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[zzmemes]

Mission Hill “Hot for Weirdie” sentence starters

"The question? Will [name] ever get laid?"

"If you're through with the trouser talk, I'm busy learning."

"The kind of girls who want me will know how to find me."

"Let me explain the concept of 'leagues' to you: she is not in your league."

"Are you going out again? Don't you ever stay home?"

"You're mean, man. That's why I like ya."

"Ew, flowers are the sex organs of plants. Why is it considered romantic to castrate a bunch of plants?"

"Tell me, did you invent other weapons?"

"That must've been one cool baby, man."

"I apologize for the comprehensive senility of my parents."

"I may not even go to college."

"So, kiddo, how ya holdin' up?"

"That's what all the girls at school call you. Like you didn't know."

"It might be a hoot to break in there and steal it."

"Don't be a doofus; if we get caught, we'll go to jail."

"Just superior coolness, I guess."

"I'm getting bored being a youth mogul."

"You think it's time we told the truth?"

"What are you, high?"

"Let's do some crimes."

"We're going on a class trip to look at a... A pony."

"A simple smoke bomb made with household materials from easy instructions. Gotta love the internet."

"Now, when I give the signal, run outside screaming, and for God's sakes, never tell a soul what was really in here."

"All I could save was this doorknob."

"I guess we should go our separate ways."

"It's right here. I stashed it when the guard wasn't looking."

"You got what you wanted. Quit complaining."

[zzmemes]

Mission Hill "Happy Birthday, Douchebag" sentence starters

“Last chance to greet the birthday boy!”

“Take it off, baby!”

“300 bucks! That’s the best birthday present you ever gave me.”

“You didn’t run out and waste all that money, did ya?”

“Well, not off to a great start today, but who knows what surprises the big city holds?”

“Penis. Penis penis. Penis penis penis.”

“Happy birthday, geek.”

“Living with us, every day is like a party.”

“Break out the Jaegermeister, dude.”

“Get out of my room, d-bag.”

“What do drugs smell like?”

“Why can’t things be normal like they were back home? Why does everything here have to be crazy and strange?”

“You wanna come raid an animal testing lab?”

“Don’t feel bad, I mean, I was always the last picked in kickball myself.”

“What’s a birthday without a present?”

“You know, you take a lot of fun out of torturing you when you don’t react properly.”

“Things change when you get older. You’ve gotta lower your expectations a little. Like me.”

“Well, welcome to the real world, sucker!”

“God, I hope I’m not becoming soft.”

“Remember we agreed we weren’t going to be typical overprotective parents?”

“I really appreciate the effort, but I should’ve told you I stink at bowling.”

“Well, now that I’ve enjoyed a thorough humiliation, would it be okay if we stopped?”

“I can’t eat this, it’s burned!”

“That’s what you kept saying the first time you got drunk, remember?”

“See, it’s supposed to be an ass. Pretty cool, huh?”

“I knew you were incompetent, but I guess I overestimated you.”

“I’m outta here. Happy birthday, Douchebag.”

“That party is officially over.”

“Too bad you missed the best part of the night.”

“I got up and sang with the band.”

“Screw activism, that slimy bastard’s gotta die!”

“Can you believe someone left these brownies on the subway?”

“You can tell from his eyes that he has a good heart.”

“You kept alcohol in your room!?”

“Drinking liquor in the house? What would Mom and Dad say?”

“I’m peeing in the shower! Hey everybody, I’m peeing in the shower!”

“What next? Shall we slam the door? Waste water? Put our feet on the coffee table?”

“We’re kind of having a party”

[zzmemes]

TiMER sentence starters

“What’s the point in continuing without a guarantee?”

“So, exactly how many guys have you brought here?”

“So how long have the two of you been dating?”

“Call me back when you’ve found your underwear.”

“Yeah, y’know, blazing hot anonymous sex is super tedious.”

“Believe me when I tell you: this is your one shot, so make it count.”

“If only life were more like theater camp.”

“You can’t do this, okay? This is my place of business.”

“I think you’re really cool and I think we should hang out.”

“Romance has never really been a priority for me.”

“This girl is so far out of my league, I have no idea how the fuck I got her back here.”

“I’m asking you all to not fuck this up for me.”

“I have trouble sleeping without you.”

“Tell me what you did or I’m gonna pee on your bed.”

“Every year, my mom throws us a surprise party.”

“I'm not like you. I've slept with a total of four men in my life.”

“You’re the most inappropriate person I’ve ever met.”

“So, you wanna make out?”

“You know what? Don’t answer if you can’t be sincere.”

“So when do I get to see you again? Or more specifically, when do I get to see your boobs again?”

“Laying shit bare is kinda the theme of the night, don't you think?”

“This is a fucking Greek tragedy up in here.”

“A year from now, are we together?”

[zzmemes]

Mission Hill “I Married a Gay Man from Outer Space” sentence starters

“Perversion! Right here in our own neighborhood! Tsk tsk.”

“When is the filth gonna start?”

“How could a porno movie win an Oscar?”

“That cowboy looks familiar.”

“Michael Crichton is a genius. Did you know he wrote Twister?”

“Come on, slowpoke, I’m starving for dinner already!”

“You’re like the son God didn’t want me to have.”

“A boy your age shouldn’t spend all his time at the movies.”

“I swear, I employ idiots in my store.”

“I’m only interested in the classics.”

“Pluto’s not beyond the stars.”

“Is this movie insane or is it me?”

“Maybe somebody put drugs in our popcorn.”

“Well, I sure hope no one lived there.”

“Oh no, what have I done?”

“Just don’t talk to me. Don’t ever talk to me again.”

“How could I have been so stupid?”

“I can’t believe how amazingly bad it was.”

“At least now it is done with. I can return to obscurity.”

“Where did you put my fish?”

“I respect you too much to lie to you.”

“It’s the worst movie of all time.”

“Back in 1958, my dreams were in Hollywood, California.”

“It was a swell job, but I wanted to direct.”

“People of Earth, I come in peace as an ambassador of the Galactic Federation.”

“We have a casting change!”

“I simply can’t tolerate bad acting.”

“Well, we’ll make this work somehow.”

“I will blast you with this here ray!”

“He always looks mad, you can never tell the difference.”

“Hey, sourpuss. What the hell is this crap?”

“How many of youse must get blasted before youse will learn?”

“Come to the bedroom and see what I found.”

[zzmemes]

Mission Hill “Crap Gets in Your Eyes” sentence starters

“Trust me, it’s not like that. We’re just friends... Who sleep together.”

“Don’t you ever want something... More? Romance? A life? A family?”

“You there, are you a moron?”

“You’re my moron-in-shining-armor.”

“What do you say we do it? Right here, right now?”

“Me? I don’t know how to dance.”

“Is it wrong for me to hope they start kissing?”

“Why did that guy look at my crotch?”

“Sorry, my apartment’s filthier than usual.”

“Oh, I see you love America.”

“So you want me to be faithful, but are you faithful to me?”

“We can’t break up because we’re not officially going out.”

“I’m officially kicking you out.”

“This is what happens when you sleep with your friends.”

“This is where everyone from the office goes after work.”

“Maybe we should just switch to Jaegermeister.”

“Sometimes a drunken mistake can be a big happy sober surprise.”

“You just caught my pinkeye, don’t freak out.”

“Nope, need all the space in my stomach for coffee.”

“Wanna watch cartoons?”

“Someone looks depressed.”

“Someone got laid.”

“I was hoping you two would sleep together.”

“The weed of infidelity bears bitter fruit.”

“Your sordid past has caught up with you.”

“You’re a pervert and you’re sick.”

“Yeah, we, uh, we probably shouldn’t be dating anymore.”

“I try to flirt but I can’t get his attention.”

“Maybe you’re being too subtle.”

“I’m sorry I’m so pathetic.”

“Your patheticness has actually made me realize something important.”

“Give me a break, I work in a warehouse, I live in a basement, I need all the sky I can get.”

“I told you, they got back together.”

“My best friend slept with my girlfriend!”

“Can I be your new best friend?”

“Now, you do know how to treat a vinyl record, don’t you?”

“I got it, it just wasn’t funny.”

“I hated this place and you destroyed it. This is the best thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

“You had me at ‘screw you’.”

[zzmemes]

Mission Hill “How to Get Head in Business Without Really Trying” sentence starters

“Hey, wanna take off early?”

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but... You have sense of humor cancer.”

“My jaw hurts, could I stop praising you for a little while?”

“It’s getting late. Am I gonna crash here or what?”

“Just so we’re clear, you want your freedom to sleep around because you’re not ready for something serious, right?”

“Oh, I’m looking for something serious.”

“Why must I do everything myself? I need an assistant.”

“Where is Moron?”

“I don’t have time to be your assistant.”

“I hate your guts.”

“Believe it or not, not everybody’s life revolves around money. Some of us have dreams.”

“Not just money: sex, too.”

“That was my best stuff, too.”

“Why can’t you just eat your own puke like every other dog?”

“Get ready to purr with excitement!”

“Look at these regular people with their regular jobs: they’ve all given up on their dreams, and they seem happy.”

“You must have training! You must have discipline! Eh, that’s enough for today, let’s party.”

“First rule of management: you must look like a manager.”

“Sexy, huh? You like, no?”

“Holy Krypton! You’re wearing a suit!”

“Hey, cartoonists can’t afford suits. What did you do?”

“I don’t know about this promotion... What if I get used to this? The perks, the easy money...”

“Management training! And don’t forget your massage oil!”

“Fianceé? When did that happen?”

“You’re ruining everything! Go away!”

“Mmn, I’m not in the mood for a threesome.”

“Relax. I’m worried about you, [NAME].”

“I can explain! She was having a medical emergency, and she took off her clothes!”

“You’re not mad that I made out with your fianceé?”

“Burning the old midnight oil last night? Or were you just rubbing it on each other?”

“Congratulations: you’ve become everything you hate.”

“Does sex always sound like that?”

“Where do you keep the cocaine in this joint?”

“I make money, I have sex constantly, and nobody sends me any pissy letters about how much they hate my work.”

“What about your creative fulfillment?”

“I’ll die if I have to get a white collar job. All that typing and all those complicated telephones.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just not comfortable celebrating your sordid accomplishments.”

“I’d rather just eat in my room.”

“Looks like it’s just you and me, babycakes.”

“I’m on the verge of finally accomplishing something, and you wanna drag me back to the past?”

“Put down the imaginary knife before you pretend to hurt yourself.”

“The IRS thinks I’m dead, so you sign everything.”

“Tell me, do you have much experience in the... Erotic entertainment business?”

“If people really understood Kafka’s work, they wouldn’t bandy his name about so carelessly.”

“I don’t wanna devote my life to running a strip club.”

“Thanks, [NAME], all your annoying meddling really did me some good.”

“You got more than money. You regained your self-respect.”

“You’re dripping food on the couch.”

[zzmemes]

Young Drunk Punk sentence starters part three

“What are we teaching our kids? To shoot anyone who happens to be from outer space?”

“Yeah, well, people didn’t get Kerouac either.”

“That’s the way it starts, but before you know it, somebody writes a swear word on a fence or some boobs on a mailbox.”

“Do you wanna try something really exciting?”

“Now, this is gonna be a thankless task, and by thankless I mean you’re not getting paid.”

“I am not judgmental, I just have a keen sense of what’s wrong with everything.”

“When I play guitar for people, I feel emotionally naked.”

“Now, what’s the custom here, do I bow, or curtsy, or just a sloppy kiss?”

“If today’s the first day of the rest of my life, then why am I so hung over?”

“The buzz on the street is that you play a pretty mean axe.”

“Ever since you found out about my band, you’ve been acting a little bit weird.”

“What, you’re mad because I’m eating your girlfriend’s cookie?”

“Why should I take writing advice from a high school guidance counselor?”

“Does anyone else taste pennies?”

“What are we? Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“First of all, don’t say ‘sleepover’, cuz that implies Barbies.”

“What area of your body would you want your lover to tickle with a feather?”

“During lovemaking, what are your three favorite positions?”

“You’re on thin ice, mister.”

“Caught you looking.”

“How would my lover like to be surprised?”

“There’s nothing sexier than a man that’s punctual.”

“The next time you do that, it better be your least favorite finger, because you’re going to lose it.”

“I can’t have a relationship built on lies.”

“You shall pass through the sacred portal.”

“Now, do you want me to start taking my clothes off or do you wanna take them off for me?”

“Now let me get this straight: your big plan was to bang my daughter and then get on a bus?”

“If we lived together again, one of us would be dead. And it would be you.”

“Never trust a beautiful stranger.”

“If you forget someone’s name, it’s not your fault, it’s theirs for not being more memorable.”

[zzmemes]

Young Drunk Punk sentence starters part two

“You know that dream where you’re walking through high school in your underwear? I think I’m having it right now.”

“Your excitement depresses me.”

“My boots squeak.”

“Keep your head down, do your job, try not to have so many... Feelings.”

“Not really seeing the joke part.”

“You are here to fix the toilet, right?”

“I’m so ticked off I could spit tacks.”

“It was an accident! I was thrown off my game! There were panties in full view!”

“I got a job with the Flames.”

“This is my house. I live here.”

“See, the thing about this job is you’ve got to bury your anger deep inside, it’s called being professional.”

“I refuse to stand here and take advice from some pervert who steals a hairclip when there’s a pair of perfectly good panties staring him right in the face.”

“So anyway, a little about me: I like to have fun, I only need about an hour of sleep every three days, I like to watch a good fight, don’t mind a little blood, but I could also stay in and watch a cuddle movie.”

“I’ll ask questions with my mouth and answer them with my fists!”

“I don’t think confrontation is what’s required here.”

“You bury your anger for a reason: to keep it safe for when you want to pull it out and use it!”

“The sexiest thing a woman can wear is a fur coat with nothing underneath.”

“Is there any karate in this movie?”

“Yes, we wouldn’t want to alarm our women, would we?”

“I need to commandeer your sandwich.”

“Crazy things are happening. Blood, satanists; I don’t wanna die!”

“I like big dogs and small tops.”

“Let’s do that thing you think about when you look at me.”

“He says he saw a meteor, tripped, hit his head... Story checks out.”

“I just wanted to make a simple brilliant indictment of society. Is that too much to ask?”

“Well, that was unexpectedly powerful. I tip my hat, you talented bastard.”

“Not everything is sexual.”

“Look, there are only three things that a man can talk about with his son in order to bond. Building a deck, slaying a caribou, and admiring the female form.”

“Are you picturing having sex with my mom?”

“I came in through the window but I can’t tell you which one cuz then you’d fix it.”

“Stretch and find your chi.”

“I have to warn you, though, I’ve got a pretty good stroke. I’ll go easy on you, though; I’ll only use one hand.”

“Don’t you worry, I’ll show you a few moves. But I think we both know who’s gonna end up on top.”

“I’m tired of being treated like a sex object just because I’m sexy.”

“See, you’re finally starting to understand us women.”

“Sir. I am both flattered and indignant.”

“Maybe I just think that porn isn’t a team sport.”

“She’s got a good point, I just wish she was bendin’ over when she made it.”

“I hope you didn’t wash your eyes today because you’re about to see somethin’ dirty.”

“I like you but I’m starting to think we’re jinxed.”

“The funeral’s Saturday. Better not have any plans.”

“Everyone deals with grief in their own ways.”

“Religion can’t help you, but scotch can.”

“You’re not totally naked, you’re wearing an oven mitt.”

“Funerals are the ultimate turn-on for girls. They’re practically a panty-peeler.”

“I don’t know if I can do this. Maybe I’m not as strong as everyone thinks I am.”

“I have to say, you’re actually quite sexy when you’re emotionally vulnerable.”

“Let’s face it, all anyone remembers of that party is you standing on your tippy-toes, full-on kissing a man.”

“You only see her horrible side. I get to see her good side. The side where she takes all her clothes off.”

“Sounds a lot better than that guy who tried to undo your bra with his feet.”

“Psh, yeah, like we could afford a unicorn.”

“Is it supposed to be this color?”

[zzmemes]

Young Drunk Punk sentence starters part one

“Look at all these sheep, doing whatever society tells them to do.”

“Indeed, they are sheep.”

“Remember, the world wasn’t run by people who were popular in high school.”

“Apparently there was, like, a hot tub emergency, your parents were hurt pretty bad, it kind of exploded.”

“What is a diploma? Paper fades, music is forever.”

“Thank you very much for protecting our streets against bad people.”

“Are you under the impression that a fight begins when somebody throws a punch?”

“I don’t know what I wanna be, I just know what I don’t wanna be.”

“Go home, [name]; eat some food I didn’t pay for.”

“Cool abuse of power, [name].”

“How hard can it be to get great, easy, well-paying jobs?”

“Maybe I should just move out.”

“I’m so tired of you two ganging up on me.”

“I’m a feminist. I can wear what I want.”

“This is what you pay me for.”

“Oh, look, someone left a golf cart here.”

“Why don’t you hoodlums get the hell out of our townhouse community.”

“I did something. I stood up for my sister, I stole a stereo... I also kissed a cowboy.”

“We did the crime and we are not gonna do the time.”

“I’m just having trouble because he’s bigger and a much better fighter than me.”

“You came home reeking of beer with blood all over your shirt.”

“I’m a cool boss, right?”

“He’s not really my boyfriend but he’ll tow stuff for me.”

“I made out with this professor at a party and he keeps calling.”

“Relax, we weren’t having sex. I’m way too exhausted from all the stuff we were doing last night.”

“We need to find a new place to drink.”

“Ugh, smells like a corpse got a perm in here.”

“Ya gotta spend money to make money. Economics. Read a book.”

“I always knew I had an aptitude for committing crimes, but I guess it extends to solving them, too.”

“This is even worse than hanging out in the woods.”

“Let’s go drink in our van.”

“I’m popular. Party literally doesn’t start without me.”

“I did miss the adrenaline rush of catching bad guys instead of just making out with them.”

“Can you imagine holding down the same job for like two or even three years?”

“Today I got fired, begged for my job back, got rehired and re-fired all before lunch.”

“A little less than enough is perfect. Leave them wanting more.”

“Look at you, you look like a devoutly-religious librarian.”

“You know what? This is weirdly not-horrible.”

“I’ve never been up this early before. I’ve been up this late before but never this early.”

“Oh, you’re blaming me just cuz it’s my fault?”

“I know how to fight everybody about five minutes after meeting them. Y’know, in case I ever have to.”

“What are you even doing here? Go home and get yelled at by your own parents.”

“I’m doing the only thing more manly than fighting: making meaningful eye contact.”

[zzmemes]

Mission Hill “A Bang for Two Brothers” sentence starters

“Believe me, I’ve got better things to do on a Saturday night than watch TV.”

“Hey, wanna get sloshed?”

“No more talking, starting now.”

“Oh, sorry, I just made last-minute plans to have sex with somebody else.”

“Sure you don’t wanna join us? We’ve got gingersnaps.”

“I’ve got some serious partying to do. Try not to accidentally nerd yourselves to death while I’m gone.”

“You’ve got a knife sticking out of your head!”

“Hey, how do you play this thing?”

“Yeah, go on, get out of here, loser!”

“Ever since I moved here, I’ve kinda thought you hated me.”

“So, you wanna go do something tomorrow, maybe go see a movie?”

“How ‘bout some last-minute sex, baby?”

“Sorry I’m late but I had to bring my stupid sister.”

“I see you’re studying complementarity. Which construct of the universe do you subscribe to?”

“It’s the big sci-fi convention. Would you like to come?”

“Why don’t we have a big sleepover tonight before the con?”

“Damn Klingons.”

“You don’t have to be afraid of me. I’m just a woman.”

“Do you do birthday parties?”

“Get away from me, you snake in the grass!”

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been acting like Surly McDouchebag all day.”

“Uh, no, ewoks don’t do things like that.”

“Help, an insane perverted lunatic is trying to kill me!”

“Face it, you never had a chance with her.”

“You didn’t give me enough time to work my magic.”

“You can’t punish me. You’re not my father!”

“At first I thought you were really cute and that we had a lot in common, but then I realized how immature you are.”

“Maybe I’ll give you a call next time I visit, but you’d better get your act together and grow up a little.”

“Why would she think you were cute? Unless she meant cute like a gnome or something?”

[zzmemes]

Suburban Legends - “Up All Night” lyric starters

“Shake your booty.”

“Prepare for domination.”

“I know you like me.”

“I got quite the reputation.”

“Here comes that feelin’ again.”

“Out pop my guts, now I’m a mess.”

“Been up all night wonderin’ why things aren’t gettin’ any better.”

“You look so good.”

“Tonight let’s make out dreams come true.”

“It’s our little secret.”

“I just can’t beat it.”

“I got a strong imagination.”

“Now I’m thinkin’ of you.”

“I see you embracing me without a care.”

“We're weightless floating on the midnight air.”

“This moment is an unforgettable love affair.”

“Nothing matters when I touch your soft brown hair.”

“Hold on, dear, we're falling now.”

“I forget which way is down.”

“Never wanted anything more than you now.”

 “Now I regret it.”

“Was it something inside my mind?”

“I know I’ll take it.”

“I cannot fake it.”

“Desire’s driving me mad.”

“I can’t contain it!”

[zzmemes]

Mission Hill “The Douchebag Aspect” sentence starters

“I gotta leave early. I got a hot date, with big phony jugs. The kind I like.”

“Clearly this calls for drastic action.”

“Would you like to go out on a date with me?”

“My roommates and I are having a party. Would you like to come as my date instead as of my co-worker?”

“Hey, wanna buy an air conditioner?”

“Does he still get drunk like when we were in high school?”

“His brains are damaged enough as it is.”

“Do I even have a choice?”

“You are so lame. Shut up.”

“What? Don’t let me stop your arguing.”

“That wolf is attacking my plant!”

“I can tell by your inner light that you’re a good person.”

“I smell fresh opportunities.”

“At my old school, I told people I had a girlfriend in Canada because it’s so far away no one could ever check.”

“Ah, kicking back, eh? May I join you?”

“Did I just see you drinking?”

“Will you get lost, you douchebag?”

“Go away; you’ve lost this fight.”

“Mom and Dad would like to speak to you.”

“New condoms? What’s wrong with our regular condoms?”

“We’re goin’ over to Backwash to see Silly Rabbit. They’re a ska band.”

“Do The Beatles do any ska?”

“No one under 21 is allowed. I’d better go home.”

“Everything will be fine if you just stay cool.”

“I shouldn’t be in here. I feel guilty.”

“Sit still and stop attracting attention.”

“Be cool or you’re gonna get us all kicked out.”

“Well, congratulations, you little dork. You’ve ruined my whole life in less than a week.”

“Oops! I’m sorry! I said ‘ass’.”

“Stop ruining my fun and have some for yourself, for God’s sake.”

“That’s the first time you’ve ever said I was right about anything.”

“That’s the first time you’ve ever been right about anything.”

“Let’s get home so I can start masturbating.”

“Just researching how to be cool. The internet’s not as helpful as you’d think.”

“I’m really looking forward to your party tomorrow.”

“Hey, idiot! No personal calls!”

“I’m glad you got suspended; I could never carry all this booze home by myself.”

“I wanna have some beer at the party.”

“Drinking shows a real commitment to being a cooler person.”

“He’s probably a little drunk. Forget about it.”

“Well, I do not feel better.”

“This apartment sure spins a lot.”

“It’s not everyone who can outdo Sid Vicious.”

“I guess my experiment in being cool has failed. Miserably.”

“Is the ‘douchbag’ aspect going to be a problem?”

“I love bein’ drunk! I wanna stay drunk forever.”

[zzmemes]

The Critic episode one sentence starters

“Because I love you, I won’t force you to watch the musical number.”

“Some kids were painting King Dork on your car.”

“You’re fabulously wealthy, you’re a world-class athlete, you were great in bed last night; how does that feel?”

“I have no one to envy. I envy you having me to envy.”

“Most of my viewers are drunken frat boys who like to make fun of me.”

“I find smart men very sexy.”

“There’s a insatiable line between us. I mean invisible!”

“I always have to look my sexiest.”

“I thought Finland was a constitutional democracy.”

“Oh, I’m sneaking a peek at your macguppies.”

“This door’s going to close soon, and whether I’m inside or outside could change our lives forever.”

“You’re out of Doritos.”

“You may just have noticed there was a beautiful woman in my bed.”

“I’m going to say something to you and I think you know what it is.”

“My my, you make a lovely couple.”

“I’m afraid if my girlfriend meets you she won’t like me anymore.”

“Take your genitalia right back to Australia.”

“Never marry an actress.”

“My father had a stroke a few years ago. He didn’t, really, we just say that to excuse his personality.”

“Can’t one dinner go by where we don’t talk about your rotting corpse?”

“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: who are all you people?”

“Sorry, I had a very bad experience with a horse once.”

“Welcome to our crappy family.”

“Uh-oh, Yankee Stadium is emptying out.”

“I’ve never seen you so happy. Does this have something to do with the naked lady you were in bed with?”

“So you’re saying it’s okay to lie?”

“My shrink was rght, God does hate me.”

“Please, you’ve got to tell me, did a beautiful woman leave my apartment?”

“I’ve been drinking in the alley all morning.”

“Oh, I see, you want me to beg. Well, there’s one thing you didn’t count on: I have no pride.”

“Y’know, a lot of people think I’m a cynic.”

“This is how people actually talk.”

“I’m sitting on top of a volcano of rage and I’ve got nowhere to direct it.”

“Get away, zit-face.”

[zzmemes]

I Voted for Kodos - "Not Penis Cream" lyric starters

On the Phone

“Got introduced to you by a friend of mine.”

“He told me that he calls you all the time.”

“I called you up.”

“I'm so glad you were there.”

"You told me all about your underwear."

"Night or day, you're always home."

"Dial your number."

"I'm spankin' off on the phone."

"Oh, [name], you know you fuckin' rule."

"They bring me down, you put a smile on my face."

"You never come to my place."

"I know you'll never leave me alone."

Pastaroni

“Six o'clock, I'm hungry and alone.”

“So I call you on the phone cuz I know that you'll be home, and I can't see why you wouldn't be.”

“I know that I'm waiting up for you”

“I made enough for two.”

“I'm still alone cuz I sent you home wanting.”

“I know I shouldn't've used you.”

"You used me."

Where Are We Going to?

“You're asking me about myself.”

“You're looking in my eyes.”

“You're laughing at the stories I tell.”

“You say you sympathize.”

"You like Sunday mornings, too."

“I'm wondering if it'll all work out”

“I'm wonderin' if you're something new.”

"You said you like to watch the stars early in the morning just when the sky is turning blue."

"If Jupiter and Mars saw us lying here they'd wonder just where we're going to."

"Where are we going to?"

"You shudder when you sleep at night."

"You touch me and you cry."

"You said it's something deep inside."

"Is this just another summer fling?"

"Are you messing with my head?"

Not Penis Cream

“I've found a new beauty secret.”

“It feels so good when I rub it all over.”

“So soft and silky, with the most beautiful sheen.”

“It came in a box labeled 'not penis cream'.”

"Saw it on TV and I ordered on the phone."

“He handed me a box labeled 'not penis cream'.”

“It could be almost anything.”

"CDs or girly magazines."

"A baseball glove or a year's supply of Spam."

"One thing's for sure: it's not penis cream."

All I Have Left

“Is this how it's going to be?”

“Is this how it's going to start?”

“This emptiness inside my heart all the time pulls me apart.”

“It's all I have of you.”

“It's all that I hold onto.”

“This is what's inside my head."

"This is how I feel about you.”

“This is what I do.”

“Is this how it's going to end?”

“It's not enough just to pretend.”

“Is this all I have left?”

“I'll never forget you.”

“I knew it was right.”

“I know I make you feel guilty, but I never made you cry."

“I know you don't believe me when I tell you the truth.”

“I'm never going to understand.”

“I'm always going to be your boy, I'm never going to be your man.”

“I held you in my arms, and I swore I'd never leave.”

"I just hope that you were listening."

"I hope that you believed me."

“I can't hold you when you cry.”

“I know that you can't hear me when I call out to you.”

“I'll hold you in my arms, I swear to God I'll never leave.”

"Just tell me that you're listening and say that you believe"

I Tied my Own Shoes Today

“I tied my own shoes today.”

“Cuz we're not famous.”

“I can't afford to pay somebody else.”

“We'll never meet Carson Daly.”

“I promise we would not change at all.”

“[name] could afford better lawyers.”

“I could pay someone to tie my shoes.”

“I can see them talking but they make no sense.”

“You don’t know who you’re dealin’ with.”

"[name] can't afford medicine for his syphilis."

"And we're still not famous."

"No one comes to our shows 'cuz we don't live in southern California."

"And everyone hates us."

"Ska really sucks."

[zzmemes]

Undergrads sentence starters part two

“Have you ever been to England?”

“Wanna meet for coffee? Coffee relaxes me.”

“Can you search the web, buddy? I’m trying to stage a revolution.”

“Don’t you wanna try to fight for what we have?”

“I’m staying with you this weekend.”

“So where’s the chicks and booze?”

“It’s Friday night and you’re not drinking?”

“Let the mayhem begin.”

“This is the best night I’ve had in a long time.”

“You got 25 bucks I can borrow?”

“Can I offer you some sex in exchange for… Sex?”

“Here’s one, genius: what’s it like to kiss a girl?”

“Way to go deep, Socrates.”

“You’re the wrongest man in Wrongtown.”

“Fuck class, we go to a state school.”

“Ghosts are scary, guy.”

“It’s go time, nerd boy.”

“That’s why I only conduct business online.”

“It’s great to actually do something to effect change instead of sitting around complaining.”

“We’re gonna do stuff I like, like being obnoxious and destroying stuff.”

“In some small way, I can’t help but think we were partially responsible for what happened here today.”

“Guy’s just a wad.”

“Thank God I’m wasted.”

“Air came out of you? What does that even mean?”

“That was one great freakin’ winter break.”

“I spent 30 days straight in my room.”

“While you get that goin’, I’m gonna go have sex.”

“Should I wear my tight t-shirt, or my tight tight t-shirt?”

“So, that’s why I think I’m gonna have to be drunk for a year straight.”

“You have a point, but you’re still a wet freakin’ blanket.”

“Your friend is really touchy.”

“I’ve touched so many lives. I’m like Roma Downey.”

“This website is not a good thing. People hate you. A lot of them.”

“Dude, I’m fixing my hair.”

“Hey, numbnuts, you drooled on me..”

“Do you know anybody that can tell me all the things that are wrong with me?”

“Let’s unveil that bad boy.”

“I’m a sarcastic cool girl who hangs around with dorks.”

“You don’t count, dork.”

“Fine, stay in your damn room!”

“We can knock back some brews together.”

“You wanna come to my room and play a game of ‘Catherine the Great and Flicka’?”

“It ain’t no fun ‘less my homies get some.”

“I’ve got a better idea: how ‘bout we throw that crap away, you show me your jubblies, and I’ll take pictures.”

“Take your top off.”

“Just wanted to know if you were rubbin’ your dick raw in there.”

“Should I break up with my girlfriend?”

“I haven’t gotten laid in hours, man! Hours!”

“I just did something really stupid because you weren’t there to stop me.”

“I don’t like seeing a character trait of mine so blatantly ripped off.”

“Everyone come back to my place for action figures and pie.”

“How will I finish my Han-Solo-frozen-in-carbonite diorama?”

“So, how far are you willing to go for a bigger tip?”

“I’m not paying for porn sites; there’s plenty of free porn on the web.”

“I thought you were out on a date.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re gonna get laid anyway.”

“Can I jerk off in your room?”

“Are you… Talking… Words?”

“I’m definitely not going for any kinky ménage à trois.”

“I don’t want you on your feet, lady; I want you on your back.”

“You been walking around blindfolded again?”

“Let’s talk to the ditzy redhead.”

“What the Hell’s everyone doing up so early?”

“In conclusion: eat me.”

“This fucking cough syrup isn’t strong enough for the fucking morning.”

“Time to take another birth control pill?”

“Can I fiddle around with your toys and comic books and crap?”

“You can totally win this thing, we can’t leave now.”

“Please report to lost and found for immediate sex.”

“I think I just accidentally deleted your hard drive.”

“I drink and I smash because I love.”

“It’s annoying when someone you care about always puts you second.”

“Just roll the damn dice.”

“I had sex with all the pretty girls on campus. And even some of the not-so-pretty ones.”

“Fuck this college shit. I’m gonna join the fuckin’ Peace Corps so I can smoke some of that tropical shit and fuck some third world chick’s ass all night long.”

“Well, that was a waste of an afternoon.”

“So all of these people are having sex right now?”

“I fuckin’ hate you.”

“Weren’t you the guy I dated for, like, two days?”

“I, uh… Spilled my beer there. Sorry.”

[zzmemes]

Undergrads sentence starters part one

“You got a lot of babes at your school… For me to do.”

“Nerds and frat boys are mortal enemies.”

“You should come to the frat party with me tonight.”

“Hazing’s been banned on campus since 1987, when a student became permanently brain-drunk.”

“From the looks of it, you were raised in a Siberian gulag.”

“I heard that dorm mixer tonight is gonna suck and nobody’s going. You going?”

“There’s no telling what a man full of bad clam juice is capable of.”

“Show some dignity, man, you’re making an ass of yourself.”

“I made an ass of myself tonight. I gotta get outta here. You wanna meet up for some coffee?”

“So, what’s cookin’ for tomorrow night?”

“So everyone is gonna run around in the freezing cold with no clothes?”

“Traditions are neat, cuz they’re all about naked ladies.”

“What kind of idiot would wanna advertise that they’re dumb enough to run around naked?”

“Do I look more naked if I go like this? Or like this?”

“I will do squat! Right after I get something to eat.”

“The best part was going out for naked pizza afterwards.”

“He sounds like a real virile all-man manly man to me.”

“All the weight I lost has gone straight to my ass!”

“Everyone who values his or her testicles will be there.”

“Oh, god, I saw his member!”

“Don’t I look really naked in my naked t-shirt?”

“Why are you naked? And sweaty? And naked?”

“Do you have a problem with my sweaty manhood?”

“After all this exercise, I’m starving.”

“It didn’t last long, and it wasn’t exactly fun, but I guess it’s better to be humiliated sometimes than never try anything.”

“I think we should get back together. Dumping you was a big mistake.”

“You’re so friggin’ sexy.”

“Could you put your mom back on the phone? She sounded kinda sexy.”

“You accidentally dropped your safe sex pamphlet and free condoms in the trash.”

“I got a futon and a boner, what more do you need?”

“We just played a little game I like to call ‘unprotected sex’.”

“I got a question: why are you such a wad?”

“Oh, sorry, all chicks look alike to me.”

“Agent Dana Scully is a woman of reason, science, and sharp armani suits. She’s a sterling example of American womanhood.”

“I was late for church and you were picking up a kilo of condoms; there’s nothing more to talk about.”

“Quick, tell me how to seduce a woman!”

“You didn’t get laid. You didn’t even get close!”

“Alternate dimensions don’t count!”

“Your mom doesn’t even know your fuckin’ name?”

“Fuck the Oscars.”

“What crawled up his ass?”

“That’s what buddies do for each other, man.”

“Don’t worry, it’s kinda cool, in a nerdy-dorky-loser-’I’m never gonna have sex’ kinda way.”

“How ‘bout some beer? Or perhaps sex?”

“The giant imaginary bottle of whiskey’s with me.”

“You’re the best; I can’t believe some girl hasn’t snatched you up.”

“She’s a drunken hug fiend.”

“Schnapps: sweet goin’ down, rotten coming up.”

“Later, guy; I gotta have my late-afternoon sex.”

“Anyone up for quarters?”

“You should hang out with us more often; I had no idea you were so much fun.”

“I made it through the whole night without drinking a drop.”

“This is never easy to say, but… You look like Daria.”

“You made that last one up.”

“I don’t know why you agreed to live with that jackass in the first place.”

“Dumbass jerk ass head.”

“Pat my bunny! That’s an order!”

“Ranting makes me sleepy.”

“Eat my ravioli? He can eat my ass.”

“Rule one: you gotta knock, dude.”

“Friends can do it. At least, that’s what Cosmo says.”

“What else are roommates for if not to be able to provide functional platonic zipping support?”

“I have such a crick in my neck. Would you mind rubbing it?”

“Hold on one second, my sweet little pixel.”

“Man, hangin’ with you sucks; I’m goin’ back to the frat house.”

“Would you go out with me tonight and then afterwards we could come back here and get into the same bed?”

“You’ve been acting like a weirdo ever since you started crashing in my room.”

“Nice ass, guy.”

[zzmemes]

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog sentence starters

“A lotta guys ignore the laugh, and that’s about standards.”

“Wow, sarcasm! That’s original!”

“The status is not quo! The world is a mess.”

“Dude. You are not my nemesis.”

“Underthings… Tumbling.”

“That’s the plan; rule the world, you and me.”

“My evil moisture buddy!”

“Need anything dampened or made soggy?”

“I’m out here volunteering for the Caring Hands homeless shelter. Can you spare a minute?”

“You treating a symptom while the disease rages on.”

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

“It’s curtains for you. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.”

“When you’re the best, you can’t rest. What’s the use?”

“If ass needs kicking, some ticking bomb to defuse…”

“Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?”

“The world’s filled with filth and lies.”

“There’s good in everybody’s heart.”

“It’s plain to see evil inside of me.”

“It’s plain to see rapture inside of me,”

“I’m a fan of laundry.”

“Hey, this is weird. I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don’t happen to like frozen yogurt, do you?”

“You’re kidding! What a crazy random happenstance!”

“Actually, I went on a date.”

“You’re driving a spork into your leg.”

“Freeze ray needs work.”

“There will be blood. It might be yours.”

“At my most badass, I make people feel like they wanna take a shower.”

“I’ve got a Ph.D in horribleness.”

“We’re meeting now for the first time!”

“I don’t go to the gym, I’m just naturally like this.”

“You got a little crush, don’t you?”

“The hammer is my penis.”

“Now the future’s so bright and I owe it all to you.”

“Not a joke, not a dork, not a failure.”

“Yeah, I’m a funny guy.”

“It’s a good day to be homeless.”

“They say she works with the homeless and doesn’t eat meat.”

“I just might sleep with the same girl twice.”

“We do the weird stuff.”

“There’s no happy ending.”

“Four sweater vests!”

“I don’t need tiny cue cards.”

“Cute, huh? Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice.”

“Home is where the heart is, so your real home’s in your chest.”

“Everyone’s got villains they must face.”

“Yeah, we totally had sex.”

“It’s not enough to bash in heads; you’ve got to bash in minds.”

“Don’t worry if it’s hard.”

“Your disguise is slipping.”

“I think you’re slipping.”

“Can you really hear me?”

“I bring you pain, the kind you can’t suffer quietly.”

“Go ahead, run away.”

“You people all have to learn.”

“This world is going to burn.”

“I would give anything not to have her see.”

“It’s gonna be bloody.”

“Mama! Someone maternal!”

“Why did you kill her?”

“My victory’s complete, so hail to the king.”

“Now your world is mine.”

“Now the nightmare’s real.”

“I won’t feel a thing.”