youraveragegenius

[youraveragegenius]

I may have just discovered a way to harness the most powerful energy resource known to man ..!! Bring out the champagne cause, my dear audience,  you will get to see this "useless bum"  out on the stage collecting his Nobel prize !! Eheh now as to *what* This revolutionary, earth shattering, mind blowing discovery is, ohoh my dear readers, you are not prepared for this one, for it is!!..... is.. well.., gee. huh. I.. can't seem to.. my brain's gettin' a bit foggy. Probably had a bit too much to drink. Hmmm.. Nahhh! There's no such thing as “too much” . You know what, I'll stop typing and go grab myself another glass. I deserve it for having worked so damn hard today.

[youraveragegenius]

anonymous asked:

ok… so you're a scientist who did 'important research' (wtv that means) but your ass is on tumblr 24/7… give it up! we can tell you're either 14 or incredibly jobless.

Listen here, KID. Mensa begged me to join them, but I — of course — didn't want to be another bozo whose greatest accomplishment was an online IQ test. I was a star member of my varsity football team (as the waterboy, but I'm sure you're well aware athletes can DIE from dehydration). And the state governor himself awarded me first place at a prestigious art competition (in kindergarten; I was a bonafide prodigy, clearly). 

What I mean is: I had options. I didn't choose science. Science chose me. It's a burden and something you, you simple-minded little microbe, would not be able to comprehend. 

And, you know what, what if I am between jobs? It's none of your business!!! You're gonna regret talking shit when I’ll actually change the world and you'll forever remain a cog in the system. 

Jesus Christ, I need a drink… 

[youraveragegenius]

Update: I am in the ICU

All my glasses are either dirty or broken, so I’ve made the executive decision to use one of my Erlenmeyer flasks. The thing is, I think I sterilized it yesterday. Or last week. 

What’s life without a little risk? 

[youraveragegenius]

All my glasses are either dirty or broken, so I’ve made the executive decision to use one of my Erlenmeyer flasks. The thing is, I think I sterilized it yesterday. Or last week. 

What’s life without a little risk? 

[youraveragegenius]

Woke up from the most heinous hangover of my life. Forgot what I allegedly discovered. Shit.

I did it. I finally did it. I finally figured it out. I put two and two together and, boy, did I get four. 

I Think I’m The New God. I Am Justice Itself. I Am The Light Of The World. I Am The True Voice Of The Universe. I Can’t Believe I Figured It Out. Everything Is So Clear Now. I Can See Everything. Even The Curvature Of The Earth. 

I Could Cry. I Think I Am Crying. My Face Is Wet. I Can ‘t Wiat To Tlel Evernoe Abot Thsi I’m So Hapy

[youraveragegenius]

I did it. I finally did it. I finally figured it out. I put two and two together and, boy, did I get four. 

I Think I’m The New God. I Am Justice Itself. I Am The Light Of The World. I Am The True Voice Of The Universe. I Can’t Believe I Figured It Out. Everything Is So Clear Now. I Can See Everything. Even The Curvature Of The Earth. 

I Could Cry. I Think I Am Crying. My Face Is Wet. I Can ‘t Wiat To Tlel Evernoe Abot Thsi I’m So Hapy