alldaycatposts

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Nothing better at the end of a long die than a nice, ice-cold potato.

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Who is this week's biggest loss? The queen or Thurston Waffles? Discuss.

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I like to think that queen Liz was holding on to make sure that Boris Johnson really left office before she could die peacefully.

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If my right hand is my dominant hand, does that make my left hand the submissive hand?

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As Jeremiah Kennedy once said, the only thing we have to fuck is fuck itself

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I once had a particularly stupid horse who I wished were more intelligent, so I gave her an old copy of "Being and Nothingness" to read. I walked in the stable a few days later and saw her chewing idly on the book, clearly having read none of it.

It turns out it's true what they say: you can lead a horse to Sartre but you cant make her think.

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Getting a famous post on tumblr must be like publishing a paper in a prestigious peer-reviewed journal, except all your peers are just idiots.

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Feeling really American because my targeted ads alternate between army recruitment ones aimed at gamers and suicide prevention ones aimed at veterans.

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Life is the biggest pyramid scheme of them all. You get tricked into taking part before you really understand what's going on, and at some point when you realise you can't get enough out of it by yourself so you have kids that you can live through vicariously.

Turns out parents who beg their kids for grandkids are just trying to increase their downstream even more.

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How to spend $1500 on a bouquet of flowers:

Buy $80 worth of flowers for wife's first mothers' day (our first child was born on Tuesday :) )

In sleep deprived state buy a bouquet with lillies

Within literally 1 minute of the bouquet arriving have little gremlin demon cat start chewing on lily petals

Take cat to vet for emergency poisoning treatment which costs $1500

Feel super guilty about poisoning my cat for the rest of forever

EZ

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In a couple of hundred years it's definitely going to be widely accepted by the official institutions that set out grammar and style recommendations, that the correct way to indicate sarcasm in text form is through the use of "kappa". This makes me feel so many ways.

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If you thought that the Greek culture taking over the Roman empire after they'd been "conquered" was a one-off, I encourage you to consider: anime.

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It's fucked up that spiders and ocotopi are both like "Bones? Fuck 'em. Legs? I'll take 8."

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That fucking groundhog died right before groundhog day. Pretty sure that means 6 more years of covid.

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Pretty sure that Lil Nas X is the only person to do both sexy santa and sexy satan and I just think that's really brave

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I think the real reason that the crisis in Flint hasn't been resolved is because people referred to it as "water-gate" and everyone just got confused.