zenosmemories

[zenosmemories]

Loneliness. Watching Korean dramas to make up for the lack of romance in life.

I've made good progress with chess.

Feeling suicidal as well sometimes.

[zenosmemories]

There was a white kitten. Abandoned maybe? Lost? Roughed up. It came to our roof and then tried to be cute and friendly to get into our home. We fed it, played with him but kept it on the roof, didn't let it come down because we had a kitten of our own and it was scared of the new one.

We were under the delusion that they'll fight. So we didn't let it come inside, no matter how many times it meowed, acted cute, rubbed its body against our legs.

A few night later, it came down, hid under the bed. We tried to chase it out, but unlike other times, it didn't budge. it was attacked, in pain and suffering. It couldn't move, it suffered whole night, and scrambled for each breath. It almost died that night.

Then for the next three days, it didn't eat anything. Just had water. It turned from the cute child to a dying one. It didn't touch food, just lay there. Struggling to breathe.

Today it died. On the way to vet. It died in my arms.

It came out of nowhere and it just wanted love. Nothing else. It didn't care for food, it just wanted to come inside and play with us. To be around people. It was scared to be alone. And we denied that love. We were cruel to a being like that. Even if unknowingly. I'm sorry love. I'm guilty. I'm really fucking sorry. I was cruel to you. I didn't give you the acceptance you were looking for. If there's any god or being out there, please take care of him. May he be at peace. Never let it suffer ever. If there's anymore suffering for him anywhere in future, I want that.

[zenosmemories]

18 November 2024

He left. With a shirt and pant in a plastic bag and 250 rs. He asked me to take care of my brother, that he doesn't fight with anyone.

[zenosmemories]

Junagadh. Punjabi food with subhash. Near bhutnath. Night.

Your birthday. Punjabi food with vishal and tarun and uday. Same place. Night.

You and vishal having dal pakwaan and other fastfood when you were in college and he had come to visit and had to leave for work in the morning. So you both went out and he left after all the nashta. You didn't realize how important this thing was until you got a job and had to leave people.

Gupta panipuri wala. You and paras. Honey bakery.

You and vishal at nonveg samomsa shop. You having a bite of that samosa thinking it's veg.

You and subhash at the gate. Him sitting on the middle of the gate. You eating vanela ganthiya. You didn't realize what he was feeling back then.

[zenosmemories]

8th std. Intermediate drawing exam practice. Nidhi stealing a look at you and you a look at her.

[zenosmemories]

3rd standard. Window. Mom promised rice for recess but couldn't make it. She and dad came with one rupee and a sweet of some sort. I threw away the rupee and didn't accept the sweet. Some other boy took that coin from under the bench. Parents pleaded me to eat but i didn't. In the end they gave up and left.

[zenosmemories]

The receptionist. Mihir leaving. Aakash (EL) Mehul (EL). Stairs upto 4th floor. Restaurant on first floor. Mayur (waiter kid). Ketan eating 15 chapatis. Chutney. Parental feeling. Guys from indore. Gobar and ketan. Chan kitthan.

[zenosmemories]

Cycle. Pokemon go. Uday. Hunger. Samosa. Masjid. Afternoon. Court atmosphere. Tourists. Kids playing cricket. College students with laptops. snorlax. Team yellow. Batteries low. Powerbank.

[zenosmemories]

1 PM, aalugobi, masaan, last song, the lunchbox movie, steam from cooker. Smell. HIMYM on TV with food saved from tiffin for tarun.

Shinchan at 1 or 2 PM while eating.

Tea and testmatch india vs Australia.

[zenosmemories]

The true nature of life can be known during the afternoon, after a good lunch when you're just slipping into deep slumber and something disturbs you.