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a treasure found antiquing today

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My name is grinchgraf and this is my house

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Fun fact: Did you know that TUNAS ARE BAD BITCHES 💯

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The thing about parrots is that they will fuck with you for fun. On the outside a parrot is a small flying dinosaur with bolt cutters on its face. On the inside a parrot is a toddler with a GED who you might have unwisely trapped in your house. Humans are usually the most entertaining thing in a parrot's environment (aside from other parrots).

My parrot knows all the words for his favorite foods: peanut, berry, carrot, and noodle are the most frequently requested. I often demonstrate how good he is at naming foods when I have guests over by saying, "Ripley, what is this?" And Ripley, seeing a roasted, unsalted peanut in my hand, will answer, "a peanut." He does this for many foods, multiple times a day, knowing that if he answers correctly I'll give him several of whatever he can name.

I also offer my houseguests a chance to participate, holding a treat about a foot away from Ripley and asking him what it is. Ripley is always very gentle when treats are involved. But for the past few months, when someone he doesn't know attempts this trick with him, he deliberately gets the answer wrong.

"What is this?" my friend asks Ripley as she holds out a peanut. He confidently answers, "a berry." We laugh. "No, what is it!" she tries again. "A berry." She laughs.

I hand her dried cranberry. "What's this?" she asks, holding it up. Without hesitation Ripley answers "a peanut." She holds up the peanut again. "What is it!!" "A berry," he answers. Both my friend and my parrot laugh. Apparently this joke is worth more to my bird than getting the treat.

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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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spoke deeply to me.

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why does sans know the expressions of someone who's died anywhere from 1-10 times in a row

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got so high I got scared and had to get out of the car to calm down and a coyote immediately sprinted out of the underbrush and stalked towards me

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I'm not like the other shrimp

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I actually think it's so funny that the way a hormonal IUD works is that it just lies to your uterus and fools it into believing it's pregnant. but instead of a fetus there's just a little plastic doodad in there. I'm pregnant and it's The Contraption.

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i'm still mad about that post thats like "humans USED to be able to memoriize long epic poems, but we no longer have Bards so our memories arent as good" boy shut the fuck up. a good chunk of people i went to high school with had the entirety of hamilton memorized for fun and they weren't even autistic.

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i was playing scrabble and i had a B, U, R, G, E, and R and i thought “aha burger, one who burgs, but my mom will never accept that as a word” but then i remembered burger is actually a word