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Fuck That

You won’t change the world.

You will get your schooling done to make your parents happy,

And get a degree in something you find intolerable.

But at least it will pay well.

You will get a desk job.

You will sit at a desk eight hours of every day to take home some measly little paycheck.

You will be bored and hate your desk and your paycheck.

You won’t find any comfort that you are helping the world,

Because you won’t be.

Unless making your boss richer is your purpose in life.

I doubt it.

You will realize that life,

Or rather, real life,

Is uninteresting.

As a child you were filled with dreams and hopes.

Of change, of adventure, of peace.

You could be anything.

But you grew up and realized that real life doesn’t work that way.

You stopped trying to be the hero of the story and have settle for just being a minor character,

Of a minor subplot.

 Suck it up, you will tell yourself.

And with that,

I can agree.

Suck it up.

Suck up the disappointment and the naivety.

Suck up the belief that you are just one in a flock of sheep,

That has no real purpose.

Suck up the anguish, the loneliness.

The pain, the failure and the uninterest.

Take it all and throw is away.

 Humanity wasn’t built for passivity.

They were built for dreams.

And change.

And wonder.

Take all the ideas you had as an adult,

That the world was unchanging and unforgiving.

And show it to your child self.

And let them be the one to tell you the words that you were waiting to hear.

The words that will change you, just as your younger self wanted to change the words.

Show them your passivity and meaninglessness and let them tell you,

Fuck That.

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Rant about fanfiction writing

I was just informed by my brother (who thinks he’s a better writer than anyone else because he has some fancy degree in writing) that fanfiction “doesn’t count” as “real writing” because you aren’t using your own “ideas.”

He doesn’t know that I write fanfiction. He probably wouldn’t have admitted his opinion if her did. But it has pretty much solidified that I will never tell anyone I know in person what I write.

I’ve already been told by several family members that my obsession with a “stupid tv show” is ridiculous and that I’m “too old” to fangirl.

Sigh. /rant

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Humans are Space Orcs “Cockroaches of the Universe”

Don’t forget to throw a prompt, request, comment, message, or critique at me. I love any and all of the above. :) 

Talk of guns and weapons in this one, so read at your own choice, don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

Report ID 2241568

Author Krill

Weapons

If I have learned anything in my time on earth, it is that humans are very good at killing each other. Honestly, the sheer amount of weapons they have is…. unfathomable. Where most civilizations have evolved in such a way that weapons are used to stun is normal, humans are capable of shaking of pretty much anything that can’t kill you and some things that can. Also, I should point out that, while most of us, think humans don’t need weapons because of their superior physical prowess, they have devised ever more aggressive ways of killing each other.

Let’s take a look at the stunning weapons for instance, used most by policemen and private citizens these include.

a.       A baton this is code for, I’m gonna beat you to death with this stick specifically designed to F*** you up. Can be used lethally.

b.      Pepper spray, hey you remember those things humans love to put in their mouths because they burn, turns out it burns so much that, if you spray a human in the eye with it, it causes even more glorious effects which include slobbering, tearing up, and a general drippiness. Not always effective.

c.       Next comes the taser = this is code for, I am going to electrocute you till you submit, also not always effective.

d.      Next comes Tear gas which is pretty much like pepper spray accept they stick it inside a f***ing grenade *(see section 3a) and is generally used on entire crowds of people.

e.      Additionally they also like to just choke each other out with their own arms and legs. Because humans are scary as hell, and they love killing each other. Don’t let them fool you with their big doe eyes, hugs, or cuddling. They will murder you. They are adorable bringers of terrible death.

f.        Oh they also train animals to eat each other’s faces off, because doing it themselves is to messy, even though they totally could and you can’t talk me out of that fact.

2.       Going on to lethal weaponry from smallest to largest.

a.       Rocks and sticks, because anything can become a weapon if you swing it at someone hard enough. This includes feet, fists, and teeth.

b.      Throwing rocks also works, not to be confused with a sling, a mechanism which allows a human to throw rocks… faster

c.       Next up is knives. This could be a pointy rock or, in later years, a pointy steel stick they use to gouge each other’s organs out with, because beating each other to death wasn’t good enough.

d.      Spears = pointy sticks they stabbed each other with.

e.      Bow and arrow, don’t want to get close to the person your stabbing with a stick. Stab them with your stick from 100 meters by slapping that baby onto a taught string attached to, you guessed it, another stick.

f.        An axe = originally used to cut down trees limbs, the logical step from tree limbs is of course each other’s limbs.

g.       Swords, because our original pointy metal sticks weren’t big enough, now I’m going to make them as tall as me, and stab people with that, because why the hell not.  These sticks come in many shapes and styles, so you always have one to match your coat.

h.      Catapult = I didn’t believe this one at first, because who the hell would think of loading a big ass boulder onto a contraption that throws big ass boulders…. Humans, that’s who.

i.         Guns = humans favorite way of f****ng each other up. Want someone dead, don’t worry just throw this metal tube of doom up next to your face and pull the trigger. We promise to keep the enclosed explosion contained while it projects a tiny bit of metal at about 1,800 mph towards your enemy.

                                                               i.      They come in all sizes too, some for your purse, some for your hip, some for hunting large game, and some that are taller than you, and some that are so damn big you might as well just strap that thing to the back of a truck, oh yeah, the humans already thought of that.

                                                             ii.      Oh they are also capable of firing hundreds of rounds per minute, so have fun committing one man genocide.

                                                            iii.      Oh, and they make them in bigger sizes too. I honestly get rockets and guns confused, but, if the little ones aren’t good enough for you, you can always just find a massive armored car and strap a F*** off big gun to that. You can also attach them to planes, cars, and boats space ships.

j.        Oh yeah, rockets work too. No not the fun kind of rockets that let you go into space. I mean other flavors any kind you like. Big tubes of doom that you hold onto for dear life. Heat seeking tubes of doom, also can be attached to cars and planes like modern catapults, accept instead of just hundreds of yards, it’s all the way across the world.

k.       Don’t forget, they can also shoot these underwater (torpedo) more than half their planet is covered in it after all.

3.       Explosives = these have different flavors too, and humans are very proficient at making them, all kinds of them, but the important ones include.

a.       Grenade = a small metal ball mixing the human ability to throw, with the human ability to rip all your limbs off. How you may ask, well by creating an explosion in tandem with shrapnel, if the sudden change in pressure doesn’t kill you than being ripped apart probably will.

4.       Now, for my “favorites”, bombs.

a.       This includes dropping high explosive on large groups of people, preferably civilians because nothing says you mean to F*** someone up than by killing large numbers of them all at once.

b.      Oh and then there is the ultimate death machine, humanity and death’s love child. The nuclear bomb because it’s a great idea to shoot a proton into an unstable uranium or plutonium atom causing it to split releasing gamma rays and thermal energy so powerful it can burn your shadow into a wall, ha ha oh and if you SOMEHOW survive that because humans are STUPID DURABLE “UNIVERSE COCKROACHES.” Than it will probably give you cancer.  The two, and only, nuclear warheads ever used exploded with the force of 20 kilotons of TNT (See reference chart 2a)

                                                               i.      This is the favorite weapon of entire human populations throwing hissy fits at each other because trade agreements, and despotic mania.

c.       And then there are hydrogen bombs, because of fission explosions weren’t bad enough, we are now going to add hydrogen atoms that fuse together and cause the remaining plutonium to explode as well.

                                                               i.      Because humans want you so dead, they will use the power of the F*CKING SUN.

5.       Modern weapons include

a.       AA guns for anti-airship using superheated plasma to make your day hell

b.      They still use hydrogen bombs, because die, but now they use them bigger, so big that they are capable of glassing your planet and the planet of anyone else who decides to F*** with them.

c.       Oh and I heard they are developing a method that could potentially turn your planet into a black hole. They want your planet so gone they will reduce it down to a singularity.

Humans are the embodiment of destructive force, they are death incarnate….

Death Incarnate would really appreciate warm cuddles, and something fluffy to pet.

[zairatimmel-blog]

Humans are Space Orcs “Fueled by Hatred”

Hello everyone, today I decided to write for those people who are more interest in the space stuff and the more deep disturbing topics, but Don’t worry, I will be continuing Krill’s adventures on earth.

READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED: this contains gore and violence.

Please keep sending me your suggestions and ideas. I enjoy it, and it helps me to determine what people are and are not interested in. 

I’ve seen something about humans, something that I cannot unsee.

It haunts me.

Have you ever noticed that humans are a weird paradox of strength and weakness? They are built soft and sort of squishy, but there is no argument, that humans are one of the most dangerous creatures in the galaxy, and one of the hardest to kill. To continue this paradox, an adult human is nearly impossible to defeat, but a human infant may just die for no reason.

Humans were born on a death planet, they are without the protection of fur or an egg (humans have live birth). Because of their physical structure, human women cannot support an infant with a fully developed cortical structure. For this reason humans are born practically blind, and completely helpless, and they will remain so for many years. It takes almost two decades for the human brain to develop to full maturity.

For this reason, human children are extremely vulnerable.

However, this weakness has allowed nature to compensate the infant’s weakness by increasing the protective instincts of parent human, and most adult humans even if they are not parents.

Human adults have been known to, lift objects more than twice their weight, leap into freezing water, fight off large animals and walk through fire for their offspring.

They have even been known to kill.

In fact, they will brutally rip apart members of their own species in order to protect their young.

If you don’t want to take my word for it, just ask a human. They have no problem admitting this to you. I guarantee if you ask them they will say and I quote, “If someone hurt my kids, I will destroy them.” Some of you may say this is just hyperbole and, depending on the situation, it might be, but I also guarantee there are times in which this is under exaggerated.

Total destruction cannot begin to fathom what a human will do to you.

They will unmake you.

Keep reading

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more "aliens being surprised by humans" stuff

our ability to belt out one entire three to five minute long song if we’re familiar with it like. suvi starts singing “hallelujah” to fill the quiet and is answered by liam all across the room in a p decent harmony. cora walks past and starts humming it enthusiastically even tho she can’t stay very long. gil joins in for the third refrain. ryder finishes it off with a passionate solo.

when they look around every alien is staring at them. vetra blinks and knocks her hands together. “that’s what you’re supposed to do when humans make those sounds right?” she asks kallo beside her, who mirrors her. everyone is a little stunned at the coordination and emotion in the performance and they all look equally moved. jaal might be crying. none of them know what a ‘hallelujah’ is, but they feel like they’ve come to understand it through this melody

they’re all extremely confused when all of the humans still continue on on their tasks without pause

edit; other songs include but are not limited to: bohemian rhapsody, mr. brightside, single ladies, no scrubs, and i will always love you

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There is a reason that out of all the dozens, if not hundreds of Marvel characters, both big and small, they started the greatest cinematic universe in history with Iron Man.

'everyone outside of tumblr hates tony stark' has got to be one of the dumbest things ever like... gp is obsessed with tony/rdj ??? you put tony stark in a movie and it's guaranteed to be one of the most successful box office marvel movies- iron man and black panther are the only individual superhero movies that surpassed 1 billion in the box office ( not gonna count captain america: civil war cause there was a shitload of superheroes in that one)

this entire ask is the truth personified but i have a lil correction *not gonna count ca:cw cause there was Tony Stark in it

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Humans are Wierd: Fighters.

What did I learn while enlisted with the humans? Don’t fight them. Simple as that, I’ve seen those freaky bald space monsters take on them all and they win. Why? They don’t understand logic and they don’t understand that not everything is a weapon.

Take Becca she was the Captain of the 3 Troop and the only female combat officer in Kovac’s band. The first time I really saw Becca cut loose was against a Flet, yes you’ve seen them of course, 17 Rells at the shoulders and 4 claws like Serach blades on each of its 6 limbs, limbs coiled with muscle like…

What’s that? No I am not describing it as an 8 foot 6 limbed winged cat! For starters just because human is the common tongue of this galaxy doesn’t mean I have to use their “lame” vernacular!

Oh fine!

Becca versus the Flet, an eight foot cat with wings and 6 limbs, it should have disembowled her…It never touched her, where common sense said avoid those long taking claws, Becca flung herself at it, she clubbed it with her drinking utensil and planted her knee, HER KNEE! Do you know the limited movement a human suffers with a shattered patella!? But no this backwards ass female space-ape plants her knee with vicious force into the Flet’s genitals, of course Becca knew where they were because the Flet had just shown them to her.

Humans can’t heal a paella well, one of the few bones that usually heals incorrectly but Becca used it like a battering ram.

In a particularly violent hand to hand battle between Major Kovac’s elite squad and 24 Burtuq the Amphibian pirates of the Folro system I witnessed master tactician and a man widely considered a genius in war used his own cranium his frontal bone…it’s only 7mm thick on average to bludgeon one opponent unconscious.

I’m serious, with no hyperbole it was his skull and it was obviously common enough for them to have a name for it, seriously they call it a headbutt although the Major called it a kiss, named for his home city.

Most stunning was the use of their hands, 27 small bones with tendons and ligaments allowing them to perform almost every task required of a human, they often talk of the mental ill health they suffer when a hand is out of action, those hands, I’ve seen all of them at one point or another ball their hand into a fist and smash it into an opponents face to cause damage.

Becca cracked a Glefleflll…Glefhlefllk…insectoid alien species 7 feet tall she cracked their carapace with a punch! I’m telling you don’t ever fight them, they use their own appendages as weapons and give up all hope if they start weaponising their surroundings like drinks receptacles or in one memorable case an item of fruit.

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there’s an educational trivia game at the citadel on the exhibits on different planets called “Dog or Not?” that shows pictures of various four legged mammals and asks if they’re a breed of dog.

it was mainly for kids to learn about the diversity of earth’s flora and fauna but it became popular with adult aliens too and had to be shut down after almost causing no less than three diplomatic incidents.

they brought it to the nexus and it’s caused two more so far

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Being the only species able to throw would be beyond important. It adds a huge degree of spacial awareness. Especially with the insane amount of accuracy. Just think about how much you use this sort of spacial awareness in everyday life.

Aside from throwing balls in sports, or garbage into the trash bin, being able to gauge distances allows for incredible time management. For instance, I can guesstimate how long it will take me to cross campus by looking at the size of a building on campus and then seeing the campus map. That’s insane.

Humans can gauge distances so incredibly quickly. Think of archery. You don’t point the arrow directly at the target when it is far away. But at an angle so that it curve the exact distance to reach the target. Playing a shooter game (or with a real gun), you can judge distances between other players (in the case of games) or targets to incredible accuracy.

Not to mention (well, I mentioned above) how almost all out sports involve throwing, depth perception and incredible spacial awareness. Baseball is the perfect example of all 3. You need someone to throw a ball. And not just throw it at 80+mph speeds, but with such a degree in accuracy that it lands in a glove every time. The batter needs to hit that ball in the precise moment and in the precise location to hit it across the field. Catchers then need to gauge exactly where the ball will land, based on the speed at which it is moving, the height it is at and the position on it’s arc. All in less than a second to determine whether to run to get it or not.

Being able to throw is much more than just throwing a ball or a gun. It is how humans as a species came to be.

And now I realize I sound exactly like a crazy alien scientist. Touche. Touche indeed

to add to this “humans are weird” thing did you know that humans are the only species on earth with the ability to throw things with any significant degree of accuracy and force (apes can throw with about the force of a human ten year old, but cant lock their wrists well enough for accuracy)

and we just never really think about it bc its so easy and simple to us that pretty much all of our sports are based around the concept of throwing things accurately

so what if the concept of projectile weapons takes most species FOREVER to get the hang of, or even come up with in the first place. a human goes onto a ship and throws some trash into the nearest reclaimer, shouts “kobe!” and all the other aliens on board absolutely LOSE THEIR MINDS

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Couples that tolerate each other’s endless endless rambling are a powerful and beautiful force for good

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a Christmas movie I want to see

It’s very relaxed up at the North Pole ever since the top demands for toys changed from handcrafted to mass produced. Most of the elves are in “qualify control” these days (very important to check those video games for violence, y’know), and Santa and Mrs. Claus are basically reindeer farmers most of the year. 

Then, in late autumn, Santa checks his list. 

He checks it twice. 

He checks it a third time, and then he calls Mrs. Claus over to the computer, because clearly he’s messed something up and deleted something he shouldn’t have. Mrs. Claus waves him out of the chair, sits down, and starts checking the settings. 

She goes very, very still. 

Keep reading

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there is absolutely no reason hogwarts couldn’t’ve been founded as a monastic school for the education of the clergy, with two houses for women and two for men, except that the hp fandom is full of bitter atheists and people who don’t know shit about paganism & religious history

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Galaxy Quest.

That is all.

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The next step in human science and exploration.

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Humans are Weird “Doggo”

Sorry that I haven’t written in a few days, but I was studying for a test. Regardless, here is another story. Feel free to send me your ideas. Weather I use them or not sort of depends on if I can think of an interesting way to write it. If the idea is small, I might combine it with another idea later on, but who knows. Please though, send me your ideas!

Humans are the only known creatures to create mutually beneficial bonds with other organisms larger than bacterium. The parallel evolution of humans and canines is a situation completely unique to humans. Some scientists suggest that it came from the need to survive on such a hostile world, while the lay person might suggest that humans are too clueless to know when something is inadvisable or, for that matter, impossible.

Krill had never seen the captain skip before, not that he wasn’t the skipping type, but because that sort of action proved to be more difficult to coordinate with his prosthetic leg. Despite that fact, Captain Vir made a big show of skipping into the bridge grinning hugely despite nearly tripping over the last stair.

“I got my approval.” He chanted continuing his skip around the room as Krill watched in bemused entertainment. For all their predatory nature, humans proved themselves to be some of the most unintimidating creatures in the galaxy. One minute they could be trying to kill you and the next minute they would be trying to cuddle you.

Perhaps, if it had still been his first transfer aboard the human ship, Krill would have seen the ridiculous display as a demonstration of the captain’s athletic ability as some sort of dominance ritual. That, and the wide grin that split his face showing a row of strong white teeth, might have served to Scare Krill away. But six months was sufficient to know that this was an almost overenthusiastic demonstration of happiness.

Keep reading

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Humans are Space Orcs: Introverts

Xkxrull of the Sllarusslralt watched the human commandos as they unpacked. He’d always considered-as much as a member of a hive could employ free thought- that the hype around human combat was just propaganda but after the month of combat he had just witnessed he struggled to keep his emotions in check. The awe he felt was being amplified by his brood packs feelings.

Everyone knew humans could recover from injuries they shouldn’t Xkxrull had seen human Mark break an arm instruct a medic to “fucking splint the cunt” and returned to the battlefield within a day, Xkxrull would need to shed any of his six limbs should his chitin break, an outcome that would result in his reclassification to non-combat. Their willingness to self-harm was well, alien yet as they branded their own flesh with pigment to show an image of porcine earth creature with wings -a bastardisation of the planet’s designation P.E.Gs-FL1- and yet he was absurdly proud of his own branding of a “flying pig” scraped into his thorax carapace by Captain Becca. Humans healed, self harmed and down played risks, Korux sky fire was “cocking sunburn” and hibernation inducing Korux frost-breaks were “a bit nippy” but they were so…chaotic, utterly unpredictable.

As a soldier hatched and raised to operate as a pack 100 strong Xkxrull knew his brood pack had been humbled they had always viewed themselves as perfect killing units. Humans however, humans… everything that made W'rell class the finest soldiers the Sllarusslralt could hatch seemed to contradict the humans. Xkxrull’s carapace was superior to the human battle armour “gimp suits” as they called them, yet when his brood brother and human Ed had been caught in open ground Human Ed had sacrificed himself for the Sllarusslralt W'rell, an action of no logical worth. Humans didn’t give up, Human Cassidy or “Barbie” as she was known had taken a Korux pulse-lance to the abdomen and a round to the throat but instead of the Sllarusslralt response to mortal wounds -break contact with the hive mind and seek self immolation at the enemies cost- she pulled the lance from her body and cut down four assailants before dragging herself to safety Barbie was recovering well he had been impossibly told.

Captain Becca had regularly split her forces into 3 “sections” or further into “fire teams” or occasionally “multiples” and allowed them complete independence in completing their objective something Xkxrull viewed with antipathy.

Now the campaign ended in victory over the invading Korux the human pack-bonding was deeply obvious, some had embraced Sllarusslralt others had performed a peculiar forelimb-grip/thorax-impact/back-slap manoeuvre while saying something like “stay in touch brother”. Quwruscknt had reported mating with human Jeff.

Spying Human Tom a soldier the others called Wolf and one who appeared to be highly respected by all his kind, Xkxrull approached.

“You are to join in the “session” tonight?“

“I’ll be there, send off Ed, Knickers, Footsteps and the others, but I won’t stay long”

“You have other engagements or duties?”

“No, no I need a break”

“You did not rest during decomp?”

“Decomp I was with the lads, tonight I’ll raise a glass to the fallen and then Pants and I will slip away”

“Pants?”

“Panther, Chloe”

“You want time with you pair-bonded one, I understand”

“No, well yes but we both want space, a month living in everyone’s pocket…it’s a lot”

“Space from…from the lads,” a horrible thought, “you are disbanding or being reassigned?”

“No, god K-rock, it’s just Panther and me, we’re introverts, we need a break, time away from the lads”

“But you’re pack bonded, what is an introvert please? I do not know this tribe”

“Yeah of course, these are my guys, you are too K-rock, I love them but, take Salmon over there, Pete can’t be alone, always needs company, and Ed, aww Ed was the life of the party, always, he’d of been all over this till he was all over, ” Xkxrull filed that under dark-humour, “but me I find lots of people exhausting I’m pack-bonded but I need time alone to recharge my energy, Chloe is the same, one person you are close with is much better.”

“Humans pack bond but some find this draining and need to form smaller sub-packs to help replete their energy supplies?”

“Basically yeah, probably an evolutionary benefit to it”

Xkxrull walked away, he could feel his brood-kind all the time, the absence of 85 of them was a silent horror he had yet to face, the idea that he would ever seek out isolation was bizarre. He was comforted that Wolf saw him as part of his pack.

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Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.