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You're In a Cult, Call your Dad.

When I met up with a new friend recently, my oversharing lead me to talk about my run-in with a cult and my PTSD that followed. “Oh, I know the Hare Krishna's, there's a lot of them where I'm from! She said. She seemed curious, but we were hiking up a mountain and I was having difficulty catching my breath, so I wasn't able to talk endlessly on the subject like I normally would have.

I think the subject fascinates me so much because I was one of those people who thought it could never happen to me. The recruiters of this cult spend years molding themselves to be lucrative liars, squeezing out donations from every possible potential member. They, willingly or not, become heartless, emotionless, narcissists, praying on lonely and vulnerable souls, not caring about the impact they're making on all those young people's lives- only about recruiting more members, selling books and making money.

I was one of those foolish souls who believed this “organization founded on scientific theories” had the answers to life's toughest questions. They drew me in with their false interest in my hobbies, and the free food. They sold it every weekday on their porch, and on the nearby school's campuses. At first, I thought I was doing a good deed by volunteering my afternoons to serve lunch on campus; I had no idea what their true motives were at that time.

The fascinating part about this cult in particular, is that it's so big, you don't think for a second about what's going on behind the scenes. Cult members get really defensive if you refer to it as such, and they claim they're not religious, though they follow their “gurus” version of the Bhagavad Gita (their secret to getting away with stealing lives and money for so many years!). They hide behind their Hindu Roots, portraying an image of that religion, when they have, in fact, branched off and created their own thing. With their own weird rules and rituals (i.e no eating garlic, meat, onions or mushrooms, and nothing must ever be tasted or eaten before offering to their gods) as well as limited access to books, media, etc. All information they're allowed access to is filtered and biased to fit their agenda.

In moments of stress, and in times in which we make life-altering decisions (moving away, going to college), we are vulnerable to the world around us. We sometimes become so focused on that thing, and following it through, that we don't have the time to make decisions about other aspects of our lives - the thought of someone else making that choice for us is appealing. That's why they are on almost all college campuses throughout the United States. And why so many families write blogs and articles warning others to be careful, yet no one notices. I tried doing the same thing, only to have my warnings mysteriously deleted- no trace of them ever existing.

Luckily, I was only volunteering with the Cult for about 2 months. I was actually promised a job in the kitchen, but after they failed to follow through I seeked work elsewhere. During that time away, I read a lot of articles and books on cults and the mind control techniques they use, such as depriving you of sleep/food, limited and controlled media ( all books and video/ audio clips they were allowed access to were written/ recorded by the founder of the cult), and realized “Holy shit. That's all happening to me.”

The damage lasted longer than my involvement in the cult.I still have not, and probably never will, step foot in any sort of organized religion or group gatherings. I have a harder time trusting people and their true motives, and I no longer believe that anyone has the answers to life's questions. Most importantly, I no longer believe that the Hare Krishna's are “ peaceful,happy, smiling Hindus, who do no harm to others”, and neither should you. They are a cult, and all cults have the potential to do harm unto others. Just as Jonestown, Scientology, Mormonism, and even pyramid schemes like Herbalife and Mary Kay. The sole purpose of all these groups is to benefit the people at the top with no regard to the lives they destroy in the process. Be careful and gentle with yourself going through life, be wary of people who seem to be interested in all the same things as you and who claim they have the answers to world's toughest questions; and don't drink the kool aid.

If you read this and realized you're in far too deep in a cult and have no idea where to start to get out, call your dad. And also pick up a copy of (ex.cult member) Steven Hassans’ Combating Cult Mind Control. It helped me tremendously during my transition out.

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Reconnecting with Old Friends

What sounded to my partner as the worst idea (the thought of reconnecting with old friends), excited me. I guess I must've hyped myself up after reading some articles on why reconnecting with people from our past can be a good thing; ignoring everything that said otherwise.

It wasn't all bad, though. I actually got great results from the first person I reached out to. She was an old friend of mine who I lost contact with because... life. I had relocated for the first time, accidentally joined a cult, development PTSD, and my social anxiety was at its peak. I had lost contact with everyone, because I wasn't in the right mental state to focus on anything besides getting better. I felt that reaching out to an old friend would give me a sense of comfort, and she did. We talked on the phone for hours as if no time had passed between us. I wonder sometimes if she knows how much she helped me that day.

It was naive to think all people would react this way, in fact, I got 4 different reactions from the 4 people I tried reconnecting with. The second person, immediately reached out and commented on a photo of mine (a impersonal and uninterested response in my opinion), and I immediately questioned this decision, as well as reaching out to the third person who didn't seem to care at all that she hasn't seen me in a while. Out of all the reactions, it was the last one that hurt the most. I had spent days thinking about what I wanted to say; if he ever gave me the chance to apologise, to say “sorry for disappearing for 2 years and not saying anything to anyone!”. When he finally accepted my friend request and I sent him my long, thought out apology, his response was short and clear. He had no interest in being friends anymore, in fact, he said he thought I was dead.

Why the fuck did I care so much about reconnecting with people from my past? That sense of excitement I had before embarking on this journey quickly faded when I realized most people from my past are doing the same shit with the same people as they were when I left my hometown two years ago. Even if these people were as excited to hear from me as I initially was, we would have nothing in common anymore. I am not the same person I was two years ago. I am constantly learning and growing, and growth is sometimes painful. I am proud of where I am and the happiest I've ever been in my life. I don't regret reaching out to anyone, it showed me how much I've grown and that we must face our uncomfortable past in order to move forward.