abuserconfessions

[abuserconfessions]

we're all going to die. the ceos and bigshot billionaires will win and people will continue to die and our earth will continue to die. it's sick. it makes me sick.

i don't have a future and i'm going to go into a job that pays me 8.25 an hour to be practically beaten up and abused and it'll be designed to destroy my life. i'll end up on the streets homeless and suffering because somebody wanted more than everything.

people are going to forget about the United healthcare shooting and the fad will die out and we'll move on, just like the other good things. the ceos will always win. they won't die and continue to make us suffer.

trump is going to make us suffer when he gets into office and there's nothing i can do. i'm only 16 and my future is doomed before i step into it. i know i was going to die by killing myself, but i thought i'd have a few good years left in me. i wanted to be an english teacher when i grew up, i love writing and all things words but i don't think i can do that. not now. things are bleak.

i'm going to die tonight. i'm not going to live on this earth a second longer. the guilt i've been carrying since i was twelve was only just absolved of me and then i fall into this deeper, darker pit of my hopeless future.

if you kill, aim for the throat. if you kill do it for my name and all the names of the other people who died.

[abuserconfessions]

this misery is soulcrushing. it hasn't left me. not once. not since that day, no. I can't give my friends what they want and I'm not content with being hated. im not. i've destroyed myself

[abuserconfessions]

i haven't needed to use this blog in a while because everything has been pretty alright, i guess.

now though? now? i feel like i've lost all reason to live, geniunely. there was a retrial against my mother today for what she had done to me when i was little. i was a kid. i was just a kid when she let those men use me like that.

we lost the original case because there was no substantial evidence against her. but i know what happened in that house. i know why my body is so disfisgured. my brother forgot. my family didn't believe me, because i don't think they wanted to believe that someone so could do something like that.

for eight years. for eight years i was looked at as a liar by those closest to me. by the people i thought i could trust. for eight years the illnesses i've gained because of the things that had happened to me as a child, were sidelined. forgotten.

I live every day of my life as a borderline, depressed, anxious, and schizophrenic person who's goddamn coping mechanisms are the different people in my head. All because of what she had done to me.

And she walks free. The courts did nothing. the retrial only Happened because my brother remembered something in therapy.

it's a soulcrushing thing.

[abuserconfessions]

you have to push me. you have to break whatever boundaries i set. thats how i know you love me. you'll do anything.

[abuserconfessions]

today was pretty great, to be honest. i have a few nice plans lined up and i'm going to work on my halloween costume tonight. i also went shopping with my aunt and a really close friend of mine, and that was pretty awesome. i got a lot of new craft supplies so i'll definitely be putting those to use soon.

even when you're at your lowest, better days are always just around the corner. thank you for listening.

[abuserconfessions]

a lot of negativity on my blog lately, i've been thrashing here a bit too much. i'll see if i can fix that by plastering up some positivity...

[abuserconfessions]

hi, thank you for this blog. i cant express how much it means to me. i was in a relationship for a very long time with someone while i was a child and it lead me to form some really harmful ideas about how love should be. it really fucked with me and it stunted my growth; i think safe spaces for those trying to grow out of their harmful patterns is so fucking important. I'm an adult now but those scars run so deep within me that they've permanently changed my life. I have a hard time opening up about it sometimes because people forget abusers are also typically very, very hurt people. I've been able to find some clarity in knowing I'm not alone. So, again, thank you. 💚

i relate to you alot, anon. i went through the same sort of thing when i was younger, and i turned out this way because of it. thank you for sharing your experience and letting me, and others know they're not alone. i wish you well in your recovery. Always remember, no matter what you do, there's a chance to restart somewhere in the world.

if you'd like some good news from my end of things, i've made a little progress in controlling my emotions. this week has been very stressful and i almost lost my cool on multiple occasions; but I managed to keep myself under control. i'm proud to report i didn't snap at anyone this week.

change is possible. believe in yourself.

[abuserconfessions]

yeah fuucking sur eim fine with not always receiving the same affection but god can i least expect you to be there and try to help

YOU FUCKING RAN AWAY AGAIN! FACE ME WHEN I'M LIKE THIS. I ALWAYS HOLD ONTO YOU AND BRING YOU DOWN IN YOUR EPISODES! CARE ABOUT ME THE SAME! CARE ABOUT ME THE SAME! PLEASE!

[abuserconfessions]

YOU FUCKING RAN AWAY AGAIN! FACE ME WHEN I'M LIKE THIS. I ALWAYS HOLD ONTO YOU AND BRING YOU DOWN IN YOUR EPISODES! CARE ABOUT ME THE SAME! CARE ABOUT ME THE SAME! PLEASE!

[abuserconfessions]

god please someone bother to know me like i bother to know them

[abuserconfessions]

i just TOLD you what i needed right now and you shrug me off again goddamnit nonononoii neeed you to ttel eveveyone im hhving a FUCUIKHN EPISOIDE irgHt now because iif i ddo it i look broken and manipuulative and trying to avoid consquen ce annd tyejn i blee up abbaiut it and now yuou hate me yiouhatenmme

[abuserconfessions]

even an "i'm worried about you" would be nice to hear sometimes

[abuserconfessions]

had a pretty terrible day today and all i wish i got was a an "i love you" when i got home today. but they're cold again today. i think i need to slit my wrists, somehow

[abuserconfessions]

i wish i deserved being treated softly, today. because god i need it.

[abuserconfessions]

a common trait of being a victim is coming back to your abuser because of what they put you through

and i was so happy when you came home to me. but god i forgot my house was on fire.

you need to run.

[abuserconfessions]

i dont know what you want

but i know it's not this.

those words had meant nothing

when they left your lips

you're my darling and i love you with every inch of my soul. i hate myself for what i did

[abuserconfessions]

pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasetalktome