youcompletemetoo

[youcompletemetoo]

I thought

i thought I was doing the right thing. I had no malicious intent and thought i was doing the best given the situation.

I feel even lower now though and lost. I dont know what to do. I just want to be happy

[youcompletemetoo]

I thought about you in the shower tonight 😏

But it’s probably not what you’re immediately thinking ! It was so much more than that 🥹

I was feeling exhausted after work and school. Honestly not the best day.. but its nothing that I wasn’t going to let ruin the rest of it. Anyway, I was ready to shower and let go. To try and start to relax and recharge before doing it again tomorrow. And I dont know what it was, but I was so happy just thinking about, being optimistic about, the future. 

I was happy thinking about finishing and continuing my schooling. How proud everyone, myself and you are going to be. I was thinking about my health, and was happy how I maintained my same, relatively healthy body so far. I was optimistic and wanted to ask you, how do you strive so hard to do what you (!) do to maintain your health? How do you find the drive and motivation? Ive always admired that so much about you. And I was happy thinking about being healthier, making lifestyle changes, from your inspiration. 

I thought about how I wanted to bring happiness to you. And how I wanted to make you feel some of the happiness I was feeling right then. I was happy thinking about how much I wish I could hug and hold you 🥹 

Lately Ive been thinking about ‘just doing what makes you happy’ and after this, even though I already knew, I realized so much of that has to do with you.

[youcompletemetoo]

Not only the first, the first 100. YCM

[youcompletemetoo]

Today reaffirmed everything I already knew. So many days do 🥹 We all had an old roommate over and I had a good time catching up, but my mind was on you. Still is 🥹 when im around you I know. When I hold you, I know. 

I wish I couldve spent my entire afternoon, evening with you tbh. And I know you wouldve too. You mean so much 🥹 

You said youd look for qualities that remind you of…

I dont want to look for any one. I dont have to. Goodnight 🥹

[youcompletemetoo]

I cant wait to help

set up your room tomorrow. And I cant wait to see you and smell that natural smell everyonee cant seem to stop talking about 🙄 lol

Just to be in your presence. Its been a long weekend without it and thats not fair.

[youcompletemetoo]

its Monday but no school :(

i miss you goofball and ive thought about you a lot. The most was when my bros said theyve never had a charcuterie (thank god for auto-fill on that word) board, and I made the most ghetto (but tasty) mini-board ever. The entire time I thought: “my goofball would be so proud of me right now, but also tell me I need to go to Aldi to make a better one” 😂

I hope youve been nothing but well, and relaxed. Until I see or talk to you again, ill miss you and be thinking about you.

PS. I know im slow, but I am on the last episode of E now. That last one with the Play, and the guys singing I need a hero, was hilarious!

[youcompletemetoo]

First day back x2

okay so work wasnt badd. Dumb webfilter gave issues with a few ppl including dr.p , but it was fixed with some troubleshooting :)

school was fun! Im happy to get back in the structure. Courses all interest me and I took care of “assignments” until next week. So, in all, good first day back.

but man do I miss you.

[youcompletemetoo]

🛑

You matter to me more than you think and know. Still. Even right now.

The -only- reason I didnt go the first time was because of what happened at home. -I was ready to go. All I needed was a shower, to brush my hair. To look good and smell good for you because I get self conscious. I just want to be the best for you.

I wasn’t expecting to face what I faced that day, when the thing happened early, and an argument started. Youve seen how those effected me. Its hard for me to shake them, and I almost disassociate because I get to thinking so much. Its hard to not let it ruin my day anymore. You saw that the next day in person- im sorry I didnt go day 1 because of my emotions. I just know i wouldnt do that again. Thats the only reason why I didnt go the first time. Im so damn sorry. I wish I was stronger, but I didnt want to do anything after that. I know now, thats not good enough.

thats why day two, I told you everything. No matter how embarrassed, disappointed and kinda disgusted I was over again, something out of both of our controls. I knew it was upsetting, but id rather be truthful and tell you everything thats going on here. So you understand me. And what ive been going through. I thought you were done then. But you understand what I had to deal with. Or, I thought you did. Believe it or, everything that day was still to just try and see you. Even when I thought hope was lost, I was still only worried about you. Not me or my emotions, just you and how I wasnt making things easy for you.

im sorry. Take the time you need. Im hurt too. I miss you a lot. But ill been here.

[youcompletemetoo]

I keep checking for any sign of you

but I think we’ve both realized space may be whats best for both of us. Im sorry I didnt turn out how you thought- hell I never thought I would be the one to let you down and I cant keep wondering what could’ve happened if I put my feelings to the side and just left for you. Both times. But I didnt.

[youcompletemetoo]

I keep checking insta to see if youve sent anything :/ I respect your space. I just miss you so much.

[youcompletemetoo]

today was the best day ever. I can’t believe it all happened and I cant believe how close we were. I loved it. I needed that 🥹

[youcompletemetoo]

When I cant put things into words, or when I am forgetful, I wish you could just look or read into my mind and understand the clarity that I have when youre around. I wish I was better for you.

Me, not sleeping, just thinking, 4:40 am

[youcompletemetoo]

Maybe it’s the fact that we have a break that we can’t escape.

maybe its that you finally showed me your old tumblr which felt like a glimpse into your past, and into your mind. I can read it over and over again.

maybe its even your smell that I have become so use to, and long for, that makes me look around even when I know you cant possibly be around.

or maybe its because we just exchanged Christmas gifts, and embraces, all which meant the world to me, and felt like what ❤️ should feel like…

…that is making me realize more and more that you are the person I dont want to be without. This is going to be hard, this break. But we can do it. You can do it. I can do it.

And when we see each other again…

[youcompletemetoo]

youre being thought about, and you are so very cared for. I hope youre having a goodnight, J. Sleep well.

[youcompletemetoo]

I can not wait to see you tomorrow. Full stop, I cant possibly see you being the source of issues. Im sorry you didnt have a good night, but tomorrow will be much better. i wish I could be there for you as much as I want to.

[youcompletemetoo]

Today felt like an accomplishment. This morning I was feeling so anxious but you snapped me back to the basics. It was so fun! Im so happy I was able to share everything with you. I can’t wait to have a place of my own, just like you. I miss ya, and your goofball smile. Have a good night, J <3

[youcompletemetoo]

“This is where I fell in love with you. And this is where I ask you to marry me”

🥹