zazzmaster5000

[zazzmaster5000]

How to spot a ‘fake’ gamer

Frequently pronounces video games as “Blideo Bames”

Will often say “I need help passing this level it’s really hard” then when you look at their screen it’s running Microsoft Excel 2007

They invite you over to their place to check out their game collection and it’s just every season of Frasier (still impressive)

Their Xbox One is actually a series of tissue boxes glued together with the word “NINTEMDO” painted over it

When you ask their favourite video game they respond by doing a series of skillful backflips, temporarily distracting you from having asked the question in the first place

Keeps a secret diary with “I HATE VIDEO GAMES AND I NEVER PLAY THEM” written on every page

[zazzmaster5000]

hung out with cousin's DJ friend last night and he said the best compliment he's ever received was when he was DJing an orgy and did his research ahead of time and came prepared with Portishead/Massive Attack/Cocteau Twins/etc and halfway through the set, a woman stopped mid-blowjob and pulled the dick out of her mouth to say (to nobody in particular) "damn, this mix is incredible!"

[zazzmaster5000]

You guys hate nuance

[zazzmaster5000]

stop posting my chemical romance?

Suck my balls and taint from the back?

[zazzmaster5000]

5-25% off is a discount, 30-50% off is a deal, and 60-90% off is clearance. I'm TRUELY SICK of being lured to a clearance section for a measly 20% like please be serious

[zazzmaster5000]

listen I know that you love your robot boyfriend and I'm sure that he's great but his disregard for aftercare is raising some serious red flags for me

[zazzmaster5000]

I've been following this lady on TikTok who runs an anti-porn account out of what I can only describe as sociological curiosity. Basically, when I first encountered her videos I sniffed out pretty quickly that she was both a) very very cishet and b) a religious conservative and listening to her talk about sex and relationships has become this fascinating window for me into how The Other Side lives.

Like one of the main conceits of her content revolves around the fact that men have to constantly fight against being overcome by lust, which is hilarious to me, someone who has read fanfiction, because acting like cishet men are somehow uniquely prone to being gooners is so deeply ignorant of how anyone outside a religious conservative community lives.

[zazzmaster5000]

One unexpected thing about being on T is the way that cis men are also jealous of you

[zazzmaster5000]

Freaky t4t sex might not fix me but it might calm me down a little or something

[zazzmaster5000]

at least there's gay people

[zazzmaster5000]

you look good with blood on you what are your pronouns

[zazzmaster5000]

weed that makes you hump everything and pant like a dog

[zazzmaster5000]

I keep having to tear down extremely predatory/misleading Scien.tology flyers in my school's art building. This is the third fucking time I've ripped the fuckers up and I'm getting Real Fucking Tired of it.

[zazzmaster5000]

Ever growing collection demonstrating that TME is frequently used to be synonymous with "transmasc" or "afab trans people" rather than all people who are supposedly TME.

[zazzmaster5000]

Sorry i didnt know the differences between different metal subgenres... Do you still want head or... Oh... No thats fair ill leave, im sorry...

[zazzmaster5000]

the train of thought in this comment is phenomenal. so true.

[zazzmaster5000]

Saw someone calling HOT TO GO "YMCA for gay people" and like. I get what you're saying but. Have you actually listened to YMCA