you-old-fart - Tumblr blog

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hope is a skill

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anyone else plagued by concepts and scenarios

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do u have a bf

it’s a dream of mine to have a beautiful farm

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poetry is stored in the tags

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what are yalls opinions on these assorted strawberry cows

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so santa’s wife is home alone tomorrow?

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I feel like people don't talk enough about how insane the ending of Kung Fu Panda is.

(alternate title:, "One of the many reasons why I LOVE Kung Fu Panda")

There's an almost-universal truism in kids' movies that the hero can't kill anyone. Not even the Big Bad, no matter how warranted it is in the moment or how much the audience wants it. You simply can't do that. Heroes don't kill.

There are exceptions, but this truism is especially universal in the studio that's practically synonymous with kids' films: Disney.

That's why so many Disney villains end up accidentally killing themselves. Usually by falling off of something:

I can only think of four heroes in the entire Disney catalog that deliberately, intentionally choose to kill a sapient, intelligent villain, and all of them were self-defensive and in the heat of the moment, where sparing the villain wasn't an option:

(Note: I have seen most Disney movies, but not all of them)

....and then Dreamworks came along, said "fuck that," and had their goofy, lovable Jack Black character ice a motherfucker just 'cause.

Po has already completely won the fight. The day has been saved. He has Tai Lung at his mercy.

And Po's not even reluctant about it. There's no burden of responsibility. They didn't just have Po kill, they had him enjoy it because his method of murder is so wicked cool.

Po is a hero in a kids' movie who not only kills his villain, but fucking executes him. All with that signature Dreamworks smile on his face:

I have gazed into the abyss, and the abyss said "skadoosh."

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miss cowboy I am in love with you

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oh he COMFY

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How to see whether a Chinese handmade teapot is well done or not - quality of the spout is an important standard. 

cr: 承启 建水紫陶

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This is my most favorite novelty soap ever

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my cat hates taking his pills. the only way we can get him to eat them is to turn it into an elaborate pantomime - we take the packet out of the cupboard slowly and hold it up, saying “oh!! what’s this? what’s this? a TREAT? a TREAT for louis????” while making surprised faces. we offer him a pill… then, before he has a chance to sniff it, we wag our fingers at him and replace it in the packet so it becomes a Tantalising Forbidden Mystery. we continue doing this until he’s so confused and excited that he will eat the pill as fast as possible, just so he can find out what it is before we can take it away from him again. as soon as he’s eaten it he looks utterly disappointed and betrayed, like a child who just ate a delicious sweet only to find it was a chocolate-coated brussels sprout. it never gets old

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Owls are masters of disguise, blending seamlessly into their surroundings. 

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All you fuckers are like “pop tarts are ravioli!” “Uncrustables are ravioli!”

I will hit you in the face with the concepts of convergent evolution and analogous structures

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making art is literally actually like doing an exorcism u have to get it out of ur brain. u have to