youniversify

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by up dharma down.

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by shania twain.

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yoUniverse-ify:

Where in this world exists you, and the entirety of nothingness.

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Welcome, fellow lost star!

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." — Buddha

I'm pretty sure this is an audience for one, so hello Ma'am instead! Haha. I'm Atria from 1CW and this is my SOUP Final Output!

First things first, you may read the final polished versions of my weekly entries by clicking at the side panel! Week 1, 2, so on.

Started this right as I submitted my Prelims: SOUP Proposal. And then I took a week break from overthinking that I wanted something as grand as building a blog from the ground up (complete with html coding, albeit basic) just for one academic requirement but, who have I been before if not extra in doing tasks? It was honestly such a huge risk to take. Insecurity rose, seeing the other works of my classmates one by one finish while I had these backlogs of manually inputting the SOUP Weekly entries. It took almost...two weeks if I remember correctly? There was one day where I spent about 7 hours doing this (there were 5 to 15-minute breaks, don't worry ma'am!) not because it was hard, but because it was time-consuming. I feel fulfilled though, and I've done my fair share of proper time management well so that other subjects' requirements aren't left behind. Anyway, let's get into the final final part of this journey:

The Five Processing Questions.

What changes in thought patterns did you notice in yourself in the process of going through the activity?

I remember in the middle of the night sharing with Franzyne, a classmate, about SOUP as a concept. Non-verbatim, "Ginagawa ko na kasi ito before pa! It's so healthy for the mind. It makes you learn and appreciate more, even the littlest things." She verbalized what I've been trying to say. Kaya pala kahit yung pagtulog (sleep cycle), pagkain (just the overall taste, who cooked, and when it was served that coincided with the time of a supposedly bad start to a morning, made immediately better), at pagreflect back (past written works) ko sa weekly entries. I became more attentive to detail (surprisingly even more that I already was, because as a writer...) and observant that I actually do a lot more in a day than I originally assumed!

With that said, may negative effects din. Sure I'm happy that I could input how my behavioral patterns dictate my psychological wellbeing and all that but, it also made me feel...until now I'm not sure. I just know that sometimes, I felt like I was scrambling for things to be grateful for, desperate to fill the 5 out of 5 daily.

In what ways did the activity affect your emotions?

At first I actually was pleasantly surprised that by bringing around my phone, I could easily write down this small thing to be grateful for, or express my inner thoughts about another person (celebrity or my best friend)? It's...relieving, in a way. To entertain these boosting thoughts of "Hey, I liked the way you smiled at me today!" instead of the usual brooding.

I don't know how you would classify it exactly, but I also felt like I was questioning myself? I would stare at my phone at 11 PM ignoring the fact that I need to get up at 5:30 the next morning just to prove that I did do something today, that I did feel grateful for myself or for other people.

What changes did this do to your behavior?

I spent less time dwelling on...well, dwelling in general. There are a lot of things to let go of. There were many drafts scrapped in the entries because they were too nostalgic, too holding on to the past, too toxic. Before, I had to constantly remind myself that I can't put that in an entry because it's rant-y and nothing fruitful will come out of it. Just counter-productive. Now, it has become slightly easier to just forget. (At least the past.)

I guess now I'm glad that it was reduced form 5 to 2 per day, but there was still that lingering behavioral pattern. I was fidgeting constantly! Anxious if it was good enough to submit. Should I be professional or warm? Which details should I omit? Which would be too taxing for ma'am to read?

What realizations did you get about the essence of real happiness in engaging with the activity?

Happiness is so relative. Others can find it in the highest point of life: achieving luxury, winning state-wide championships, or constant productivity; and others can find it in the smallest moments: a reassuring caress, shared laughter in FaceTime calls, or a sweet long message to wake up to in the morning.

Real happiness is also caused by people. Whether it be yourself because you felt accomplished by watering the plants, or your favorite music artist posted a teaser of their future album project. It's a chain reaction. People change people (Blutman, 2015). [That's a Girl Meets World reference, heh.]

What message would you like to tell yourself that will serve as a reminder for you to keep going and hanging on during times when you feel down or the situation in life is more difficult than usual?

Acknowledge that bad days can be just bad days. Never give up on a bad day. Kapag puro bagsak ka, sabit ka—don't. As in mag-give up ka 'pag okay lahat ng ginawa mo in a day. Deliverables mo nagawa mo, perfect lahat ng quiz, ikaw highest sa exam...pero at the end of the day hindi ka parin fulfilled? Alis ka na. Kahit 5-point output lang yan, itodo mo na. Kahit walang nakakakita, bigay mo parin yung best mo.

Now, the master list below is for emergency purposes in case you're accessing my final output Ma'am from a phone/tablet device (because the site from a PC/desktop looks great! Doon ko po itinuon yung design itself).

My Gratitude Journey Diary Masterlist

— navigation panel containing shortcut links!

WEEK 1: [January 26 - February 1]

WEEK 2: [February 2 - 8]

WEEK 3: [February 9 - 15]

WEEK 4: [February 16 - 19]

WEEK 5: [March 2 - 8]

WEEK 6: Syempre ma'am walang Week 6 pero I couldn't help but write them. Halatang I don't do this for the grade anymore HAHAHA pero po if you want to read more of my rambling, here they are.

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𝐏𝐚𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧 perfectly portrayed Karl’s overwhelmed emotions during the confrontation scene. Feelings of being cornered, scared, panicked, and disoriented. In the last moment, he tries to hold on to Vlad to get his headspace back with him. But it was too late.

Remember the name: 𝐏𝐚𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧.

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a poem from purposive communications class;

Last semester, in the first half of the term, sir simply gave us the instructions of creating a multimodal creative work that depicts communication that spans/covers the lessons we've learned from his class. He's an amazing professor, so I may have felt carried away.

I miss passion.

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Ian Pangilinan has always been great since day 1. I’ve always been in awe of his charisma and the way he always demands / commands attention. This is just the start for him. I’m sure he has great things in store ahead.

Remember the name: Ian Pangilinan

– Read this thread on how he wound up playing Vlad (x)

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Magsisimula tayo sa wakas. Sa wakas, nagsimula na tayo.

Juan Miguel Severo

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blood/sweat/tears

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Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.

Cesar A. Cruz

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#god he’s so beautiful #remember that kiss yeah that wasn’t just to stop a panic attack #ur flawless date me #if I have a panic attack will you kiss me #did it hurt when you fell from heaven #stydia 2kforever #stalia 2kforNEVER #CAN I HAVE YOUR BABIES #oh shit he’s looking at me #be cool be cool

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I burned so long so quiet you must have wondered. If I loved you back. I did, I did, I do.

Annelyse Gelman

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There is no greater grief than than to find no happiness, but happiness in what is past.

Jeanette Winterson

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Don't forget DL-6...

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At kapag sa wakas ay natapos mo na ang sinusulat mo, at nag-aalala ka pa rin, maganda ba, did I do enough? You have to let go. You have told your story. The world will now takeover.

Ricky Lee

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March 8, Two.

A note-worthy simple activity is doing more household chores. I feel like it's a more productive for me to use getting my hands busy as a form of defense mechanism or escapism instead of not being able to move on the bed? Slowly, this mind will reach again that mindset of committing to a former daily routine of exercise, healthy diet, and constantly recalibrating toxic habits from two years ago before the whole UST SHS ordeal came crashing down on me.