). she locked the car with the button on the door, and walked away without thinking. then, she suddenly stopped, frantically feeling her pockets, widening her eyes and running back to the car when they were empty. she looked into the car and saw her keys sitting on the drivers seat, and her attempt to open the car was unsuccessful.

“are you serious right now?” blaise said, huffing and shaking her head.

【☆】★ SO LUCKY!

her next scene, she was shown on what seemed to be a game show, and with the highest amount of points.

“congratulations! you just won yourself a new car!” the announcer yelled, and blaise excitedly jumped out of her seat and cheered, running to take the keys out of the man’s hand. “this is insane!”

【☆】★ RED CARPET

she’s so pretty

[yoonvvs]

thank you for 250 likes 🤍🤍

[yoonvvs]

★ . . . . -ˏˋ 2KIDS ROOMˊˎ | EP. 3 - JIA x HAN

date: february 2022 era: maniac word count: 1.4K

a/n: this took a lot longer than i planned and i'm not sure if i like it but if i don't post it now i literally never will. 2 ji is a realtionship thats very dear to me so i hope i did them justice. please lemme know what you think 🙇🏽‍♀️

THE 2KR INTRO PLAYS, FEATURING A COMPILATION OF THE TWO GIGGLING AT EACH OTHER’S EXPENSE, THE OTHER MEMBER USUALLY STARING BLANKLY OR STRUGGLING TO NOT RETURN THE SMILE.

HAN: [sitting on the couch by himself, looking off camera] are you going to come over here so we can start or are you going to stall a little longer?

JIA: [OFF CAMERA] i’m waiting for manager-nim to find the clause in my contract that says i wouldn't have to film with han-ssi outside of group schedules... i think this is a mistake.

HAN: [GIGGLING BUT LOOKING TOWARD THE CAMERA] do you see how difficult jia-nim is… aish, she’s caught the celebrity disease.

JIA: and you would know all about that, oppa-nim [ SITTING DOWN ON THE COUCH ] i mean, you caught it before you were even famous.

HAN: okay, moving on!

꩜

SEUNGMIN: han and jia.

FELIX: they’re like oil and vinegar.

CHANGBIN: in what way??

CHAN: they don’t mix necessarily, but they still go together well.

[ FELIX HUMS IN AGREEMENT ]

꩜

JIA: [ CLAPS ] chidongz 2kids room!

HAN: i still don't know how to feel about that?

JIA: you learn to live with it, i mean it’s a cuter way of calling us rodents…

HAN: [SIGHS]

JIA: anyways, when was the last time we hung out, han-ssi?

HAN: i remember we watched that j-drama you saw on tiktok together but i can’t exactly remember when that was. i see you so much that it kind of blurs together.

JIA: honestly, we are together a lot. you are a homebody, so we don’t actually go out as much as i wish we would, but we usually hang out together at the dorms.

꩜

HYUNJIN: have you noticed that they always tend to end up at our dorm?

JEONGIN: which is interesting, because you'd think jisung-hyung would just come over to ours more because jieun and lino-hyung are there and he could kill two birds with one stone.

[ THE TWO LAUGH]

MINHO: ??

HYUNJIN: that gives him too much credit, it's too sensible.

MINHO: [POINTEDLY IGNORING HYUNJIN] i think it's because jisung-ah thrives in his own personal space, while being home for too long might make jieunnie feel a bit trapped.

꩜

HAN: but we did go out recently to... [TRAILING OFF] umm… what was it…

JIA: [CUTTING HIM OFF] so the time we spend together means nothing.

HAN: stop.

[ THEY STOP LOOKING AT EACH OTHER SERIOUSLY FOR A MOMENT BEFORE JISUNG BREAK INTO LAUGHTER FOLLOWED BY JIEUN ]

JIA: anyways! we went to a cafe in hannam-dong i really wanted to try. i saw it in yoon seung-ah’s vlogs. they’re known for their bagels and that location specifically has a pretty view of the river so i wanted to take insta pictures.

HAN: OH! and we got lost trying to find it?

JIA: because you insisted, we didn't need directions. HAN: [ROLLS EYES] hey, we found it eventually, didn't we? JIA: after wandering around for an hour! by the time we got there the wait was insane.

HAN: [UNDER HIS BREATH] yeah and the bagels were a bit mid for how long we waited.

JIA: we wouldn’t have had to so long if some had gotten up when i told him to originally AND actually used his phone maps [WACKING HIS SHOULDER TO EMPHAZISE HER POINT]

[THE TWO START TO BAT AT EACH OTHER BEFORE THE SCENCE CUTS]

JIA: i think we should go on a trip together next time we have a vacation. we’ve never gone anywhere just the two of us like that it could be fun.

HAN: a vacation with you….

JIA: what’s that supposed to mean???

HAN: i’m kidding i’m kidding

JIA: yeah sure.

HAN: you are very J so you would make a whole itinerary, wouldn’t you?

JIA: i think having a general plan of what you want to do make sure you get to make the most of you time

HAN: hmmm sure...where would we even go?[THINKING] Japan could be fun. Lots of great food, and it's a short trip. What about you?

JIA: [SMILES] Japan sounds fun. But I'd say Europe. We could explore so many different countries and cultures. I’d love to be able to use my french.

HAN: oh, i have an interesting question, what would we do if the other disappeared.

JIA: oh, this gets a bit serious.

HAN: [SERIOUS] it's funny because i think with any other member, i think i’d want to let them have their space because obviously if they run away, it's for some reason and they want to be alone. but i think if you were so upset that you’d isolate yourself, i’d have to check on you immediately. [ TOWARDS THE CAMERA TO AVOID EYE CONTACT WITH JIEUN ] she isn't someone that likes to be by herself, alone time isn’t really something she seeks because she thrives around others, so i think if she's going out of her way to be by herself like that something is really wrong.

JIA: [A BIT STARTLED AT HIS SERIOUSNESS, AS WELL AS THE SLIGHT READ] aww ji…[POKING HIS ARM] i think i'd obviously want to respect the fact that hanji wanted time alone, but i'd have to check in at some point. [SHE PEEKS AT JISUNG BEFORE CONTINUING A BIT BASHFULLY] i know we have very different social batteries, and hanji is pretty good about just letting me know when he needs some time to himself. but i think if he was to go off and not respond i’d be worried.”

꩜

CHAN: honestly, i think out of everyone, jieun has opened up to han the most, besides seungmin.

FELIX: which is interesting because they’re so different.

[THE FOUR MURMUR IN AGREEMENT]

SEUNGMIN: i think they get on so well because they’re aware of how different they are.

CHANGBIN: oh absolutely. the two used to clash a lot, and i think they came to a point where they had to understand how they were different, and what accommodations they need to make to understand the other better.

CHAN: wahh changbin, you're so insightful.

꩜

[SENTIMENTAL SILENCE]

JIA: this may be the only time i every admit to this, but sometimes i wish i were more like you in some ways

HAN: in what ways?

JIA: i mean, like you said earlier i’m not one who enjoys being by themselves. i think when i'm alone for too long i begin to think too hard and get into my own head. honestly, i think not being able to properly spend time alone with myself is a bit unhealthy. i kinda admire the fact that you are capable of being on your own and enjoy your own company.

꩜

MINHO: i’ve been trying to get jieunnie to understand that it’s not wrong to want to be around others and have companionship, it's an innately human thing, you know.

HYUNJIN: she’s a lot like changbin-hyung. he likes to just sit in my room with me to just be there.

JEONGIN: [GIGGLING TO HIMSELF] well, that's because it's you and changbin hyung…

HYUNJIN: …

꩜

JIA: skz-gi behind the camera look like they want us to start wrapping up

HAN: any final words?

[JIA HUMS, SEEMINGLY WEIGHING SOMETHING BACK AND FORTH IN HER MIND, BEFORE SIGHING AND GRABBING ONE OF JISUNGS HANDS]

JIA: i know i don’t say this often but thank you.

HAN: what for?

JIA: being my person i guess? you have always worked really hard to understand me, as well as help me understand myself. i’m so grateful to have a friend like you in my life and i’m so happy i get to live out my childhood dreams with my best friend.

HAN: jieun...

JIA: hey, let me finish. thank you for growing with me thus far, and I'm so excited to see where we go... together.

HAN: jieunnie..

JIA: if you cry so will I

HAN: thank you for understanding me as well. i know i haven't always been the easiest to deal with but y

[ THE TWO SIT IN SILENCE FOR A MOMENT, SOAKING IN JIEUN'S BEFORE JISUNG CLEARS HIS THROAT. THE SOUND MAKES JIEUN SNICKER FOR A MOMENT BEFORE THE TWO DISSOLVES INTO SILENT TEARS. THE VIDEO CUTS TO THE TWO, LESS TEARY BUT NOSES OBVIOUSLY A LITTLE STUFFY]

JIA: well, this was fun.

HAN: should we take our picture and head out?

JIA: yes please [END]

©︎ cityofjieun, all rights reserved. pls, do not copy or repost my work.

[yoonvvs]

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[yoonvvs]

BLAISE AT ASEA 2024

OUTFIT

ICONIC MOMENTS FROM THE SHOW

STAYS FINALLY GOT BLAISE X STAYC CRUMBS!

blaise could be seen interacting w/ the girls, and you can see how much stayc admires blaise 🥹 they were giving her so many compliments ( you can just tell from the clip ) AND BLAISE WAS SO FLUSTERED she was like “YOU’RE TOO SWEET”

she was supporting them so much when they were performing !!!!

blaise was eating the stage UP. her stage presence was CRAZYYYY she added some unnecessary lip bites & smirks & winks…the crowd went WILD. she literally went from the most hated member of SKZ to being everyone’s crush

she so was so so happy when they received their awards, her eyes were shining so much!!!! she was standing by minho (MINAH CRUMBS) and he linked pinkies w her because he could see her trying to hold her happy tears in 😭😭

during their live after, all the boys complimented blaise dancing in her heels, they were so impressed!!

chan: “stays, please admire blaise for dancing in her heels!! they were pretty tall…she was almost as tall as changbin!” ( SIDE EYE FROM CHANGBIN )

jisung: “i feel like blaise almost dances better in heels, she’s been doing it for so long but everytime we do a stage, im still so impressed.”

blaise was just sitting there like “😯 you guys talking about me? ☺️” …. “no but for real dancing in heels is hard. my feet lowkey hurt.”

hyunjin: “her feet hurt very bad, she was whining about it before the live and trying to get to massage her dawgs” (he had to say that in englishh)

blaise screamed and practically shoved him off the bed 😭 miss girl is so defensive

[yoonvvs]

BLAISE AT ASEA 2024

OUTFIT

ICONIC MOMENTS FROM THE SHOW

STAYS FINALLY GOT BLAISE X STAYC CRUMBS!

blaise could be seen interacting w/ the girls, and you can see how much stayc admires blaise 🥹 they were giving her so many compliments ( you can just tell from the clip ) AND BLAISE WAS SO FLUSTERED she was like “YOU’RE TOO SWEET”

she was supporting them so much when they were performing !!!!

blaise was eating the stage UP. her stage presence was CRAZYYYY she added some unnecessary lip bites & smirks & winks…the crowd went WILD. she literally went from the most hated member of SKZ to being everyone’s crush

she so was so so happy when they received their awards, her eyes were shining so much!!!! she was standing by minho (MINAH CRUMBS) and he linked pinkies w her because he could see her trying to hold her happy tears in 😭😭

during their live after, all the boys complimented blaise dancing in her heels, they were so impressed!!

chan: “stays, please admire blaise for dancing in her heels!! they were pretty tall…she was almost as tall as changbin!” ( SIDE EYE FROM CHANGBIN )

jisung: “i feel like blaise almost dances better in heels, she’s been doing it for so long but everytime we do a stage, im still so impressed.”

blaise was just sitting there like “😯 you guys talking about me? ☺️” …. “no but for real dancing in heels is hard. my feet lowkey hurt.”

hyunjin: “her feet hurt very bad, she was whining about it before the live and trying to get to massage her dawgs” (he had to say that in englishh)

blaise screamed and practically shoved him off the bed 😭 miss girl is so defensive

[yoonvvs]

YOONAH IN STRAY KIDS :: THE SURVIVAL SHOW

AGE :: 17 POPULARITY :: 90%

EP. 1 — NOTABLE MOMENTS.

yoonah was shown at one of her monthly evaluations — she was dancing to be my baby ! her presence was on TOP! she already had a small fanbase before the show ☺️

yoonah was placed on the female 2TEAM — but JYP mentioned yoonah & chan had originally wanted to team together, so he decided to place yoonah in both of the teams.

JYP: on the 2TEAM, trainee YOONAH has actually worked with the boy team…she trained a lot with them, but i hope to place her with 2TEAM. i’m not sure about yoonah working with the boys - so im interested to how yoonah performs with both of them.

YOONAH: hello, my name is YOONAH! i am seventeen years old. i got casted through an audition…i was in the top three for my round of auditions! (PLACED #2)

Q: how does it feel being apart of two teams?

YOONAH: it’s…challenging. it’s really hard, emotionally. i feel like if i get chosen to stay with the debut team, and leave the other group behind…i feel really sad for my friends i left behind. but if i don’t debut, ill still be sad because i didn’t debut with those friends. i just want to stay friends with everyone…im scared people will be upset with me if i leave for another group. but it’s not really my choice.

yoonah did so well with the 2TEAM, but she still wished that she was with the boys.

YOONAH: i love performing with the girls…ive been life long friends with CHAERYEONG, and i really would love to debut with them…but it’s weird to not dance with my other friends. chan oppa really wanted me to be on their team…i really want to be placed with them too. i feel selfish for thinking that, i feel like a lot of people won’t want that.

when minho mentioned that yoonah looked really nice with the girls, jeongin looked over at him with such a sad face :(.

yoonah barely got a break between performances, but she still did amazing!

they showed a cute clip of yoonah & minho dancing together during practice, yoonah was working on a part and minho was counting the steps for her. when yoonah finished and did it smoothly, minho gave her a warm smile and a high five!!! so precious.

YUNA: when i watched the other team…i kept watching YOONAH perform with them. she fit in really well with them…they were much more her style.

Q: would you be sad if YOONAH didn’t debut with you?

YUNA: yes, i think we all would be. but whatever happens will be the right decision, and i’ll keep supporting her!

the crowed loved YOONAH with 2TEAM! she was so energetic and had so much power throughout the performance, despite her burdens, she still had an amazing performance!

right after her performance, she was running to meet with the boys, she wore the same outfit! jisung helped her fix her hair and helped her calm down, getting her breathing returned to normal.

[conversation held behind camera]

YOONAH: i think i forgot to breathe out there…it was so scary.

JISUNG: you looked really great out there, i’m a little worried…

YOONAH: me too, i really want to debut with you.

yoonah had a rap verse (that she wrote herself) a small vocal part and was in center for the dance break for a small portion of time! she looked good in both performances…but it was so clear that she belonged with the boys, you could tell that she was genuinely having fun and was relaxed when she was performing with them!

yoonah was standing right in between 2TEAM and the boys, she looked so awkward standing next to both of them…

YOONAH: i was so nervous when JYP was standing up there, i kept wondering what team he’d place me in…i kept hoping i could debut with the boys.

yoonah was mentioned in who got JYP’s eye!

JYP: yoonah caught my eye the most out of everyone today. she had a really tough challenge of performing with two different groups - and she pulled it off very well. yoonah, you have great stage presence and you have strong duality, i really enjoyed watching you perform with both teams. i’m having a tough time trying to decide where you belong.

JYP: the next debut team will be…the boys project group, with YOONAH.

yoonah was so shocked, she had such a bright smile on her face! she looked over and caught chan’s eye, and he was so happy for her to be considered officially on their team!

after the clapping died down, yoonah looked over at the girls team, frowning when she looked over at them.

YOONAH: i’m really sorry we couldn’t debut together. i really wanted to, i love you all so much.

JYP let them have a sweet moment together, and all of the girls hugged, a few of them crying.

YEJI: don’t forget about us, okay? we can still be friends.

RYUJIN: make sure i have the first autograph!

YOONAH didn’t say anything, she just smiled and nodded, trying to keep her tears from falling :((. poor baby was so stressed during this time.

YOONAH: i’m really happy i got chosen to debut - these boys are really my best friends. i’m going to work really hard to debut and show JYP what a star all ten of us can be. 2TEAM, we will meet again! fighting!

[ SELF CAM ]

“hello everyone! i’m at my apartment i have with my older brother!” yoonah said, smiling at the camera. “my parents moved me in with my brother because the apartment is closer to my school and my company…i’m going to be really sad to leave him.”

as yoonah walked in, her childhood cat came to the door and brushed against her legs, banji!

“i think ill miss banji more than jinyoung (brother)” yoonah said, crouching down the pet banji, getting the camera close so the camera could hear his purrs. “he’s my baby!”

yoonah’s room is so cute at her brothers house…she had many kpop posters up, especially of BTS & SNSD! we love our fan girl. she had twice playing in the background while she packed her belongings, leaving a few things at the apartment.

“i plan to visit when i can..so ill leave these here for when i do.”

right before yoonah left, she gave her brother a sweet and long hug, it was so adorable. jinyoung seemed like he really was going to miss her, but kept acting nonchalant.

“see you later, oppa!” yoonah called out, giggling when the boy only patted her head and turned away. “onto the dorms!”

since yoonah is the only girl, she got her own room, but it was very, very small. but that’s okay! the only thing in her room was a closet, a bed, and a shelf above her bed, but yoonah made it work!

“when i have time… i can decorate it!”

back to more serious matters…

yoonah looked so nervous when JYP was talking…poor girl 😭

YOONAH: i’m really scared i’m going to be eliminated. i feel like i’m under a lot of pressure right now, i have to do well. i have to prove that i deserve a spot in this group, even if it isn’t traditional. i really hope no one gets eliminated, i want to debut with everyone. they all deserve it.

stay tuned for the next episode!

[yoonvvs]

BLAISE IN MIXTAPE ERA

AGE :: 18 POPULARITY :: 80% [ positive & negative ]

HELLEVATOR

SOLO SCENES

during blaise’s solo scenes, she was walking / skating in an abonded parking lot at night.

OUTFIT #2 [ GROUP SCENES ]

OUTFIT #3 [ GROUP SCENES ]

*flannel is unbuttoned

LINES

0:59 — 1:08

they’re going up riding on my pain, my tears. i’m on a hellevator

1:25 — 1:27

my hellevator

2:20 — 2:30

they’re going up riding on my pain, my tears. i’m on a hellevator

2:47 — 2:49

i’m on a hellevator

3:38 — 3:40

my hellevator

BEWARE

PERFORMANCE VIDEO OUTFIT

0:49 — 0:57

i want you to understand me, i don’t know what will happen today, im thirsty.

1:05 — 1:09

i’m frustrated, so frustrated

1:10 — 1:13

after i bite, ill chew and gnaw

1:38 — 1:48

my current state, the way i talk, my actions, i know i shouldn’t be like this but everything goes the opposite way.

SPREAD MY WINGS

PEFORMANCE VIDEO OUTFIT

0:56 — 1:03

i wanna live my age, naturally, ey, ey, Fly with my young wings, spread my wings ey ey.

1:16 — 1:18

i’m still young

1:19 — 1:21

i become an adult

2:06 — 2:13

even if i’m bad at it, i like the word beginning. it’s foolish but im still young.

2:32 — 2:35

so i watched the news for no reason

3:04 — 3:06

the day i become an adult.

YAYAYA

1:06 — 1:13

you’re so cruel in my dreams / when i open my eyes, seems like you’ll disappear

1:42 — 1:49

i don’t know where you’ll go, you drive everyone crazy. it’s been long since i’ve gone crazy, no expirational date, you’re value is like a national treasure.

2:04 — 2:11

you’re so cruel in my dreams / when i open my eyes, seems like you’ll disappear

2:50 — 2:56

you’re so cruel in my dreams / when i open my eyes, seems like you’ll disappear

3:05 — 3:11

you’re so cruel in my dreams / when i open my eyes, seems like you’ll disappear

GLOW

1:32 — 1:42

going to work in the morning, coming back the next morning, after two or three hours of sleep with the oppa behind me. i go to work even if the fluttering feeling of my first day disappeared my passion still overflows, hope it reaches you through this rap.

2:08 — 2:14

the lights in the studio shine brighter, the lights in my eyes turn on too, so I can find paths that weren't there before.

2:46 — 2:58

On this path without a map, It's a maze, don't wanna look back, Only looking forward as we run, Shining through the darkness

SCHOOL LIFE

0:58 — 1:02

wishing tomorrow would be a little different

1:04 — 1:05

again today

1:49 — 1:53

school bell goes ring ring ring

2:50 — 2:53

wishing tomorrow would be a little different

3:32 — 3:34

again today

4419

0:06 — 0:08

r-r-real, recognize real

1:16 —1:30

how are you doing? your spot next to me feels so empty. i try pushing back the unforgettable days, but i wonder how you are doing.

2:48 — 2:59

how are you doing? your spot next to me feels so empty. i try pushing back the unforgettable days, but i wonder how you are doing.

PHOTOCARDS !