zoerivxx-blog

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makeitrainmoreno:

“Exactly- by the time we’re through, we’ll have the best darned summary ever!” Imogen agreed brightly. “And don’t worry, I don’t bite” she added, sensing the younger girl’s discomfort even if the reason for it wasn’t entirely obvious. Imogen assumed that it had something to do with  Zoë’s sudden departure that first week, but she couldn’t be entirely certain.

Either way, she decided that the younger girl’s (somewhat) positive response meant that it would be fine for her to get up and move to to the seat directly beside Zoë, and so she did just that. “Now we can compare notes as we go!” she announced cheerfully, bending over to rummage through her bag, producing a notebook and pen. 

Zoë’s instinct was to move closer to Imogen in response, both because that was pretty much what was normal if they were supposed to be comparing notes and for other reasons she wouldn’t give name to. As soon as she noticed herself doing this, however, she pulled back. She offered an awkward smile, which she hoped was indication enough that it wasn’t personal.

This whole notes thing was really ridiculous. Tristan definitely didn’t care enough to want notes, she was pretty sure, considering he usually seemed to spent most of the meetings eye-flirting with that guy he had ditched her for. And in fact, Zoë made a mental note to be the one to deliver the notes to him, lest he out her to Imogen by revealing her excuse had been totally made up.

The meeting began. Today’s topic: Day of Silence. At least since they were actually planning something, it was worth giving Tristan some sort of update. That made her feel a little less ridiculous.

excuses and progress || Zoë & Imogen

[zoerivxx-blog]

makeitrainmoreno:

After Zoë’s sudden departure from the GSA on her first week, Imogen hadn’t expected to see her back anytime soon- or at all, for that matter. So it came as a pleasant surprise to see her back not only the next week, but every week that followed. 

Still, Imogen was hesitant to try talking to her again, at least at first. After their disastrous first conversation, she wouldn’t have been surprised if one more chat drove Zoë away for good. Of course, she couldn’t help but be intrigued by the younger girl’s continued presence- especially when one week, she showed up without Tristan. 

“Ooh, want me to help? I’m a whiz at taking notes” Imogen offered, sensing an opportunity. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t the best note taker, but Zoë didn’t need to know that. 

When Imogen offered to help, Zoë hesitated. If Imogen took notes, then her excuse seemed pretty much moot. Why would she bother sticking around here if the only reason she was here had been taken over by somebody else? But then again, it probably wasn’t the worst idea. She wasn’t always paying full attention to what they were talking about, when she got too self-conscious or uncomfortable, or she just wasn’t informed enough to have much idea what was going on.

“Sure. I guess two heads are better than one or something, right?” she agreed. She forced a smile, trying to come off nonchalant.

Tristan reminded her on at least a weekly basis that people at the GSA would accept her regardless of orientation. That whether they thought she was straight or not -- “Nobody believes you’re straight, Zoë,” he had said once, really striking a nerve and prompting her to ignore him the rest of the day -- it shouldn’t matter to them.

But she wasn’t gay. She couldn’t be gay. So excuses it was.

excuses and progress || Zoë & Imogen

[zoerivxx-blog]

excuses and progress || Zoë & Imogen

@makeitrainmoreno

Zoë had continued going to the GSA every week. Not because she wanted to, but because she felt she had lost so much, and she couldn’t lose Tristan’s friendship on top of it all. So she showed up every week, more or less scowling through the meetings, hating every minute of it and Tristan’s continued attempts at getting her to accept that she was gay.

After a couple of weeks, it started to feel a little less suffocating. She didn’t really participate and she still insisted she was straight, but she started to feel a little more comfortable with the people themselves. So long as she had no reason to think anybody but Tristan suspected her of being gay, she was okay with it.

Then one week Tristan was home sick. And still texted her that she should go to the meeting. So she did, but she was quick to clarify to everyone, “Tristan is out sick today, so I’m gonna fill him in on what he missed here.” Still, she wasn’t as closed off anymore. Her chair wasn’t pulled back as far away from the rest of the group as possible, her arms weren’t crossed in front of her. It was fine for her to be here as an ally.

[zoerivxx-blog]

makeitrainmoreno:

“Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter if it’s that exactly, but something more inclusive would be good. I know that word’s got some negative connotations historically, but–” realizing that Zoë looked considerably more upset than she had a few moments ago, Imogen stopped mid-explanation, concerned. 

“It’s okay,” Imogen said, though she didn’t bother to hide her disappointment. “I get it, you’re busy. I’ll see you next week though, right?” she asked, hopeful.

Zoë barely registered Imogen’s disappointment, just wanting to get away from there. “Actually, I don’t think I’ll be coming anymore. It’s not-- I’m not-- I don’t have time for another club. Sorry.”

She left and didn’t look back, not even bothering to say goodbye to Tristan. She was still upset with him for forcing her to go and even more upset with him for abandoning her. But mostly, she was overwhelmed with how upset she was with herself. Letting herself be convinced was a stupid, stupid decision. Stupid Tristan and her stupid self agreeing. Her hands felt shaky as she hid away in the bathroom to handle the feelings the only way she knew how, heat to skin.

Little did she know, her desire not to lose Tristan’s friendship -- terrible though it sometimes was -- would have her back next week anyway.

denial || makeitrainmoreno

[zoerivxx-blog]

lilyrussoxo:

Lola was probably one of the most impatient person, so after what felt like hours but was in reality only seconds she began to swipe through more profiles rejecting guy after guy. Her heart really wasn’t in it and she was about to drop Julio back on her bed when she got a message alert. 

She let out a small squeal of excitement as she realized it was from exactly who she had been hoping for. 

Lola read his message, twirling a strand of hair around her finger at his comment, her smile widening. “Thanks <3 I love your eyes.” Lola messaged so excited she couldn’t sit still. “So you play the guitar? That’s totes hot ;)”

This felt so weird. She knew exactly who she was talking to, but she was sure Lola thought herself to be talking to... well, someone very different from Zoë, in some very relevant aspects. But then again, it probably wasn’t a big deal. This was Teender, of all things. Nobody went on here expecting to meet the love of their life or something. Heck, Lola was probably talking to five other people, she told herself. So this was fine. Just some harmless... flirting.

“You have no idea... but maybe someday I’ll show you ;)” she replied, wondering after if perhaps that involved one too many winking faces. “What about you? Do you like music?”

She couldn’t help feeling like she had no idea what in the world she was doing. It was tempting just to chicken out of this entire ‘flirting with girls’ thing. But she had started this and she was going to continue it. At least until Lola got bored of Adam, she thought. That probably wouldn’t take long, considering he wasn’t even a real person, right? So she may as well continue the charade until then.

exploring options || Lola & Zoë

[zoerivxx-blog]

exciting life updates

I got my driver’s license yesterday!

Today is my birthday~ *cue “22″ by Taylor Swift*

And I’m (probably) going to see Moana tomorrow!

[zoerivxx-blog]

lilyrussoxo:

Lola laid against her pillow, Fernando her dog snuggled up against her leg. She absentmindedly ran her fingers through his fur lightly as she scrolled through Julio. There was Hastygram was dead, Oomfchat was quiet too, and she had even broke down and logged into FaceRange and nothing. How was there absolutely nothing interested on her phone? Julio had never let her down before.

As she shifted on the bed, trying to get more comfortable, she decided to log into Teendr. She had originally just downloaded the app so that guys would buy her pizza. It wasn’t like she was trying to actually meet someone off an app. However, she needed something to get her out this boredom slump and cute boys always seemed to work. 

She absentmindedly swiping right and left, not really taking in what she was seeing until a cute brunette showed up on her screen. She paused, her finger hovering over his picture as she took him in. Adam was cute, had gorgeous eyes, and totally kissable lips. She pulled up his profile taking everything in like a sponge. 

He was cute, she swiped right waiting to see if they would be  match, her mind set on talking to the cutie with the beautiful eyes.

Why were girls so pretty? Not particularly caring whether she got a match or not, Zoë swiped and viewed several profiles. Looking at their pictures, their self-descriptions. Some of them actually seemed like people she would actually like to talk to, although whether any of them were interested in Adam was anybody’s guess. At least if nobody matched with her she had no reason to take it personally.

Then she came upon a familiar face with bubblegum hair. No, no, that was way too dangerous. She wasn’t going near anyone from Degrassi--

Until she swiped the wrong direction.

Before she could even tell herself how unlikely it probably was that they would match, she got the notification that they had done exactly that. Zoë gave a frustrated groan into her pillow, because of course the first person she would match with would end up somebody she actually knew.

And yet, she couldn’t help the curiosity. She started to tap the message icon before hesitating. If she messaged right away, that looked desperate and un-manly or something, right? Oh, for god’s sake, she was not going to buy into that crap. If Lola thought Adam was some weird girly dude she didn’t want to talk to, then that was probably for the better anyway.

“Hi :) I like your hair” she messaged.

exploring options || Lola & Zoë

[zoerivxx-blog]

makeitrainmoreno:

“That’s a good question… the QSA, maybe? Short for queer straight alliance. I’m open to other suggestions though, I just want something that’s a bit more representative of the entire community,” Imogen explained. “It just seems unfair, y’know, that this is the only club in the whole school for the LGBTQ-plus community, and the only term out of that whole acronym that gets included is gay. I mean, I guess that kind of includes lesbians too, but it really makes a lot more sense to use something that fits everyone on the spectrum, not just the people who already have the most awareness. Like, did you know that some people still think that bisexuality is a myth? It’s nuts that people still try and foce a binary on us, don’t you think?”

When she was done with her spiel, Imogen realized that even if everything she said was true, perhaps she might have gone a bit overboard- especially considering it was Zoë’s very first meeting, and she probably hadn’t expected that much detail. 

“Uh, sorry about that. I can get a bit carried away sometimes” she admitted, hoping she hadn’t completely scared the younger girl off.

Zoë watched as Imogen talked, the words not fully processing as she became more concerned with how to answer -- and also trying to ignore the stupid reactions she was having to Imogen, like butterflies. She was scared Imogen would notice and scared of what it mea-- it definitely meant nothing at all, but still, and then Imogen just outed herself so easily, like it was no problem at all--

But then Imogen apologized and even though a part of her basically wanted to flee, a part of her needed Imogen to know she hadn’t done anything wrong. “No, it’s fine. I just, um...” she laughed nervously, “I didn’t really understand... some of that.” She thought about it and looked around to make sure nobody was paying enough attention to overhear before asking, “Why would you want to be called... you know, that?”

The word ‘queer’ brought her back to conversations with her mother about “the gays.” Those were never fun conversations. Especially now. The gays who ‘thought they deserved special privileges’ all over the world now. Forget gay marriage, she was pretty sure her mother was a fan of countries where it was punishable by death. Something something, God this, Jesus that, man shall not lie with man...

“Y’know, actually, I-- I just remembered something I have to go do.”

denial || makeitrainmoreno

[zoerivxx-blog]

exploring options || Lola & Zoë

@lilyrussoxo

This was nothing serious. It was just... something. An experiment. To what end, she didn’t know. Maybe just trying to feel a little less shitty about herself.

She chose a dating site she’d heard about every now and then. She had never thought she would use it -- she had always thought people on dating sites were probably losers or something -- but it let her stay anonymous.

Gender: male. Orientation: straight. Name: Adam Eaton. Picture: some random attractive brunette guy, courtesy of Google Images.

The rest of the profile she tried to fill out pretty accurately, taking out any identifying details. Instead of singing, “Adam” was good at playing electric guitar. Instead of wanting to be an actor, he wanted to be a soccer player. He was 17 just like her, but attended a nearby school instead of Degrassi. Her personality remained, but she felt pretty sure that no one would be able to recognize her. Not that she was looking for any matches who she had ever met anyway. The more distance between herself and Adam, the better.

“And... there. Done.” The profile was finished. Nervously, she started to browse through her potential matches.

[zoerivxx-blog]

makeitrainmoreno:

Imogen simply nodded as Zoë went on about how music must have been the similarity Tristan was talking about, deciding against arguing the point. It really sounded like Zoë was in denial herself, which meant that telling her about how safe a space this was would do absolutely nothing except possibly anger her. She was fascinated with the length the younger girl seemed willing to go to, but that didn’t stop her from allowing the conversation to be steered in a different direction when her old band was mentioned.

“WhisperHug,” she supplied, pleased to have the opportunity to talk about the band. It wasn’t often people brought that up these days- almost like everyone had forgotten all about it but her. 

“I do, but it’s more of a solo thing these days- the band broke up when Mo graduated, unfortuantely” Imogen explained, heaving an overly dramatic sigh. “I guess the bright side of that is I’ve got more time now to dedicate to other things- like lobbying to get this club’s name changed” she added thoughtfully.

Zoë nodded as Imogen reminded her of the band’s name. It definitely did seem to have fallen off the map, so to speak. Well, as a former celebrity herself, she knew how quickly that could happen. One minute people knew her for Gatsby Garcia on West Drive and the next thing she knew her Hastygram notifications were practically empty.

And then Imogen brought up the club again. Great. Zoë averted her eyes, trying not to think about how cute Imogen was when she smiled like that. But that didn’t mean anything, of course. Everybody thought that girls were pretty. There was absolutely nothing strange about it. And of course her heart was going to beat fast when she was nervous because Tristan ditched her. And that was definitely the only reason she was nervous. The only reason.

“What are you trying to change the name to?” she asked, trying to look at Imogen, her voice just a little too high to sound natural despite her best efforts not to appear as nervous as she felt. This was it. She was never going to another one of these weird meetings again. This was all Tristan’s fault. Somehow.

denial || makeitrainmoreno

[zoerivxx-blog]

makeitrainmoreno:

Aside from a brief flicker of surprise when none other than Zoë Rivas walked into the room, Imogen was largely unconcerned with the younger girl’s presence- it wasn’t as if they ran in the same social circles after all, and it was absolutely none of her business what the younger girl did.

And yet, she couldn’t help but allow her interest to be piqued by the younger girl’s introduction to the group- namely, how obvious Zoë’s lie was. Maybe she’d been a TV star back in the day, but Imogen wasn’t buying what she was selling, not in the least. So when the structured part of the meeting came to a close and gave way to the usual socialization that followed, Imogen decided to make her way over. It didn’t look too strange, since she and Tristan sometimes talked during these meetings. “Hey, Tris!” she greeted, flashing her usual goofy grin. “How’ve you been?”

“Fabulous of course, and you? Please tell me you’ve gotten over that Jack thing” Tristan replied, fairly engaged in the conversation up until the point where he glanced around the room, only to make eye contact with a total hottie. “Actually, Zoë, why don’t you talk to Imogen? I’m sure the two of you have… something in common. Toodles!” And with that, he strode across the room to chat up the hottie in question. 

Imogen raised an eyebrow, but couldn’t complain at the ready-made excuse to have a chat with the person she’d been hoping to talk to in the first place. Instead, she turned to face Zoë. “I would say sorry about him, but I’m guessing you’re used to it, being his best friend and all” Imogen said, though there was still an apologetic air to her tone. “I’m Imogen, by the way” she added, not entirely certain if the younger girl knew her.

The meeting was terrible. They talked about gay things and while she had nothing against gay people, she could feel their eyes on her. She was getting involved in these discussions on gay things, even if she refused to say a word. They were seeing her as a potential part of the group. And yes, she had said she was just an ally, but how long until Tristan’s not-so-subtle tendencies completely spilled her secret? --Or rather, what he thought was her secret but was definitely not true. But if he said it was, she was sure everybody would believe him over her.

It was a relief when the meeting ended, until a friend of Tristan’s came over and started talking, and then Tristan ditched her. He ditched her with some weird girl from the stupid GSA she hadn’t even wanted to go to. And said they had ‘something in common.’ She knew exactly what he was trying to imply. If looks could kill, Tristan would have fallen over dead.

Still, Zoë forced a smile as she looked at Imogen, an excuse ready. She wasn’t going to let Tristan’s implication out her at this disaster of a group. --Not out her. That would assume she was actually gay. Whatever. She wasn’t going to let him make them all think she was gay.

“Right, I think I’ve heard about you. That band, right? Whisper... something? I like music too -- I used to sing -- so I’m sure that’s what Tristan meant.” She needed to change the subject. Get Imogen talking about herself so that the conversation wasn’t on her. “Do you still play?”

denial || makeitrainmoreno

[zoerivxx-blog]

denial || makeitrainmoreno

@makeitrainmoreno

Zoë couldn’t believe she had let herself be talked into this. But here she was, at one of Degrassi’s GSA meetings with Tristan. Her arms were crossed and she periodically shot Tristan a glare. She didn’t belong here. She was not gay. She wasn’t. Grace had just been... a confusion. A tiny lapse in her heterosexuality, borne of loneliness or something. Nothing more.

“I see we have a new member!” the faculty adviser said, seeing her obvious discomfort and trying to help her feel welcome. “Would you like to introduce yourself?”

Not really. She forced a smile, self-consciously smoothing down her dress over her legs. It made the more recent burns sting. Without really thinking about it, she repeated the motion, more pressure this time. Whatever, it would just look like a nervous habit. Besides, it wasn’t like anybody cared enough to notice anyway.

“Zoë Rivas, grade 11. I’m here as an ally. Because of my friend Tristan. So I’m an ally. A straight ally.”

[zoerivxx-blog]

rules

I am semi-selective, and at times I may have too much on my plate to take on new threads. Please also understand that during school semesters I will be slow to reply; I’m a grad student and it eats up a lot of my time and energy.

I ship Zoë with Grace and Maya, but we don’t have to ship. I’m also open to shipping her with other girls if it comes up. Regardless, I’ll ask you about it first if I want to ship our muses.

Zoë is a minor, so there won’t be any smut. If it comes up, we can do a fade to black. Even if we do a thread where she’s older, I’m really not interested in writing smut.

Open starters and memes are always open! Feel free to reply to old starters or send in old starter memes. I do ask that if it’s a “send [symbol] for __” meme and it’s been more than a week you remind me what the symbol is for, though.

I’m also totally open to random starters! I track zoerivxx.

Crossovers are totally cool, but I would prefer to stick to series that I’m familiar with. (Feel free to ask!) I’m also open to OCs, so long as they have a bio. The one stipulation is that I would rather not RP with other characters who have Ana Golja as their FC.

Since it is canon, there may be times self-injury comes up. They will always be tagged self-harm//

Please don’t remind me about threads. I use a thread tracker, so it’s unlikely that I’ll lose them. If it’s been a while since I’ve replied, I’m probably just really stressed/busy and don’t have muse for it at that time.