ava-meowcatz

[ava-meowcatz]

Always helping others but if i need help, everyone gets distant.

[ava-meowcatz]

These words will outlive me,

Because I can only live for so much longer.

[ava-meowcatz]

Sometimes i wish i never met you in the first place

[ava-meowcatz]

I was so fine earlier, i was fine all day. It hits night time and a gripping saddness makes me want to ruin my life. Why can i not be normal for more than a day, i literally make everyone around me hate me. Why is it so common with my friends that theyve all hated me or thought i hated them at some point. Why is my existence inheriently evil

[ava-meowcatz]

the silence after looking at yourself in the mirror

the silence after relapsing

the silence after breaking down in front of people

the silence after being screamed at

the silence when no one believes you

the silence after a jealous outburst

the silence after crying so much you can’t even remember what you were crying about

the silence after somebody leaves your life

[ava-meowcatz]

I miss my ex girlfriend. I dont love them anymore, but ive never felt so low and empty. I miss the conversations i had with them, no connection has been like that since. not even with current friends. im just as alone as i use to be before them.

I just cant let go, it was perfect until the end. And i cant let that feeling go, which is pathetic.

Posting this wont make a difference, she wont see it. I dont want them too, i just need to scream into a void. People wont see this, people wont care.

[ava-meowcatz]

I gifted you my eyes,

does that make me blind?

Should i ask for them back,

or do i let you use them as a mirror?

It was the purpose of the gift.

Did you go because you saw yourself,

or was it because you saw someone,

who could not see you?

Does love make you blind?

How many parts of me have i gifted people?

Am i truely myself?

Or am i pieces of other peoples love?

[ava-meowcatz]

Throwaway account, im not even gonna add tags because i want this to burried within tumblr but

Why when everything is as perfect as it could possibly be does it suddenly fall from you.

No, not fall, it crumbles in your hands and for a while it feels like your fault. But, after some time, you realise it couldnt have been your fault because you did everything right. Right?

Maybe, but even after accepting those broken pieces on the floor aren't anything to do with you, just an unfortunate piece of your permanent past.

You cant bring yourself to take the actions to remove those shards from the floor, you sit and stare at those fragments sometimes and you just cant help but pick them up and wonder what couldve been if it never shatteted. Just like glass those memories cut every time you pick them up.

You can carefully move those pieces, but you cant help yourself and search for them again and again. Staining more and more with the pain of emptiness and yet everytime wishing that it was whole again.

Why?

why cant it be whole again? It was the epitome of perfection.

I know there are others out there for me, but i just feel like ill never be loved like they loved me and thats just not fair.

Such a whole and full heart was ripped from my body and i dont think i can get it back again.

I dont feel love for you, not anymore but god i miss you like a best friend. i wish i replied before you left, i wish you were my best friend.

So, until i feel whole again or until i can truely rid myself of either the shards entirely or at least the corners that cut.

I fear i will continue to delude myself into pain that likely wasnt even meant for me.

Im sorry.