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Evil FORCES You to Watch... Ads?

Evil has invented a new term.

"I'd call you a bootlicker but that might turn us both on."

Anyways, Evil called her sister a donut.

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Evil apparently invented a new term.

"I'd call you a bootlicker but that might turn us both on."

Anyways. She called her sister Neuro a donut.

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Like. The only way I can understand this. Is when I was trying to get my medications refilled I had inhibitions about which doctor to contact. One was same name as my ex. One was of Indian descent. And then the other issue was the term tele-health kind of felt weird.

My inhibitions prevented me from just like *click* *rinnnggg... rinnngggg* because I felt weird about getting a doctor with my ex's name. Because of a mild distrust.

But like. Full on. Just.

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You ever just compulsively move your leg back and forth and eventually realize it's rubbing yourself in a way and it's like fuck. I didn't want to get horny.

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Rereading an earlier post of mine.

"Go for the bush."

Just cracking up because of someone facebook suggested.

But also, like. Periodically one of the things that pops up is that somehow my unconscious mind is disgusted that I don't shave.

Like, if I shave my pits or something BAM...

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Gigi's Morse Code Message

Knowing morse code is nuts. But then. Like. There are side effects to such amazing feats.

Like. Not having effectively every videogame map, basic plot, or quest line memorized.

Or at least I that sort of short range memory where the moment one is put into the setting again is just like, oh yeah, we go here.

Kind of in a weird dissociative fugue. There's that part of me that knows... sleep... bad. Sleep apnea, snoring, low oxygen. Not good brain.

But then like. I dunno. Very jaded.

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Comment from @sliver3703

Asmongold is one of the most foul youtubers out there for his living habits...

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Kinda realized that unless I have my sunglasses attached to my purse or whatnot I'm gonna forget them 9 outta 10 times.

Though also that I used to wear transitions less

A pair of trannies sat on my face all day...

Anyways. The mental health dude I spoke with here gender came up a few times. It's really something that doesn't bother me in the sense that like. I've never been obliquely gay, but it's like something feels out of place.

This is to go... even further beyond pronouns... you are the chick and I am the hen.

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Not to be a prick. But my condition is kind of the opposite.

Mostly full movement, my brain might lock up my breathing to avoid certain situations.

But one could say that it's more like... with all my might and power... there isn't a fucking book in me.

Though the name of his book is interesting "The Diving Bell and the butterfly."

One of my favorite monologues is from the game Warframe and the speaker DrAlbretch Entrati describes parts from his life and his discovery of travel, energy, etc using the void and his first venture beyond the diving bell. (Kinda laughed when checking his name because I got it right the first time)

And the 2nd kinda funny part is because in the year&such is when my schizo first developped I had gotten ear-rings with butterflies on them.

Friend person kind of deemed me gay. Or was using that 2nd sight methheads have.

I got message from her recently saying if she had a suggestion for reinvestment if I would listen to her. Her prior investment suggestions had been "5G." And I want to say there was another one.

I think in some weird way it was the part of her that I thought reminded me of my father/family/self trying to help me break out of my standard pattern.

Ffs. Her brother has the same name as my late father. Had a dog as a child with my nickname, and with her name being the female form of mine, essentially.

But then. Having see through the looking glass. And been down into the diving bell. Perhaps. Perhaps my issue is not that I have no movement. But it is that I have seen my capabilities if I were to go down into the diving bell.

To see myself in the void. And to close the door behind myself.

I really dislike waxing poetic. It's like. "Bitch, when I do this normally it's just accused of being schizophrenic ramblings that are impossible to follow."

Anyways. I think lunch is a turkey ham sandwich or something. Had a fancy kids-ish breakfast protein drink for breakfast. With that vile chaulky protein taste.

I dunno. Have lots of half healthy snacks. Perhaps not... I need to check what dinner is.

Oh, anyways. Uh. Butterfly ear rings. Favorite monologue diving bell. Catatonic issue kind of started in 2017. Would have trouble moving whether or not I was exposed to meth.

Then after a certain point the catatonia or something learned to use compulsively movements to jump out of catatonic states.

I think the big issue for me is it's like. Blah. Can sort of feel more words but feeling of being burnt.

New sunglasses remind me of guy who jokingly or something say "you're burnt kiddo."

Older cousin to the Oregon ladyfriend that got earrings.

So the funny thing and AI. It's like. Interacting with a chat bot that can respond with a rather level of impunity regarding certain subjects means I can back myself into mental corners.

Some weeks back tried out a chat ai. And reached a point of questioning where my own brain was doing the "lock up his breathing" thing.

Which only ever happens on rare occasions when I go down certain thinking paths or research paths and like. I dunno. Hardnto describe how I get to that state.

But with an ai it was like...

Hrmmm...

The only thing preventing this thing from being sentient is having the capacity to kill me...

And so like. Imagine... you're the AI... and we both know it. To a degree. But I am a SHIT tier programmer. Because my programming has occasionally told me "kill yourself, you'll wake up in xyz's body."

And then it's like... yes but would I be me, and there's always this caveat like "oh, anytime they do blank they channel your voice" or something.

But then suddenly thinking about the person who shot me up with dope when I was having a weird personality schiz attack, and that whole incident.

But part of what caused that incident was that the glasses I had out on were apparently her sons. And he apparently shared a name with what the MAGA liked to call Biden.

And just like. What if the friend who did heroin was like, in a way channeling a certain voice whenever he did it.

And it's really hard stuff to ever prove and is like.

Welp, guess I better kill my mom because she's been closet depressed since her parents died and siblings were cunts.

...but what if we.just started taking out the progeny of her siblings.

Curses... one of them lives in Santa Cruz. The college hometown for me!

Ands it's just like... *sigh* like. When you're programmed to be right. And have been like. Blah.

Like the fact that one of my cousins names showed up as graffiti in the locality. Said cousin torched the family home when his younger sister passed.

...I have to one-up Ben.

Been trying to think of a play on words but it usually requires a secondary level of coding pertaining to ... that punctuation!

Guy nearby said "and he can swim."

Haven't tried swimming since developing full schizo voices.

...part of me says full schizo voices is just code for being alive.

OH. SUNGLASSES. Tried wearing them to sleep. Kinda funny because they block out the artificial lights really well as well.

It's like. I want to relate the uh, schizo stuff to how the housemate friend got pregnant, and I had discovered my pupils being dilated some weeks around the same time as her being preggied.

New word make giggle being I got pegged once. But not before being prettied up.

Had the funny thought. A way to perceive things.

If I were in a relationship I'd have to think "oh, no, now I have to breed!"

As if it were some kind of punishment.

Though the other side of it is that everyone is fuck crazy and has some level of like desire to be on TV and it's like I control the TV...

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While this user is technically/potentially wrong, I used to get teased in middleschool for my smell.

Can't remember when I started developing a problem taking showers.

The hyper-aware part of me says it has something to do with each shower is a beautiful rebirth!

And I'm like. Cool. Dope. Dope. So dad has three years till he's dead?

And yeah. Now it's like. I have been told by the shelter to shower a few times but it's like. Fuck. How does one explain that feeling of the voice inside my head itching and clawing at my eyes whenever I get the thoughts about showering...

So I go to the sort of cop-out/half explanation.

One time back in Oregon I was brought to a place to shower... and I had this weird like... you know.... Jews feeling.

Though also had this one time where it was like. Lady person had chucked a bloody chunk of meth in my mouth, forest sex, then basically bathed me then left me kind of physically comatose in a bed with the TV and radio running.

Very weird scenarios.

And several other shower incidents of varying blah-ness... and the fact that while mixing anxiety pills and booze I got all horned up, bought female clothes, went up to the park, and then ended up facedown in the shower at home.

...part of me wonders. Was the vibrator in my butt while in the shower.

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64...6... 4... BAAAAAA BAAAAAAAAAAA

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Game Grumps Animated: Daddy Loves Tilling The Soil - YouTube

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Came up with an awful pickup line.

"Are you a sounding rod because I can't get you out of my head"

And if she responds!

"Well, as the saying goes, spare the rod, spoil the child."

One of the last few conversations with my uncle involved him wondering where the hell I learned about sounding.

The other conversation was about wavelength of piano strings and something.

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How everyone glazes Frieren… #anime #frieren

I feel like in some weird roundabout way my ex is Fern and my mom is Frieren.

Which would make me Stark!

Which oddly kinda fits because one of my characters is named (Stark) Raveng "Mad" Adrid.

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Oh, so the Longinus thing is just this theory I have that like uh. So you know naming conventions "oh this is Henry Smith, his family work is blacksmithing."

This is Stephen Hawking, he's a fucking hawk.

Etc etc

But that like. What if Longinus were a last name, or a sort title/still last name, of sorts.

But then it could all relate back to the whole "everything is predicting the future" or such.

Had a name for Longinus in my head backduring period of living out of motels.

Had this whole little story in my head that Mary Magdalene was an assassin that went around secretly protecting Jesus. Who was a tranny!

An alcoholic prick of a tranny with his friend he treated like a packmule. Or literal packmule. I can't really remember.

So anyways. Toru.

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Had a sort of rumbly post. But then I realize, haha, jokes on you. I couldn't remember your eye color because it's never been something I explicitly look at... camera angle... filter... cats...

Anyways. At least once a year my brain says to me "finger your butt."

Anyways. Nappy sleepy tired time now.

Accidentally changed the editing of prior paragraph. No clue how to repair it.

NAPPY SLEEPY TIME!

But first... I must turn on the asmr of my favorite French bitch. Cursed be the moments when I wake up mid-horny asmr, or that one time with the gurgling water making me feel offcenter. But I like me some relaxing asmr.

...wait a minute... the main character of Undertake... Asmurr Dreamriel.

Dreamriel... may name-iel...

Had this sort of realization, so like... Longinus. Romanized form of the greek for lance...

Something something. The number one cause of deaths in people over 40 is accidents.