zenofjen

[zenofjen]

Day 1 and we’re having fun

So here we are. Day 1 of a new blog. I challenged myself to write one blog post every day for the month of April, if for no other reason than I’m not working right now and what on GOD’S GREEN EARTH am I supposed to do with my time?? Actually, I have many reasons for writing and here are a few (in no particular order):

1. Writing is a muscle and as of now, my muscle is very, very, VERY VERY VERY weak.

I love writing but often times I find myself sitting with my laptop open, ready for the universal consciousness to go ahead and pour through my body already, down the crown of my head and shooting all the way into my fingers so they can tap tappity tap tap away at writing the next great American novel. (Though I don’t necessarily fancy myself a novel writer, more of a personal storyteller as well as a sarcastic and sassy commentator of all things modern culture. I feel like this niche has already been exploited but, oh well, I forge ahead.) But, alas, I can never quite muster up the inspiration to write something great because, oh right, I NEVER WRITE. (I TOTALLY did not mean for that to rhyme.) How can I expect myself to write something good if I never write at all? I need to exercise this muscle and write a bunch of shitty shitty things (like this current blog post) so that I CAN get better. And the more I write, the better I will get. (I’m guessing. Please tell me I’ll get better.) This process is arduous and painful, like trying to get every bit of brownie batter out of the bowl but you still leave little tiny lines of batter on the edges even though you make a thousand passes with your spatula but it just keeps spreading it around and you can’t quite get the bowl completely clean and you realize that it is wasted brownie batter and so you feel a slight anxiety that you couldn't get all the batter out and you feel like a failure so you start questioning your ability to be a productive member of society, therefore, questioning your ultimate existence and purpose in life. Or is it just me?

2. The entire world is pretty much on lockdown due to COVID-19 so a lot of people just happen to have an excess of time on their hands for leisurely activities, including me.

Now up until a few weeks ago I was working a grocery job so had this all happened a few weeks ago, I probably would still be employed and still be working a grocery job right now (which would be great on the financial end of things but pretty terrible in the stress/fear for my health and safety/I coughed once and now I feel like I’m dying end of things). But INSTEAD, my boyfriend and I decided (before all of the shit started going down) to pack up our stuff and move. Little did we know that the tourism driven city we were moving to was essentially going to shut down and, along with it, most of the opportunities for work. I know I could get another grocery job in my new city but, the truth is, I’m nervous to do that at the moment and am lucky enough to be in a position where I don’t have to go back to work right away. All this to say that I have a lot of time on my hands, as do many other people, and I may as well use some of this time to do something that before I would have said, “Oh I wish I had more time to write but I’m just sooooo busy.” Well, dammit, you’re not busy now, Jen, so get the fuck on with it.

3. The pursuit of art for the sake of pursuing art.

I don’t know that this necessarily qualifies as “art” but as a former art school kid, I recognize that there is something special about being creative for the sake of being creative. In our current “gotta have a side hustle" culture, it seems as though many people don’t do things for the enjoyment of doing them but rather  with the intention that it must somehow need to be monetized. I mean, can’t a hobby just be a hobby? I guess I can’t really say that I am completely devoid of any hope that writing can somehow earn me money so that I can eventually afford the time and freedom to… write, but sometimes I like writing for the sake of writing. For the satisfaction that I used my creativity to bring something into this world, like a weird, snarky, nonsensical baby. I write because I want to express myself, I write because I want to be more sarcastic than I am in my everyday life, I write because I am (marginally) more articulate and eloquent in my writing than my speaking. I want to do something for the sake of doing something, not for the expectation that I may receive anything in return. (Couldn’t you argue that this idea is what makes something “art”?)

Anyway, it took me way to long to write this short ass blog post and my brain muscle is exhausted. Till tomorrow, kids.