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ghostbusters are always like who are you gunna call? ghostbusters! but it’s hard enough to call the doctor’s office i’m not gunna call the ghostbusters i’d just live with a ghost in my house forever

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Your body is an incredibly bizarre machine.

“What you see is a myosin protein dragging an endorphin along a filament to the inner part of the brain’s parietal cortex which creates happiness. Happiness. You’re looking at happiness.”

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Cute when people ring the doorbell thinking I’ll answer. Even if you know I’m in here even if you hear me and even if you look through the window and we make eye contact I won’t answer! Do something about it! You won’t

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do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed 

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did anyone actually ever read those animorph books

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*a generally normal object*

humans: 

*a generally normal object but very, very small*

humans:  :O!!!!!!!!

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me: wants to be multilingual, a musical prodigy, an artist, an author, a poet, an honour student, working in a well-paying job, successful and happy

me: sits on my couch eating three(3) party-sized bags of salt and vinegar potato chips and watching thirty-one(31) episodes of my favourite tv show in one sitting

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me when i get 0 likes: likes are a social construct. ur alive but are u LIVING? kids out here liking posts but when did they last LIKE their MOTHERS? ☕️🐸

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reason for divorce: i asked them what’s up and they said the sky

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where do I see myself in five years? hopefully replying to multi-paragraph work emails with: cool! thanks.-Sent From My iPhone

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ive never said 1 coherent thing in my life

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what does being straight have to do with appreciating the sunset..