yourphilomath - Tumblr blog

[yourphilomath]

ok this looks ultra mega based, are you kidding me? can you imagine the bullshit i could get up to with this bad boy? fuck yes i want ten

[yourphilomath]

[yourphilomath]

“steven universe is off model :( she-ra is cal-arts wah wah” back in MY DAY the transformers animators snorted COKE in the STUDIO and WE WERE GRATEFUL

[yourphilomath]

[yourphilomath]

there’s no way borzois aren’t creatures from hell just look at this fucker

[yourphilomath]

It is the year of our Lord two thousand and seventeen and this guy is legitimately arguing for the divine right of kings.

[yourphilomath]

What They Say in New England; A Book of Signs, Sayings, and Superstitions, 1896

[yourphilomath]

nothing feels better than winning monopoly. not love. not sex. not free pizza. nothing

[yourphilomath]

In retrospect this is one of my favorite posts I've ever made.

So, I discovered that I forgot all three things I ever learned about photoshop in the process of producing this monstrous image. 

Still, I think there may be a few people who can appreciate the concept if not the execution.

And to them, I offer heartfelt apologies for birthing “Persona Peaks,” or whatever. 

[yourphilomath]

The fact this post is not my most popular upsets me.

Stop what you’re doing.

Russia has a fucking snowboarder on their 100 Ruble notes.

We might have won the Cold War.

But they just won the Cool War.

[yourphilomath]

"I've read about people 'seduced with a beastly mark' lead to their demise by some sort of terrible monster. It's hard to tell, so many things are called beasts in the books," he said, sniffing the tea and smiling wryly. He knew less than nothing about tea, but the locals were pros and had been doing it all day. Taking a sip, Wagner swallowed.

"Everything I know I learned from books discovered under a family estate, and can be summed up pretty neatly," he cleared his throat and launched into his 'elevator pitch.'

"There's some entity, described as both angelic and demonic in turn, known as Mephistopheles that approached some young girls in a German city over five hundred years ago. One of these girls, I'm still figuring out which one, Faust's pronoun use in the relevant books is all over the place, was very important to him, he loved her, I think."

Wagner gave his teacup a nervous swirl. He felt like a voyeur, reading intimate details about a romance five centuries removed, but did his best not to let it show as he continued. "Something happened to all the girls he wrote about. But the one he cared about, well, I don't know. He goes on for a bit he still holds his heart and soul in his hands, but that's a mystery to me," he frowned at the thought of the work still left to do, "and probably will be for months yet."

"I've also learned about arsenic shaving cream and some other alchemical things that any modern scientist could tell you are a good way to get yourself killed."

The Boy Who Ran Away

[yourphilomath]

"Thanks, but I filled up on rotgut."

Wagner examined the room, trying to call upon the observational powers of television detectives, but found himself staring blankly at a coffee table likely from the local equivalent of Ikea. Still, it was a damned sight cleaner than he would've kept an apartment when he was thirteen.

"A little tea or coffee would be nice, though," Wagner said as he took a seat on the couch, "We've cured the hangover, but caffeine's still the best thing to drink after drinking."

He slid his hand into his pocket and felt the odd jewel. He wanted answers, but he was having a hard time formulating questions. Kids in magic costumes suddenly showing up will do that to a man.

"So what's this about, uh, a wish?"

The Boy Who Ran Away

[yourphilomath]

Wagner fell in step with the younger man. He found himself thinking of Hayden as a kid, but those eyes had seen things he couldn't imagine.

What he was saying made sense with what he had managed to decode and translate so far. Some of the phrases matched up perfectly if the Latin was interpreted in the right way. The German books were proving more difficult, Middle German written before Luther's bible helped standardize the language was more impenetrable than the cipher Faust had used.

Still, as the drugs cleared the alcohol from his system the situation was looking weirder and weirder. What was going on here? And more importantly...

"Your folks won't mind you bringing a strange man home late at night?"

The Boy Who Ran Away

There was widespread panic when that little thirteen year-old boy went missing.

He never had any reason to leave, none at all. He lived a happy life with kind parents who got him everything he wanted (within reason, of course) and only punished him when it was deserved. In the eyes of his friends and family, there wasn’t any discernible reason for him to have run away. That’s why there was believed to be a kidnapping involved.

But no, there was no kidnapping. Only a juvenile boy who was given the opportunity to have one wish come true and who made his decision quickly and impulsively. He didn’t stop to think how his parents would react when they discovered their son was missing. Didn’t stop to think how he would get home from his trip to the future.

None of these things ran across Hayden McLain’s mind when that fluffy white creature appeared on his windowsill and asked him to become a Puella Magi in exchange for a wish. He, of course, wished for something he had dreamed of all his life: to see the future.

And so here he was, living in the future for the rest of his existence; not quite his dream, but he could deal with that. He was still adjusting some to life here, with all its technology and better cars and you could communicate with people from long distances without having to write letters! Not that he really had anyone to talk to that live a long distance from him. Not yet, anyway.

But it was nighttime and now that dinner was cooked and eaten, it was time to scout the city for Witches. That was another thing that was different about his life now (though it would have happened regardless of time period): it was Hayden’s job as a Puella Magi to protect people from Witches, which were awful beings that caused nothing but pain and suffering to humans as far as he could understand. Things like suicides were often caused by a Witch’s Kiss.

Once he transformed, he was on his way, bow at the ready, prepared to put an end to any Witch that crossed his path.

“C’mon, ya skags! I know it’s your favourite time of night!”

[yourphilomath]

"Cat thing?"

Wagner suppressed the urge to take another pill. He probably had already had more than was healthy. Fortunately he already felt he was thinking a bit straighter, although he was just as confused as before. But that description seemed a little familiar.

"Does this cat thing have, 'oculi stagna sanguinem'? Erm, that's 'pools of blood for eyes'.I've been a bit confused by those lines..."

Wagner shook his head.

"I'm sorry, uh Hayden, but this is all a little hard to believe, everything here's just been an academic question up to now, and I'm still a little drunk. Uh, why don't we start with the gems? They've confused spectrometers and super colliders, and this glowing's new on me too. You know what's up with that?"

The Boy Who Ran Away

There was widespread panic when that little thirteen year-old boy went missing.

He never had any reason to leave, none at all. He lived a happy life with kind parents who got him everything he wanted (within reason, of course) and only punished him when it was deserved. In the eyes of his friends and family, there wasn’t any discernible reason for him to have run away. That’s why there was believed to be a kidnapping involved.

But no, there was no kidnapping. Only a juvenile boy who was given the opportunity to have one wish come true and who made his decision quickly and impulsively. He didn’t stop to think how his parents would react when they discovered their son was missing. Didn’t stop to think how he would get home from his trip to the future.

None of these things ran across Hayden McLain’s mind when that fluffy white creature appeared on his windowsill and asked him to become a Puella Magi in exchange for a wish. He, of course, wished for something he had dreamed of all his life: to see the future.

And so here he was, living in the future for the rest of his existence; not quite his dream, but he could deal with that. He was still adjusting some to life here, with all its technology and better cars and you could communicate with people from long distances without having to write letters! Not that he really had anyone to talk to that live a long distance from him. Not yet, anyway.

But it was nighttime and now that dinner was cooked and eaten, it was time to scout the city for Witches. That was another thing that was different about his life now (though it would have happened regardless of time period): it was Hayden’s job as a Puella Magi to protect people from Witches, which were awful beings that caused nothing but pain and suffering to humans as far as he could understand. Things like suicides were often caused by a Witch’s Kiss.

Once he transformed, he was on his way, bow at the ready, prepared to put an end to any Witch that crossed his path.

“C’mon, ya skags! I know it’s your favourite time of night!”

[yourphilomath]

Wagner took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He started fishing around for another sobriety booster as the gears in his head turned.

1950's American slang and a Latin  phrase coming from a bestockinged archer on a Japanese street. Grounds for a headache brewing alright.

"What was in that drink? Uh, well, Mr. Hallucination, my name's Adam Wagner, student of ancient texts on the arcane at Miskatonic University, by the way, this gem's a recently discovered family hair room. Er, heirloom. Little drunk, sorry. And as for a Puel... Pulla Magi... girls of...  magical girls? Yeah, as for them, I'm afraid I don't know much. Not yet I don't."

Replacing his glasses he got a good look at young archer. Wagner had questions he wanted to ask, but he still wasn't firing on all cylinders yet. He popped the second pill and decided to start with the obvious.

"What's with the outfit, buddy?"

The Boy Who Ran Away

There was widespread panic when that little thirteen year-old boy went missing.

He never had any reason to leave, none at all. He lived a happy life with kind parents who got him everything he wanted (within reason, of course) and only punished him when it was deserved. In the eyes of his friends and family, there wasn’t any discernible reason for him to have run away. That’s why there was believed to be a kidnapping involved.

But no, there was no kidnapping. Only a juvenile boy who was given the opportunity to have one wish come true and who made his decision quickly and impulsively. He didn’t stop to think how his parents would react when they discovered their son was missing. Didn’t stop to think how he would get home from his trip to the future.

None of these things ran across Hayden McLain’s mind when that fluffy white creature appeared on his windowsill and asked him to become a Puella Magi in exchange for a wish. He, of course, wished for something he had dreamed of all his life: to see the future.

And so here he was, living in the future for the rest of his existence; not quite his dream, but he could deal with that. He was still adjusting some to life here, with all its technology and better cars and you could communicate with people from long distances without having to write letters! Not that he really had anyone to talk to that live a long distance from him. Not yet, anyway.

But it was nighttime and now that dinner was cooked and eaten, it was time to scout the city for Witches. That was another thing that was different about his life now (though it would have happened regardless of time period): it was Hayden’s job as a Puella Magi to protect people from Witches, which were awful beings that caused nothing but pain and suffering to humans as far as he could understand. Things like suicides were often caused by a Witch’s Kiss.

Once he transformed, he was on his way, bow at the ready, prepared to put an end to any Witch that crossed his path.

“C’mon, ya skags! I know it’s your favourite time of night!”

[yourphilomath]

Road Trip!

If I'm understanding this translation right, this egg thing I've found in the secret study is a "soul gem." The encryption has gotten tougher too, not just a simple cipher, I need to scour some of the other books for the keys, this is very advanced for the time these books date to, or so my college who teaches numerology says.

Faust thinks that this gem holds secrets, powerful secrets, and also something else, something precious. He calls it his "dearest heart," and he assigns a bunch of personality traits to it, and genders it female.

The stone itself is proving to be a mystery too, given its potential historical significance I've told the geology department to limit themselves to micro-abrasions, but they haven't gotten any. A few universities here in Berlin have looked at it, but no dice.

There's a school in Japan, Mitakihara University, another MU,  that's got access to some fancy non-invasive spectrometer that I'm going to give it a go with. Plus it's one of those mini-archologies they're starting to build all over the East, I'll be able to rent some server time to help brute force the translation while I'm there too.

I find myself unable to let the gem out of my sight (maybe I'm falling for it like Faust did?) so I've decided to pack up the most likely relevant books and ferry it over there myself. The department head has taken some interest and has gotten me a spot on a diplomatic flight, so all my stuff goes in a diplomatic pouch, which keeps customs agents from pawing over 6 century old books, and also keeps my little piece of dubious legality from scrutiny.

I'm getting on the flight in an hour, just enough time to start the Subliminal Teaching CD for Japanese language basics and have it most of the way done when I get there. I hope it's worth it, those subliminal learning things always give me a headache. 

Welp, my next post will be from the Land of the Rising Sun.

[yourphilomath]

The G-Man Commeth, But Doth Not Findeth

I got visited by the Geheime Sicherheit Abteilung today, the "Secret Security Department".  They found out about my acquisition of all the family lands, and asked me a bunch of questions. The weird part is that some of them were math problems. It was a really mystifying experience, though perhaps not so mystifying as what my research has turned up. Some British guy named Howard  form MI6 or whatever had apparently lost a bet and was being forced to play translator. Not super spys, just clerks.

Buried in all those documents was this one little wax rubbing, and there was a not on it. It described one of the houses, and it showed a little sequence of arrows under the heading "The nail that holds back the flood of knowledge, the spring deep and hidden." The GSA guys didn't find out about this, I guess.

So after the official tour was over and the lawyer handed over the key, I went back to the house that seemed to fit it the best and started poking around. I'm a little worried some past family member might have been a Nazi of somesort, behind one of the stouter doors I found what looked like an armory, lots of books on armaments, lots of work benches, some dummies and paper targets. Pretty empty apart from that though, a morning star and a couple swords, shields, some armor bits, lots of empty hooks. But there was a prize tucked into a holster hanging off the back of a chair, a solitary Luger, a couple of clips, already loaded. I'm definitely getting that appraised. Registered? Ah, well, we'll see. I don't have a clue what the gun laws in Germany are.

But the real jackpot came in the basement, which I saved for last since the heading made it so blatantly clear, and any good gamer knows you loot the secondary stuff first.

There was a stone with a series of nails sticking out of it at one end of the basement, but they were in it pretty loosely. Consulting the rubbing, I pushed them around a bit only for the wall to fucking try to crush me.

I made it out okay though, and inside I found something that trumps the gun. Big time. Bunch of nick-knacks, lots of curios, but more importantly books. Tons of books. I'm working on one right now that seems to explain what this whole collection is about, it's by Faust himself, and entietled "Young Witches."

The problem is that between my rusty Latin and the book's simple yet annoying cipher, translation is taking quite some time. I'll keep you posted.

Looks like I'll be using this blog a bit more for its intended purpose than I had expected.