yourbelowaverageloser - Tumblr blog

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Me holding back tears : let’s get this money

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Also: don’t stigmatize HIV+ individuals because they all have different circumstances and might’ve  gotten the virus from a variety of sources (sex, occupational, birth, blood transfusions in other countries). 

HIV-related stigma remains a huge barrier to preventing HIV, and is linked to a low level of people testing for HIV. 

The bad news is that Trump is cutting America’s spending on HIV year after year.  He has taken steps to weaken the Affordable Care Act since coming to power.

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Tumblr what the fuck is this

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more depressing shit that makes me feel better about self expression

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a friend of mine admitted her feelings for me and I feel bad because I kind of have feelings for someone else that I probably don’t have a chance with. Lol life is a fucking wild ride

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[yourbelowaverageloser]

Wow where was my headspace when I wrote this.. Desperately crying out for attention. Vulnerability is fine but god damn was I asking for sympathy for my insecurity in the most roundabout manner.

Someone at worked asked me when the last time I caught feelings for someone was and it totally threw me off. Not for a long time, but also not too long ago? There was this girl I met. Super cool and laid back but also lots of spice and attitude. Not to mention cute. I couldn’t gather the courage to say anything to her at first because I was terrified. BUT. I remember the very first thing she said to me. We were the first people to show up for work one day and she asked me if there was anyone else scheduled to open with us. Strange how I can remember that right? She didn’t say much else to me for a while but we eventually became friends. She shared a lot of personal shit with me, as did I with her. I learned about her hobbies, dreams, insecurities, passions, and her motivations. Her honesty and trust with me only led me to feel this attachment to her. At first glance I assumed it just a mutual thing, and I’m still positive it is. However, we kept in contact even after we quit that job. I’m lucky to have found a friend that I can confide in and be vulnerable with. This is where those feelings came into play. I found myself thinking about her more and more as time passed by. Her mannerisms. Her sense of humor. I fell in love with all of the best parts about her, and learned to love all of the parts she wished could change. I’ve always been insecure about women, and it’s not necessarily just because I’m insecure about myself. It’s always been because of how afraid I am to commit. When it comes to this girl, I felt myself feeling things I was too afraid to express. She treated me better than I had hoped for, and I can only hope that I did the same for her. Here’s the kicker, I never told her. And I probably never will. I feel that this love of mine is misplaced and insignificant. Someone so wonderful, deserves the universe. I’m not ready to sacrifice my passions and dreams so that I can lift her towards hers. Our paths have met sure, but they are not going in the same direction.

You must be wondering. Who? Did she love me? Is she still in contact? Do I still love her?

The answer is I don’t know. I care about this person, and I’d like to think she cares about me. But I don’t get to decide how people perceive me. The universe has its own plans.

[yourbelowaverageloser]

Fucking hate how my mind emotionally attaches itself to literally anybody that gives me any sort of attention. And I can’t be bothered to put forth effort without fear of making this uncomfortable. Yes I crave romantic potential, but I could care fucking less about any of that if it means retaining platonic friendships. It’s just nice to have fucking female friends and yet I put these walls up to avoid hurting myself… too often I find myself second guessing my intentions and wondering why I feel so fucking alone.

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You know what’s really hot? Not having to guess someone’s feelings or intentions

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Really fucking stoked about life. This music shit I've been working at for 5 years since moving to UT is finally taking shape and I can't be more excited.

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Introverts running out of energy when they have company: