apocalyps-o

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Been thinking a lot about The Hunger Games again recently so here’s a Katniss 🏹

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I love that kaz's revenge kind of... fails. I really love that he doesn't quite get a satisfying revenge on rollins, and I've always thought that was... well, the point. I said more about the specific scene with pekka here but like. it IS a turning point for kaz, it's just not the one he wanted. kaz gets about three narrative warnings/pieces of foreshadowing that it's not going to go how he wants it to go, but he really doesn't heed them until it's too late.

the first is the broken leg from the heist on the bank that helped pekka scam them; while its main narrative purpose is that it's the source of kaz's disability ofc (which feeds into his personal arc and his dynamic with wylan), and it exists outside of the pekka stuff, it arguably has a secondary purpose as the first in a series of 'don't pursue this, it's going to hurt' warnings, which he ignores.

the second warning comes when kaz lets pekka out at hellgate for personal score settling reasons, wastes time and fucks up the plan, and then starts a big domino effect where rollins turns the dregs on him, teams up with van eck, and hires dunyasha to attack inej.

(there are lots of other mini-nods to kaz absolutely refusing to let go of what happened and it informing everything he does; making nina give muzzen fake firepox, the fake pandemic, his interest in fifth harbour being implied to be because that's where he crawled out of the harbour, his dynamics with jesper and wylan, the body boats taking everyone out of the city, etc, but these are the big slip-ups)

the third strike feeds from that; the sweet reef sugar silo job is an almost perfect copy of the second stage of rollins' scam on jordie and kaz; sugar stock prices being driven up due to scarcity. it going so horribly wrong (because pekka anticipated it, of course he did, he made it up) and almost getting inej killed by dunyasha is a final warning to kaz to, effectively, let go or be dragged. if he carries on living in the past like this, he's going to lose his new family, not just his old one.

I think pekka's inability to remember jordie's name was more crushing than kaz admitted to himself, at least on the page; "it was a start" feels almost defeated after all that, and it lacks closure. kaz only gets one more point of view chapter (iirc?) one which feels quite reticent (it's the council of tides one and it's quite short) and he's quite quiet for the rest of the book, at least until the last inej chapter. he gets probably the cruellest wake-up call he could have been given. he doesn't get what he wants, and he'll never get it, because rollins still can't remember jordie's name by the end of the novel. it's time to move on. to his credit, he does it; he does what he always does, which is rise to a challenge. half of kaz's appeal lies in his ability to do that, no matter how hard the task, but it's a hard bandage to rip off.

unfortunately he does not really let go until he's being dragged, when his idea of what his confrontation with pekka should be like, crumbles in the face of pekka just not being able to remember jordie's name, no matter what kaz does. kaz is dragged to the precipice and told, look– here's inej, here's rollins. choose. and that's when he finally has to let go and start doing things for the future and inej, not the past and rollins and jordie. (remember that bit when he's drowning in SOC and he tries to think of revenge, and he can only think of inej instead? he always knew what he was going to pick, really).

he gets rollins out of ketterdam, but it's definitely hollow, in my estimation; the one thing kaz wanted him to remember, and he couldn't, because it wasn't important to him like it was to kaz. there's one final nod to kaz making everything about what happened to him and jordie (sneaking the grisha, colm, and matthias' body out of the city via the bodyboats and 'the bodymen don't bother to rearrange them') but I think inej saying "he doesn't say goodbye. he just lets go" comes at the perfect point; up until then it wasn't true, but now, kaz has finally been forced to (somewhat) let go, having never ever done that before.

but kaz buying inej her ship and a berth at fifth harbour (where he crawled out of the harbour and vowed to start the entire revenge plot) is a nice indication that he is trying to close that part off and move forwards with her, rather than staying in the past. and I really like that it's inej who actually makes the threat against pekka's life, to make sure he stays out of ketterdam; it's hard to know if kaz told her anything that prompted that visit (if he did, I doubt it was much, and I actually suspect he didn't know she'd gone there at all) but no matter what the circumstances, it indicates that he doesn't have to go on alone anymore, and he can finally turn away from that obsession. shared burdens n that. it's not a sad ending, it's honestly a good one for both of them, but it was a pretty rough journey to get there, and he had to fail first.

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Glorious 25th of may to those who celebrate

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When my toddler is truly distressed to the point of crying, they usually start out with "I want my mama!" or "I want my papa!" depending on which parent is not with them at that time (which is psychologically on the nose as it is). But after they have been brought to the desired comfort parent of the moment, they usually find this did not solve as much of their suffering as they require, and end up just sobbing: "I want! I want!"

And I don't know but, maybe that never goes away. Maybe every once in a while we all just need to allow our inner toddler to sob against our shoulder crying "I want"

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cupping my hands together in the shower over my tummy letting them fill with water and spill over pretending i'm a beautifully detailed statue fountain in sicily that was modeled after the sculptor's wife that tragically passed and he considers it his greatest loss and he never remarried and wept while thinking about her every night until he died and an eclectic, sort of geeky and awkward art history student just finished his final about me in which he said that several historians consider me the most beautiful statue fountain in the world, and while that is true, he's also been obsessed with me since he saw a picture of me in a library book when he was young and i'm part of the reason for his taste in women as an adult and he's going to use the college fund money he secretly put away to go to sicily with his girlfriend to come see me because i was the art piece that made her feel beautiful and finally comfortable in her own skin after years of feeling unloved because i look just like her (she is also hopelessly in love with me) and he gently caresses the wedding ring in his pocket smiling gently glancing over at her glowing face as she makes eye contact with me and finally feels like everything is going to be okay. then i get shampoo. in my eye

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I'm fine, I just have a gaping black hole in my chest that cannot be filled. But other than that,

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golden slumbers

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I've been using these as illustration warmups for the past five weeks

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The Muppets Go Medieval would have gone HARD you can't deny that

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Inspired by that gorgeous Chauvet bear cave painting and also Djungelskog

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csethiro ceredin kinda the specialest girl in the world. her solution to all problems is 'KILL THEM WITH A SWORD!!!' she fully thought she was in the first half of pride & prejudice. (she wasn't). she's an academic. she's a hater. she's one of the most accomplished courtiers of her age group. she WRITES LIKE THIS in some niche script and is the only person who does apparently. she felt bad she was mean to her boyfail fiancé & gave him a sword which carries the implication of 'this is the sword for killing traitors from my house and you can kill me with it if I betray you'. she sent the phrase 'WE REGRET EXTREMELY THAT WE CANNOT CHALLENGE HER TO A DUEL AND PROVE HER WORTHLESSNESS UPON HER CARCASE' in a letter to said boyfail fiancé when she'd only met him like three times. she luvs symbolism. she's about to replace her childhood rival as empress. she can yap for days. she will keep the wastrels from him!

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mattfoggy has the funniest framing they’re literally just like. what if two guys in the most intense lifelong partnership you’ve ever seen regularly had marital problems and divorced each other every 3 months because one was cheating on the other (with vigilantism). what if one indulged in his addiction (beating the shit out of people) behind the other’s back and then lied to his face repeatedly by distracting him with sex (pro bono law cases). eventually he’s always found out and the cheater is trying he’s really trying here but he needs help (doesn’t want it) working through his traumatic childhood experiences (drafted as an orphaned nine year old to fight zombie ninjas) before he can grow (he doesn’t)

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"eye of the storm"

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[ID in alt text]

Head empty, love Crokas 🤍

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you know how sometimes you go through the roughest moment in your whole entire life and then you look up and it's like. oh. the moon is still there

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moon bead 🌙

[image ID: a watercolor fox peeks around a crescent moon. The moon hangs from a string. Other strings stretch across the image with stars dripping off them. The scene is held within an arched shape with long vines stretching up both sides.]

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Burning Down the House of Kallicertes - Moira's Pen x