yournewgirlfriend - Tumblr blog

[yournewgirlfriend]

Can i be sensitive for 1 second or will i be tackled and killed

[yournewgirlfriend]

Today I accidentally knocked a monarch caterpillar off its leaf and it fell and immediately began oozing green liquid. I was devastated. I thought I'd killed it. Turns out they do that on purpose to defend against predators. Fooled by a fat little worm. Irrecoverable

[yournewgirlfriend]

When you accidentally remove the load-bearing pierogi and the entire contents of the freezer come spilling out

[yournewgirlfriend]

stop showing me ai ill fuckin kill you

[yournewgirlfriend]

lying in bed for an hour and a half after waking up should not pass time in my opinion

[yournewgirlfriend]

as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

[yournewgirlfriend]

[yournewgirlfriend]

i wont lie i miss cock and pussy on dash unprompted. you used to be able to follow someone and theyd just put cock and pussy on the dash sometimes. nothing to do with their blog they were just having a moment. because of Horny. what do you get nowadays. a measly nipple? an Adults content warning ? all because of Woke. sick and twisted.

[yournewgirlfriend]

Amazing

[yournewgirlfriend]

far too old to care about fandom opinions i am an adult with a *sees a take* hm. never mind actually. i am in fact so blessed to have a huge brain and correct inconsequential opinions on fictional characters. there but for the grace of god go i

[yournewgirlfriend]

You face your guardian angel and you ask her, “What is my purpose?” She responds, “Oh. You were here to help that old lady cross the street when you were 13. She was gonna be hit by the bus. The rest is just free time.”

[yournewgirlfriend]

TIL the two centers of the brain responsible for depression and anxiety respectively are both slightly bigger than each other, which explains a lot.

via reddit.com

[yournewgirlfriend]

Whenever I say "sorry guys" or whatever I am exclusively apologising to guys I am not using it as a gender neutral term this is because I hate women HASHTAG MISOGYNY

[yournewgirlfriend]

It’s like Dr. House always said

[yournewgirlfriend]

real

[yournewgirlfriend]

accidentally squirts ketchup water onto my freshly made hotdog and immediately runs to my basement where I blow dust and cobwebs off an old telegraph machine and start sending a morse code SOS signal to whoever can hear me