aperture-science-official

[aperture-science-official]

Ever see a baby alligator get dizzy?

[aperture-science-official]

I actually do feel like the "unemployed friend on a Tuesday" meme actually helps de-stigmatize unemployment because it frequently affirms that when you don't have a job you're more likely to be getting up to some weird shit rather than just lazing around. But I also feel like the unemployed friend is frequently up to some random shit because there's a whole pile of miscellaneous life tasks that full-time employment keeps people from. The unemployed friend is helping their cousin move, or babysitting, or checking in with a neighbor with mobility issues. The unemployed friend is a walking thesis on the inflexibility of our current labor landscape and just how much work exists outside of work.

[aperture-science-official]

and i know people mean well when they give employment advice but god damn some of them its like "did you try submitting your resume to a place that is hiring" fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck no kidding. shit. ive just been printing them out and eating them. yeah thanks i'll try that

[aperture-science-official]

asking "hey is it fine if I smoke in here" and before you're able to answer I've already set up a full rack of salmon over a fire in your living room

[aperture-science-official]

[aperture-science-official]

fuck you I hope the niche thing you like gets misrepresented in a hour long video essay by a youtuber with 1.2+ million subscribers

[aperture-science-official]

The best compliments and insults are both just describing the person. Just describe whatever you can clearly observe about them. The distinction of whether that's an insult or a compliment is whether you're saying it with a pleasant tone, or if you're saying that like it's a bad thing.

Children, who make their observations in an utterly deadpan voice as neutral remarks, are capable of obliviously roasting people because they haven't noticed this.

[aperture-science-official]

"it was in 2020" oh so like a year or so ago. a couple years. im sorry 5? did you just say five? five years ago ?

[aperture-science-official]

[aperture-science-official]

this feels like a bit. i know it’s not but this is so absurd that it feels like it’s right out of arrested development

[aperture-science-official]

[aperture-science-official]

Gordon noooooo!!!

[aperture-science-official]

For those not in the know, this is one of the Amanita mushrooms referred to as a Destroying Angel. Never, ever, ever, ever forage with an app. Especially for mushrooms.

[aperture-science-official]

[aperture-science-official]

I hate how the weaponization of therapy speak and the general overpromotion and holier than thou attitude of therapy as something all the cool cultured kids do or whatever has made me resist getting help.

[aperture-science-official]

Philadelphians refilling the earths core with Cheez Whiz during the Great Cheez Whiz shortage of 1912

[aperture-science-official]