ashes-and-rain

[ashes-and-rain]

Yes, just yes

[ashes-and-rain]

Happiness can be bought or robbed.

I can buy what makes me happy.

Why stealing someone else's joy?

Children on top of the staircase, waiting, listening.

“Why is there fighting and shouting?”

Don't rob the happiness that you are supposed to give.

Children on top of the staircase, waiting, listening.

“Was it my fault?”

You are a painter and they are your canvas.

Paint their lives with joy, laughter, support.

Why are they black and blue instead?

You steal…you brake…you ruin…

[ashes-and-rain]

I'm talking with the past.

I'm in front of the mini version of me, the clueless one, so innocent and naive.

“Are we happy?” She asked excitedly, after all we did had big dreams for the future that eventually faded away.

“Sometimes” I responded, I bit vaguely but it was an answer. We did have bad and good days so I'm not lying.

She looked at me, dead in the eye.

“Do we have the happy family we always wanted?”

I didn't even need to think before responding. “no”, it was a frank response, no emotion behind, another dream fading away.

They all did after you realize how the world actually is, after you look at reality, they just get replaced with more realistic ones.

[ashes-and-rain]

You cut me deep, rip out my heart, you are laughing, my tears rolling.

My image reflects onto your eyes, I see myself, I look ugly, is that how I appear to you?

You are stronger, I shrink in fear of another purple appearing, I don't want to look uglier that I already was. I want you to love me.

Your hands collide with my skin. I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong.

I kept repeating until you stopped, I felt ugly in my skin, I didn't look you in the eyes, I didn't want to see how I looked.

[ashes-and-rain]

Are we the hunter or are we the prey?

It's a cruel game of survival.

There is no hiding, no door, no window, there's no exit, there's no escape.

Run boy, run.

They are trying to catch you.

There is no hiding, no door, no window, there's no exit, there's no escape.

Run boy, run faster, your lungs hurt, your body is screaming but you gotta run.

They are waiting for you to stop so to catch you.

[ashes-and-rain]

Looking at you, I think of myself.

We are so similar but we live in two worlds completely apart.

Here I stand, in my old, worn hoodie and you, standing in front of me with your cute top.

You are pretty and I've wished so many times that I could look just like you.

People turn whenever they see you, in a daze, people turn to look at me for a laugh.

You are my friend, I don't hate you, I'm just jealous.

[ashes-and-rain]

I coughed and coughed, my lungs bled, my heart cried, my brain screamed.

I still live, inside doesn't feel so.

I'm broken, in pieces, and got put back too many times.

I fall on the ground, my body trembles, my breath is shallow, my eyes water.

I want to go to sleep forever, forever in your arms.

[ashes-and-rain]

Was there anything that I could have ever done to stop you? If you love somebody, you let them go, that's what everyone told me but I never believed them until you spoke to me those words.

Those awful words, my world fell on me that day.

Wasn't I enough?

Did I do something wrong?

You left me.

Yet I still weep.

[ashes-and-rain]

Looking back, I wonder in between memories of the past, things I can't change, the good and the bad.

Looking back, I wish I had known you earlier, maybe we saw each other in the streets but that was it, why couldn't I stop you from going?

Looking back, I regret letting you go, I don't however regret meeting you since I didn't know my life was empty before I swimmed in the deep blue of your eyes, played with your soft locks and looked at you with something I can only describe as…love.

[ashes-and-rain]

The moon and the stars cry when they hear your name because I told them about us.

I told them about the pain and the joy, the high and the low that you put me through.

You are like a beautiful rose but just as dangerous for my heart.

you wrap yourself around my heart with thorns of love and petals of hatred.

Only they know about what you put me through.

Only they know how love combines with hate because they saw it in your eyes the moment mines fell on yours.

[ashes-and-rain]

I'm falling like a star, I hoped this day would never come but yet I'm falling, because of you.

I'm falling like a star, and just like her, I would never shine in the sky again.

I'm falling like a star, behind me there isn't a trail of pixie dust like in the fairytales but only my own blood and a flame that consumes me from the inside.

I'm falling like a star, I'm only human, why are you treating me like I'm not?

I'm falling like a star, why are you staring while my heart cries?

I'm falling like a star, I'm falling, because of you.

[ashes-and-rain]

I like the rain.

I like feeling the water running down my spine.

I like the way it feels on my skin.

it's feel like it's burning through, but I like that sensation.

it makes me feel alive.

am I alive?

sometimes i don't know but when i'm in the rain i do.

the cold wakes me up and being drenched calms you down.

It feels great to be out of your comfort zone and to finally live life on your own terms.

Sometimes I forget how good it is to feel alive and to just not be trapped in a body for the rest of your days.

i want to be free like the rain.

no one can stop the rain from falling.

Maybe I was born to walk in the rain.

maybe it was always meant to be so.