yoursnjp

[yoursnjp]

Hi tumblr! I missed you! I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep telling my stories to you again :( I promise I’ll make it up to you this time!

11/14/2021 6:28 PM

[yoursnjp]

“You were there, weren’t you? You saw I was fragile behind the armour Yet you chose me and you pushed me to the fall I was there, I was looking at you I was fearful and cautious Yet you said “shh…everything will be alright.” I believed you and down we go Now, with crushed bones, bruises on our bodies You wanted to inflict more Is this love? Is this a part of it? Do I always have to be screaming of pain? Are your “I love you’s” meant to be a salve? We are here, we are broken We wanted to put up the fight But I am tired and you are too Goodbye might be easier now than an I love you”

— +-, date unknown (via masidhi)

[yoursnjp]

Happy LDOV my loves!!

sending a special kiss to butches and femmes today!

[yoursnjp]

And I therefore conclude, 11pm is my sad hour.

[yoursnjp]

tumblr, ikaw nalang ang takbuhan. maraming salamat sa paulit ulit na pagtanggap sa akin sa tuwing niloloko ako ng pantasyang masaya ako sa totoong buhay. maraming salamat sa patuloy na pagpapaalala sa aking ikaw ang tunay na realidad — na ikaw ang wala sa mundong pilit kong binubo. ikaw ang hubad na katotohanan.

truly yours;

04232021

[yoursnjp]

Hi tumblr! I’m back again. I felt sad kasi. Sorry ha. Ikaw takbuhan ko everytime I’m feeling like this. Anyway, kwento ko nalang ganap ko today :)

So fyi lang sa future Niks na magbabasa nito, you did great this week. Though Wednesday palang, I can feel na matatapos mo tong week na to na sobrang productive. I’m proud of you. Very proud kasi masaya ka sa ginagawa mo kahit loaded. I hope you continue finding happiness and peace in everything that you’re doing. I swear, you’re doing great now, Niks.

Today, I got a surprise from Mads. She brought me my fave avoooocadoooooss from Cavite. Ang sayaaa! Layo pa ng pinanggalingan kahit meron naman sa palengke rito sa QC hahaha ganda yan? Bigat nun but she managed to bring it to Makati pa rin. Sobrang naappreciate ko. Well, I told her naman so sana nafeel nya yung appreciation ko hehe. Tapos pala inorderan ko sya ng coffee since talo ako sa pustahan namin kung sino mauuna malasing haha! First time ko mag order para sa ibang tao pero ang epic kasi hindi nya hawak cp nya hehehehehe ang tagal ni kuyang rider nag intay sa kanya. I had to call and text her pa para lang macontact sya at masabing may nag iintay sa kanya kanina pa. Saya diba? Wala na, hindi na surprise. Hahahaha! Buti nalang hindi raw nagalit si Kuya. Well, God bless you Kuya. Sorry na :))

Another memorable thing that happened today is when Josh went to the office to bring my license. Kasi naman kinuha kuha nya yung lisensya ko sa bag eh. Asar hahahaha pero ayun, okay naman. Tropang usapan, as usual. Tapos pag talaga iyak si gaga HAHAHA wala eh, hirap pa rin nyang harapin after all this time. Andun pa rin talaga siguro yung sakit and paghihinayang sa relasyon at pinagsamahan namin. But I will heal. Soon. Hopefully. And I hope he does too.

truly yours;

04212021

[yoursnjp]

Felt a little extra today so I decided to blog again, finally. Hahaha! Wala pa kong tulog since yesterday kasi may sesh kami ng beshywaps. Uminom kami ng Alfonso with coke tapos may pahabol na soju at san mig apple. Sobrang chill. Nakakamiss. It was a long overdue sesh. Ang saya. I need more of this with them. But sadly, bawas na ng isa. Resigned na kasi si Elle tapos uwi na sya mamaya. Ang sad na magkakasama-sama lang kapag may aalis. But atleast, we all had fun. I’ll miss all these fun kapag natuloy kami mag abroad. Pwera jinx pero excited ako talaga. Anyways, ayun nga, sana we can set more of this fun soon kahit bawas na. Ngayon lang din pala kami nakapag sama ni Mads. Ibang department kasi yun. Okay naman, close kami agad. Akala ko sa chat lang kami close eh. Hahaha! Hindi kami natulog as in. Tapos chikahan lang habang natutulog yung tatlo. Tapos ML ganon. Parang sya nga pinaka nakachikahan ko eh. Siguro dahil close ko na rin yung tatlo and alway kong kasama. Tsaka machika talaga kami kahit sa chat. Ang saya lang. My heart is sooooo happy to have friends, at last. I wish for everyone’s success. I wish a happy life for them. I hope they wish the same for me. Sana totoo sila sakin. Kahit sila lang okay na ‘ko. I wish for this bond to last. I wish these people in my life to last. ❤️

truly yours;

4172021

[yoursnjp]

Hello there, tumblr! This will be my first blog after creating this new account. Sabi ko dun sa welcoming blogs ko na I’ll share my everyday ganaps to you as often as I can kaya heto ako ngayon, doing my first blog. Congrats self! Haha!

So today is the third day of my morning workout. Long weekend kasi dahil holy week so sa sobrang bored ko, I’ve decided to workout nalang. Hopefully mapanindigan ko rin tong ginagawa kong ‘to. Nakakahinayang kasing itigil ulit kagaya ng ginawa ko dati. I was very body conscious before tapos biglang nawala yung will ko to do good because of, you know, bullshits. Haha! Just read my previous post to know why. Anyways, going back, ayun, I’m trying to pick myself up na and I’m starting na by working out nga. After workout, nagpahinga ako then nag edit ng featured photos ko sa facebook. Then I didn’t notice the time. It’s past 12nn already and I haven’t eaten nor drank anything yet. Nice! Nakapag lunch ako mga 1pm na. Medyo binawi ko rin kasi ang dami kong nakain. Chicken curry kasi yung ulam eh. My fave aside from pininyahan manok ni Mommy. After lunch, nag linis si Ate sa kwarto and then ako naman nag picture ng mga damit pang benta. See? Ginagawa ko ulit yung mga ginagawa ko before. I’m planning to sell ukay clothes again. Wala lang, trip lang. And syempre, declutter na rin. Hopefully mabenta ko ulit sila lahat :) 

It’s 5:57 pm now while writing this. Si ate nag paplantsa ng mga pang pasok ko for this week habang nagsa-soundtrip kami. Tapos ako, nagla-laptop, nakataas pa yung paa sa sofa. Ang saya. Sobrang comfy. Sobrang satisfying ng feeling. Ah, add ko lang pala na ang dami kong kinaing meryenda. Haha! Nagpadala kasi si Kiko ng chowking halo halo, gyoza, chow fan, and pancit canton. Grabe hindi ko na naman napigilang lumamon. Di bale, bawi ko nalang sa fasting and workout :) 

Thank you, Lord, for this day! Hopefully this whole coming week will be as good and satisfying as this day. 

truly yours; 

442021

[yoursnjp]

So what me decide to come back to you?

2020 has been a bullshit to everyone, including me. And now, I think 2021 has to suffer the damage that 2020 caused. Lately, I was feeling very lost. Well, as you know, I’ve broken up with my ex months ago. Well, he still wants to continue the relationship up until now, but I guess it’s enough for me already. 

And that is where I find myself lost. 

Since then, I’ve been trying to fill up the void he left me. He broke me big time. I was lost because of him. And to be honest, I can’t even recognize myself now. I’ve been doing things I thought I wouldn’t do when he was with me - when I was still clueless of all his dirty secrets. I’ve been drinking and smoking. I even tried smoking weed already. I did everything to make myself happy - not knowing that doing those will make me lose myself even more. I wasn’t even guilty doing all those as long as it can get you out of my mind even for that very moment. And that’s when I knew, fuck, this is how he damaged me. This is how far he got. This is how deep the wound got. And this should not happen ever again. 

So today, while writing this, I’ve decided to not to let that darkest side of me come out again. I decided I shouldn’t let anyone be the reason of my sorrow - especially those who care less about what consequences it may have. 

Today, I’m doing everything for myself, and my family. I’ll make sure that everything that I will be doing will be for the betterment of myself, be it emotionally, mentally, or physically.  And I will not, ever, consider anyone’s opinion of me again. I’ll be judged anyway so I might as well just do whatever makes me contented and happy. 

Here’s to a better you, niks! I hope one day, I’ll come back to this post with a happy heart and say “God, I really did it. Thank you.” 

truly yours; 

432021

[yoursnjp]

Hello to you again, tumblr!

Wow, it feels strange to finally be back to you. Though I also have another blog, pero this one will be my super personal, and anonymous blog. Yung ibang blogs ko kasi, may mga nakakakilala sa akin personally. So this time, I have finally decided to go fully anonymous just so I can open up things freely. And so I can vent out everything I can’t vent out in real people or in real life. 

I just hope I can continue doing this. Ang sarap lang sa feeling mabasa lahat ng rants na meron ako ngayon in the future. Mga problema ko ngayon na, hopefully, tatawanan ko nalang in the near future. Sana mapanindigan ko ‘to. 

Thank you tumblr for always welcoming me! 

truly yours; 

432021