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andrew5073 · 2 months ago

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There’s something to be said for a Captain America who can pull a Ghostbusters 2 and use the Statue of Liberty to kick your ass.

Can you have Cap save baby Magneto?

This actually happened in some of the cartoons! I gasped out loud when I saw it for the first time. (Go to about 10 minutes in for the full scene.) I thought I’d do something a little different, because while I love Erik in the First Class movies, I always wanted a happier ending for him…

The Howling Commandos, as a forward team focused on Hydra, hadn’t liberated many camps; the ones they had were Hydra slave labor camps, where the men were, if not well-fed, then at least not the gaunt, barely-alive prisoners they’d heard about from Red Army soldiers and Allied units.

This camp was different; at the heart of it was some kind of lab. When Steve battered down the last reinforced door, he found a man holding a gun to the head of a young boy.

“I’ll kill him,” the man said. Steve didn’t bother with an answer; the shield took the man’s head off before he could threaten the kid again.

Still, in that second before death, Steve had seen the man’s finger spasm on the trigger, and felt the thickness in the air when the trigger wouldn’t move. He looked at the boy, looked at the body, and had a sense of destiny resettling itself in the world.

“Was he the camp commander?” he asked the boy, who nodded, huge-eyed. “Commander…Shaw?”

The boy nodded again. He turned and pulled Steve’s now bloody shield out of the concrete wall like it was nothing. Then, with narrowed eyes, he floated it across to him, through the air, without touching it.

Steve took the shield out of the air, shook off what he could, put it on his back, and said, “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” the boy said, in trembling English.

“What’s your name, son?”

“Erik Lensherr.”

Steve had seen a lot of things in the war; nothing like this, but there had been signs of strange experiments in Hydra labs. This was comparatively harmless.

“Well, I’ll make you a deal, Erik,” he said. “I won’t tell what I saw here just now, and you help me close this place down. Then we’ll take you to HQ and get you a hot meal. Sound good?”

Erik nodded, then offered, “They knew you were coming. They destroyed all the records.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Steve said. “Come on.”

In the convoy, bringing the prisoners out of the camp, Steve brought Erik up to the cab of the lead truck, and put him in next to Bucky at the wheel.

“Who’s this?” Bucky asked.

“Erik,” Steve said. “He’s riding with us.”

“Sprichts du English?” Bucky asked.

“Yes,” Erik replied. “I can speak. English, German, Yiddish, some Russian. Good interpreter. I can work for Allies?”

“How old are ya?” Bucky asked.

“Sixteen,” Erik said.

“You are twelve,” Bucky told him.

“I’m just small,” Erik replied.

“Yeah, because you’re twelve,” Bucky insisted. “Well, we’ll make sure the folks handling the refugees take good care of y – “

“No, he’s coming with us,” Steve said.

“What?”

“Erik’s coming with us to HQ. We could use an interpreter. And he’s small enough to make a good spy. He’s had enough of camps, ain’t ya, kid?” he asked, and Erik nodded.

“You wanna join the allies, huh?” Bucky asked.

“I go with Captain America,” Erik announced.

“Yeah, that’s what I said, and now I know better,” Bucky replied, but he was grinning. “Fine, on your own head be it. Sixteen my ass,” he said to Steve.

Steve took off his helmet and plopped it onto Erik’s head. “Sorry, got a new sidekick now,” he told Bucky, who laughed.

Years later, when a magazine asked Erik Lensherr why he agreed to become Captain America after the disappearance of Steve Rogers, he said, “Steve took a terrified twelve-year-old Jewish kid out of a slave labor camp, gave him a helmet, and told him he had power. I believed him. Turns out he was right.”

ALSO IMAGINE MAGNETO AS CAPTAIN AMERICA WITH THE SHIELD. HOLY CRAP. :D

#Captain America #Magneto #Ghostbusters #The Statue of Liberty scene was the best part of that movie

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andrew5073 · 2 months ago

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Snow White and the Fae Co-Op

Part Two: Farcical Aquatic Ceremony

Part One

Oh jeez, you followed me out here? You're really hung up on Snow, huh? I mean that's not that surprising. Kind of part of the whole Princess-Messiah effect. Look, there's not much I can tell you about what happened immediately after. Me and my guys mind our business, when we can. But Snow did tell me about it, so if you don't mind the secondhand... did you see what I did there? Because I'm smoking? No, I'm not putting it out. You followed me out here.

Okay, so, to continue:

Snow was raised by the Evil Queen. Except not really because Evil Queen had better shit to do, probably. So Snow was raised by some well-meaning but not-super-affectionate nursemaids. Then there was a short period where she was being tutored alongside the Evil Queen's will-be-cupbearer-in-like-2-or-3 years. The pretty prince boy that Evil Queen took from Damp Kingdom. They tolerated each other.

You ever notice how kids will kind of... just awkwardly stand around each other when you put kids with like, 3 or 4 year age differences together? Like they could both be perfectly smart, normally-developed kids, but they're still weird around each other because they're at different developmental stages? Except now pepper in the fact that they're both incredibly fucked up by the fact that they're both basically political hostages. Their very existence is conditional. And Snow didn't even know how fucked she was, but growing up watching this other kid, she became very aware from a very young age, that she was in a fucked-up situation. So this other kid kind of traumatized her just by existing, but also he's the only other person who knows what she's going through. So there was this very weird 'shared resonance' between them but neither of them could really articulate it so you're basically stuck with two scared shitless kids standing next to each other and neither of them wants to talk about what they're going through because both are at very different stages for processing and articulating what they're going through.

To be honest, I don't really 'get it' but that's how Snow explained it to me. I'm still trying to figure out what she saw in the guy. He's a chickenshit. If he really cared about her, he would have come with her out here, but he didn't, and now everything's rotten and on fire. So here we are, and fuck him.

Okay getting sidetracked. You don't care about him, you care about Snow. Obviously. So, Snow grows up, and it's kind of clear, from early on, that Snow is human, but she's like... a human isotope, does that make sense? Like, yes, she is this element, but there is something more than and less than human in her, and that's kind of par for the course for someone who has been Chosen By The Deep End Fae For Nebulous, Miraculous, World-Changing Shit.

The more Snow grows up, the more Snow becomes a person, the more the Evil Queen becomes aware that there's a lot more than 'person' going on with this kid. The more she registers Snow as a threat.

And to be fair, she was right to.

Over the years the Evil Queen did try to form Snow in her own image--it couldn't be that hard, right? I mean the Fae literally jammed her heart into this fucking baby. Except... no. That's not what’s happening here. And the Fae are very very good at extremely personal 'Fuck you's,' so I need to give you an idea of what the Evil Queen is seeing in Snow.

It's very easy to hate someone you see your own weaknesses in, you see your own worst qualities reflected in someone else, except what if there was someone who was basically made in a lab to be everything you wish you were, slash everything you knew you could never be, and everyone fucking loved her for it.

The kindness you carved out of yourself years ago to survive, she has it and it makes people fawn over her and say, 'Oh the poor captive princess who's so very pretty.'

The tears that you desiccated out of yourself years ago bubble out of her like a goddamn Studio Ghibli character, and instead of the world mashing her into the dirt at that first sight of weakness like it's supposed to, it curls around her and goes, "Oh poor, poor, beautiful Princess."

The childish songs and dances and laughs and smiles that this world burned out of you are right there in her, and everyone laughs and sings and dances with her.

Everything you hated and cut out of yourself to survive lives and thrives in her, and the world cheers for it. The birds sing for it. The flowers bloom for it. The trees lower branches laden with fruit for it.

Hoof, I just made myself shudder.

But... yeah. The Evil Queen was already this Rube Goldberg machine of coping mechanisms to begin with, but seeing all that shit with Snow... I can't really fault her that it broke something in her.

And the Evil Queen still has the mirror with sight beyond sight, too, except just as ol' Mosscloak warned her, that gift is rotting in her hands.

Okay so, algorithms right? Algorithms need information input to shape themselves, BUT! It's very easy for them to get racist, right? They shape themselves to human biases. And also if it's getting a certain dataset for a certain amount of time, it will eventually train itself to do fucked up shit, because an algorithm doesn't actually reflect intelligence and reasoning and higher aspirations, it reflects human defaults, human assumptions, and human "Whatever I have to do to save effort" bullshit.

That's basically what happened with the Magic Mirror. Incredible cosmic power, incredible Fae vision and wisdom, but it was shaped more and more by human pettiness.

'oough why are you talking about tidepools and carcinization and isotopes and algorithms you're supposed to be magical and mysterious and shit.' Fuck off. I like reading. Snow taught me how to read. There hasn't been a lot to do but read.

Anyway, the information demands from the Queen basically amount to, "Tell me how Snow is my enemy" and from the Magic Mirror you basically get the Google AI results of:

Snow is totally your enemy! These are the Top 5 reasons why:

She's pretty

People like her

She's going to take everything you've ever built from you.

Cut her heart out. Kill her.

Kill her, you pussy.

Except the Queen is smart enough to know that's bullshit too, she knows that's a trap. She knows killing Snow will probably kill her too, because Snow is literally the vessel of her heart, so she hustles down to her Jury-Rigged Fuck-Fae-Deals Alchemy Witch Lab and she gets to work.

And then you smash cut to Snow, and she's a teenager now, and she's just sitting by a well like "Gee, Well, I'm just feeling real low what with this whole 'being a political prisoner for my entire childhood' thing." And this next part is boring so I'm going to skip over it--

Jeez, look, Snow always told this part better than me so it's better if--

Really? Tch--You're insatiable.

So, okay, I know the story says the evil queen dressed the Princess in rags and hid her away, but that's really more of human distortion and, unfortunately, general masses not really understanding that there's actually a very clear hierarchy in noble households.

The Evil Queen kept Snow as a Lady in Waiting, though, effectively, she was meant to be in more or less the same position as Prince Damp Kingdom as a cup-bearer and harp player: Human hood ornaments. Symbols of the Queen's conquest and power and how everything is hunky dory with her in charge.

But have you ever put together a cute outfit, and then you put a hat on the outfit, and then the hat distracts from the whole outfit and you're like, "This outfit would be complete if I was a Hat Person but I am not a Hat Person."

Snow is the Hat, but also the Evil Queen refuses to admit that she is not a Hat Person.

So I mean, all things considered Snow was pretty clean and well-kept during her stint in the palace, but of course she understood that she was in this very intense balancing act where she knew the more that people loved her, the more danger that put her in with the Queen. So she.... needed to take breaks where she could. She needed to stare down into a dark hole full of water, apparently.

Okay, so Snow is by the well right? And she's mindlessly singing into it, and she's hearing a voice harmonizing with her, and harp music playing too, but she kind of assumes its her own imagination. Snow has a... funky effect on reality, a funky relationship to it, and it kind of freaks her out. You know how judges can bang a gavel and suddenly something is law? Imagine if you could change something about the world just because you were sad about something or kind of horny for a little too long, just because you wanted something badly enough, the rules are briefly broken. Snow's broken rules before, and she doesn't trust that shit. The only other magic she's seen has been brief glimpses of the Evil Queen's mirror and her fucked up Faerie-law-circmventing alchemy, both are driven and warped by willpower, so... it's only natural that Snow fears her own.

Snow doesn't trust herself. Song is... a safer form for these things. It gives them body and ritual but lets them disperse. Keeps them contained. Look, I can't explain all the rules because I don't know all the rules. All I got is rocks singing to me, okay? But she's singing and she hears... accompaniment, and she doesn't really think anything of it because she knows her will can change her own perception, at the very least.

Also like, a shit-ton of finches have shown up, but that's fine, birds are fine, they're just hanging out.

The song she's singing is mostly just vocalizations at first, but gradually those are turning into words, those words into wants, and then theres another voice harmonizing along with her own, so equal in loneliness she thinks its an echo, rendered deeper by the distortions of the well, but then its punctuated by the pluck of harp strings, and she thinks, maybe that's just her imagination. But then she sees a shadow behind her in her reflection in the well, her singing abruptly steers into a short yelp, and she immediately throws an elbow behind herself and catches Prince Damp Kingdom hard across the face and kaboonnng his harp clatters on the ground and he's covering his nose and he's muffling a very unprincely, "Oh shit--" into his hands and Snow is saying, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, you scared me--"

And he's still muffling his voice through his hands as he's trying to stem his bloody nose like, "No, I misread that--I didn't mean to--owww-fuck--"

And Snow's like, "Let me see."

And the Prince goes, "It's fine, I'm fine," even though you can see blood on his chin now and this is all kind of a comedy of errors of royal politeness

And Snow insists, "Let me see," and the Prince immediately drops his hands because, as I've said, Snow has that effect on people and then Snow's hands fly over her own mouth.

"Is it bad?" says the Prince, his voice already nasally from swelling.

"Um," Snow fishes a kerchief from one of her tie-on pockets, "I can--um..." she dabs his face and the kerchief is pretty much immediately sodden with his blood, and she withdraws her hand with the kerchief as he tilts his head up to stem the blood more, and he kind of catches her in the corner of his eye, the way his own blood-sodden handkerchief matches the tint of her lips and the scarlet of her hair net studded with pearls, except she's pulling this teeth-gritting wincing "Eeeee..." face. And there's a beat and she just says, "I'm so sorry," again.

"S'fine..." Prince Damp Kingdom manages as she fishes another kerchief from her other tie-on pocket and hands it to him because she's scared she broke his nose and doesn't want to touch it, "Sorry for... scaring you?"

He kind of hopes that he caught an elbow to the face because he scared her, because the alternative is she hates him, because they've both been in this messed-up situation since basically both of them were in diapers, and what the hell has he been doing about it? He's the older kid, so what the hell has he been doing to figure out how to get them both the hell out of there? The whole world's eyes have been on both of them, the poor poor beautiful Snow White, Princess-Messiah, Chosen One Who Will Liberate 3 Kingdoms From the Grasp of the Wicked Queen If She Doesn't Get Fucking Murdered First... and Prince Chickenshit of the Dishwater Hair from Damp Kingdom... who is just... standing there... with his stupid fucking cup or his stupid fucking harp and isn't doing anything to help her.

Which, like, is what I've been saying.

But Snow would tell me I'm not being fair. Snow would say, "But that's the point, even if he was the older kid, he was still a kid."

And then she would get on with the story. Again, she told this story better than me.

So Snow says to the Prince, "Yes--I--I know--I mean, I'm sorry," and then to stop them from basically falling into a feedback loop of 'sorry's' she adds, "I'm just... kind of on edge these days."

"Is there anything I can do?" he says automatically, his voice now muffled beneath hand and more-slowly-soaking-with-blood kerchief and she gives him a polite but crinkle-browed smile and he's kind of gutted in this moment because he becomes immediately aware that she came to the conclusion that He Cannot Help Her in Any Significant Way a long time ago. And that's kind of fucked up, because she's younger than him, but also she Knows Mysterious Things and the world reacts strangely to her, so that's doubly gutting. Snow is the main fucking character, she is terrible and glorious purpose, and he has no impact on her story.

But then he remembers that song, the song she was singing that drew him out here, that drew his own song out, how fucking lonely it was, so he's not going to give up.

"I mean," he backtracks, "Why are you on edge?"

And something flickers across her face because like, she's used to being this beautiful and distant thing to people. More of a concept than a person, a beautiful story of a sad princess, hands clasped together with fingers interlaced in a tower.

"Let's--Let's get your nose looked at first, okay?" she manages, before taking the elbow of his free arm. She glances at his harp clattered on the ground and picks that up, too. "Come on," and she tugs him forward and he stumbles along with her, trying to negotiate stemming the blood from his nose with the jostling of his own footsteps while trying not to fuck up his own cartilage further. The finches trail after them follow in their bickering, zippy, chaotic way.

Well, this is ash. Do you want to go in?

#magic mirror as generative ai #it's as bad as it sounds #evil queen is not a hat person

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