ace-safespace

[ace-safespace]

Hi, Blue Ice-Tea here from Ace Film Reviews. I was just wondering about the title of your submission to the Carnival of Aces. Is it "The Ace Community: The Inherent Problems of Being Almost Exclusively an Online Community"? You can reply by posting a comment on the call for submissions.

Replying her and on the website just in case. The title is the second part, “The Inherent Problems of Being Almost Exclusively an Online Community”, yes, but you can include the whole thing if you’d rather the word ace appears somewhere. Cheers!

[ace-safespace]

The Ace community has a troubled past. When your identity has been denied, mocked, and outright excluded from spaces that were already created by and for marginalised people, finding a sense of community becomes a front-and-center issue. The fact that terms like "the ace discourse" and "ace exclusionist" exist and are used prominently when talking about asexual people tells a sad story of erasure, exclusion and rejection.

This is not the article to rehash the points made by countless ace activists over the literal decades this "debate" has existed and had a, in my opinion, depressing place in the LGBTQIA community. But, to discuss the topic of this article, let's establish the basis of the 'ace discourse'.

As far back as the days of HAVEN, and even further back when the only spaces for LGBTQIA people were the underground scene, dedicated bars and cafés, or exclusive clubs with veiled names you'd only get in by being introduced, ace people have been a subject of debate. Everyone knows there's nothing as welcoming as being excluded from the excluded people club.

The argument has ranged from "asexuality doesn't exist", to "ace people don't have their place in LGBTQIA spaces because they're not discriminated against", and let's not forget the age-old "ace people are just straights trying to make themselves seem interesting".

Nowadays, you only have to type "ace discourse" or "ace exclusionist" on social media to witness the sheer magnitude of the problem. This is not over, this is not a thing of the past. This is a prevalent problem of today, a discrimination ace people face every day online for the crime of being out and claiming their rightful place in what prides itself to be a welcoming community for all sexualities and genders outside of the straight & binary norm.

Yet we only have to look at the fate reserved for trans women of colour, gay black men, BIPOC who challenge gender conformity, perpetrated by the very same people who are in this community because of the discrimination they, themselves, live every day. The simple fact that the face of the LGBTQIA community in mainstream media is a white gay man says it all.

When such a community has no problem ostracising ace people for their identity, it should come as no surprise to anyone involved. After all, we're not the only victims and targets of the exclusionary train steered by the same people who should support and uplift us. After all, isn't it what they ask, too?

The L and G of the famous acronym can enjoy physical spaces catered to them (the famous gay bar). Once you start going through the letters one by one, the facade of community and acceptance starts to fall apart. Bisexual people don't exist. Trans people don't deserve rights (and trans POC don't deserve to live). Queer people are offending and re-traumatising others by using such an offensive term. Intersex people who? Never heard of them. Asex- I'm sorry, Allies. The A definitely stands for Allies.

Online, the LGBTQIA community is a pretty house of card, waiting for the slightest blow to fall apart. All of the things described above are actual argument used against members of the LGBTQIA. Bisexual erasure is a term that wouldn't have been invented if there wasn't a use for it. Statistic of trans assault and murder are nausea-inducing. There's inter-fighting between the old and new generations over reclaiming terms and updating old ones. Intersex people are still being forcefully operated on, gender forced upon them, with no rights whatsoever.

In the middle of all this, here we are.

No one is surprised to hear that online, people are more willing to start fights, insult and harass, engage in trolling, all the way to the unfortunately now common-place death threats. No more than 1% of the world population is estimated to be asexual, and a survey done in the US found the result for its population to be around 0,8%. Good luck meeting one at a gay bar. There's a reason why physical ace spaces aren't a thing.

(if you find an ace café somewhere, please invite me though)

With a pandemic and, even before that, two generations used to go online to meet new people and talk to them (and that's not criticism, I do it too! But it's important to acknowledge a reality to be able to change it), meeting other ace people in person has never really been an option.

So, what do we have left? An online space catered to barely a couple letters of an already limited acronym, where acephobia is rampant and ace people are too often excluded from the conversation. After all, if you're a cis, straight asexual, then what do you have to complain or be oppressed about? You 'pass', don't you?

That's my main problem with online LGBTQIA spaces. I'm well-aware that ace people aren't the only ones being included, see mentions of bi and trans people above, but this is what I can speak about. Being neither cis nor straight, I guess I'm one of the ""good"" aces when it comes to this discrimination happening right in the middle of a group already heavily discriminated against.

For these reasons, it doesn't surprise me that some of the most vehement supporters of ace segregation, I suppose you could call it, were ace people themselves. And I'm not talking about internalised acephobia here. I'm talking about ace people who are active in LGBTQIA online spaces, participate in marches and public gatherings, consider themselves activists, and even for some, are speaking in schools and other places of education. I'm saying that ace activists are saying that we would be better off on our own, creating a community for ourselves where being gay or gender-noncomforing would have just as much bearing on your place in the community as being straight or cis. Where activism doesn't include LGBTQI rights, but focuses on ace people only and doesn't work on the principle of intersectionality.

Now, let me make myself clear: these are not in any way a majority of ace people, or ace activists for that matter. The overwhelming majority of people who advocate for a separation of communities for minorities are ace-exclusionist, acephobic members of the LGBTQIA community who feel that ace people have no place in spaces these people are a part of. Their arguments are all in favor of exclusion and are, without a doubt, a form of discrimination of the likes the LGBTQIA community suffers from daily.

But these asexual ace-exclusionists exist. They're not many, but I've met some at Pride parades, marching alongside other ace people and waving our flag. They don't believe that ace people should create their own community because they're acephobic, or because they don't want to be in the same spaces as other members of the LGBTQIA community. They want this because they feel like the current online spaces are so hostile to them, so uncaring about ace problems and the challenges we face, that they'd rather exclude themselves from the support system these spaces can provide to finally feel like they're part of a community that will always have their back and won't ever put another group's challenges first and leave them behind.

And frankly? As much as I disagree with the goal here, I would be a liar and a hypocrite if I said I didn't understand, and some days, agree with the reasons. I'm not in favour of segregating ace people, of building a new community from the ground up and permanently severing our link to the LGBTQIA community. But when I've had to read another call-out post that make us out to be whiney, privileged people who are trying to steal valuable time and effort away from those who "really" need it, I understand where these aces are coming from.

Online spaces aren't kind to ace people. When we're not outright dismissed or entirely excluded, we're mostly ignored. It hurts, when the exclusionists aren't reprimanded by anyone other than ace people, when they're just ignored by other LGBTQIA who just look the other way, vaguely uncomfortable but unwilling to challenge the status quo. Because do you know what they're afraid of?

They think that if they stand up for ace people, if they directly challenged the, frankly, bigoted and targeted views of these people, they'll be called out for homophobia, transphobia, you get the idea. And they're not wrong! Somehow, I don't know when, being part of the LGBTQIA community suddenly means getting a free pass for horrible behaviour.

Because now, if you challenge these people, then you're being a bigot. You're harassing a minority. Doesn't matter that you're also part of the same community, or that you challenging their shitty views has nothing with their sexuality and/or gender or yours.

But you only have to look at the privilege white gay men enjoy in this community to understand that the problem is more widespread that the community itself would have you believe. It's not good for business if the very people who are supposed to be supportive and against discrimination at all cost are the ones doing the discriminating.

I don't enjoy online spaces for the LGBTQIA community. I haven't joined any forums, don't follow accounts on any social media, don't really interact with members of these communities all that much. I don't feel comfortable doing so. When's the next time a lesbian is going to casually question if "is asexuality real, tho?", an nb is going to ask if we're really all that oppressed compared to others, a gay man will just throw into a conversation that, in his days, people like me just went to a sex therapist and got themselves fixed, you know?

I'm not calling out anyone specific, because this is just rampant enough that you've probably all witnessed it at some point, but either didn't notice or don't remember because you're, unconsciously, part of the problem, or you're an ace person like me who's just seen one too many "ace discourse" post on tumblr and had to update their blacklist plugin for the last trendy term they're using to discriminate against us.

The aim of this piece isn't to play "who's got it worse?". We don't. Trans women of colour have it worse. Gender nonconforming people aren't even recognised by most countries' laws. We're not playing "who's got it worse?" because this isn't a fucking game. As a community, we're all hurting enough.

We've grown up on horror stories of coming out, filled our formative years with terrifying statistics, rates of suicide and sexual assault, our identities dissected by media and lawmakers alike, alienated from our local communities, families, cultures, religions. This isn't a fucking game. We've hurt enough.

Online spaces designed for the LGBTQIA community aren't being checked enough for the rampant acephobia coursing through it, and until steps are taken to strengthen moderation, educate people and stand up in the face of blatant discrimination even if the people doing it are LGBTQIA too, then online spaces will continue to be a hostile environment to anyone on the ace spectrum.

Ace people deserve better, and if you disagree, then you're part of the problem.

written for @asexualagendablog​ Carnival of Aces: COMPARING ACE SPACES

[ace-safespace]

People seemed to like my bi/pan post so I decided to make a similar thing for asexuality! Please know that this is based on my own experiences within the community and I can’t speak for all aces. However I hope this can be a good starter for people to understand. A lot of ace stuff on here is heated arguments and I wanted to get away from that and provide a resource so people can learn without having to wade through the Discourse.

💖

Please note, I intentionally did not include anything about the “is ace queer” debate because it warrants a whole separate post and I want this to be accessible to anybody willing to learn, despite my personal feelings on that topic. Please do not bring your ace/queer debate onto this post, it is not the place. Thank you!!

Also for my last graphic, people re-posted to other social media and translated it into different languages and I’m totally fine w that! I would love if you keep the bottom credit and let me know if you do this. 😊

Plain text under the cut.

Keep reading

[ace-safespace]

Are you too young to be Ace?

This was initially a response to a DM from someone who I got permission from to answer it publicly and promised I would redact their name. This post answers it the same as I did the person who asked and hopes to expand on that answer. Here’s the original message:

The short answer is: no, of course not. There is no age restriction on knowing your sexual orientation or identify as anything. And honestly, f*ck them for even implying that there is such a thing as an age restriction to labeling yourself something that both feels right and makes you happy. Anyone who's ever told you that is wrong. What you are feeling is absolutely worth believing no matter your age. There is no "right" time/age to know if you do or don't experience sexual attraction.

The long answer involves arguments, studies and law, so if the short answer satisfies you, you are perfectly excused for skipping the long version.

Of course you don't need to be 18. First of all, I want to break down what being ace is, as a core form of identity. Identifying as asexual means putting a label over feelings (or lack thereof in this particular case, but my point applies to any orientation, sexual or not) regarding sexuality, being involved in sexual activities, participation in any way, interest and/or participation in masturbation, feelings regarding sexual attraction and who that sexual attraction is directed at and in which cases. 

So, to say it simply, you are expressing your feelings regarding an identity you consider yourself a part of by using a label. Let’s look at other people who are doing that, and the age they start doing so. The basic exemple is for straight, or het(erosexual) people. Two labels describing the sexual attraction to cis people of the opposite cis gender (since there is no such thing as the other gender. There are, to my knowledge, only two cis genders however). When do people usually start calling themselves straight? Usually when hormones kick in and they start looking at other kids/pre-teens and having sexual feelings for them. 

The American Academy of Pediatrics states that sexual behaviour starts between the age of 2 to 6 with stuff like touching, looking, showing and asking being perfectly normal. 

“Stop It Now!” dates the appearance of specific language to describe sexual acts and identity to appear starting at age 9. 

Bullough and Bullough, in Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia, say that, and I quote: “Based on observation [...], love relationships were apparent and that the emotion of love between the sexes during the ages three to eight was characterized by hugging, kissing, [...], grieving at being separated, giving gifts, extending courtesies to each other, and making sacrifices for each other. These intimacies have been characterized as social, while intimacies of pairs from age eight and older were characterized as more sexual in nature. How sexual relationships become after around age eight depends on how much sexual activity the children have observed and how permissive the society is.” 

So basically, burgeoning straight relationships have been observed to appear before 8, and becoming sexual after that. Those children are usually self-aware. I would give a guess and suggest that, had this book not been published in 1994 and therefor excluding anyone lgbtq+, there would probably be accounts of same-gender or queer relationships developing around those ages too. 

Those are just a few studies made by scientific groups and/or communities asserting that sexual preference, and therefor, orientation, appears at a very young age. It is extremely common to be able to state your own sexual orientation (a label that is valid at the time and may change in the future, I feel is necessary to add) in a pretty confident manner. 

Kidshealth says that “Knowing one's sexual orientation — whether straight or gay — is often something that kids or teens recognize with little doubt from a very young age. Some gay teens say they had same-sex crushes in childhood, just as their heterosexual peers had opposite-sex crushes. By middle school, [...] many gay teens already recognize their sexual orientation, whether or not they have revealed it to anyone else.” This is pretty self-explanatory. 

I even want to give a more obvious (though not strictly of self-labeling and more of arbitrary labeling) exemple, with the way medical practitioners or parents (in the case of home-births) assign a gender to a newborn in a matter of seconds. I mean, you can’t make it any younger than that! 

I want to make the last argument that in many countries, the age of consent for sex ranges between 15 and 18. Canada is 16, the different U. States range between 16 and 18, in my own country, it’s 15, etc. If you are legally able to consent to having sex, you damn well are allowed to label yourself at least at the same time, if not before, as not being interested in sex. I’m only giving this as an exemple for the sake of the argument but let’s not be idiots here, if you’re able to recognize and/or experience sexual attraction at the age of eight you sure as hell are able to label yourself at least at the same age. 

Given that asexuality is a sexual orientation like any other, if for the defining fact that it’s its lack of sexual attraction that defines it, you are absolutely “allowed” (that word should be banned from your vocabulary when in relation to you labeling yourself) to say you’re ace, on the ace-spectrum, demi, grey, all and in between. This is your identity and you are the sole god and priest of that temple. 

I hope this has been informative, comforting, and helpful to debunk some stupidity coming from people who want to make your life miserable. Feel free to send them this or any quote from this if they are being whiney and trying to police you.

Don't let anyone dictate how or when you're "allowed" to be ace. <3

(also regarding all the stuff mentioned and/or quoted in this post, I have posted a fixed page which you can find on the sidebar of this blog where you’ll have access to all the sources used in every post I make from now on. The reason it’s not linked in this post is because of tumblr dumb rule of deleting any post containing a link from the search results and I want ace people finding this if they need to. So, yeah, sources in the sidebar.)     

[ace-safespace]

No matter how much anyone tries to address the topic, the rhetoric of “Cishet ace ppl can date the opposite gender so they arent oppressed” is ENTIRELY based on denying the existence of aphobia or believing that aphobia isnt something that negatively affects ace people on a big scale .If people actually believed that all ace people suffered from aphobia, they wouldnt act like “cishet” aces werent oppressed AT ALL and the straight passing and cis privilege cishet ace people experience ensured that they dont ever experience ANY type of marginalization because of their sexual identity.

Cis, white, gay men experience white,cis and male privilege YET noone acts like all this erases the fact that they experience marginalization because of homophobia.White straight trans people experience white privilege and straight privilege yet everyone knows that this doesnt mean they cant experience transphobia.Even IF heteroromantic ace people MIGHT be on par with straight people and MIGHT experience straight privilege,it doesnt erase the fact that asexuality is still a marginalized community and ace people experience aphobia bc they dont meet the society’s standards of a “"normal”“ orientation

Anyone who believes that ”“cishet”“ aces dobt belong in lgbtqa spaces also essentially believes that ace people dont experience any marginalization for being ace.So dont believe in any exclusionist saying “i believe that ace people’s struggles are valid but they dont belong in the lgbtqa community uwu” bc thats a flat .out.lie

[ace-safespace]

Interview: Embo

Today we’re joined by Embo. Embo is a phenomenal artist who specializes in cross stitch. She has recently cross stitched a number of Pride badges, which are absolutely beautiful. Embo also does some embroidery and she has recently started dabbling in drawing as well. It’s clear she’s a driven and passionate artist who loves to create, as you’ll soon read. My thanks to her for taking the time to participate in this interview.

WORK

Please, tell us about your art.

I mostly cross stitch, sometimes embroider, and occasionally draw. Cross stitching is my main art though. I favour working on smaller pieces, and recently I’ve spent most of my time making small Pride pieces.

As for drawing, I’ve taken up doodling fan art of Mass Effect with the intention of writing fan fic in the future.

What inspires you?

I follow many talented people on Tumblr, and seeing their work inspires me greatly! If I see someone has created a wonderful piece of art, I find it spurs me into action and I will immediately start trying to create something of my own. Drawing is more accessible for me, but I can’t resist taking on new cross stitch projects, to the detriment of older forgotten WIPs!

What got you interested in your field?  Have you always wanted to be an artist?

Admittedly my reasons for getting interested into cross stitch aren’t very inspiring. I kept seeing subversive cross stitch popping up online and thought it was really funny and wanted to get into that. As soon as I started though, I realised that cross stitch is an amazing craft, really fun, and especially good for stress relief! And to this day, I’ve only produced one piece of subversive cross stitch haha.

I started as a fan artist when I was younger, but found that no matter how hard I tried, I was never satisfied with my drawings. Cross stitch, however, has always been really satisfying.

Do you have any kind of special or unique signature, symbol, or feature you include in your work that you’d be willing to reveal?

To be honest, not really. I still haven’t gotten into the habit of signing my cross stitch pieces, which is something I really ought to get into doing. I used to sign my drawings, but I dropped the habit some years ago when I stopped being happy with what I was making.

What advice would you give young aspiring artists?

Don’t get bogged down in getting lots of Likes on social media. Be proud of what you’re making, and don’t stress about what other people think.

ASEXUALITY

Where on the spectrum do you identify?

Somewhere between ace and demisexual. Possibly panromantic and demiromantic too, but I’m still figuring that part out.

Have you encountered any kind of ace prejudice or ignorance in your field?  If so, how do you handle it?

The worst I’ve encountered was coming out to a family member and being told that I just hadn’t met the right person yet. This was frustrating, as talking about my asexuality has always been hard in the first place, and I felt like I was being shut down. In response, I just never brought it up with them again. Nowadays I rarely come out, unless it’s necessary for the situation. This… is not a great way to be. I shouldn’t have to feel the need to hide this aspect of myself, but the fear of prejudice tends to take me over a lot. I’ve also had to quit visiting some “LGBT-friendly” websites outright, because the audience was completely acephobic. I realised that I just wasn’t welcome there, which was a shame because I otherwise enjoyed the site. I… was angry and sad for days afterwards. It’s not an easy thing to process.

What’s the most common misconception about asexuality that you’ve encountered?

That we’re all a bunch of prudes. Or that we’re just trying to make ourselves out to be special for something that isn’t even a thing. I also worry that, because I’m in a relationship, people think I’m not ace anymore which… is not how that works at all.

What advice would you give to any asexual individuals out there who might be struggling with their orientation?

Don’t be afraid to embrace yourself! Labels can be greatly helpful, but use them carefully- don’t cling to them completely. You’re 100% valid in who are, and don’t let anyone take that from you. And don’t worry if you find your labels change over time. Mine did, and I had nobody to talk to about it at the time, but don’t worry if that happens to you, it does not make you any less valid!

Finally, where can people find out more about your work?

I post cross stitch and embroidery at http://stickyfigs.tumblr.com/ and doodlings at https://potatopotholeakastickyfigs.tumblr.com/.

Thank you, Embo, for participating in this interview and this project. It’s very much appreciated.

[ace-safespace]

Where We Are on TV - a report

Where We Are on TV is an annual report on representation in TV shows (broadcast, network and streaming) published by GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation). It is as inclusive as it can get, with sections for LGBT+ characters, characters of colour and gender representation.

It was obviously meant to be as inclusive as possible, as well as accessible. The vocabulary is well-thought and doesn’t go too far on the maths/stats terminology. From my understanding of accessibility softwares such as text-to-speech, it looks like the WWAT report would work really well when read out loud. The graphics are all commented and wrote out in plain words and the paper’s contrast is great on most pages.

Onto the content, GLAAD reports an all-time high in LGBT+ representation on TV, especially for the trans community. However, disability representation and ace representation in particular are both very disappointing. 2.1% of characters are disabled, which is wildly underestimating what an accurate representation of the population would look like. It’s even worst for asexuality, with zero (0) ace characters on broadcast, one (1) character on network and one (1) as well on streaming. The numbers haven’t changed since the previous yearly report, and even look like they’re going to drop.

As of 2019, the Shadowhunters show (a TV adaptation of the book series The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare) is coming to an end. It included, amongst a fairly diverse cast (a gay couple of a bisexual Idonesian man and gay man, and more than a few actors and actresses of colour, including a Jewish character, though no gender representation outside of the binary if you don’t count Magnus challenging gendered beauty standards on a few occasions) the character of Rafael, who is asexual. With the show ending, the two will drop to one, only leaving Bojack Horsman as the only TV show with asexual representation.

Although it’s nice to know that there are more and more LGBT+ characters and characters of colour (through original writing or adaptation), it’s a bit disheartening to realize how little the ace community is represented on TV, adding to the stigma around our identity. It comes at a time where the LGBT+ are making a push against asexuality being accepted in the community, which is never great news, and to see the numbers drop to a depressing one (1) does not make for a happy report.

Hopefully, this year will see a new character with which we’ll be able to identify, maybe a woman or, dare we hope, a gender non-comforming character this time?

tl;dr: in 2018-2019, there were zero (0) ace characters on broadcast, one (1) character on network and one (1) as well on streaming. It’s the same numbers as the last report, and they’ll drop in 2019 with the end of Shadowhunters with its ace character, Rafael.

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IM LAUGHING SO HARD I DIDNT THINK SEXUAL DESIRE WAS A REAL THING LIKE I ALWAYS SAW PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY WANTED SEX BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERE JOKING OR EXAGGERATING OR SOMETHING THATS WHY IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME TO REALIZE I WAS ACE BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WENT WITHOUT SAYING SEX ISNT THAT IMPORTANT IM 19 YEARS OLD I CANT STOP LAUGHING LITERALLY 99% OF THE POPULATION EXPERIENCES SEXUAL DESIRE AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE

[ace-safespace]

Asexuality: Life Without Sexual Attraction

based on an article by everydayfeminism

[...] It wasn’t that I didn’t have any past stories to contribute, it was just that sometime in between high school and these discussions with new college friends, I had realized something about myself: I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone.

In this article, the anonymous author shares a very important story that many people who do experience sexual attraction like to throw in asexuals’ faces as some kind of proof. The author did have sex at some point in their life, and doesn’t feel shame in saying it.

You should never feel shame in saying, or having sex at one point in your life if you identify or later identify as asexual. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, not the lack of sexual activities. Asexuality does not equal celibacy, but it does not equal being pressured into sex either because you read online that some people on the ace-spectrum have sex.

The author goes on to say: “An only recently identifying asexual, by most definitions, there was actually a time in my life where I qualified as a fairly sexually active person. I just didn’t like it, or crave it, or see people and connect to them sexually. For me, sex was a way of trying to get intimacy from a relationship, and unfortunately, it was a method that largely failed me because other people didn’t see it the same way I did.”

That is something that people on the ace-spectrum can often strongly identify with. Society as a whole glorifies sex. From the oh-so-important first time and its candles, rose petals and pressure of performance for both men, women, and people who don’t identify on the binary, to the expectations of the married life and consumption of the wedding night.

Some asexuals even do hookups and one-night stands, because the need for intimacy, the fear of being touch-starved (or the feeling) are so present that they completely disregard their own feelings on the matter and just focus on trying to feel better, right now.

Others simply don’t know they’re asexuals yet, like the author here, and have sex because they confuse their perfectly human need for intimacy with the sexual act society pressures into them.

It’s important to look into the feelings you might be having, the doubts that might have brought you here, because many can garanty you that the day you realize all those times you felt so shitty after sex weren’t because your partner sucked or you were having a bad day... well, that day will be a bad one, no questions asked. And that blog was created to prevent that.

Ask your questions, share your story. If you ever experienced what the author did, how did you cope with it? Do you still find yourself having sex even though you fall on the spectrum because you feel this is the only way for you to be intimate with people or your partner? Do you think you might be asexual, or on the spectrum, after an experience with someone that didn’t leave you feeling as you think you’re supposed to feel?

The ask box is here for that, as well as the submit button. And remember, this is your Safe SpACE.

[ace-safespace]

AVEN is a website meant as both a place for the ace community around the world and a well of resources for people of all ages, questioning their identity or wanting to find a place of belonging.

It’s a fairly known website because of how easy it is to find it with just the keyword asexuality on any browser. The reason why it’s talked about here is because there is actually a French version, on its own and not simply a translation of the website.

It’s, however, a lot less accessible than the English version, for reasons that can be traced to both the outlook on asexuality in France and simply the means to pay for a higher chance of results in any given browser.

So, French and DOM-TOM aces, Belges, Québécois, maybe you’ll find AVEN-FR better suited to your interest!

[ace-safespace]

TAG LIST

Of course, this list will be regularly updated. (last udpate: 16th February 2021)

Content

Inclusive content

#poc : general topic of the post is aimed at people of colour

#woc : post made for women of colour or answering a woman of colour

#nboc : ↑ for non-binary people of colour

#moc : ↑ for men of colour

#tof : ↑ for trans people of colour

#straight #bi #pan #gay #lesbian : used for romantic attraction and sexual attraction in demi or grey aces.

#autistic #nd (neuro-divergent) #adhd : used in posts advising or responding to people who felt safe disclosing it

#disability #chronicpain : ↑

#demisexuality, #greysexuality and #asexuality are tagged separately if the posts are specifics

Language-related

Note: if you are fluent in a language and wish to participate in making this blog more inclusive, don’t hesitate to contact me with the name of the language you speak in English and in its own language (like how French is français in French). Even if the language is already there, you can still help by taking some of the weight off of the others’ shoulders!

#français : posts that have been translated in French

#deutsch : posts that have been translated in German

#עברית : posts that have been translated in Hebrew

#italiano : posts that have been translated in Italian

Religion and/or believes

Note: this blog is secular. I’m French, and secularism is the basis of our society. This is NOT something I’m wiling to compromise on. There will be not acceptance towards religious speech condemning asexuality or explaining that it was a gift from god or anything. Religion will NOT be a part of this blog. However, I understand that some people have faith in their everyday life and that it conflicts with the lgbt+ identites most of the time. I will carefully review asks talking about religion and if I think they’re appropriate for this blog, of course they will be answered and other people will be welcome to discuss the topic in the replies. But this is a secular blog, and it will remain this way.

#christianity

#islam

#judaism

#buddhism

#shintoism

#animism

#paganism

Warnings

Triggers

#dubiouscake : discussion of dubious consent

#unwantedcake : discussion of non-consensual sexual acts

#terf : trans exclusive radical feminist behaviour is discussed in the post (though all comments and asks from terfs will be automatically deleted)

#racism : racist behaviour is discussed in the post (though all comments and asks from racists will be automatically deleted)

#sexism : sexist behaviour is discussed in the post (though all comments and asks no matter if they’re sexist against women OR men will be automatically deleted)

#acexclusivetw : ace-exclusive behaviour is discussed in the post (though all exclusive comments and asks will be automatically deleted)

Age-appropriate

#chocolatcake : content discussing things that are not suitable for people under 18

#minorsafe : content specifically made for people under 18

Q&A

#allyspeaks : answering people who are not part of the ace community and are asking polite, well-meaning questions

#acespeaks : answering people who are in the ace community

#acestory : an ace person talking about something that they lived through in an ask, also used to tag submissions

#resources #reblog #advice are, for now, the three types of posts that won’t include answering an ask or a PM

#reblog is also declined in #relatable if I personally like it a lot

#essay are posts I’m writing about a variety of topics partaking to asexuality and the ace community

[ace-safespace]

Welcome to Safe SpACE.

This was created after seeing too many people hiding who they are, going back to a closet they fought hard to get out off. This was created after witnessing the backlash anyone receives when they dare to be proud of who they are on this website.

Safe SpACE is your space. It’s meant to be. It was specifically created to be yours. So here’s what you’ll find here.

• a community

This is very important. You are not to feel rejected ever again. Anon is obviously turned on but any acephobic, exclusive, lgbt+ phobic, ableist comment, anything that I consider unsafe will be deleted and won’t be answered. There will be an #allyspeaks tag which will be used on any ask I answer that aims to educate someone who asked well-meaning, polite questions, so that anyone can blacklist it if they only wish to see asks from ace people.

• ressources

Most of the posts will be originals, but I’ll also reblog things regarding the ace community that I feel can benefit people on the blog. As for original posts, they’ll be advice, guides, anything that can help or was asked of me. I’ll also regularly ask questions to you and turn on the ‘submit’ option so you can respond with stories or advice of your own.

• a safe place for minors

With the recent ban on adult content, I need to take some precautions. (and yes, I realize how ironic it is to tag adult content on an ACE blog) I also want minors to feel included here because asexuality doesn’t magically spawn in when you turn 18. Any content that contains references to sexual acts will be tagged #chocolatcake (I hope you get the joke. I think it’s funny, sue me).

Any content refering to dubious consent or non-consensual sex, as it is unfortunately a common thing for ace people, will respectively be #dubiouscake and #unwantedcake. Again, feel free to blacklist them, it’s what they’re here for. Any content specifically made for minors, or answering questions from a minor, will be tagged as #minorsafe.

• useful even for non-English natives

Although I’m fluent in English, I was born, raised, and still live in France. The only experience I have with actual English speaking human being is a two-week vacation to Scotland. Anything else I learned from the internet. It can feel very daunting to only have access to good information in a language you’re not fluent in. I’m lucky that it is not my case, but that’s not true for anybody.

So I strongly invite anyone who speaks another language fluently to let me know, so I can list you in a specific post here. That way, people who share your language can communicate with you, and you might be able to help them by translating a few things they didn’t catch. As for me, I welcome anyone who speaks French as their native language to contact me if anything is unclear. There will also be some French posts that are direct translations of key posts from the blog I feel deserve to be understandable by everyone.

Again, if your native language isn’t English and you feel inclined to help out, contact me and I’ll point a few posts you can translate as well. Every post in a language other than English will simply be tagged with the native word for the language (ex: the French posts will be tagged #français)

• welcoming of every gender, every sexuality and every race

I know this is a big issue in the lgbt+ community as a whole, and in the ace community as well. POC, trans people, bi/pan-identities, autistic, disabled, are all identities that get quite a lot of hate, disrespect or exclusion. This is NOT the case here. There will be specific spaces for you, where you can speak of your experiences and receive help from others who feel or identify as you do. The posts will be tagged apropriately with #poc for general topics, #woc, #nboc, #tof and #moc depending on what the person identifies as (female, non-binary, trans, male). Sexualities will be tagged, neuro-divergent, autism spectrum as well, and any disability the person felt safe to disclose.

In the interest of full disclosure: I am white. I identify as agender. I’m asexual. I don’t have a romantic preference for one gender or another. I have ADHD. I have a physical disability meaning I will never be able to work a full-time job so the government pays for half of my salary. I’m a sound-engineer student in cinema.

This is what I can help with. I’m not a poc, I’m not autistic, I’ll never know what it’s like to work all day, every day. I can’t help you with those things. I can help you with only some of them, which is exactly why I created this blog. So we can help one another.

Thank you for joining me in this community, and I hope you’ll feel safe and welcome here. Remember: this is yours, and no one is taking this away from you.

I know this is a lot of tags, but don’t worry. Click here and you’ll find a comprehensive list of tags used on this blog, as well as some terminology that might be useful.