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Most parents will be faced with having to manage bedtime routines with multiple children solo. Whether you have to do this on a regular basis or just once in a while, having a plan can make all the difference between a peaceful bedtime or a chaotic one! Managing multiple kids can make the bedtime routine real tricky with different ages of kids who need totally different things at bedtime.

This takes some planning to make sure that all kids are fed, bathed, read to, AND if you have a baby in the mix, fed AGAIN before bed. If you have kiddos that are all past the baby stage that makes things MUCH more simple. Throwing a baby in the mix always means staggering bedtimes so everyone gets their pre-bedtime needs met.

Toddler Sibling & Baby

If you have a toddler who is still napping then the baby will likely go to bed first. If you have a toddler NOT taking a nap then most likely the toddler will go to bed first. Either way, make sure to evaluate the daytime schedule and cap naps if you have to so you can make sure that bedtimes line up when you need them to. The last thing you want to be dealing with is an overtired baby or toddler when you’ve got no one there to help you!

Older Siblings & Baby

If you have an older sibling that can help with the baby and not be loud or boisterous while helping, then by all means let them be part of the process of the baby’s bedtime routine. If that isn’t gonna work then giving your toddler a special basket of toys to play with that only comes out during the bedtime routine can help keep your toddler busy while you’re getting your baby down. Just make sure that you’re not using a screen if you can help it! Screens emit blue light and blue light inhibits melatonin production. Melatonin is necessary for your child to feel sleepy and be able to go to sleep easily.

But let’s face it, if your kids aren’t already independent sleepers then bedtime is going to be much more difficult. If you can’t just kiss your toddler, say goodnight, and leave the room, but instead, you have to lay with him, I would encourage you to reach out to schedule a call so we can help get your little one falling asleep on their own.

Once baby is 12 months or older

Once your baby is 12 months or older you should be able to do the bedtime routines together. This will make things significantly easier to manage if you’re doing bedtime solo. You can bathe your kids together, and then choose one of their bedrooms or use your bedroom to read books and cuddle before bed. At the point that you tuck each child into their bed, you can spend a few minutes rubbing their back and just connecting with that individual child.

While managing multiple kids at bedtime can feel like A LOT, I promise it’s possible! If you’re feeling stressed or rushing through the routine your kids will pick up on your energy. Try to take a few deep breaths and get yourself to a calm/relaxed place. This will go a long way in helping your kids to feel calm and relaxed as well

If none of this even feels possible right now either because your kiddos aren’t independent sleepers or because you don’t have a good routine in place that your kids can count on each night, then definitely reach out to me for help! I will help to guide you to develop the structure you need around bedtime so your kids know what to expect and we can then get all kids started down the path to independent sleep. You can also read Tips To Reduce Toddler Bedtime Struggles to help give you some ideas that you can start tonight.

Toddler Nutrition & Sleep This is THE Key to Successful Sleep Training 5 Tested & Proved Tips to Transition Your Toddler from Napping to Quiet Time

[yoursleepingbaby]

Most parents will be faced with having to manage bedtime routines with multiple children solo. Whether you have to do this on a regular basis or just once in a while, having a plan can make all the difference between a peaceful bedtime or a chaotic one! Managing multiple kids can make the bedtime routine real tricky with different ages of kids who need totally different things at bedtime.

This takes some planning to make sure that all kids are fed, bathed, read to, AND if you have a baby in the mix, fed AGAIN before bed. If you have kiddos that are all past the baby stage that makes things MUCH more simple. Throwing a baby in the mix always means staggering bedtimes so everyone gets their pre-bedtime needs met.

Toddler Sibling & Baby

If you have a toddler who is still napping then the baby will likely go to bed first. If you have a toddler NOT taking a nap then most likely the toddler will go to bed first. Either way, make sure to evaluate the daytime schedule and cap naps if you have to so you can make sure that bedtimes line up when you need them to. The last thing you want to be dealing with is an overtired baby or toddler when you’ve got no one there to help you!

Older Siblings & Baby

If you have an older sibling that can help with the baby and not be loud or boisterous while helping, then by all means let them be part of the process of the baby’s bedtime routine. If that isn’t gonna work then giving your toddler a special basket of toys to play with that only comes out during the bedtime routine can help keep your toddler busy while you’re getting your baby down. Just make sure that you’re not using a screen if you can help it! Screens emit blue light and blue light inhibits melatonin production. Melatonin is necessary for your child to feel sleepy and be able to go to sleep easily.

But let’s face it, if your kids aren’t already independent sleepers then bedtime is going to be much more difficult. If you can’t just kiss your toddler, say goodnight, and leave the room, but instead, you have to lay with him, I would encourage you to reach out to schedule a call so we can help get your little one falling asleep on their own.

Once baby is 12 months or older

Once your baby is 12 months or older you should be able to do the bedtime routines together. This will make things significantly easier to manage if you’re doing bedtime solo. You can bathe your kids together, and then choose one of their bedrooms or use your bedroom to read books and cuddle before bed. At the point that you tuck each child into their bed, you can spend a few minutes rubbing their back and just connecting with that individual child.

While managing multiple kids at bedtime can feel like A LOT, I promise it’s possible! If you’re feeling stressed or rushing through the routine your kids will pick up on your energy. Try to take a few deep breaths and get yourself to a calm/relaxed place. This will go a long way in helping your kids to feel calm and relaxed as well

If none of this even feels possible right now either because your kiddos aren’t independent sleepers or because you don’t have a good routine in place that your kids can count on each night, then definitely reach out to me for help! I will help to guide you to develop the structure you need around bedtime so your kids know what to expect and we can then get all kids started down the path to independent sleep. You can also read Tips To Reduce Toddler Bedtime Struggles to help give you some ideas that you can start tonight.

Toddler Nutrition & Sleep This is THE Key to Successful Sleep Training 5 Tested & Proved Tips to Transition Your Toddler from Napping to Quiet Time

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Baby sleep coach in Gilbert AZ

Expectant Parents & Newborns

Baby Steps to Baby Sleep

I will walk you through the first 16 weeks of your baby’s life week by week and give you the tools your need to understand your newborn. This is where I will impart all the knowledge I learned while working as a Newborn Care Specialist in families’ homes just like yours. I will teach you the strategies and techniques that instill a strong sleep foundation that will take root over the course of the first 16 weeks of your baby’s life. Once your baby is 16 weeks they will have a sleep foundation in place that will stay with them well into their toddler and school-aged years. This foundation can now be the basis for continuing healthy sleep habits well into their school age years. This eliminates the need to do formal sleep training later on.

Learn more — https://yoursleepingbaby.com/

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Sleep Training and Attachment

Sleep training and attachment…. This is the question that I get asked more and more regularly. “Is my baby gonna be ok if I sleep train?”. It’s a hot topic regarding baby sleep and is passionately debated anytime sleep training is talked about. You have two camps…. One that believes that teaching a baby to sleep is a gift to both the baby AND the family. Then the other camp that believes sleep training is evil and no loving parent would ever consider subjecting their baby to any such thing.

Verbiage like “unresponsive parent”, “unattached”, “disengaged” and “selfish” are all words that are thrown around by people that believe that sleep training is just outright bad.

I can tell you that in all my years working with families I’ve never worked with a parent that fits that description. I mean, where do they come up with this stuff??!!

Sleep training does not affect the secure bond and connection that a parent has built with their baby. A few days or even a few weeks of teaching a baby the skill of independent sleep does not destroy all the hours that those parents have spent lovingly caring for and meeting the needs of their baby. Babies are not so fragile in their attachment that something as simple as sleep training could break that connection.

And this is not just me saying this. This topic has been studied and it’s been proven that not only does sleep training NOT harm mom or baby but it actually strengthens the family’s overall wellbeing.

This Study pretty much says it all…. “ Behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.

Whew! Isn’t that good news? Now let’s move on to the next…

This shows that babies who get consolidated night sleep have higher cognitive scores. It also shows that they have an easier temperament, are more approachable, less distractible, and more adaptable. Now, who doesn’t want that?!

This has absolutely been my experience with the families that I work with. Once everyone is getting a good night’s sleep mom and dad both express how much MORE they are enjoying their baby. And enjoying each other! Baby is happy and alert. Gone is the fussiness and unsettledness that was once so much a part of their life. Mom and dad now have time to take care of themselves AND each other. And they now have the emotional and physical energy to care for their baby. Gone is the exhaustion and depletion that was once a daily part of their lives. Life begins to look considerably brighter as parents go from survival mode to thriving and attachment remains secure.

Here’s another Study that shows that sleep training doesn’t harm attachment. Attachment is multi-faceted and the bonds of the child-parent relationship are NOT easily broken. Thank God for that! Trust me on this. If the parent-child connection was so easily harmed we’d all be in BIG trouble!!

Quality and quantity of sleep actually lowers the stress levels in the house exponentially. Long-term sleep deprivation puts a strain on every relationship in your home. Your marital relationship as well as your relationships with your other children.

Here’s another study that looked at maternal stress levels. They measured cortisol ( a stress hormone) in both mom and baby and here is what they concluded:

“Maternal stress decreased over the first month of sleep training. Infant Stress, measured by salivary cortisol levels, also decreased slightly. The security of child-parent attachment was not different among the sleep training and nonsleep training group”.

The conclusion also showed “significant improvements in maternal anxiety and depression”

It’s common knowledge that postpartum depression is worsened through sleep deprivation. Quanity & quality sleep has a substantial positive effect on mental health, and mental health certainly affects your ability to bond and connect with your baby. A well-rested mother is more easily tuned into her baby and able to respond consistently and appropriately. Bonding and attachment supports a new mom being present and able to meet her baby’s needs in a timely manner. Compare this with a mom who is at the “end of her rope” and is feeling resentful or desperate. Which one is going to be the better mama?

Yes, learning a new skill does introduce a certain level of intermittent stress. But, let’s also not forget that there are different levels of stress. We all experience stress to varying degrees and there is a big difference between normal stress that actually helps our babies/kids to learn. Whcich, in turn, helps them to learn resiliency and reduce toxic stress that is rooted in chronic neglect. All stress is not the same. So while learning a new skill can be intermittently stressful in the short term, the long-term benefit for every member of the family FAR outweighs the short-term, intermittent stress that most families experience.

While each family and baby is different you can certainly expect a few months of being tired after you have a new baby. However, once your baby is 3–5 months you should certainly feel that sleep has improved. And, at this time, you are no longer up multiple times per night tending to or feeding your baby the way you were when they were brand new. If your baby is older than 4 months old and you feel you are beginning to unravel from being sleep deprived, reach out if you’re ready to start sleeping again.

I will help you to determine what age-appropriate night wakings should be for your baby based on a variety of factors and you can decide if you’re ready to move forward with sleep training.

So I hope after reading this that you feel a little more confident that your bond with your baby is secure. That sleep training and attachment CAN go hand in hand and know that mom guilt does not need to plague you if you decide to sleep train. YOU are the best Mama or daddy for YOUR baby and I want you to know that your attachment is not at risk if you are hitting a wall and are ready to start teaching your baby how to become an independent sleeper.

So while sleep training may not be the right fit for every family it is a viable and safe option for any family that feels that they are not able to cope any longer in their current circumstances.

Don’t hesitate to reach out if you want to learn more or just want to chat about your current situation. I’m here to support your family in a way that feels right to you. And, know that I ALWAYS support healthy attachment!

Some Things to Consider Before Putting Your Child in Daycare 5 Tested & Proved Tips to Transition Your Toddler from Napping to Quiet Time Tips to Reduce Toddler Bedtime Struggles

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Toddlers and Sleep Boundaries

Toddlers and Sleep Boundaries. This is a subject that I love talking about because so many families suddenly find themselves with a toddler who is getting up at night or pushing boundaries and turning bedtime into a 2-hour process! You now suddenly find yourself having to lay with your kiddo to get them to sleep or getting up at night multiple times to tuck them back in.

Many moms and dads find themselves with no tools in their toolbox for how to fix this issue and months go by and the problem isn’t resolving itself. In fact, it’s getting worse….

Let’s talk about a few reasons why toddlers suddenly stop sleeping all night or draw out the bedtime routine to such an extent that you’re ready to lose your mind!

Reason #1

They’ve been moved to a bed too early and mom and dad didn’t know that removing the crib’s physical boundary would create chaos in their kiddos’ sleep. Suddenly a child that was sleeping well in their crib is now coming out of their room a hundred times and is appearing at your bedside at 5 am ready to start the day!

Many toddlers simply don’t have the self-control to stay in bed, ESPECIALLY if they’re under 3 years old. Couple that with parents not having a plan, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. You can read my blog post here to read about some resources that can help your toddler to learn sleep boundaries.

Reason #2

Boundaries, expectations, and follow-through are not clear. Many parents find themselves being afraid to draw a hard line in the sand around toddler sleep for a variety of reasons. Maybe they don’t want the meltdown at bedtime or they have a baby or sibling sleeping and don’t want to wake them. Because they don’t have clear sleep boundaries and follow through isn’t consistent (or it’s non-existent) the child controls the entire sleep situation in the home. This is a recipe for anger, frustration, and broken sleep for everyone.

But here’s the thing….It’s not their fault. They’re the kid. You’re the parent. It’s YOUR job to make the boundaries clear AND follow through when your child tests those boundaries. (because they definitely will!) It’s your job to ensure your kids get adequate sleep and those boundaries are held in place in a loving but FIRM way.

Sleep is a hill worth dying on in my opinion. It affects the well-being of the entire family and will eventually cause EVERYONE to start to unravel! Toddler sleep and sleep boundaries should be one of the non-negotiables in your home if you want your family to thrive. This doesn’t mean that you NEVER lay with your kids in bed or that they NEVER lay with you. There are times when laying or sleeping together in bed is good and healthy and really helps a child who may be struggling or in a difficult season of life. The issue becomes when you have lost control and your toddler is now calling the shots around sleep.

Reason #3

Your kiddo is lacking connection. I don’t say this to make you feel guilty. Parenting is HARD and whether you work outside the home or not it’s easy to get busy with tasks and get to the end of the day and realize you didn’t spend any time connecting with your kids. Toddlers NEED to have their emotional tanks full when going to bed otherwise they will most definitely be using all sorts of attention-seeking behaviors to get you to stay just a little bit longer. Spending one on one time connecting during the day and before bed can be a huge help in making sure your toddler feels secure and filled up emotionally.

If you work outside the home and time is limited before bed, use your weekends to meal prep so that all you need to do is heat dinner and not prepare an entire meal when you get home. This one thing can give you the extra time you need to connect with your kids at the end of the day so they go to bed feeling connected and secure. If your child has been away from you all day while you’re at work, their need for connection cannot be overstated!

Reason #4

Your child is going to bed too late. This is VERY common, but the good news is….It’s an EASY fix! This one change can turn a difficult bedtime into an easy bedtime! All kids should go to bed somewhere between 6–8 pm with the majority falling somewhere between 6:30- 7:45. Kids that still nap fall closer to the 8 pm bedtime and kids that have stopped the nap may need to be in bed by 6:00–6:15, especially if the nap drop has been recent. I know this seems early but I promise, your child needs the sleep! If you haven’t experienced the magic of an early bedtime, try it and see for yourself!

But Shouldn’t a later bedtime make for an easier bedtime??

No! Actually, the exact opposite is true. Here’s why….

Your toddler has a sleep window just like he did when he was a baby. It may be longer now but he still has it. This means that once he starts to feel sleepy he needs to be put to bed. Keeping him up only results in overtiredness and overtiredness results in difficulty going to sleep and staying asleep. So if he gets sleepy at 6:30 or 7:00 and he’s not being put to bed until 7:30 or 8:00. Guess what’s going to happen?

He’s going to go from sleepy (if you put him down at this point sleep would come easily) to HYPER!! (sleep is not happening anytime soon)

The reason he goes from sleepy to hyper is that his adrenal glands have to release cortisol to keep him awake since he’s not being put to bed. He gets a second wind and that’s when he gets hyper, silly, doesn’t listen and the bedtime routine starts to become unmanageable. Even once he’s in bed he CAN’T fall asleep.

Does this sound familiar?

If so, the KEY to solving this is to simply move bedtime earlier. Here’s how to know when bedtime should be…

Back up bedtime by a half hour BEFORE the time when you notice that he starts to get hyper or silly. For example, If every night at 6:45 he begins to get super excited and start bouncing off the walls, then shoot for a 6:15 bedtime instead. This would not be an uncommon bedtime for a young toddler who is no longer napping and starts his day at 7 am. It should take no more than about 20 min for kids to fall asleep if they’re going to bed at the correct time. This can help you gauge if you’re getting it right. Kids that go to bed at the right time also sleep until at least 6:00 am and typically closer to 7:00. Early morning wake-ups (4:30–5:30 am) are generally a sign that your toddler went to bed too late.

If bedtime has become complicated with your toddler and boundaries have become non-existent, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for some practical tools. I will help you bring back the sleep boundaries that your toddler needs, so bedtime can become peaceful again and you can have your evenings back!

Tips to Reduce Toddler Bedtime Struggles 5 Tested & Proved Tips to Transition Your Toddler from Napping to Quiet Time Some Things to Consider Before Putting Your Child in Daycare

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Eat, Play, Sleep. You may be very familiar with this routine or it may be completely foreign to you. If you have no idea what I’m talking about then keep reading…

Eat, Play, Sleep is the routine I recommend to ALL the families I work with. Whether you have a baby that’s a few weeks old or a few months old. Eat, play, sleep just works and it’s one of the first steps in helping your baby to begin to regulate their eating patterns which in turn regulates their SLEEPING patterns.

I say this ALL the time….Regular sleeping patterns follow regular eating patterns. If feeding is all over the board then sleep will ALSO be ALL over the board. It’s true and I’ve never seen a baby that this doesn’t apply!

So let’s talk about why Eat, Play, Sleep works so well for babies.

EAT

Once you begin to feed your baby on a flexible routine (meaning feeds are mostly evenly spaced throughout the day) you will start to see your baby’s hunger patterns line up with those routine feedings, as long as you’re feeding on an age-appropriate routine. So, no… we’re not going to put a young baby on a 4-hour eating routine and we’re not going to put an older baby on a routine meant for a newborn.

Feeding your baby at regular, age-appropriate intervals, completely takes the guesswork out of when your baby should eat, as you will be able to accurately tell when your baby is TRULY hungry. Eat, Play, Sleep helps you to step out of reaction mode and into being proactive and able to meet your baby’s needs in a timely manner.

Here’s the thing: Most new moms feed EVERY TIME their baby cries or fusses as they assume that ALL crying is related to hunger, or they struggle to differentiate hunger from tiredness or discomfort. They have no frame of reference for how often their baby SHOULD eat so they feed CONSTANTLY.

Downsides to Frequent Feeding

Your baby’s digestive system NEVER has time to rest. It is constantly digesting food. And while a newborn certainly needs to eat frequently, especially during the first month, there is such a thing as TOO frequent! Never giving your baby’s digestive system time to rest can also contribute to reflux and gastric issues. (Think about how you feel after a day of constant eating!)

It teaches your baby that the ONLY way to find comfort is through a bottle or breast. This becomes problematic as your baby gets older and will not be comforted any other way.

Babies have a tendency to do smaller feeds when they’re eating so frequently. This becomes a HUGE drain on mom over the long term as many moms cannot sustain the feeding every 1 ½–2 hours routine for months on end. This can cause mom to abandon breastfeeding prematurely.

Eat, Play, Sleep separates feeding from sleep. Ideally, you don’t want your baby to continually have the expectation that they’re going to feed to sleep. (Because Yes, this IS what happens when a baby is always fed BEFORE a nap!) Feeding before sleep is a slippery slope and if you’re not careful you can easily end up with a baby who WON’T go to sleep without a feed!

Your baby NEEDS your help in establishing routine eating and sleeping times. He’s not going to do it on his own. Starting with routine feedings will help EVERYTHING else fall into place.

Routine feeds are the EASIEST thing to start with because the return on investment is significant! When a baby eats AFTER they wake from a nap and THEN they have playtime, they are generally happy and content during that wake time because they’re rested and fed.

Having some structure to your daytime feeds (where you wake your baby to eat if necessary) also ensures that your baby is getting enough daytime calories to allow them to naturally stretch their nighttime sleep. Daytime calories and night sleep are connected. Especially with younger babies. It’s important that you wake your baby to eat if they don’t wake on their own, at age-appropriate intervals during the day.

PLAYTIME

Having active playtime AFTER the feed is going to make for a baby that will happily play on the floor or in a bouncer. They are rested and fed and are content because all of their needs have been met. This is also a time for them to burn off energy so when it’s time to nap again, they are worn out and ready for sleep! Even a young baby can burn off energy by doing tummy time, getting outside, or laying on the floor with toys above them to look at. Tip: Exposure to the bright light outside is great for helping to regulate babies’ circadian rhythms.

Now all you have to do is watch for sleepy signs (and use the clock as a guide) as some babies aren’t totally reliable with sleepy signs. Especially if they’re sleep-deprived. Sleep deprivation makes babies wired so they don’t show sleepy signs reliably because the cortisol in their body keeps them in a high alert state.

So once your baby starts to show sleepy signs ( fussing, red eyes, yawning, turning away from stimulation, glazed eyes) then you KNOW that it’s time to put them down. You’re NOT wondering if they’re hungry because you know they just ate and you know the fussing is because they need to sleep.

SLEEP

Once your baby is put down and is sleeping, the goal is that they sleep for roughly 1 ½ -2 hrs. Depending on the age of your baby and time of day. Then when they wake up it should be their next feeding time OR close to it. If it’s time for their next feed and they’re still asleep, then YES…You wake them! This ensures they don’t sleep unnecessarily long during the day and that they get to the end of the day with adequate calorie intake. You’ve now completed the Eat, Play, Sleep cycle and you’re ready to start again.

Why It Works

Doing these 3 activities in this order will stabilize your baby’s eating and sleeping patterns so that by the time they are 2–3 months old they are well on their way to a great routine. They now know day from night and this simple daytime routine is one of the components that helps to NATURALLY stretch nighttime sleep longer and longer. It also helps to regulate your baby’s circadian rhythms which is absolutely necessary for healthy sleep.

The other benefit is that it helps your baby learn “what comes next”. Giving your baby this structure in his day creates a more content, peaceful baby. Even young babies thrive with routine and structure. And while it may be loose structure in the very beginning, very quickly your baby will take to it and you will see him begin to thrive as each day begins to take shape and begin to look the same.

His hunger and sleep will start to look the same each day, as long as you’re starting your day at the same time each morning. It also helps mom to feel a sense of peace and calm as she knows how the day is going to go and can plan accordingly. We all need structure in our life to feel a sense of normalcy and safety. Babies are no different. Eat, Play, Sleep gives both mom and baby the flow to their day that they both need.

Think of it this way…

How would you feel if, every day, you awoke at different times, ate at different times, slept at different times, went to work at different times, came home at different times, got dressed at different times, brushed your teeth at different times, etc.?

You get my point!!

You would be so discombobulated and would feel terrible! If this was how we functioned as adults, our bodies and minds would be dysregulated and overall I don’t think we would be very happy people! It would be like constant JET LAG! We all know that that just doesn’t feel good to our minds or bodies. Think about how you feel coming off of a vacation. Most of us crave the routine and consistency that come with everyday life.

So while the first month after bringing home a new baby can certainly make you feel discombobulated, you don’t have to live that way for MONTHS on end. You now have a starting point.

Create an age-appropriate routine for your baby that serves your ENTIRE family and allows everyone to have a sense of peace and calm.

Now does this mean you NEVER feed your baby before he goes down to sleep??

Of course NOT! If you know me you know I don’t believe in being legalistic! Sometimes we DO feed our babies before a nap and we certainly always feed before bed but those feeds are the exception, not the rule. Maintaining an Eat, Play, Sleep Routine the majority of the time is the most helpful for creating a flow in your baby’s day.

And If you’re wondering, how long should my baby’s wake windows be??

I hope this has given you an action plan that you can start with your baby TODAY! If you want more info on how to introduce an Eat, Play, Sleep Routine into your baby’s day with ease, reach out to me and I’m happy to help you get your baby started on the path to independent sleep!

Looking for more great resources from Mamie?

Toddler Nutrition and Sleep How and Why to Create a Bedtime Routine for Your Baby Why Hire a Sleep Consultant?

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How to Ease Separation Anxiety

Does your child cry, scream or cling to you when you try to leave? Whether you’re simply walking into another room or leaving them with a sitter. One day your child does fine with separating from you and the next it seems he’s in full-blown separation anxiety!

As heart-wrenching as it can be, it’s normal and it’s a healthy part of your child’s development. It can start as early as 6 months and you may see it emerge again between 8–10 months and then again between 18–24 months. But the truth is it can happen at any time during the first few years of life.

Most kids go through separation anxiety, and while it can be stressful, it’s actually a sign that your baby understands object permanence (the idea that someone continues to exist even when they are out of sight) and while you may KNOW that it won’t last forever, that doesn’t necessarily make it any less difficult.

Tip# 1: Don’t allow their crying or clinging to stop you from leaving.

Reassuring them that you will be back to get them or you will be back in a moment if you’re simply walking out of the room. Then give them kisses and hugs and ACTUALLY leave. Don’t keep coming back or delaying your exit. This just draws things out and prolongs the whole process, making the separation anxiety worse. Keeping the goodbye brief when it’s time to leave will make things easier.

Tip #2: Communicate.

If your child is 12 months or older, talk to them about where they’re going, (or whose coming to care for them) what they’re going to do while you’re gone and where you’re going and what you’re going to do. Talk to them about leaving and coming back. You can say something like “ mommy will be back when your nap is over”. This helps to mentally prepare them for this transition and helps to ease the separation anxiety that they may already be feeling.

Tip #3: Make sure your energy is positive and calm.

If you’re feeling anxious, that energy will transfer to your child. This is so important and many parents often overlook it. Your confident, calm energy helps your child to feel safe and secure.

Tip #4: Don’t sneak out.

While this is SOOO tempting, don’t do it. It’s better for you to say goodbye and for them to see you leave than for them to realize that you’re gone and didn’t say goodbye.

Tip #5: Develop a short ritual before leaving.

Something that you only do during times of separation. This can become a safety net of comfort for your child once it becomes familiar. It could be something like a hug and a kiss or a high five and then a phrase that you only use during this routine. Make something up that fits your family, then do it each time you leave. Small rituals like this can make a child feel connected to you before you leave and pretty soon it will become a fun part of your goodbye.

Tip #6: Don’t brush off their anxiety.

It’s good to show compassion and still hold the boundary of separating. You could say something like, “I know it’s hard to be apart but before you know it mommy will be back again to see you, And while mommy is gone you get to play with…” When you do this you’re validating their feelings while still letting them know that you ARE leaving.

Tip #7: Build in a time of transition.

If you have a child struggling with separation anxiety ideally you don’t want to just drop your child off and leave quickly if you can help it. If you’re bringing in a sitter then have her come 20–30 minutes early to help your child get acclimated before you leave. This is especially important if the caregiver is someone new. If possible, schedule a time beforehand where the new sitter can come and meet your child and have some playtime with you in the house. This can be super helpful with kiddos 12 months or older.

Tip #8: Use a transitional object.

An object that your child is attached to can be very helpful for times of separation. If your child has a lovey that they use in the crib I would suggest having two. One that stays in the crib and one that can go with him when he needs it. This keeps the one in the crib clean!

Tip #9- Consider separation anxiety in the home.

If you find that you can’t walk out of the room without your baby or toddler melting down I know your natural reaction will be to NOT leave or you’ll want to pick up your child to bring them with you. I would highly recommend that you NOT do this! It will only make the separation anxiety worse and it will teach them that the meltdown worked and they will continue to do it. You can simply say, “mommy will be right back” and then continue to walk out. The goal is to lessen the anxiety, which means your kiddo needs to learn that you leave the room AND you come back.

I have mamas that can’t even go to the bathroom alone and while you may say that’s totally “normal”, I would say it’s totally unnecessary. Once you start it, at some point you’re going to have to stop it. If your child lays outside the door and cries, trust me he won’t do it forever. You can just say “ mommy is going potty and mommy wants privacy to go potty”. That’s all the explanation that’s needed!

Tip #10: Be proactive in encouraging alone time for your child.

This can help to ease separation anxiety because your child will be comfortable being separated from you. You can practice this in his crib when he wakes from a nap or by doing playpen time. Playpen time is a GREAT way to create security and independence. Your child will become accustomed to playing by himself in a safe place while you come and go in and out of the room or are simply within earshot of him playing. This can also give you a much-needed break to get a few things done around the house while your baby or toddler is safe and playing independently. If you start this BEFORE your child is mobile it will make life SOOO much easier once your child can crawl or walk. Trust me on this!

Separation anxiety is a normal part of your child’s development and while it’s certainly not the most pleasant stage it is a sign that your child is securely connected to you and is progressing developmentally.

Continue to offer your support and compassion and before you know it your child will begin to accept your coming and going as a normal part of day-to-day life. He will know that you are coming back and that he can actually have fun while you are gone.

If you have a child that is really struggling or if the separation anxiety is affecting his sleep routines, reach out to me for more help. This is definitely a stage that can be made easier with some help and guidance.

Why Hire a Sleep Consultant? Toddler Nutrition and Sleep How and Why to Create a Bedtime Routine for Your Baby

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Staying connected once you start having kids doesn’t just happen. Many parents find themselves months down the road realizing that they haven’t had any time alone with their partner since the birth of their baby! Then add more kiddos into the mix and your relationship with your partner can easily fall to the bottom of the priority list.

Staying connected while raising kids AND making intimacy a priority helps to stabilize your relationship and give your kiddos a feeling of safety and security. It helps you to be a better parent because let’s face it, parenting is hard! Doing it as a team makes it physically and emotionally easier for both of you.

Here are some ideas for how to Carve out time ALONE with your Spouse.

Hire A Sitter or family member to Watch Your Baby.

Once your baby gets to be 3–4 months old it’s really necessary that you can plan a short date night or time out with your spouse. Finding a trusted sitter, friend, or family member to watch the baby so you can get out with your partner and find your coupledness again will feel good to both of you. While it might feel scary to leave your baby, even for a short while, you will feel refreshed and rejuvenated from the short time away!

Having a routine for your day and night will make this feel much more manageable as you will be able to give the caregiver your baby’s routine and all she will have to do is follow it. This takes the guesswork out of caring for your baby and gives you the peace of mind you need to be able to leave. It’s also great for your baby to learn to be cared for by another trusted person.

If you truly have no one that you trust to watch your baby then take the baby with you. But in the meantime make it a priority to reach out and find a trusted sitter. Community FB groups, church groups, Care.com, or referrals from friends and family are great places to start. The busyBees babysitting app can also be a great resource. I’m a huge believer that having a few good babysitters in your arsenal is an absolute MUST!

Plan Times When Your Child Is Sleeping To Spend Time Together

While I know it may be tempting to get things done around the house when your child is napping or in bed for the night, use at least a couple of times per week to plan time together doing something that you BOTH enjoy. Whether you watch a show, eat dinner, or sit on the couch and talk about the day. These times of connection to touch base throughout the week will help you much more than getting the laundry done or the dishes washed.

Establishing a routine of 20 min at the end of each day to sit and talk together is a great habit that will pay off in dividends. Emotionally connected couples are better parents and more resilient to the ups and downs that come with raising young kids.

Plan A Long Weekend Away At Least Once Per Year

This is so important! You will relish the time with your partner and come home feeling rejuvenated, connected, and refreshed. If you can’t afford to go away then have someone take your kiddos for the weekend while you stay at home. This can work great for an exhausted Mama who doesn’t want the burden of packing and traveling. Sometimes that feels like just MORE work! We did this when our kids were little and it was WONDERFUL!!

You don’t even realize how much you need this time with your spouse until you do it. I promise you’ll say “ Why don’t we do this more often??” It’s that Good!! Then put it on your calendar for the next year to make sure it happens AGAIN!

Plan Time for Intimacy

So many things change once we have our kids. Especially for women. Our bodies have just been through the MOST amazing, miraculous, (and sometimes traumatic) experience of our lives. Growing, nourishing, and birthing a baby into this world is no small feat. To say we don’t exactly feel like our best selves, after all that, is the understatement of the century! Believe me, I get it, I’ve been there.

But our bodies do go back to “normal”, (albeit a new normal) and while taking care of a young baby day in and day out doesn’t exactly make you feel “in the mood”, staying connected in the bedroom is SUPER important for your relationship. This cannot be overstated! The difference is that now it’s going to take some planning AND a mindset shift out of “mom mode” and into “wife mode”. While this may not come easy at first, the more you do it the easier it becomes. Finding a way to relax and shift your mindset is essential to keeping your marriage healthy.

Here are some tips to help

Tip #1

Schedule Intimacy into your week. Good times for this are nap times or once your kiddos are in bed for the night. If you’re too tired at night then naptimes on the weekends when you are both home works great. If you have an older toddler that doesn’t nap or older kids, having quiet time in place in your home makes this MUCH easier to schedule. Don’t get hung up on your kids being awake! If you never have sex unless all kids are sleeping you are going to be tied to night sex (when you are exhausted). Need I say more?

Tip #2

Plan some time for self-care. Whatever that is for you. A massage, a hot bath with bath salts or essential oils, music, a nap (This is a MUST when we have young kids at home), something that gets you out of mom-mode and into a more relaxed state of being.

Tip #3

Ask for help. To stay connected you MUST ask for what you need. Ask your husband to help with dinner clean-up or do baths with the kids so you can take a hot bath yourself. Maybe he brings home takeout on those nights so you don’t even have to worry about dinner. Whatever you need, ask for it. I’ve never met a man who wasn’t willing to do whatever it takes to get his wife into the bedroom. Most men simply don’t understand what we need, so being straightforward and asking is going to result in you BOTH getting your needs met.

I hope that these tips have helped you to realize that time spent together connecting with your partner is not a luxury but a NECESSITY. You’re investing in the long-term health of your relationship and your family. You don’t want to be one of the many couples who send their kids off to college and within a year are getting a divorce. Trust me this happens ALL the time. They lost connection along the way, poured themselves into their kids and neglected their relationship. Then the kids leave and mom and dad are left with nothing but an empty relationship that feels too far gone to bring back to life.

Don’t lose yourself in your kids. Yes, when they’re young they need A LOT of your time, energy and resources. But not prioritizing your relationship with your spouse OVER your kids will one day cause you to look back with regret.

Reach out if you want some help in bringing order to your home by establishing age-appropriate sleep boundaries. Because kids that are in bed by 7:00 gives YOU the time you need to take care of yourself and CONNECT with your husband.

Why Hire a Sleep Consultant? Toddler Nutrition and Sleep How and Why to Create a Bedtime Routine for Your Baby

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How to Stay Connected While Raising Young Kids

Have you heard the term False Start? Many parents, especially if you’re a NEW parent, have never heard of this. A False Start is when you put your baby to bed for the night and they are up again in Less than an hour.

Typically a false start means your baby is waking again within 30–45 min. As a tired mama, there is nothing WORSE than a false start! You’re exhausted and have finally gotten your baby down for the night and JUST as soon as you’re about to jump in the shower or feed yourself dinner, your baby is up!

Your Baby is Overtired

The most common reason for false starts is an overtired baby. Babies that are up too long or too late for their age tend to be overstimulated when going to bed. Their cortisol will spike, this is what happens when you miss their wake window (hyperlink wake window chart) and now they are wired.

Babies that go to bed overtired will be difficult to get to sleep and won’t likely stay asleep for long. This is because cortisol (our stress hormone) is elevated when it should be at its lowest. Cortisol should be the highest when your baby wakes in the morning. Cortisol is also responsible for waking us up. Then as the day goes on, it very slowly declines until we go to bed. It stays low all night until it slowly starts ramping up again shortly before it’s time to wake in the morning.

But when your baby misses his sleep window, cortisol will elevate to help keep your baby awake (since he wasn’t put down for bed when he was first sleepy) But then once you do put him down for bed, cortisol is still fighting to keep him awake. This is why avoiding an overtired baby is so very important! One of the easiest ways to do this is by making sure you understand your baby’s wake windows.

What To Do

Monitor your baby’s naps and bedtime carefully. Know that short naps, no catnap (if younger than 8 months), or too much awake time before bed can cause your young baby to become overtired quickly. This is why I am not a fan of having a set bedtime until your baby is older. Don’t ever make the mistake of keeping your young baby up to a set bedtime when they are clearly tired and ready to go to sleep! Nothing good will come from this and it’s completely counterproductive.

2. Your Baby is Still Hungry

If your baby didn’t get a full feed before bed they may very well have a false start and wake within an hour of being put down. They are simply waking to finish their feed. This typically happens when a baby is so exhausted at bedtime that they are falling asleep at the breast or bottle.

What To Do

This is an easy fix! If your baby is falling asleep at the bedtime feed this is a sign that you need to back up bedtime. Here’s how to know that you timed bedtime right. Your baby can stay awake for the duration of the feed and they are actively sucking for the entirety of the feed. They are drowsy and ready for bed after the feed but not conked out!

Now, for a young baby, you may need to help stimulate them for feeding. This is normal and fine. But if you are stimulating them and there’s NOTHING you can do to keep them awake, and you know they haven’t had a full feed then that’s typically a sign that you waited too long to start the bedtime routine.

3. How To Calculate When Your Baby’s Bedtime Should Start

Let’s take a 3-month-old for example. A 3-month-old is typically going to have a wake window of one hour fifteen minutes or as long as one hour and a half. Now, this is IF they’ve had their naps for the day AND they’ve taken their catnap (the last nap of the day that typically falls somewhere around 4:30–5:30 pm)

If your baby’s catnap starts at 5:30 pm and he sleeps until 6:15 pm. Then we know that his bedtime routine should be ending at 7:30–7:45 latest. (That’s an hour and a half from the end of the catnap) This means he should be down by 7:30/7:45. So now work your way backward. How long does it take to get your baby ready for bed and do his feeding? Let’s just say ½ hour. (adjust according to your baby’s bedtime routine)

This means that your baby’s bedtime routine should START at 7:00–7:15. You don’t want to wait until your baby shows tired signs to start the bedtime routine. This guarantees an overtired baby going to bed.

4. Your Baby’s Sleep Environment Isn’t Optimized

Having a sleep-friendly environment is SOOO Important!! This is an easy fix and something I recommend parents do BEFORE baby even comes home. You don’t want to have to be figuring this out in those first few months when you’re sleep-deprived.

What To Do

If your baby is going down and the room isn’t as conducive to sleep as it should be, your baby may wake. It could be noisy siblings, too much light in the room, or a temperature that is too warm or too cool. I find that many families keep the baby’s room, or the house in general too warm for comfortable sleeping. The proper sleeping temperature is between 68–72 degrees. Yes, cooler is BETTER!! Dress your baby accordingly.

Here are some of my must-haves for setting up a Sleep Friendly Environment:

This list isn’t exhaustive so if you’re looking for more options feel free to reach out to me. Sometimes all it takes is some small tweaks to make BIG changes.

5. Your Baby Isn’t In A Proper Swaddle

If you have a baby 4 months or younger and they’re not in a swaddle then this could be the reason they’re waking. Babies need to be swaddled to keep them from startling themselves awake. Young babies have a startle reflex and this reflex WILL wake them prematurely. You can literally lengthen a young baby’s sleep by HOURS by simply having them properly swaddled.

What To Do

Get your baby into a proper swaddle. When I say proper I mean something that is snug enough that they feel secure and cannot break out. Too much freedom within the swaddle and your baby will fight against it. A good swaddle should calm your baby and make them feel relaxed.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Swaddle Me Swaddle — This is good for very young babies and it’s easy to use.

Miracle Blanket Swaddle — This is great for babies older than 4 weeks as it has an arm capture to keep them from breaking out.

Swaddle Me Pod- This comes in smaller and larger sizes and is good for babies who like their hands on their chest while they sleep. This can be used for Newborns all the way through to 4–6 months old and they also have an option for zip-off sleeves to help transition your baby to arms-free.

If you’ve tried all these things and your baby is Still struggling with false starts and you’ve tried All of these things, reach out to me and I will help you troubleshoot! It’s generally pretty easy for me to figure out why sleep isn’t happening and exactly what we need to do to fix it. I love to help my families find better, EASIER ways to create independent sleepers in their homes.

How to Ease Separation Anxiety What is an Extinction Burst and Ways to Cope Toddlers and Sleep Boundaries

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The Why Behind the Cry

Why do Babies Cry?

Babies cry for a variety of reasons. They may be tired, hungry, wet, overstimulated, overtired, too warm or too cold. The American Academy of Pediatrics tells us that “all babies cry, often without any apparent cause”. The AAP recognizes crying as a normal part of baby’s day. Did you know that it is normal for newborns to cry for 1–4 hours per day? Yikes! That’s a lot of crying!

The problem with a crying baby (especially if it’s your first) is that it creates such a strong emotional response in us when our babies cry that our natural instinct is to make all crying STOP! IMMEDIATELY!

And while instinct and intuition certainly have their place in caring for your baby, it can’t be the ONLY tool in your toolbox. Why you ask? Because it’s simply not reliable. Using your emotion, intuition, and feelings as the ONLY way to discern what your baby needs will leave you frustrated, exhausted, and confused.

The problem is this…. If we don’t pause to assess the why behind the cry, we just react rather than determining what our baby actually NEEDS, or IF in fact, they need anything at all. Because yes, sometimes babies just NEED to get their cries out! And a parent that is constantly stopping that from happening is stifling a baby’s need to get that energy out so they can get to a place of calm.

Letting Baby Get Their Cries Out

This is a phrase that I use all the time when I’m working with families. If you understand the why behind the cry you can then determine if all your baby really needs is to get their cries out! Because if this is all your baby needs it will work like magic.

Two times when this works really well is when a baby is just fussy and all their needs are met or before sleep times. Letting your baby take 2–5 minutes to get their cries out can work like magic if your baby’s fussiness has no other root cause other than simply needing to release some energy. Once your baby has been given the opportunity to get their energy out you will be left with a calm baby awake or a baby that has peacefully gone to sleep. Either way, we now have a baby that feels calm and relaxed instead of fussy and agitated.

If you’ve never tried this before, give it a try and see what happens…

The other problem that moms have to contend with right now, as you may have noticed on social media, there is a TON of fear-mongering around crying. There are platforms that would have you believe that if your baby cries at all you are being an unresponsive parent and your child will end up in counseling when they’re 30!

The truth is, If our children were this fragile we would all be in BIG trouble! Don’t buy into it. It will keep you stuck in a place of fear and many times extreme sleep deprivation for months or years.

If you want to use good decision-making principles as you’re caring for your baby or raising your kids in general then educating yourself about why babies cry and learning to PAUSE so you can understand the why behind the cry is important. And remember there is absolutely no science behind this “unresponsive parent” narrative. Keep in mind fear is never a good place to make decisions from.

My best advice is to educate yourself. I’m a firm believer that knowledge is power. If you’re listening to someone that is causing you to be fearful, anxious or stuck in survival mode, that is a sign that you need to stop following them and bring people into your circle that empower you through education and experience and a proven track record.

Using our natural instinct to parent in a conscious, clear headed way.

The truth is, most moms will naturally gravitate to feeding their baby if they’re crying, especially a breastfeeding mama. Because a first time mom who is breastfeeding is ALWAYS second guessing if her baby got enough to eat. It’s definitely one of the things about breastfeeding that can make it hard. (especially in the early days of feeding). So her natural inclination is to “feed again”. This quickly becomes an issue as feeding becomes the only way that baby can be comforted and the breast or bottle becomes the sole means to offer comfort. Mom never really learns other soothing tools and therefore stays stuck in a reactive state every time her baby cries.

I get many of these families who come to me months down the road with a baby who has never been allowed to cry for more than 10 seconds. In the long-term, this creates a baby who doesn’t sleep well (because they haven’t been allowed to settle themselves or get their cries out) and who typically goes from 0–60 in 5 seconds flat because they have never been allowed to fuss or cry for even a few minutes. It feels completely foreign to them. This generally creates a high-maintenance baby and becomes unsustainable for mom over time.

The answer to this is to simply change the mindset around crying and stop looking at all crying as bad or good and start looking at crying as simply something that is neutral. Something that all babies do and to start assessing the why behind the cry rather than just reacting.

One of the common mistakes many moms make is thinking their baby is hungry when in reality their baby is tired, overstimulated or just fussy.

What if I told you that establishing a routine would help you to determine what your baby actually NEEDS and help you to meet that need in a timely manner? While that might sound crazy if you’ve never tried it, I can promise you it works!

Here’s why:

When you have a framework to work within and you understand the basics of newborn eating and sleeping routines as well as have an understanding of ALL the myriad of reasons that newborns cry, you can begin to logically think through your baby’s day and accurately assess his needs.

If you’re focusing on making sure your baby gets full feeds, then if your baby starts to get fussy 30–60 min after the feed you’re going to be able to rule out that your baby is hungry. If you understand your baby’s wake window then you’re going to understand that it’s time for your baby to go to sleep. You won’t be left wondering WHY your baby is fussy. You will assess by watching your baby, using the clock as a guide, and know exactly what you need to do. Which is… swaddle your baby and get them down for their nap. Then when your baby wakes 1 ½–2 hours later crying you will then KNOW that it’s time to feed your baby. Your baby is awake and crying because they are now hungry.

Here’s another example: Let’s say it’s 4:00 with your 4 week old baby. You know that at 5:00 your baby is going to get fussy because most newborns have a “witching hour” that can last 2–3 hours some days. Your baby has had a full feed at 4:00 and by 5:00 your baby is fussy. While you know it’s time for a nap, your baby won’t go down on their own. It’s the end of the day and your baby’s tolerance for light and noise is at an all time low. So as soon as you’re done feeding you’re going to prepare for this time of day by shutting off all lights and screens in your home. You may take your baby into the nursery and swaddle him and turn on the white noise. (here’s another white noise favorite). You know that reducing all stimulation and creating white noise helps immensely with the witching hour. So you prepare beforehand.

Now does this mean that you wont feed a baby that’s super fussy when nothing else is working? Of course not. Nursing is immensely comforting and releases all kinds of calming/bonding hormones in both mom and baby. So yes, adding in an extra feed during this time may very well be ONE of the tools in your tool box but it’s not the ONLY tool.

And that my friend makes a HUGE difference.

Having a variety of tools in your toolbox is a game changer. A mom that offers the breast or bottle as the ONLY mechanism to soothe her baby is not being a better mom than one who accesses first and then responds. The mom who accesses FIRST is NOT being unresponsive.

The problem is, most moms aren’t given the tools they need to access first. They are left to figure things out on their own, and that my friend, is a mistake! A mistake that can cause you to live for months on end, floundering your way through the fourth trimester and well past that into months 4,5,6 and beyond.

This is why hiring a sleep expert BEFORE you bring home your newborn is one of the best investments you can make for your family. Not only will you have me to guide you down a path that you’ve never traveled before, you will have me by your side to answer the myriad of questions that come along with bringing home a new baby.

There is nothing that will give you more confidence as a parent than when you can confidently read your baby’s cry and respond accordingly. The reality is, it is normal and healthy for babies to cry and once we learn to assess and then act, only then will we be able to begin to discern the “why behind the cry”.

I hope this has you feeling a little more empowered and comfortable with PAUSING instead of just reacting when your baby cries, to truly be able to assess what your baby needs. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or if none of this makes sense because you just don’t understand your newborn at all, please reach out for help! I can give you some guidelines as to what is normal and what is not. I can give you a general time frame of what to expect so you can begin to gain some understanding behind all things in the fourth trimester.

How to Ease Separation Anxiety What is an Extinction Burst and Ways to Cope Toddlers and Sleep Boundaries

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Sleep Training with Lovies: Tips & Techniques for New Parents 

Parenthood is a wild ride. You’re constantly learning and adapting to new things, from day one! And perhaps one of the greatest challenges that parents of newborns face is sleep training. Sleep training can be challenging and overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be! One way to make sleep training easier is by introducing a lovie (a comforting item like a blanket or stuffed animal) into the process. Read on to learn more about how lovies can help your little one transition into a healthy sleep routine.

What Is A Lovie?

A lovie is an age-appropriate object (such as a baby blanket, soft toy, or other comforting item) that babies associate with comfort and security. It’s usually something they can cuddle up against while they drift off to dreamland. The familiarity and comfort of this object helps them relax and settle down quicker than without it.

How Can A Lovie Help With Sleep Training?

Sleep training is all about helping your child learn how to fall asleep independently, without needing you to stay in the room or soothe them back to sleep every time they wake up during the night. Introducing a lovie into their bedtime routine can help them feel more secure in their own environment by providing something familiar that helps them relax before drifting off to sleep. This will give you peace of mind knowing that your little one has something comforting near them when you aren’t there — which makes sleep training much easier for everyone involved!

Tips For Introducing A Lovie To Your Baby’s Bedtime Routine:

1. Choose The Right Item

 Make sure you choose an age-appropriate item that your baby can snuggle up against like a blanket or stuffed animal rather than an item with small pieces that could pose choking hazards such as a beanie baby or small toy figures.

2. Create A Special Bond

 Spend some time creating special memories with your lovie by snuggling up together during story time, naps, etc., so that your baby starts associating it with happy times and becomes attached to it quickly! Mom can sleep with it under her shirt for a few nights or in bed with her so it smells familiar to baby. This can help immensely to comfort your baby whether your sleep training or not.

3. Make It Routine

Work the lovie into your bedtime routine so that it becomes part of their routine before they go to bed each night, just like brushing teeth or having bath time! This will help create positive associations between the two so they feel safe and comforted when it’s time for lights out.

4. Adjust As Needed

Be sure to monitor how well your baby responds to having the lovie in their bedtime routine; if they seem distressed or don’t seem comforted by its presence then tweak things accordingly until you find what works best for them! It may take some trial and error but eventually you’ll find the perfect combination for peaceful nights ahead! And don’t worry if your baby doesn’t attach immediately, Most babies will eventually attach to something, but it can take a while for some babies.

Conclusion

Sleep training doesn’t have to be hard work — introducing a lovie into the process can make all the difference in helping your little one settle down faster and establish healthy sleeping habits from an early age. When used correctly, lovies are great tools for creating positive associations with bedtime routines and helping babies feel secure even when mommy or daddy isn’t present at night-time hours! So don’t be afraid-sleep training doesn’t have to be daunting; use these tips & techniques while incorporating lovies into your sleep-training plan today!

Learn more at https://yoursleepingbaby.com 

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Baby Sleep Expert & A Seasoned Mom — Mamie Krueger

If you are an exhausted, frustrated mama feeling completely confused about all of the conflicting information regarding sleep and babies, and if you just want someone to walk alongside you and give you a step-by-step plan for getting the littles in your house to sleep independently, then you have come to the right place!

My name is Mamie Krueger (May-mee) and I am a Certified Newborn Care Specialist and sleep coach.

I have a passion for helping families create a restful home by teaching them how to implement healthy sleep habits and instill age-appropriate sleep boundaries within their homes.

I work with babies and toddlers ages 0–3 years old. I give moms and dads a sleep plan that fits their family’s beliefs and values and provide the education and much needed day to day support they need to be successful in both the short and long term. I am extremely grateful that I get to do something I absolutely love and believe in; something that has such a positive impact on families’ lives for years to come.

I would love to meet your family and see how I can best help you on your journey to raising kiddos that love to sleep, where everyone in your home is getting the rest they need to be at their absolute best!

Learn more at https://yoursleepingbaby.com.

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3 Sleep Training Myths 

Most sleep coaches use CIO

Sleep Training creates attachment issues

Sleep training could cause long term issues

Becoming a new parent is a bit like being sent into a foreign land where you don’t speak the language, you can’t figure out what people want from you, and you’re barely surviving from a rather severe case of jetlag….Welcome to Parenthood!

For many of us, we spend a lot of time half-asleep, googling all things baby-related to figure out what’s normal and what’s not.. In your pursuit of a quiet night, you’ve probably come across sleep training.

Whether your bundle of joy is a newborn, 4 months old, 8 months old, or even a toddler- there are many methods and approaches to sleep training. With SO much information out there, it can be quite overwhelming.

There are a few common themes I see surrounding sleep training and it’s easy to become confused. Let’s tackle some of these issues and hopefully I can help give some clarity.

Contrary to popular belief, sleep training does not equal “crying it out”. Sleep training has gotten a bad reputation, but in reality, that method isn’t the go-to solution for most sleep consultants. (Unless, however, you’re talking to your pediatrician, then yes, that’s typically the only tool he has in his toolbox.) That’s why the majority of pediatricians say you can’t sleep train until your baby is 6 months old. (What they really mean is that your baby can’t Cry it Out until 6 months old.) The low down on pediatricians is this…Infant Sleep is hardly even touched upon in medical school. Yes, as crazy as this sounds it’s true!

The CIO method is an old-school approach to getting your baby to sleep through the night. You put the baby in the crib, close the door, and don’t return until the next morning. That is NOT reality and that definitely ISN’T what I recommend as a sleep consultant.

Sleep training is an umbrella term that covers all sorts of methods, practices, and theories concerning how to create an independent sleeper. The goal is to condition your baby to fall asleep and back to sleep on their own. And trust me there are plenty of ways to do this that don’t involve CIO! So let’s put that “cry it out” myth to bed, so to speak. 🙂

Attachment style parenting is popular these days, and many first-time moms are scared away from sleep training or sleep shaping because they are under the impression that any sleep shaping or training will either 1. Cause them to ignore the needs of their baby, or 2. Their child will become detached from them and feel abandoned.

Attachment style parenting sounds amazing on paper, and there are certainly plenty of amazing aspects to it. Obviously holding, rocking, soothing, babywearing, contact naps, and even co-sleeping at times are all part of caring for your baby in a healthy way that feels good and IS natural and instinctual.

HOWEVER, living in a way that completely ignores your needs as a human being, for months or years on end will eventually become unsustainable and many times creates resentment and a feeling of utter and complete exhaustion. Many moms simply cannot sustain the daily reality of this type of parenting. This is NORMAL and not something you should feel guilty about!

Here’s my Philosophy….

Your beautiful, wonderful bundle of joy is a welcome addition to your family- and for the first 3 months of his life, you’re going to center it around caring for your newborn. This is normal and healthy. However, there has to come a time when you begin to transition away from that high maintenance care and start to bring some balance back into your life. This can happen slowly but it DOES need to happen. Things should begin to get easier right around 3 months of age. Your baby goes through a big developmental leap at that age and slowly transitions out of the newborn stage. Remember, You are still a wife, a sister, a friend, a business owner, an employee etc. You have other relationships that also need nurturing and that you need, in order to be nurtured yourself. Now having said that, I do really love some of the elements of attachment style parenting. Just know, you can also implement healthy sleep habits for your child as well, WITHOUT sacrificing attachment and bonding.

The silver lining? These things can co-exist!

We all know that sleep, specifically QUALITY sleep is vital. Not just for babies, but for humans in general (that includes YOU, mom and dad). While there are plenty of people out there fear-mongering about CIO and its negative impacts, there is substantial research that sleep training is EXTREMELY beneficial to the family as a whole.

Studies have shown that critical-brain-development periods are based on adequate sleep for babies and concerning this particular claim- that sleep training has no effect on long-term emotional or behavioral health. Yay for studies that support healthy sleep!

I know many parents are concerned it will affect parental attachment down the road as well, but studies have proven it does not affect that bond either. In fact, it actually promotes that bond.

A study done in Australia measured the stress levels of the babies in three different sleep training groups by analyzing their saliva for the stress hormone cortisol. The groups that were sleep trained showed slightly lower cortisol levels than the babies who had no sleep training. This suggests that the babies had less stress, and anxiety and were more rested. Yes, sleep lowers cortisol. What’s more, the babies that did follow a sleep training method fell asleep more quickly and woke up less frequently in the middle of the night. This truly shows the significant benefits of sleep training or sleep shaping to the family as a whole.

I hope that dispelling some of these myths has put your mind at ease. The whole goal of sleep training is so your baby can learn to self-soothe, fall to sleep easily, and back to sleep upon coming to partial awakenings in the middle of the night.

Minimize your sleepless nights and improve your family’s wellbeing as a whole with consistent routines and methods that are gentle and effective. Bottom line: Don’t believe every mom’s rant on the internet. Sleep training doesn’t ruin your bond with your baby, it doesn’t mean abandoning them and letting them scream, and it doesn’t affect their emotional or behavioral wellbeing. Studies actually show that getting adequate rest promotes bonding and wellbeing for BOTH mom and baby.

You have the power to choose what’s best for your baby and your family. Don’t let guilt, fear or unproven claims guide that decision process.

Learn more at https://yoursleepingbaby.com 

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This is THE key to successful sleep training

Just like with any diet, exercise, or any other healthy habit you’re trying to form- What can make it or break it comes down to one thing.

Consistency.

Once you find the right sleep training method ( or methods) pairing it with consistency is the wonder-working formula.

This is so CRITICAL for parents to understand. Your effort will be out the window if you do not STAY CONSISTENT. Inconsistency breeds confusion for your baby. This is something a lot of parents struggle with, and I get it! It’s hard to be consistent if you’re unsure that what you’re doing is even the RIGHT thing TO do! This is where having a sleep coach by your side makes all the difference in the world. No more second-guessing and trying one thing after another hoping something will stick.

Listen, I understand, as a parent, sleep training can feel like a lot of pressure. It feels scary and it can lead to stress. But I will tell you for certain, there is nothing more stressful for a family than a baby or a toddler who doesn’t sleep. Teaching your child good sleep habits will be the best decision you’ve ever made for the health and wellbeing of your family.

If your baby is older than 3 months then there may be some protesting initially. However, this typically subsides very quickly if you are consistent in your responses. This is where having me by your side is invaluable as I’m here to hold your hand and ensure you are successful. While listening to your baby protest, even for just a few minutes can be difficult, don’t let that hold you back from doing what is best for your baby! No parent likes hearing their child upset and sometimes it can feel impossible to remain consistent in those situations. This is why I include ample follow-up support with all my packages so you can stay the course and come out on the other side with a baby that has learned the valuable skill of sleep!

Your entire parenting journey is going to involve being consistent. This is how your children learn rules and boundaries. It’s how children learn everything. This is one of the reasons it’s imperative to have someone in your corner that can help you stay focused on the wins and keep progress going. I will help you stay on course, offer encouragement to keep you emotionally strong, and stay connected with you during the entire process. You will truly be amazed at how soon your baby will be over the hump (3 days is the norm). Much quicker than most parents expect!

Giving your baby the space they need to learn a new skill is super important. One of the biggest mistakes parents make is intervening too quickly because they believe in their hearts that their baby simply isn’t capable of putting themselves to sleep.

Just like riding a bike, learning to drive, or learning any new skill, you have to give your baby time and space to practice. Consistency and a steadfast routine will help reinforce their ability to learn.

Soon, you’ll be seeing progress during naps, longer stretches of sleep at night, and MUCH less protesting. Plus, as your sleep coach, I’m here to help you navigate those times of uncertainty and moments you’re ready to give up. But here’s a secret, it’s almost ALWAYS easier than parents expect it to be. 

But it’s hard to stay consistent when you’re doing it alone. That’s why I’m here to be your guide.

Click below and let’s get started together!

What if Sleep Training Doesn’t Work? How to Encourage Independent Play (and carve out time for yourself at the same time!) This is THE Key to Successful Sleep Training

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I know in this day and age we think Google can give us all the answers we need. But sometimes, it can leave us feeling more confused and divided with all the conflicting information. Who knows what to believe? It makes it difficult to know the answer to the search: Why Hire a Sleep Consultant?

The most common reasons I hear when people say they don’t need a sleep consultant is:

It’s too expensive

What can you offer that I can’t learn in a book or on a website?

I have plenty of family advice or I can figure this out on my own

The most common reason, understandably, being the cost and the idea that all knowledge can be found online.

Books are great. Google is great. But it’s not a real human guiding you and speaking directly to your personal situation. After working with a sleep consultant, you’ll be wondering why you waited.

It’s Too Expensive

You must ask yourself: Can you really put a price on sleep? If you are a working parent, getting enough sleep is directly tied to your work performance. Do you think sleep deprivation contributes to how well or how poorly you can do your job?

How much is a well-rested body and mind worth? The quality of your sleep impacts your mood, attitude, and even health. It may seem insignificant, but if your family is grumpy, short-tempered, and impatient because of lack of sleep, doesn’t that nighttime sleep (or lack thereof) spill over into affecting your awake hours?

How important is it for you to have a flow to your day that you can depend on? Predictability and routines that are the same each day and each night. Unpredictable sleep and feeding patterns can seriously upend your life when the lines of night and day get blurred. You’ll have trouble planning things in advance, checking things off your to-do list, or having any designated time for yourself or your spouse. With a sleep coach, you will come away with an invaluable education about all things related to babies and sleep. Plus the skills, and support that will serve you throughout your baby’s development and even apply to future children.

Your day will have routine, flow, and consistency and your nights will be restful.

You have to ask yourself, what is the value of peaceful nights, structured days, and ongoing support from an expert? Isn’t a well-rested family worth every penny! If you don’t believe me click here to hear from other families like you. If you truly are in a situation where a sleep package is just not possible please reach out to me here and I will come up with a custom option that works for your family.

I Can Find This On Google or Read a Book

The cost of a book may be a fraction of what a sleep consultation may cost, but a book is coming from a singular point of view. You may browse blogs, forums, and Facebook groups for more support, ideas, and methods- and end up with a lot of conflicting information.

This is where having an expert becomes an invaluable resource.

Aside from being a mom of 3 myself, I am a Certified Newborn Care Specialist and sleep coach. I have 12 years of experience working with newborns, babies, and toddlers, sleep shaping, and sleep training. I also have over 15,000 hours of in-home sleep shaping experience with newborns and have worked virtually with hundreds of families. All that to say, hiring me means you are hiring a highly qualified sleep coach to guide you on your journey to creating an independent sleeper. I will work alongside you, as your Baby and Sleep Training Expert to help direct and guide you through one of the most joyous, but often overwhelming, times in your life.

My cumulative knowledge and experience can’t be found on a webpage or in a Reddit thread. Plus, you can be sure you are doing it the right way, for YOUR baby, with me there to help you navigate every step of the way.

Gain peace of mind! Invest in something far more personalized and comprehensive than a book or a blog.

I Can Do This On My Own or Take Family’s Advice

Yes. You can absolutely listen to your mom, grandma, sister, in-laws, cute old ladies at church, and friends’ advice. Much of it comes from battle-tested experience!

When you have a new baby, everyone wants to offer advice and helpful hints. That’s great! But, with your baby, family, and household comes a unique set of circumstances that isn’t like anyone else’s.

They may have valuable insight, it may actually help, for a while- and if it does, that’s amazing!

However, if you still find yourself searching the internet at 2 am asking, “Why won’t my baby sleep?” or you keep telling yourself I can do this on my own, you may need advice specifically tailored to your baby.

We all say things like, “Sleep deprivation is just part of the deal, right?” and try to convince ourselves it’s normal. But I’m here to gently remind you that a baby that sleeps through the night and has healthy sleeping habits can ALSO be normal.

You don’t have to justify your suffering.

Each child is unique and what worked for one mom, may not work for you. That’s okay! You are still a good parent if your child isn’t sleeping well. But I know that understanding still doesn’t solve your problem!

Usually, clients have already tried these routes. The books, the Googling, the advice from friends and family. Those routes just didn’t give them success. The reason behind that is simple.

The advice wasn’t tailored to their baby

With a sleep coach, you can get individual advice, tailored to your specific situation. You also get encouragement to stay the course and help to get back on track when you hit the bumps in the road that inevitably come.

With every virtual consultation, you get time-tested, expert advice — I listen to the specific needs and unique challenges you are currently facing with your baby. Then I provide a step-by-step plan that includes sleep training education, printable resources, video training, and AMPLE follow-up support to ensure you WIN at this whole sleep thing! If you’re ready to make the investment that keeps on giving click here and let’s connect!

What if Sleep Training Doesn’t Work? How to Encourage Independent Play (and carve out time for yourself at the same time!) This is THE Key to Successful Sleep Training

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How to Tackle Early Morning Infant Wake Ups

Early morning parenting can be a tricky juggling act to tackle as new parents, and finding the right balance between your little one’s needs and yours is key. If you’re struggling with unwanted early wakeups from your infant, I’ve got some tips that will help make sure everyone in the family gets to sleep until at LEAST 6 am! ( and ideally closer to 7am)

Start With the Basics

First, let’s review the basics when it comes to establishing healthy sleep habits for your baby. It is important to have a consistent bedtime routine that includes wind down activities such as reading stories or rocking in a chair. Additionally, make sure your baby’s sleep environment is comfortable and dark so they can settle into a restful sleep without distractions. We don’t want pesky early morning light waking your baby unnecessarily. Lastly, it’s important to recognize when your baby becomes overtired or overstimulated — Getting them down BEFORE this happens can help immensely with early morning wake ups as babies who go to bed too late/overtired are MUCH more likely to wake early. Adjust your baby ‘s schedule accordingly so they can get down for bed within their sleep window.

Try Different Strategies

Sometimes our babies need more than just the basics — this doesn’t mean you did anything wrong! It just means that when it comes to sleep training it’s never just ONE thing. It’s several things that work together to create an independent sleeper. Most babies respond well to several different strategies combined. Things like white noise, proper sleep environment , swaddle or sleep sack and bedtime routine/timing can make a huge difference when combined. If none of these work, try setting up an EARLIER bedtime your baby. This may seem counterintuitive but many times an earlier bedtime will help deter early morning wake-ups because it prevents the cortisol spike that comes when your baby becomes overtired at bedtime.

Create an Ideal Schedule

Finally, create an age appropriate routine that works best for your baby and your family. This could mean having feeds that are mostly evenly spaced and 2–4 naps throughout the day with a consistent bedtime at night (around 7 pm). But remember you can’t have a SET bedtime for your baby before about 6–8 months. You ALWAYS need to take into consideration when your baby’s last nap ended, total daytime sleep and how long your baby can comfortably stay awake in general. A baby that is awake for several hours before bed is generally not going to sleep well. Also, remember that some infants may naturally wake up earlier than others –While this is completely normal you don’t have to settle for 5 am wake ups. Anything before 6 am is just too early and can generally be fixed through good sleep hygiene, daytime routine and age appropriate bedtimes.

Don’t forget to pause when your baby wakes. Giving them some time to go back to sleep can go a long way in preventing a baby that is waking early. When your infant wakes up — instead, give them some time, before getting out of bed yourself so they begin to learn that going back to sleep at 5am is what’s expected. While they may need some help from you as they are learning that’s Ok! Know that it is a process that can take some time if your baby has gotten into the habit of early waking, But it’s so worth it in the long run! You will never regret putting in the work now so reap the benefits of a good sleeper later!

The best thing you can do it to not compound the waking by getting your baby up and exposing them to light and stimulation, This tells their bodies that early morning is an appropriate time to wake up! You want to keep them in the dark, even if you have to hold them to get them back to sleep. Keep stimulation to a minimum and make sure they are not waking due to being hungry, or too cold. Remember our body temperature drops as the night goes on so your baby needs to be dressed appropriately at bedtime to ensure they stay warm til morning.

Early morning wake-ups are common among infants but they don’t have to be your new way of life! By creating a consistent bedtime routine with soothing activities like reading stories or rocking in a chair, making sure their room is DARK and comfortable, recognizing signs of being overtired or overstimulated, trying different strategies like white noise machines and black out shades, setting an earlier bedtime if necessary, and finally creating an age appropriate routine that works best for your baby — parents can successfully tackle any early morning wake ups their little ones throw at them!

It’s my honor to make sure your little one gets plenty of restful sleep while also having all the fun this season has to offer. Don’t wait to get started if your baby is struggling with early morning wake ups — book a call with me today and lets create a plan that will give you peace of mind AND a baby that sleeps til 7am! Book a call with me today!

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The dramatic wake-up is a tool that I use to help a baby or toddler to understand that sleep time is over and it’s time to get up. I use the dramatic wake-up anytime mom has to go into her baby’s room when her baby is crying. It can be used to end the nap or start the day. It’s called a dramatic wake-up because well, you’re going to be DRAMATIC! The drama is meant to send a clear message and create a clear line in the sand that sleep time is over and it’s time to get up. The main reason I use it is to send the message to your child that you are getting them up, NOT because they are crying, but because naptime is over or morning is here. It provides a visual and audible way for them to gain understanding.

Here’s how it works…

Baby has woken from a nap early or in the morning earlier than normal. You want to see if they will put themselves back to sleep. So you wait….Unfortunately after 15–20 minutes, you can see that it’s not happening. Now what?? If you go in and scoop baby out of crib they are learning that all the protesting has worked. You will then be compounding a behavior that you would ideally like to extinguish. Here’s what to do instead:

This is how you would enter the room…

Walk-in with a cheerful voice and face. Your overall energy is upbeat and happy

Do not immediately go to the crib. Busy yourself in the room for 15–20 seconds or so before you even pay any attention to your baby. (this looks very different from a mom who is coming in to scoop up a crying baby) You can be talking to him by saying something like “Goodmorning” or “rise and shine, it’s time to get up!”. If it’s nap time you can announce “Naptime is over, it’s time to get up!”. Open the curtains, turn off the sound machine and turn on the lights. We want baby to pick up on your upbeat energy and not the other way around. We want your baby or toddler to understand that it is not his wake-up that determines when nap time ends or when the morning begins. This simple act is one way that we can help create boundaries around sleep. We can’t MAKE our kids sleep but we CAN keep age-appropriate sleep boundaries in place.

Know that if a nap has been short or morning wake up has been earlier than normal, that will affect baby’s next wake window. Expect that the wake window will be shorter and watch for sleepy cues sooner than normal depending on the age of your baby.

Learn more at https://yoursleepingbaby.com