anger-rage

[anger-rage]

Find it gross how fat people want a fit person but won't do anything for themselves. The fat people are not attracted to themselves. Disgusting. All that blubber.

[anger-rage]

I'm fatphobic. Viciously fatphobic. Mean, cruel, and evil about it. I really don't care. People love to sit on their high horse, but they hide their true feelings. I am honest with my feelings. I do not lie to myself just because it is evil.

[anger-rage]

Tired of being angry. Tired of being so upset. I wish I could undo me, just a redo. Me and many others. That's okay. I'm finding peace. A good pep talk.

Get my shit together.

Put it in a bag. All of it. Just put all the shit together.

Just get it together. Stay focused.

[anger-rage]

At some point I will no longer be angry. At some point I say I do not want to be alone anymore but men just want to fuck around. I guess the next key is to become indifferent to love. No passion or lack of anything , the emptiness is the true opposite of love. The days I do feel it is just hate and anger. I plenty of hate and anger. I do not want a partner, but I want peace of mind. I want to find my center. I want therapy to help find my center, my self-worth, and build my confidence. Every breath is about building confidence to live for me and not wanting to please someone else.

[anger-rage]

I'm tired of this appreciation

The acknowledgement of the trans and gay people. That canon is now gay and or tans. The canon clearly said it was not. However, the community needs to change to their narrative. Honestly they piss me off. The trans and gay need to FUCK OFF. Like go away. Stop imposing your shit. I'm just tired of it. I just want normal heterosexual material without that bullshit "all inclusive" limp dick shit.

[anger-rage]

You missed someone who loved you so much that you never had to love them back.

I'm not sick.

I know better.

[anger-rage]

Regret.

Regret.

The regret I feel. How much it all hurts. I regret being me. I do not want children because I wish I was never born. I do not want to be me. I want to go back and smother myself with a pillow. I wish I died of SIDS. Being a woman is hard and its shit when you deal with shit men. I do not want to be this way, but I do not want to exist anymore. I want to disappear. I want to be gone, a forgotten thought. I hate my parents for making me.

I wish it was a heart attack, I wish it killed me.

I wish I died.

That is the problem when you have a strong heart. My heart has more power to live than my tapioca pudding sending electrical impulses does. How fucked up is that? That same tapioca jello sends less electricity than it takes to light a light bulb.

I conquered depression once, with a friend, I'm not alone. I need to get off the ground and keep going. I do not have to have children, I do not have to be in love, I do not need a relationship. I can be the single woman who has beautiful friends who do get married and have children. To love their children. Be part of them. I'll be okay. Remember, that tapioca pudding sending electrical impulses wants to bitch out. My heart that beats like a drum in war ready to face challenges will not give up.

I will be okay to be alone. I will be okay not being in love as I know being 'In LoVe' is not for me. I love me and I want things in life for me , myself, and I.

Being alone sounds really great.

[anger-rage]

[anger-rage]

My ex was really bad at sex. Like terrible. All he knew was jackhammer. I never had good sex. Never had a man made me feel good. Men suck. All of them are shit. Sex is shit.

Sex with men is shit x2.

Yuck 🤮

[anger-rage]

Why would I dream something so evil, that abuse again. Why does my brain bring it up?

STUPID BRAIN. BEHAVE.

The real world is hard and I want sweet dreams. My sleep does not need to be filled with torment. I hate it.

[anger-rage]

I could have done what you did to me. Played around, talk to other men, and put you on the back burner.

Does not feel that great. Right? Right. I know.

Karama is who you end up with.

How did you keep all the information straight?

I hope she is EXACTLY like you.

You make me sick, fucker.

[anger-rage]

Funny when my gyno touched me more than he did. Men want sex but are so lazy. And just terrible at sex. As in does not know how to give a woman an orgasm. Impotent flaccid loser.

I thought intelligent people were supposed be good at sex.

What a lie.

I am sending you bad energy, wish nothing good for you, hope you get food poisioning, hope all four of your tires pop, hope your car gets towed , I hope all your plants die, I hope your neighbors drive you mad, I hope the new girl breaks your heart. Treated me like a fool all while the evidence was in my face. The other wine glass on your sink was when you had the other woman over. You lied to me. That was her glass. You are a sick bastard. The hate and anger for you turned me into a monster. I could stalk you, follow her, and let her know. Just so easy to torment you. I'd kill you if I could get away with it. You damn liar. I made you priority. I treated you well and thought I was insecure. The problem was you the entire time. Made question myself. I FUCKING KNEW IT.

I AM A MONSTER BECAUSE OF YOU.

I do not recognize myself.

Who am I?

Bitter, angry, tired, wanting to feel loved, want a man to give me an orgasm like I gave him, pissed, and I just do not give a flying fuck.

I want you dead. Kick rocks and die.

[anger-rage]

The anger at my situation and towards my sister.

Hit with a hanger. She laughed at me when I cried.

Come in and say "I don't care if you're mad." She was stronger than me. What was a 12 year old me going to do? Get hurt? I was scared. Parents could only do so much.

Put her hand down my shirt when she thought I wore her shirt. I hate her.

Threats of harm. She did hurt me.

She enjoyed the fear on my face. When confronted years later, she said , "Because the oldest sibling did it to me. I had to put on someone else." I have vomit in my mouth thinking about it.

Now told, "Don't speak Spanish," excuse you? Who are you to tell me that? I told her, "Fuck you."

She blew up, she can't not put her hands on me anymore. I will hit back. I will fight back, I got stronger after going to the gym while she stayed weak. I absolutely hate her. Dying of covid now. Hilarious. Blocked. Can not call me crying. Good.

Figure out life on her own with out her "sister" being there to help her. Not spending time, energy , and money on her.

The last word is mine.

Now, the goal is to no longer think about her. Be free of that leech.

Move on to heal my heart.

[anger-rage]

Those glasses

I have always regretted being in a romantic relationship. That feeling of ‘love’ where being so blinded by the person with rose colored glasses. The problem is unable to see the red flags. Nothing goes through. Might as well be color blind.

I regret ever putting those glasses on.

I regret knowing him.

I wish I never felt this way.

The saying of better to love and lost than not love at all, this right here is a lie. I was perfect the way I was. I was perfect without the experience. I was perfect in being whole in myself. I loved myself. The knowledge of love is bullshit. I want to go back to who I was.

Perfect.

I am tired of feeling this way; this now ‘unworthy’ person. I never felt unworthy of my own self love. Where it gets in the way of my orgasms. I want to go back and stop myself from ever bothering. What value did it give me? I lost a part of myself; my self respect. I don’t know, I feel so conflicted.

[anger-rage]

“Omg you can’t hate Gabi anymore blah blah blahh”

Yes the fuck I can lmao

[anger-rage]

Give him head and left with nothing. When he tried it felt like a rush in five minutes cause he was tired. I do not like be rushed. Fuck that stupid bitch.

Sex

Sex is meant to be great ALL partners involved. Not just him.

OMG, I wish I could tell that bitch! FOR ALL PARTNERS. That means me too. I fucking can not. Selfish bitch.

I should have left you first.

Walked.

Bye.

Fucking loser. Can you imagine being with a man who orgasms and falls asleep right after? Every time. Not once. All the time. Oh man, was I a fool waiting for him to care for my pussy. What a bitch.

[anger-rage]

This botch, must be nice to breathe and enjoy food in some semblance of comfort. What of those you killed with mirth? The joy you found in killing scouts. More than just war. More than completing a mission as a warrior. The joy, the happiness, the sick satisfaction of killing the scouts. The smile on your face while you meticulously took one out after another, like playing with ants in the school yard. All to get back to a 'father' that was not even much of a father. Her motive seems weak.

I have no love for Annie.