aadwi

[aadwi]

I thought the ache had left my bones

I was happy actually happy for a while, wasn’t I? Laughing, eating, breathing like life meant something. But now...

Sleep dosent come easy so i drown in daydreams , lost in fantasies that ache sweeter than real life, while reality sits heavy, ignored.

the numbness feels too heavy now. I don’t know what day it is, don't care and don't want to care

Ah, this isn’t new. I have been here before. I clawed my way out, I grew from this, and yet somehow I’m back at the beginning.

As if healing was a place i could only visit, not somewhere i was ever allowed to stay.

.

[aadwi]

And when you’ve had the storm, the calm feels like heaven.

Even when you have everything, there is always a fear that it will all vanish.

So you hold tighter. You kiss longer. You laugh louder.

This peace is sacred. This peace is rare.

But Aren't you afraid of stillness?

Is that what you crave? Or is that what you fear?

You want softness- or are you scared it'll rot you from the inside out 'cause you're so used to surviving, not living?

[aadwi]

#Tw: self-harm

the other day, I saw a sharp cutter.

Just a flash. And something twisted in my chest.

Not temptation, not fear.

But... familiarity.

A pang in my heart like I’d run into an old friend on the street.

An old friend who once held all of my grief.

A friend who sat beside me when no one else could see the storm.

A friend who listened to my silence, when no one else asked.

A friend who hurt me, Yes-

because it was the only way they knew to help.

A friend I whispered my life into-

like a prayer, like a scream, like a lullaby.

And without realising it, I took them with me again.

Tucked them back into the corner of my bag-not for use, but for the sake of old times.

[aadwi]

“When people go, do you think she misses them?”

She does.....she just never says it.

“Does she not care?”

if they leave, they can. They always could.

-Letting them go hurts less than begging them to stay.

“What happens after?”

She keeps walking. Becomes just another alley, walls plastered with the posters of people she misses but will never know again.

And her?

“It’s alright,” she says-

Even when it isn’t.

Even if it never was.

[aadwi]

Touch repulsed and craved being devoured.

.

.

credit to the artwork's creator

[aadwi]

Muse

Not willing to become an artists' muse.

It is devastating to know you will only know me through brush and have no words to describe me.

[aadwi]

Funny how I drift off to sleep, hoping to never wake up.

I want to live, I want to survive a little longer, so please,

Dear Death, don't come knocking on the doors; come tiptoeing.

~ayaka

...................................................

[aadwi]

Envious Child?

I envy those who speak with ease,

who ask, demand, take as they please.

I envy those with voices loud,

who stand so tall, so sure, so proud.

I envy the ones with hands that hold,

with someone who guides, with hearts so bold.

I envy the child who asks, receives—

while I just swallow, while I just grieve.