asterios

[asterios]

i don’t like the future

[asterios]

*guaranteed* money here! it’s my can’t-lose won’t-fail ULTIMATE FOOTBALL VICTORY PREMIUM THREE-WAY PARLAY!

oh god oh jesus i need these three dollars oh lord christ alive in heaven please come through for your strongest soldier

[asterios]

OH MY GOD IT’S A BROKEN LEG NOT A FUCKING HOVERCRAFT

THEY BILLED ME TWICE AS AN EXTRA FUCK YOU

[asterios]

TLP returns with our annual desert adventure spectacular!

This time: Rancho eats an entire bag of “Heavy Hitters” gummies, then yells about befriending coyotes

listen here: https://youtu.be/nycPm5hp4Fo

[asterios]

this sticker cost me $1,154

but YOU can get it for a $15 pledge!

(you know the website)

art by THE @mimiyori

[asterios]

new TLP out TO-NITE!!

also: does anyone know how to get cheap chinese ring light out of one’s glasses

[asterios]

TALLARD 👏 HAS 👏 ENTERED 👏 THE 👏 NEST

[asterios]

“One hairline, please.”

[asterios]

not sure this is something to turn up about

[asterios]

the fuck is wrong with zoomers

[asterios]

THIS SATURDAY, 8PM EST!! to celebrate her upcoming horror comic, @mimiyori will be drawing spooky stuff live on my various streaming channels! you know the ones. with limejinjo & @cheesymanfredo !

[asterios]

*me as a shark* I’ll give you eighty billion dollars

[asterios]

IT’S THE ROLE I WAS BORN TO PLAY, BABY!!

wartch the whole cartoon here: https://youtu.be/rj_qoJUzBic

[asterios]

BIG WINNERS COMING THROUGH

[asterios]

they said i got “the wrong chicken strips” & i found two receipts on my phone of the exact same chicken order & they said “well we’re different now”

[ art by THE @mimiyori ]

[asterios]

You heard the lady

[asterios]

oh fuck they’re lifting