beeyondgreatness-blog

[beeyondgreatness-blog]

Six. Thousand. One. Hundred. Ninety. Kilometers.

That is how I’m far away from you; and it might take me a million steps and a million strokes to be able to see you face to face. Nobody said it would be easy. We don’t share the same time zone, we don’t share the same environment, we don’t stand on the same ground, we do not even stand on the same continent. Of course, there are times of longing. A lot of times, and I bet there has been no single freeway that I have not thought of you. Homesickness has been present since day one, to be honest. And as regards to you? I know none of this was easy as well.

This one is so remarkable. It is the first time that we are going to celebrate such while we’re thousand miles away from each other. First time to celebrate on a long-distance relationship scheme. I would like to grab this opportunity to tell the world that I really got the best in you. Regardless of the distance, the only change I felt is that you may have loved me way more than before, and it is the best feeling ever. For once, I thought all the good memories would end, but you never failed to fill it with amazing ones. Even though the distance is sickening, you never made me feel that I am far away from you.

This one is an appreciation post to the best person I’ve ever known. You never failed to make me applaud you with your love, and this time, I want the world to applaud with me. You deserve it.

Thank you for the nights that we sleep together until morning. Waking up with you on video call truly starts my day right. Thank you for watching me sleep on a cold weather, for listening to every single snore, no matter how quiet and how loud it could get, and you know I do get the chills in the middle of the night, thank you for looking after me. Thank you for giving me your time even during your shift break. Thank you for the late-night conversations, no matter how cranky or how serious it could get. Thank you for a sweetness that was never like a bubble gum, for the sweetness that never left. Thank you for constantly loving the people you know it mattered to me, and thank you of taking care of my adorable dog. You know how much I love that fur ball and thank you for loving her as well, for going North for her? I will never forget that kind of love you have for my dog. Thank you for reminding me of how much you love me every single minute, I never felt you have unloved me, not even once, despite of our busy schedules, and even on times I fall asleep during late night. Your understanding is bigger than Australia, and even bigger than the continents combined. I do not know where are you getting that kind of understanding but it sure makes me thank Him a lot. I still think it’s a gift. And basically, distance was never really a hindrance to you and your love.

I may not know how long we will be like this, I may not know how long will I be this far from you. But every day is a day that I look forward seeing you again in flesh, and to have that opportunity once again to hug you so tight you’d feel that I love you beyond words could describe. My love, this will never stop me as well. Because my love for you will always be greater than the distance. Time zones, culture, environment, whatever it is, it will never stop me from loving you. By the way, no koala will ever be as amazing and as adorable as you. I will always be that eucalyptus tree in the inner koala in you. Please do love me still even if I transform in to a kangaroo the moment I go home. :)

We’ll continue to make this relationship worth celebrating, worth admiring, and most of all, worth loving. We’re strong enough to make it, right? Hang on, my love. We got this. I will go home to you, soon. You are my home.

Thank you for being my greatest blessing. I will never stop thanking Him for leading my path on to you.

From the land down under to Manila down under… Happy 5th month. I love you so much.

[beeyondgreatness-blog]

Now, that is a good after shift hug. Whatever career has got ahead of us, one thing I'm sure of is that it is not only hard work. I learned that to have a good path of life, an aspect of life is sacrificed. Time is a main element of everything; and usually on the verge of sacrifice and something to acquire, especially on the way to wherever success may lead an individual. Right now, it is at the edge of our everyday. We might not be in favor, but it is something that is already offered as a piece of our stepping stone. No one ever said it would be easy. But who are we kidding, sometimes stepping out of the comfort zone is a good thrill. And it is something that I would love to give a shot. As I smoke my stick of cigarette, I tend to look at you, going here and there, doing your best in your choice of internship. Eight hours of work no play scheme, from afternoon to late evening. It isn't easy. But as I look at you as I sip on my glass of beer, I know to myself that I'm the proudest for you. Going north to south to visit you on your internship is beyond fulfilling, knowing you are at your best of what you need to do. Long hours of no communication is worth it because I know that this is for you and you are already a couple of steps away from whatever you want to achieve in life. In a matter of days, moments like such will go from often to seldom, as I will start on the right foot of the career path I chose. Yet, I will never get tired of giving the free time for you, no matter how long or short it'll be. You have made hours worth waiting, because you have faith in me, regardless of rough possibilities. I know, it is reality. But I could make a change, just like how you change everything wrong and bad about me. I have faith in you, and on us. Always. As you approach my table, you would always ask me "Can I get you anything?" forgive me for saying no. Because I got everything in you already. I am in content in you. Good luck on our career paths, my love. May we always be on track. I love you.

[beeyondgreatness-blog]

That smile, whether it came from big and small, will always be priceless to me. I would always look forward on that wide grin over a cone of cheese ice cream. It's one of your sweet picks here in the North. It's like a cone of joy that makes your eyes sparkle on afternoon daylight. However, the smile when you look on to my eyes will be the one I love the most. That kind of smile that I manage to catch whenever I take a glance on you and you're already looking. Those smiling eyes whenever you call my name say "I love you" afterwards. That smile that I could even hear over the phone whenever we talk until three in the morning. That smile whenever you are done laughing after all my silly jokes and gestures. That smile whenever you are watching me eat my favorite foods. That smile whenever you look at me right before you could sleep on my chest and even right after the sun shines in our faces. That smile is significant enough for me to know what could make you happy. And believe me, I'll do whatever it takes to keep that wide grin on your face. I am always after your happiness, and I thank the universe that I am one of it. :)

[beeyondgreatness-blog]

I promise, that I will always be in this kind of view to witness your dreams, your goals, and whenever you’re on process of making it happen, until you get there and even until you go beyond what you’ve always dream of.

I promise that everyday, I will get the best seats to witness every single thing. When you get there, I promise I will be the first one to throw my popcorn upwards and applaud you with all the might.

It might get tough in the long run, but I promise to get myself an exclusive pass to hear the behind the scenes, or whatever have you gone through for you to achieve your ambitions, and I will always be thankful that I will never leave your side. I’ll even get you the sweetest treat, and if that wouldn’t be enough, I’ll give you the sweetest side of me until the bad days turn upside down, no matter how long it would take.

This kind view of your life is one of a kind. It’s not meant to be bought or stolen, I know. For someone like you, the view is meant to be earned by love and care, and to be kept with the same.

I have been given the exceptional opportunity for you to share this life’s perspective of yours, and I got no plans on giving my seat. I will keep this.

I’ll be right at your back, my love. All the way. I got you. Always. 

[beeyondgreatness-blog]

MY PLAIN WHITE T.

For a head start, I am not really an avid fan of romantic films. I watch, yes, but believing in such stories? No. For me, love is not an overrated story already. It is a typical feeling, like any other feeling, not meant to be celebrated. I know, I’m asked “why do you always have that bitter feeling of love?”

Reality had struck me hard enough for me to believe. Life is a never-ending story of breakdowns due to a feeling. A feeling that continuously crashes down a person, or maybe lifting them up. Still, it is a risk. Reality taught me to live a gray area. Actually, I gave up on love.

I remember a line on one of Jake Gyllenhaal’s famous movies, “You meet thousands of people, and none of them really touched you. Then you meet one person, and your life is changed, forever” and it never got out of my mind, only to find out that it was meant to happened. To whom you may ask? None other than me.

To sum up, I got in to various ways of break ups, not only on romantic relationships, but also on one way affections, thousands of rejections in a lot of aspects in life. I got tired of getting hurt every time, wasting a negative feeling on to people that is not supposed to be worth of my time. I started to love and care for myself that I have decided to live a gray life. Not too happy, not sad. Just “okay” and eventually, I got the hang of it. I got used to a life in neutral.

I basically spent my time on my studies. I’m under the Juris Doctor program of my school, and tried to focus on that post-graduate life that my parents got me in to. Too much of a pressure for an aspiring entrepreneur like me, I enjoyed my hobbies on my free time: going out with friends, having late night drinks, smoking vapes until cottons burn out, street photography, talking to strangers, and even flirting with them using a dating app. No, I haven’t had a “Netflix and chill” moment with a stranger but I talked to them with a lot of things.

The most latter part of the list is exactly what turned everything around.

I met her in the most unexpected place, in its most indistinct time. I knew to myself I have given up the feeling of falling in love, so I was guarded. I believed that I could get through a day talking to someone whom I could consider as a mere fling. But I knew, from the moment I saw her, she was a catch, she really is. Well, physically because I do not even know her. But I know tapping the “super like” button of that dating app was indeed worth it on a woman like her. Giving her, my contact details is as worth it as grabbing a great opportunity in front of me, that I don’t want a woman like her slip off my fingertips. In a matter of minutes, she said hi, and unconsciously, I was talking to a beautiful woman during my Administrative Law class.

I still got my walls up high in the sky. I personally got no plans of pulling them down for myself. I always manage to give myself a taste of reality to balance the situation. Yes, she is astonishing, but who am I anyway for her to deal with, right? I know to myself there was nothing special about me, in contradict of what I think of her. Regardless of that, I have this great desire to make her feel special, not because it is mandatory to make people from Tinder special because you swiped right, but rather I know it is mandatory because she is really special. Like a gift and treat her right. So, there it is, I asked her out, and made schedule adjustments for myself to make it happen.

I went all the way to the City of Manila to see her, and on the way to the busy streets of that city, I wasn’t aware that my life is about to change, and the way I see things of course. It caught me off guard. I parked my car, fixed myself a little bit, and a part of me is a bit nervous by then. Will she like me? Or will I even get close to that? Indeed, I got dozens of questions for myself. But I am man enough not to back out.

I stepped out of the car, walked a few steps, looked for her in a place full of people, and there she is. I saw her in her white top, black pants, white shoes, facing down to her phone. From afar, I called her name, she looked for me in the crowd and saw me, and right then and there, I felt a rush in my veins, I felt the butterflies that took a rest for quite some time, I felt the electricity in me again, I felt alive on the first glance of her. Seeing her for the first time was not love at first sight, but it is surprising that I got close to it. That day, we ate, we talked, and gave her a way to tell her story as much as she was asking mine. Conversation never stopped from morning until afternoon, from there I started to know the introductory, and from there, I could really tell she is more than a pretty face.

After we met, communication never stopped, and so does my positive feeling. This woman made me have second thoughts on the wall I built before I met her. I started to like her that much that bringing her a cup of coffee all the way from the North travelling to West is not really a piece of sweat. It was a night before her thesis defense, and I know she is in dire need of staying up late to finish what they need to finish. I eagerly grabbed that opportunity to make her feel special. From North, I drove going to that street again to get her a cup of cold coffee and personally hand it to her. Again, I saw her face, and her smile, I knew the feeling got deeper than before, as my hands were even shaking the moment I handed her the beverage. The aftermath gave me more than butterflies in my stomach, that pretty woman thanked me and hugged me tightly. It was a hug like no other that on my way home, I am starting to trim down the wall I built little by little. I got a feeling that trimming the wall will be worth it.

After that day, we asked each other out for a date. Yes, a date and by then, I could not think of another term to call it. I know before I could even fetch her, my walls were already pulled in half and still pulling itself down. Fetched her in the West, and we headed East for a movie date. Being with her in the car is surreal feeling. It even reminded me of a Stephen Speaks track, because indeed, I got everything that I need on the passenger’s seat, giving me a great surprise that I am really saying those words in my mind.

The feeling was so vivid. I could remember my stomach rumbling as I look at her, smiling my jaws out, feeling the heat in my ears due to an indescribable feeling. I am starting to have this great affection to that pretty woman: shiny black hair, smiling eyes, on her maroon tee, as she looks here and there while she’s telling me stories. It’s a great thing that she is not used to looking to people straight in the eyes while talking, being her nature, because if she does? The probability of either stuttering or melting is stunningly high, leaving me out of words, and that is pretty much of a bad idea on dating, right?

I got us a last full show of a Scarlett Johannsson movie that night, knowing that I am a big fan of hers, and wondered if she was as well but that was a no. While waiting for a movie, I remembered her description on that dating app, it said that she is up for coffee dates. So, as a person she met there, I asked her for coffee. After I ordered my cold mocha, I sat in front of her, not aware that I am with a very straightforward person. She asked me the winning question of that night: what do I really feel for her? I almost ate the straw of my cold coffee. In a snap, I asked myself a pile of questions whether I’ll tell the truth or not. But, being a gentleman, I had to be honest to a woman asking a true emotion. It was a risk I was about to take, and my heart is experiencing a drum show inside, pounding twice its beat. I told her I like her, that she is special to me, however, she should not pressure herself to the feeling because it is a feeling I am not requiring her to reciprocate. Just right there, I crashed my walls. I felt a sigh of little relief after I said those words, but her response is what made me sweep off my feet, making it a bad idea I am drinking coffee. For a not-too-special downtown kid of the North, liking a woman who is amazing inside and out, who is beyond a pretty face, dreaming to be noticed and admired, is a normal aspiration for someone like me, yet far from possible. But being liked back by that same woman? It’s like Slumdog Millionaire. No one knew why it happened, how it happened, but it did. It really did. She felt the same for me.

As we went to the movie house, I had to grab the moment to make her feel the sincerity of the words I said. I held her hand, and I know it was fast, but I knew I had to make her feel secured with the words I said to her, because she really is secured with the feeling. I felt her face touching my hands, and I knew it was a perfect moment to kiss her palm. For some, it may look like I have wasted money on getting us movie tickets because we didn’t even understand the movie, because all I saw is her, and all I understood is the feeling. It is a feeling wherein I knew I felt a slight guilt because I lied for saying that I like her, but I had the feeling that I could keep her longer by lying to her the moment she asked, it was indeed a selfish move. But come to think of it, how could you tell a person you are falling in love with everything about her even though you just met her a week ago?

I tore down the walls, and let myself free fall to a woman I just met. I lack reasons by then, and indeed, it was a risk, but it was something I was willing to take. Because from day one? I know she was the catch. She is exquisite, with a soul that is au naturel, and I trusted my instincts that she was more.

After that night, feelings arose in our exchange of messages to each other. I saw her being so caring, and sweet of a darling. Patting my heart to deepen the feeling. She truly stole my heart like a sneaky thief at night.

The next day is one for the books. I had to explain to myself why am I having this great desire to see her, and yet, I could not explain it further because all I know is I want to see her, and entertaining the thought of missing her. I brought a friend of mine to introduce to her that night, and I told my friend of wanting to see my pretty woman that I am eager to pick her up right in front of her condominium, and me being no other than me, I did. At first, I was afraid of annoying her, I don’t want to enter that phase of falling in love and being a freak at the same time. I got anxious, and worried because I could have waited her on our meeting place but I didn’t. Finding out what I got her annoyed woke a jungle in my system, she told me she is just worried that I might grow tired of her. That got me in shock. First, a woman really cares for me. Second, a woman like her really cares for me. Third, who would get tired of someone like her? That is just insane.

She finally went down the building, and I confirmed the feeling of lying to her, because I finally confirmed that I already fell in love with her. Together with my friend, we went to that fast food chain that is supposed to be our meeting place. I introduced her to a good friend of mine, and she also made a good impression to her. She really is a darling. After we had a late dinner (wherein I couldn’t finish my favorite burger), we brought her back. The moment I opened the car door for her, she stood up, and she hugged me tightly. I do remember of the feeling of falling in love even before I raised my walls, but I never remember having a feeling as great as the feeling that I get to experience in her. I know my feeling is more than what she feels, but I could consider it as worth the risk. For someone like her, risks are something to take. Her authenticity is something that risks are not worth rejecting.

As I head home, she called me. Talking to her on the most random things in life. Basically, we got along on talking on random topics. I guess she gave way on my Tinder description regarding random talks. As I reach home, she broke the ice. An ice that supposed to be crushed by me, not her. Yes, she is that straightforward. I don’t know if she felt that things were beyond mere affection, but again, she asked me straight.

“Gusto mo palang ba talaga ako?”

To translate, am I falling in love with her. And as a man, I responded honestly this time, taking a huge risk, and calming the veins of my heart as I spill the words in my mouth.

“Paano kung hindi lang kita gusto? Paano kung more than that?”

I took all the guts inside of me to ask those questions, standing on my greatest belief that she deserves to be loved, and she deserves the best of a person’s love, regardless the rejection I could possibly take from her. And the moment I asked her, I disregarded rejection, as much as I was afraid of them before, the reason I built a wall from falling in love anymore. It was selfless, it was raw, but she best deserves it.

I felt the silence in her after I said it, I was getting myself ready for whatever form of refusal she will fire at me, and for the situation, it is normal. So I got a hold of my heart of whatever she is going to say, and it is a good thing that I did. Because the response made me jerk a tear on my eye.

“Okay lang, kasi parehas lang naman tayo eh”

It was a response that I never even expected, and to be frank, it was not even included in the list of responses she could possibly say. Translating her words? The feeling was mutual all the time, even though is very surprising, and it is close to unbelievable. She was the person of my dreams, she was more than a catch, she is the very person I was longing for a long time. Primarily because it is the feeling I have been dreaming and longing in the years of my existence, and with a span of a week, I already have my greatest love in front of me.

After that day, I was totally changed. For once, I lived my life in gray, and now, I live it in hue. I understood happiness since I was a child, but having her made me understand happiness in its broad sense. Spark never stops whenever I’m with her, whenever I see her. I feel her in my blood, in my heart, near or far. She was my game-changer.

This time, I am far from heart break. Because she is always there to reciprocate the love I am giving, other than it was an astounding feeling, it was just, it was fair.

As a person, we could see our capabilities in various aspects. That includes the capacity to love on its full extent. As I always mention that she deserves the best, I meant she deserves the best place in a capable person’s life. The moment I felt I was capable enough, and the timing was distinct to have her as a partner, I didn’t think twice, I need to ask her. That’s the pro of having some supportive friends to give you an extra push on life’s decisions. I was about to make a good and planned way of asking her, until they stopped me. One reason is that I want the best moment that I consistently asked them for greater ideas until they got annoyed (or maybe not?)

Visited my friends on the vape shop and then suddenly hearing my great buddies convinced me to asked her spontaneously, to make it very special, and it lit a bulb on my mind that it really is the best way. If grand surprises are normal to a person, then spontaneity makes moments special. I left the vape shop immediately and rushed on to her condominium, bringing my heck of friends with me. I feel the blur in my eyes as I was terribly nervous, but I “have” to ask her. It is not just a matter of want, it is a matter of need.

I know to myself she doesn’t deserve a prolonged feeling of asking herself what we really are, and what’s her place in my life. I know she would not ask, but I do not want her to reach a point of her life that she would ask. She deserves a special place in a person’s life, and at that instance, I am on best hopes that I could be the very lucky person.

Before I could even go up straight to her unit, again, I had a mantra that a way to her heart is a cup of coffee, so I got her one with a note giving her good luck in her exam the next day. Since I was preparing for a stuttering moment upstairs, I wrote my important question on the back of the receipt, in case I get too carried away with my gearless emotion. So there I was, treats are all set, but I guess my heart will never calm itself down. But then again, I saw her as the perfect person, on that special place in my life, and I have to ask her if she is willing to fill the seat. I went on the fourth floor of the building, walked straightly in front of her room, fixed myself, then knocked. She opened and I was successful to get her surprised of my sudden visit. I went inside the room, handed her the coffee with my shaking hands. Then, took all the guts that I could pull inside me and broke the ice.

“Totoo niyan, hindi lang yan ang pakay ko dito. Because, I really think you deserve more”

I could feel my tongue is already trembling, and my knees as well, it was really time to pull the night’s savior. I pulled the receipt on my back pocket, flashed her the back of the receipt, with my handwriting on it.

“WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND? 😊”

And I guess I do not have to tell her answer, because most probably, we would not be celebrating monthsaries if she refused. Until now, I still remember the feeling, and right now, the feeling just grows deeper and deeper.

I tore down the walls, and let myself free fall to a woman I just met. For once I said that I lack reasons, but then what reason do I need? I love her, she loves me, and that is the only reason that matters. She stole my heart, she changed my life, she raised the best in me; she is more than a girlfriend, she is everything.

For once, people desire of the best love story. Romantic films were some people’s reference, some are blogs, inspiring stories, name it. But what really does make the best love story? Is the fact that you both made it, no matter what story that is. I may not be a fan of romantic movies, but I have already believed in love, and I could consider ours is truly one for the books, and one for the films.

I am A, and this is our story. That is what makes it the best of it all.

It’s you and me, my plain white T. :)