a-depressed-manatee-blog

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So I lost my girl two days ago. I love all my babies and their deaths have always been hard on me. It was even rougher because I found her one hour before I was due to work. I had to rush and bury her and lock away all the emotions. I haven't processed it and I feel like the lowest creature because I've not cried or mourned her. I am broken my emotions are shredded and don't work like they should. It's just that I can't seem to accept it's real or that its happening to me. Love you my girl, I'm so sorry you deserved better than me and what I could provide you. Rest in peace.

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Lost my chunky girl Jade 2 days ago. Still haven't been able to process it. I feel so disassociated and numb but painful. I'm broken. RIP my chubby girl.

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If it isn't one thing it's another. My aquarium light went out. Needed a new one. Fish seem happy at least.

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It's that time of year. My babies need a refreshing dip while I'm at work.

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So I finished The Flash season 3. I was so saddened to see HR die. He was quirky but so sweet. The way he sacrificed himself after finding a woman he was falling for. It was sad. Well now I am on to Arrow. I am enjoying it so far. We shall see how this goes now.

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I feel like life is drowning me. I don't know what to do, there is no life preserver in sight. People say it gets better, but when will it get better for me? I try and try to not let it get to me but it gets so hard when there doesn't seem to be 'getting better'.

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So my latest binge watching is The Flash. I am enjoying it. It now means I have to watch Arrow next or close after. I am not a fan of Iris, she seems a bit spoiled and bratty but good news is I am in season 2 and she is getting better. I just really was hoping she an Barry don't get together but it looks like they are heading in that direction. Oh well I'll watch how it goes. Side note I have to be to work soon and have a killer headache. Ugh wish me luck lol blah.

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My job hates it's workers. It is the south people not the artic.

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Why am I so socially awkward?! I am a completely different person when I am comfortable at home or in a setting with people I'm good with. When I am in public a switch flips and I'm different. I'm nice bit completely shelled, quiet, unable to think of what to say. I can feel the difference and I hate it and what it does to me. Some people don't believe me, they say it is a choice I made and I need to try harder. I can't seem to control that part of me and it hurts that some that I care about don't understand it. It has pretty much ruined my life.

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This is a good day! Hell yeah baby!

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Me

So where to I start? I'm not particularly interesting. I work in retail, I have for years. It doesn't make me happy but I work hard and try to eek out a living. I don't have friends, just one. She is the most important person in the world to me. There is a laundry list of my issues, but most people have that these days don't they? I'm woefully single; surprise, surprise. That is it for now.

[a-depressed-manatee-blog]

Approximately a month to a month and a half and I have finished Supernatural. It is bittersweet, I am excited to have watched them all but there is nothing until October! I loved every torturous moment. It is a great show with amazing actors.

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So I purchased this! I regret nothing

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Doctor Strange, your Sherlock is showing.

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So I did a thing. I made a Sherlock inspired lamp shade. No bad for my first time covering a lampshade.

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SHERLOCK Series 3 - High-speed photography