zoesboringlife - Tumblr blog

[zoesboringlife]

Heyy

My name is Zoe

Sooo Long Story Short: I've been on pro Ana tumblr when I was at the lowest point in my life (end of 2020 - end of 2021). I'm diagnosed with anorexia and I'm living with it since I was 12. I had to start forced recovery in summer 2021 and I had to go to a psych ward in the beginning of 2022. When I got released I weighed 47kg/103lbs. From February 2022 - June 2022 it felt SO easy and I was happier than ever. I truly believed that I was never going to relapse again. I must say, I'm a lot better now (for my depression at least). But a never ending circle of relapsing over and over again began in July 2022. Until now my weight has always been somewhere between 41kg/91lbs and 48kg/106lbs. I hate how it is now. For the last few months I cannot stop overeating and I hate my body more and more. When I look at old photos from when I was underweight (my bmi was at 15.6 and I think now it's 19.4) I actually want to die again even though I'm not su1cidal anymore. And I would do anything to lose weight again. My goal is 36kg/79lbs and anything under that. I'm 15 now btw. So, since I feel so fvcking helpless rn, and I know every time I was on tumblr again I relapsed, I came back after months and hope it'll work now. :)

Anyway, I'll keep you updated every day

Btw my scale has been broken now for weeks or smth and I can't use my mom's scale cuz it's connected to her phone. When I get some money again I'll try to secretly buy a new one. The last time I weighed myself (5 days ago) I weighed 46kg/101-102lbs. Idk how much it is now but I guess probably the same or maybe a bit less because for the last few days I've been eating like 1100 - 1700kcal a day.

Today I ate:

- 4x vegan toasty choc pancakes (159 kcal each) - 634 kcal

- 3x white choc yoghurt ricecakes (84 kcal each) - 252 kcal

- 1x slice of white toast (95 kcal) + 15g of vegan cream cheese (34 kcal) - 129 kcal

- 1x slice of white toast (95 kcal) + 13g chili hummus (27 kcal) - 122 kcal

In total: 1139 kcal

Also, feel very free to motivate me and give me the roughest meanspo you can think of cuz

I'M SERIOUSLY NOT HAPPY W MY WEIGHT RN!!!!