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RED ROBIN WALLPAPER

I drew this bc my phones extra long so most wallpapers get cut off so this one should work on all phones!

I’ll be honest it was speed drawn at work but I hope you all can enjoy it!

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More Batfam incorrectly based on my family

Dick Grayson (who’s first language was definitely not English): why is it said Home Depot when it’s spelled Home de-pot

Tim Drake (definitely sleep deprived and probably on a caffeine iv line): YEAH WHY THE DE-POT

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Jason: crack open the bois with a cold one

Bruce: Jason. please stop. This is a business meeting

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SILENT BATS

Sometimes I think people must forget that Tim is honestly super light. Like yes all the bats are trained to be quiet and stuff and super sneaky but as a kid Tim literally just. Was... ya know?? So I just love the thought that all the Batman are super trained and silent, but they’re all trained so they pick up the minuscule sounds and just know each other is nearby. But then Tim FUCKING Drake is both trained and also naturally light and silent. So one day he comes back to meet everyone at the batcave and they’re all hunched over talking about a case or something by big and then he leans over and goes what are we looking at and every single one lets out the loudest and highest pitch scream humanly possible bc he just didn’t make noise. And all of them just do bat level echolocation type screams to identify Tim who has just arrived and scared the shit out of all of them.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

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Batfamily incorrect quotes

(Based off this I’ve heard and said in the last ten minutes)

Tim: *rolling down his sleeves and putting on a hoodie*

Dick: are you cold

Tim: no I have crippling social anxiety

Tim: Wells Fargo gave me trauma

Bruce: you’re literally the richest one here how

Tim: did it seem like I was emotionally ready to give an explanation???

Bruce: *mildly confused but trying* okay we’re here for you when you ready

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BATFAMILY DURING TRIVIA

(An actual quote I just heard)

Tim: What state saw the start of the American revolution

Bruce: Massachusetts? I think?

Dick: *with no hesitation and full fucking confidence* Massachusetts isn’t a sta-

Jason: stop. Please *weeze* plz

Dick: OH WAIT *evil cackle*

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People always say that Damian has gremlin energy but hear me out... Jason Todd.

JUST WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN

we all know he was a feral street boy, like you don’t choose to steal batman’s tired unless you have chaos energy. SO that means he definitely was a gremlin as a kid, and that plus the pit means sometimes people must find him half hunched over drinking straight from the carton in the fridge fucking squatting like a gargoyle and probably snarling with the same face.

thank you for watching my ted talk

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Batfamily Thanksgiving

Everyone comes to the manor. and I mean EVERYONE. It doesn’t matter what terms you’re on with everyone you fucking show up or Alfred will show up where ever you are and drag you home by the ear

Alfred has everyone pitch in for at least 1 thing to make sure enough gets made for everyone.

Dick will swing around from everything and literally hang off of the people who he hasn’t seen much.

Jason gets in an argument with the family one year and hasn’t seen anyone in months. When everyone wakes up he’s already been dragged home by Alfred and is helping in the kitchen.

Dick literally climbs him like a koala and won’t let go. Jason is forced to stay the night when Dick falls asleep but his iron grip still won’t let go.

Tim isn’t allowed any technology. None. because he will find something to work on and it’s forbidden that he works at all on holidays.

Tim will always find a price of technology and has to be brided away from it with coffee until Alfred takes it.

Everyone gets up early to help cook except for Tim. He’s always exhausted from trying to get work done the day before. When he finally stumbles into the kitchen in the morning he drinks straight from the coffee pot and only helps with small things like cranberry sauce.

god know Tim’s a menace in the Kitchen and is trusted with literally nothing important.

Damian agrees to not fight with anyone but decides to call everyone by their first name. To him he’s truly being affectionate but if anyone asks he says he’s trying to spook everyone. He also calls Bruce dad all day.

It spoils everyone for a bit but after the second time he uses their name they realize what he’s doing. Even Tim and Jason think it’s cute. Duke is the only one who doesn’t realize and continuously gets concerned.

Duke regrets showing up every year. He loves everyone but he’s terrified of grabbing food.

Duke is terrified of grabbing food because he’s watched people stab each other over the mashed potatoes one too many times.

It’s a known rule that if you finishing off one of the dishes you have to be ready to fight for it. If you’re caught unaware it’s going to be stolen from you or you’re going to receive a fork to the arm.

Cassandra is the most polite of everyone and everyone makes sure that someone is always watching her. Not in a wary way but to make sure that when she signs something she’s heard. Dami takes a liking to having her around and almost always watches her and repeats what she says.

Damian just fucking screams at the table for people to stop talking so he can make sure EVERYONE saw what Cassandra said.

Stephanie makes a habit of not grabbing food from the serving trays because she doesn’t want to get stabbed. and instead sits between Cassandra and Bruce most times and silently steals from their plates. Eventually they catch on and put food on her plate for her.

Tim’s known for having two thanksgiving moods. He’s either so exhausted he falls asleep in mashed potatoes, or he’s had so much coffee that he’ll start a roast war with everyone. The only person he’ll lose to is Babs but even full of spite he won’t try her.

The family learned if Tim is super tired he’ll just eat till there’s nothing in his plate. Jason Dick and Duke use this as an opportunity to make sure he’s really eating enough. They keep putting food on his plate and he’ll keep eating it because he’s to tired to notice. He won’t stop until they stop giving him food and his plate is empty.

Bruce is just happy to have all his family around. Like the grinch his heart browns 3 times in size when he sees everyone around the table. He makes sure to awkwardly hug everyone even if on the streets they try killing each other (*cough jason*)

He secretly gives everyone affectionate looks when he thinks nobody sees.

they all see

It’s the one time that he’ll actively pull each of his kids to the side and tell them how much he cares. This has lead to many tears from both him and his kids. They all have an agreement that they never talk about it afterwards but they all love it.

sometime selina will drop in just for fun.

overall someone always gets stabbed with a fork but they all love thanksgiving together. and then the next day they’re back at each others throats (*cough bruce jason tim and dami*)

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Jason: *fucking shoots someone*

Tim: nOw yoU’vE tHroWn hIm oFf HiS rHyThM

Jason: Street smarts! stay alert out there

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WHO LETS FUCKING BATMAN HAVE SO MANY KIDS??? LIKE AFTER THE SECOND ONE DIED YOUD THINK SOMEONE WOULD CALL CPS WHEN HE GOT A NEW ONE????

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Batman’s the “world greatest detective” my ass he had a child stalking him for years and never fucking knew

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Imagine crooks meeting Dick Grayson as robin for the first time and just being like ‘wtf batman brought a kid with no pants.’ Like they have 0 clue wtf to do but after a while realize their ass is gonna be beat either way so might as well fight back

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Batman smiled incident

After the interview with Jason becoming “Tason Jodd” to mess with Tim and Gotham all hell broke loose. Bruce was livid that this happened and was a tad more brutal toward the criminals he face, which fortunately reassured Gotham that their bat was back. On the downside though they had to make up and excuse for what happened and say that Batman was on morphine from a previous fight but all was still fine. At least for Batman and Gotham.

Tim was livid about Jason messing up the interview that could’ve gotten rid of the suspicion earlier and decide to get some revenge. So the day after everything was cleared up in Gotham’s eyes he release a public statement. All it said was: “The Red Hood saw his name in a previous Gotham Gossip article and came to me with a concern about why people mentioned him. I read out the article to him and expressed if he wanted help I too would be willing to teach him to read. Since then we have made significant progress in his reading ability and he can figure out small words. He unfortunately is progressing extremely slow but i’m sure that in a year he’ll be able to read full sentences.”

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The Gotham Gossip

Batman Smiling along side WE’s Tim Drake? Who is this imposter?

Gotham didn’t know our Dark Knight could smile.... and we are all very confused. Read more here in the Gotham Gossip.

Though its public knowledge that WE (Wayne Enterprise) donates to help support the Justice League of America to keep us safe, its rather strange to see the stone faced vigilante on what seemed to be a social call. Wayne Enterprise is single handedly the highest donor to the JLA and has been seen receiving thanks from all the public figures before. However, the confusion and chaos that was brought from this photo isn’t the collaboration between the two, but instead the fact that the Batman appears to be....

smiling?

The entire city is concerned by the most recent events. Was the Batman joker gassed™? Was there another multiverse incident? If not what happened to our Batman and when is he coming back?

So far nobody has noticed any specific changes in the big bad Bat but everyone is still on edge. While interviewing Tim Drake live about the event he said “I’m fairly certain Batman never smiled while we were speaking of the JLA fund.” However, when shown the photo he seemed slightly overwhelmed and confused. “I have no idea if he was smiling or not. Its most likely the camera angle distorting his normal grimace. He was fine when we spoke and I’m certain there is nothing to worry about.” Upon saying this a man with a white tuff of hair who’s commonly seen with the Wayne family entered the interview room and said “I think its an alien pretending to be Batman.” When asked who the man was to gauge any actuality from his statement he replied “I’m Tason Jodd. I play body guard sometimes, and Batman that day was definitely sus.”

As Gotham watched the interview live it only spiked more worry for the caped crusader. What happened to our Batman, and who is the alien imposter that’s taken his place? Did they think Gotham wouldn’t notice, and if so is this part of some bigger nefarious plan?

Batman, the REAL Batman, if you’re out there Gotham’s worried. If you see this please remove your creepy replacement. I think all of Gotham agrees we would prefer to continue seeing normal, angry, stone-face Batman than whatever the fuck that smile is. -the Gotham Gossip

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Red Hood Headcanons

I swear after Jason and the rest of the BatFam start getting back together criminals are still fucking terrified of him but only the same amount as any other bat. So at some point he just fucking takes a night to spray paint, in huge ass letters, on the side of WE “I’ll still kill you -REDHOOD.” But it was a really cold night and he was tired (maybe a tad tipsy too) and let be honest his helmet is not the best for visibility, so he actually writes “I’ll ktill sill you -REDHOOD”

And thats how the latest Gotham Gossip is “Is the red hood illiterate?” It’s a very serious article.

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The Gotham Gossip

Is the Red Hood illiterate?

Its the hot question everyone’s been asking, “is the big bad Red Hood illiterate?” Well read more to find out here in the Gotham Gossip.

Recently this Hoods literacy has been called into question due to a rather.... interesting note left on the side of the Wayne Enterprise building. Though the vigilante has continuously been seen as capable and deadly in battle we may have found his weakness to be simply writing. This morning as the city woke up you could see from almost anywhere the words “I’ll ktill sill you -REDHOOD”  along with a bleeding graffiti piece of the bat symbol he wears.

One of the biggest concerns in Gotham right now is whether he’s legitimately illiterate as some say, or if in a recent battle he got hit too hard. Many citizens are concerned for one of Gotham's non-caped-crusader. They wish him a speedy recovery if this is from injury, or even offer to teach him to read and write if the Batman hasn’t, under the promise that they wont report him to the GCPD.

However, some don’t share the same sentiment. “I swear if I ever personally meet the Red Hood he’ll be greeted by a huge lawsuit” CEO of Wayne Enterprises - Tim Drake states. According to him the paint is a huge pain to get off all the buildings material and will cost quite a hefty sum. Though he doesn’t appear to be truly phased by the money considering who he is, Mr. Drake does seem quite angry considering his normal demeanor.

Red Hood, if you’re out there and can read this, or have someone else reading this to you, Gotham is more than willing to help you learn to read. However, I would avoid anything with the name Wayne on it for the time being. From, the Gotham Gossip.