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#i keep getting really suicidal and have really bad urges at 3-5 am#last night i texted my mom abt it and she told me to leave her alome and to save it till morning#but hhhhjjjj who else am i supposed to talk to.... everyones asleep my sister isnt home am i gonna talk to the cat? the wall?#..i wish i wasnt so annoying
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#im pretty sure some of my cuts are infected#the scarring is yellow and i dont clean thm becau i dont....care#but this is. worrying#since they were big/wide it means i might ned to see a doctor but#theyll just send me to a mental hospital afterwards and i would . rather die#so um guess. ill die
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not havin a good time h
#remember when i attempted overdose and i told my mom so i could seek medical attention and she told me to fuck off#and to figure it out myself#haha. i do
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im so sorry i didnt mean to make you upset i didnt mean it i dont know why i cant bring myself to like him theres something fucking wrong with me and i deserve to be haated for it ill punish myself i know im just being a whiny baby im so fucking ignorant why cant i understand anything ever im so stupid stupid stupid stupid so idiotic and dumb just get it through your fucking head and stop being so biased nio youre such a dumbass ugly pig and worthless im really so sorry i didnt mean it at all i shouldnt have said anything t begin with as if i had a right to say anything anyways just shut up forever cut off your fingers and mouth just anything to make you shut the fuck up for once in your god damn life
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OHhhMY GOD HES ALIVE HES ALIVE AND SAFE I WANDOS WORRIED IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE HIM BACK I LOVE HIM SO MUCCH
please come back koi
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my brain at 4 am with no sleep: stab yourself with your blade again. slice it open, you know the sickening yet immersive feeling. i want it. you want it. we want it. and it’s about time we get it
me just chillin eating an ice pop:
#self harm m/#DONT RB this isnt necessarily supposed to be a joke post im just trying to eat my ice pop over here
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i don’t think i’ve felt this grim in a while
#i could think about him and drop to the floor#snd its really my fault#i know he was t gonna change bis mind but i shouldve done better i shouldve worked harder im a dumb fucking idiot who killed someone#that mattered so fucking much to me#no one else can replace the warmth and coziness i felt when talking to him#now im just cold and alone and i feel numb#ii hate this and its all my fault#i did it#i killed him#its my fault#its all my fault#someone like me doesn’t deserve to live.
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me: mom can i please take a day off homeschllling my best friend just killed himself and i’m contemplating it myself i don’t even have the motivation to get out of bed anymore
mom: no bitch
me: ok thanks
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i don't want you gone i don't want you gone please don't leave me koi you're one of my best friends i know what you have to go through i know it's selfish of me to not want you to kill yourself but i can't help it i love you so much everyone does you're so important to me i barely have anyone i get along with but you actually respond to me and care about me you're so caring and important and kind and i can talk to you without any trouble you're so easy for me to talk to when i usually have such awkward conversations with almost everyone else you and the others mean so much to me i can't bare losing you i don't want to lose you i love you koi i love you so much pleasse don't leave i love playing games with you i love talking to you you make me feel so happy i'm so grateful for you i really want you to stay i can't deal with losing you please you really mean so much to me i feel so worthless and helpless knowing i probably can't talk you out of this i know i should try harder i know i should be better but i just don't know what to do i won't forget you ever i know you think i will but i won't you mean so much to me i don't think i'll ever get over your death you're so much more important than you think i could go on for this all day but i know it won't change anything i can't stop crying i don't want to llose you
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yeah! ok! yeah! yeah! i get it!!!!!!!!
#///at my parents#STOP TALKING ABOUT MY ACNE !#i know its gross i know im putrid but its literally not at all serious its obly a little bit but you WONT FUCKING STOP WITH THE JUDGEMENTAL#COMMENTS AND LOOKS#you dont need to constantly talk about it and comment on it!#i cant have a clear face 24/7 ok im sorry!#i havent even been able to get out of bed let alone shower for a few days because i feel miserable#and i know oh woes me#just.... fucking please#because of you guys it only makes me touch and scratch at my face more (making it worse!!!!!!)#sorry for such a mean vent post but god im just so. sick of it
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i don't feel like getting out of bed anymore
#i dont want to do anything#im sorry#i have a lot of stuff to do#but i dont want to do anything but sleep#i dont want to wake up
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