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I want to be in love with someone
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Craving to be a skinny but thicky femme lesbian nonbinary she he they babe with a sexy he they butch dyke lesbian girlfriend that will pay for me and carry me and toss me around so badddd
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Had a trauma bonding moment with my new co worker and I opened up this can of worms I was avoiding thinking about that I had never talked to other people about before. And it’s been rough tee hee
#me realizing that I’m the biggest people pleaser and I put other people first while still depending on them#and i lowkey think I’ve been SA’d but im still processing that#like I think it’s true bc I remember being rlly scared so bad I was trembling and forcing myself to fall asleep while he was touching me??
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Manifesting
#manifesting wealth and property for the people I love dearly#they are going to be okay and live comfortably#manifesting I am successful enough to give that to them
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I felt okay for one day then I binged and then something came up that made me realize how much of a piece of shjt i am and now I’m back at square one
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It’s so unfortunate my mother has a failure of a daughter who is going to kill herself
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Being ffriends with someone and not being able to understand your own feelings and assuming that every person you talk has to be in a romantic way but you don’t understand how romantic feelings work cuz you’re pretty sure you haven’t felt feelings like that since you were 19
#like why do I have to assume that everyone person I talk to is a possible romantic partner like what is wrong w me#why can’t I be normal#the last few people I’ve been with after high school are people that I’ve settled for and question if I liked them#I’m probably asexual and aromantic atp
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It’s so cool being an actual fucking failure and falling behind everyone
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I fear I am going to kill myself one day whether it be self inflicted or due to my own negligence
#do I want it to happen? no#it’s just a weird feeling#I’m not manifesting this at all but it feels like a weird impending doom
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Kinda hoping that me and her are in love so I can move to hawaii to be with her and have a break from being here
#not in a way of using her I suppose idk how else to phrase that#like genuinely hoping she likes me back moving would be a plus lol
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I forgot that that I didn’t want to rely on you so I’m going to start doing that again
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I had a dream that me and n*** were at a hotel and we were trying to check in and meet d**** in her room and we asked to go up an elevator as quickly as we could and the worker put us in a broken one. We got in and as we were going up water started to leak in and we realized we were going to drown in the elevator. Me and n*** hugged eachother and sent I love you texts to our loved ones and then everything went black and I woke up soaking wet in the hotel (in my dream) and I went to d****s room and kissed her
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