amicemetanoia

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My beauty goals

~ White teeth

~ Clear skin

~ Well groomed, symmetrical, thick brows

~ Sophisticated & elegant fashion style

~ Flat stomach

~ Toned body

~ Skin that is always soft and free of razor bumps

~ Shiny hair with volume to it

~ Bubble butt

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I wish I could come across classy, refined, composed, like those professional, effortlessly confident women but I‘m just an awkward loser

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I embrace being a selfish bitch.

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I believe society had gaslit me into believing I am being selfish for not people pleasing

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the personality disorder without a personality

permission, seema reza / i, etcetera: stories, susan sontag / ham on rye, charles bukowski / the dogs i have kissed, trista mateer / close to the knives: a memoir of disintegration, david wojnarowicz / work in progress, henrik aa. uldalen / noell oszvald / as consciousness is harnessed to flesh: journals and notebooks, susan sontag / perfect day, alex dimitrov 

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Schizoid people are overtly detached, yet they describe in therapy a deep longing for closeness and compelling fantasies of intimate involvement. They appear self-sufficient, and yet anyone who gets to know them well can attest to the depth of their emotional need. They can be absent-minded at the same time that they are acutely vigilant. They may seem completely nonreactive, yet suffer an exquisite level of sensitivity. They may look affectively blunted while internally coping with what one of my schizoid friends calls “protoaffect,” the experience of being frighteningly overpowered by intense emotion. They may seem utterly indifferent to sex while nourishing a sexually preoccupied, polymorphously elaborated fantasy life. They may strike others as unusually gentle souls, but an intimate may learn that they nourish elaborate fantasies of world destruction.

McWilliams (2006)

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I‘m seriously going to block some tags. All this loa crap isn‘t helping me

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I intended this blog to be a positive blog but fuck this. This is my blog and if I wanna vent I‘ll do it. This is for my therapy. If anyone doesn‘t wanna read it they can unfollow me. Venting and just writing down negative thoughts is part of the healing process.

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habits to adopt in 2024 ˖ ִֶָ ๋ ★ ִֶָ

drinking lukewarm water first thing in the morning

making your bed within 10 mins after you get up — this prevents you from going back to sleep again , it steals your comfort :P

brushing before consuming any food / drink ( other than water ofc )

exercising or even just going for a walk at least 4 days a week !

making a to do list daily or the day before

donate clothes you no longer use

set screentime locks , to help prevent you from spending 8 hrs on your phone

listen to good podcasts ! they can be about horror stories , interesting facts / news just anything which interests you

try and pick up a new hobby for this year and see what level you reach in it by the end of the year

eat according to 80/20 ( 80% healthy , good food to nourish your body and 20% indulgence meals )

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ASPIRED MORNING ROUTINE

Wake up at 5am. Every. Day. No exceptions. I will not sleep any longer on the weekends or during the holidays because this just makes it harder to wake up early again once work or school starts again. It's like giving yourself jetlag. I will not hit snooze. 5am, it is. I will be getting out of bed once I am awake. I'm using my sunlight alarm because humans are meant to rise during sunlight. I will place it somewhere far off the bed, so I will be forced to move out of bed to turn it off.

Drink a big glass of water. Good way to maintain a high enough water intake is to start drinking water right when you awake.

Make my bed. Keeps up the motivational and productive energy. It’s also a good way to make a room look tidier.

Five minutes of morning yoga. It has so many good benefits. It's a good way to start the day. Dimishes the feeling of being tired. If I stretch after waking up not only will I feel more awake it will remind me of my goal of being a productive person. Also I want to be more flexible and physically active.

Open all the windows. I tend to forget to let fresh air into my apartment, so I will incorporate this into my morning routine.

Put on my outfit. Which I picked the day before.

Use mouthwash, then brush my teeth properly and clean my tongue. I tend to use mouthwash after brushing my teeth when you should do it before. I guess I'll need to buy a better electrical toothbrush because my current one has a bad battery, but I will really need to charge my toothbrush and actually use the electrical function. (I will charge it right after making this post, I swear.) Plus I need to brush more properly. No more aggressively brushing your teeth in a hurry, or brushing for too long because you're zonking out.

Wash my hands, then wash my face with cold water. I will pay attention to wash my hands thoroughly and actually for the twenty to thirty seconds you are supposed to. No way I will be touching my face without washing my hands first. I don't want to risk acne.

Put on my skincare headband to move my hair out of my face, then follow up with my skincare routine. Cleanse face using a cleanser. Apply Vitamin C, then moisturizer and sunscreen.

Apply make up. Foundation, concealer, blush, bronzer, brow liner, eyeshadow, mascara, fixing spray.

Do my hair. Open it up and brush it. That’s it because I’ll be braiding it at night.

Have breakfast. Important because I get so aggressive during the day without proper breakfast.

Pack lunch. Because I need lunch for such long school days.

Close windows. Or I’ll freeze when I get home.

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I‘m an extremely private person, I‘ve come to realize and everytime I share stuff because I feel pushed to or obliged to, I end up regretting it deeply

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Social events in my head: fun and exciting

me after living said social event: sad and drained and feeling like I wasted my time and feeling stupid and idiotic and gross

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I feel like when you have childhood trauma no one can accept that you become jaded from it. Do you expect me to be the same as everyone else and function just the same when I have been through this shit? I am not mistreating anyone, that‘s already a marvel, so PLEASE don‘t expect me to be all smiley and warm like everyone else. Why can‘t people give me a break and accept that I don‘t naturally smile much since childhood probably for the reason that I‘m traumatized, and that I don‘t easily open up to people let alone find myself interested in being around people as much as others do.

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Femme Fatale Guide: Top Career Tips To Set Yourself Up For Success

Figure out where your skills and passions align. Then determine the lifestyle/work culture you thrive in and what sacrifices you're willing to make in your chosen career path (for some, it's always traveling/talking to people 24/7, working late hours, unpredictable/unconventional hours, potentially lower pay/less predictable income, etc.). It truly depends on your top values, your personality, and your goals/priorities in life.

First focus on getting incredibly talented at your craft. Find a mentor(s) who will push you with their feedback/suggestions. Take classes/skills courses/read books & articles to gain more applicable knowledge/hard skills. Join clubs, apply to internships, volunteer, and request informational interviews in your desired field.

Make your skills marketable. Create a professional resume and/or neat portfolio/collection of work samples. Discover and articulate your USP (that should essentially serve as the backbone of your elevator pitch). Frame your skills through a customer/business-centric lens. How does your experience/skillset solve their problems and help a company/client achieve their goals?

Build a network for yourself. Don't be shy to reach out to companies/individuals who inspire you. Speak with your secondary school teachers and professors for connections. Create peer-to-peer networks, too, so you can grow together. Be a fearless networker and connector. Help others, do favors, and make the person glad they met/hired you. Make it your objective to be memorable through your work ethic/providing high-quality work products and showing up with a motivated & overall positive attitude allows people to like and trust you with their time, clients, money, etc.

Master the art of a killer email/cold pitch. Especially in today's world, learning how to sell yourself through intriguing emails/LinkedIn messages is the key to unlocking potential success. One client or opportunity can create momentum that will be useful years down the line, too.

When in doubt, follow up – on an email, pitch, job opportunity, connection, etc.

Be ruthless and relentless with your research. For new contacts, connections, opportunities, and information to support your pitches/job interviews/networking conversations, new technologies, and trends within your field. Read everything credible you can get your hands on. Display working knowledge and practical applications of these concepts and how they can benefit the person in front of you/their business.

Create systems. For how you structure emails/pitches, conduct research, different types of workflows/ work template structures for different types of projects, time-blocking, client funnels, etc.

Get comfortable with rejection. Use it as a primer for self-reflection and refining your craft/processes or help you pivot your approach to help you achieve your goals. Never take business decisions on behalf of a company personally (and vice versa).

Give yourself breaks, but don't give up. Tapping out for good is the only surefire way to fail at an endeavor. Be flexible in your path, but zeroed in on your goal(s). Learn when to quit or pivot, and when it's time to coast or seek growth.

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being well mannered is such a beautiful quality. those that choose their words with consideration for the feelings of others. those that carry themselves with humility and modesty. it’s like elegance spills from their mouth when they speak.