ytdvs - Tumblr blog

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"Love is an addiction and needs to be treated like one. Be patient and find hobbies or activities that will distract from the loss of love. You will get over it soon enough." - Cheeky_Guy, Reddit

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I always return to Tumblr when the relationship can't be saved. I'll try to log all the overwhelming thoughts I experience this season here. I'm so tired & hoping this helps

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my grandaunt, Ikponwokun

which translates to: I thank Mammy Water (mermaid)

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I really want to be over this relationship, God, please. One reminder & I'm messed up again

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Last thing I received from her was an email a year ago. The subject was 'Fuck You'. There's so much I want to type in a reply about how I see a lot of things differently now and how sorry I am about how we hard we worked to sabotage a beautiful thing and how it sucks that after all that time, I still have not found someone, anyone, I care for in that way. But it would be pointless, b. I really wish we could've made it work, sis. I really do.

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Hopefully I’m learning to understand that it’s not them, it’s just life. It’s just the way the world is set up - we hurt some, others hurt us as well.

It’s just the way life goes - Lil Uzi Vert, a wise man

Love (2015)

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Did this because of greed and yields from most Naira instruments are shit at the moment. Some part of my head keeps screaming MMM, elections, what if there is a war, you might need to pay for some parts of Dad’s chemo soon, Lagos house rent will be due by end of January etc etc. Supposedly not a lot of money, but it takes two months to earn that initial investment at my current job. Let’s see

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Nsukka Group artists Uche Okeke and Obiora Udechukwu talk about Uli Igbo women’s art tradition. Smithsonian Museum.

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“..I've been traumatized before but still I'm not afraid I done seen friends turn foe, it don't amaze me...”

Those are lies, Nayvadius. At least for me. I’m still traumatized, afraid and occasionally still feel like disappearing in a cloud of cigarette smoke even though it’s now been 12 monthsr since I quit.

This lack of push, this can’tness, this seeming inability to do anything... Man, I know I’ve been through a lot (cue fuck a traumatized childhood and Lagos and losing momma and now watching pops battle cancer and every other damn thing)... But some drive, as substitute for how dead I feel inside, would be nice.

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Alberto Henschel (1827-1882):German-born Brazilian photographer from Berlin/His main legacy has been his visual record of the social classes of Brazil. His portraits…included the nobility, wealthy tradesmen, the middle class &… Brazil’s black people – whether slaves or free.

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Ruth Ossai

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Costain

Lagos, Nigeria

Onlooking

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#sapele

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“My son was crazy about a woman.  He spent a bunch of money on her.  He even asked her to marry him.  But she didn’t want him and it drove him mad.  He stopped going to work.  His clothes became ripped and his beard grew long.  He looked like someone you’d see in the street.  His personality changed too.  He grew aggressive.  He thought everyone was trying to fight him.  It broke my heart.  It felt like my son was slipping away.  He was only thirty and had given up on the world.  Everyone told me he was cursed.  I tried everything.  I prayed to God.  I went to mosques.  I went to spiritual advisors.  I gave money to psychics, but nothing worked.  Then one day I was sitting in this very spot, and a doctor stopped to visit.  He asked me what was wrong.  I told him everything, and he asked to see my son.  I’ll never forget that day.  That man is the reason for everything good in my life.  He brought my son back to me.  My son is taking medicine now.  He’s working.  He’s shaved.  He’s laughing again.  I still believe that God is the one who healed him.  But thank God for good doctors.” (Cairo, Egypt)

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“After the divorce I threw myself into work.  I’m in residency to be a psychiatrist, and I found that I could forget my problems if I focused on my patients.  But I’d come home feeling numb.  I wouldn’t sleep well.  I lost fifty pounds.  I kept convincing myself I was fine because I was still being so productive.  But when I started having thoughts of suicide, I knew I’d reached my tipping point.  I confided to my program director that I was going through a major depressive episode.  She supported me 100% and referred me to the psychiatrist I see today.  When I’m ready to get my license, there will be a question on the application that says: ‘Have you ever had a mental illness that impaired your ability to treat patients?’  I’m going to answer ‘no.’  Because being a patient has been a revelatory experience.  It’s taught me how difficult it can be to verbalize what you’re feeling.  And it’s taught me the power of denial, even for someone who studies the symptoms.  When I began the medication it was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes.  So much of what I know about depression, I learned by getting through it.”