blake448

[blake448]

Idk what y'all are talking i'm a gorgeous fucking mass of half-there half-not parts. It doesn't mean I don't want to sit solidly on one side, but i've come to love me for what i am now.

Yeah yeah yeah better than before (for me personally) and all up to personal preference and that shit. But there's nothing wrong with it inherently! If it isn't what you want then it isn't what you want. I'm not hideous because of it though

I'm scared of transitioning because what if I throw away what I am now to become a hideous mass of half-there half-not parts

[blake448]

Mark of Cain induced hate sex between Dean and Crowley would go so hard tbh

[blake448]

Ever want to start raiding in FFXIV? You should try doing it MiNE (Minimum Item level, No Echo) where you're stats are synced to the bare minimum they'll even let you enter the fight, and you dont get any extra buff to make the fights easier. In fact, try to find a group that doesn't know anything about the fight, and won't look up a guide or take hints, so you can do it truly blind. Absolutely. There will be zero pain and suffering whatsoever, itll be fun! On an unrelated note, here's a compilation of us dying for 20 minutes straight doing MiNE Blind prog of The Binding Coils Of Bahamut's final boss, Bahamut prime himself. I spent like three days editing this, definitely want to do it for some of the other fight!

[blake448]

[blake448]

lying in front of the street cleaner

[blake448]

Alright shadowbringers essay time lets go i'm finally getting it out lol. So someone seriously had the audacity to say shadowbringers had an empty narrative, that it was all "hype" and "aura" and belongs ranked alongside ARR. This made me so, so irrationally angry that I came up with this rant. Spoilers for shadowbringers under the cut, seriously go play the thing. I'm going to spoil both of the emotional climaxes.

But before that, do your fucking role quests. If you put it off they lock you out of progressing during an already long enough interlude. Do the fucking role quests lol. It helps the pacing. Trust me.

The world of shadowbringers is bleak. Like post-apocalyptic bleak. Very little remains of the world, and what little does remain is plagued by twisted abominations, designed at their core to hunt us down and spread the infection. But more on that later. Shadowbringers asks at its core one simple question, "What do people do in the face of overwhelming despair." And each little pocket of Noverandt has its own answer (Other than Il Mheg, which is a little unconnected to this theme.) Do we flee searching for refuge under a beacon of hope that is the Crystal Tower, do we wallow in self pity as our life work remains decaying and broken down as the Railways? Do we dedicate our lives to care for and treat those most affected, despite the fact they're losing their minds and humanity? Do we fight and vy for privilege and power in Eulamore? Do we isolate and cling to tradition in hope our rituals bring us salvation in Rak'Tika? Do we cower in burrows and hide underground? The answer is yes. We do all these things. But far, far more importantly...

"We stand together!"

As you go through Noverandt helping those in need, you weave together a thread that connects every one in the land. Every single person comes together to build a hulking marvel to rival even the great Alexander. By uniting as one we literally ascend to the heavens, and strike down a false idol, the supposed embodiment of perfection. Humanity cleansed of flaws. And yet when we work together and unite as people not only is Vauthry no match for us, he can't run now matter how high he ascends. Together we literally rise to the occasion.

But thats not the end of the story. As we once rose to the heavens, we then descend into the depths of hell. Noverandt is united, but as the hero we're still trying to shoulder the burden of all the lands Light alone. At our darkest moment, our friends struck down one by one, there's but one light at the end of the tunnel.

"We fight as one!"

Ardbert literally fuses his soul with you, you could not be more united. The Exarch decries the thesis of this essay, explicitly, that we stand together, summons fellow warriors of light, that have undergone the same journey, that through their desire to help one another united their own world, and now come together to save themselves (I'm fucking bawling right now lmao).

The sin eaters strip us of our connections to each other, and actively punish any who tries to help by converting them into new Lightwardens. Vauthry exploits our weakness and desire for comfort and recognition by our peers as exceptional. And Emet-Selch...

Emet-Selch who has seen our lives without living it. Yes he's had families, but he never appreciated them. He would out live them, they're fragments to him, lesser beings. He's seen how we pass things on through generations and all he can see is how inferior it is to doing it himself in one continuous life. He not only lacks but belittles us for what makes us human. He fundamentally does not understand the connection we feel towards one another. The Ascians didn't band together, they sacrificed. Noble indeed, but it's not the same as the trust we give to each other, and future generations to do what we cannot alone.

And for that he underestimates us. As a group of 8, filling different roles, the gameplay fits into the narrative. You can't be a tank, and a dps, and a healer, you have to rely on other roles to help you out. You can't take on Hades solo, you have to band together, but when we do, when we trust each other, and co-operate, and communicate... He's no match for us. We are the victors, and so Shadowbringers is a story about coming together.

In the face of overwhelming despair, we stand together. It speaks to the Paladin in me! I love it. I love people and I love humanity. I love helping people. I heal my NPC's with Clemency during dungeons and solo-duties because those are my friends! I want them full health and happy. Despite how bleak the world is in ShB, it uses that bleakness to tell a genuinely beautiful story, to showcase the best in us, and I will never forget it for that.

Not to mention the post-game?!? Elidibus is far more understanding of who we are. He watched Emet-Selch get stomped. He knows how powerful we can be when we're united. So he weaponizes it. He builds everyone up to be a hero, to save the people around them. You become an idol by which they are galvanized, then he uses that energy to summon others from a different world, bound by the same desire to help, to do good, to save... And since they have no idea who you are... He makes YOU the enemy. Its insidious, gives me chills every time i think about it.

As far as the flaws in the narrative go, like i said, i think Il Mheg is a little weak. The fae aesthetic kind of plays on the same connections with hospitality and all that, but it doesn't say much about people (directly, at least) because it's mostly absent of people.

The music while being absolutely orgasmic, is somewhat devoid of meaning. The lyrics of "Who Brings Shadow" and "To the Edge" (Hades and WoL's them, respectively) are very literal, mostly recounting the events and history so far. However, I think this gives it a very "epic" feel, which when paired with just how fucking fire it is and how hard "Who Brings Shadow" hits during the final confrontation with Emet makes it probably THE standout moment from Shadowbringers. While narratively i think the music is weak, I can't argue with how fucking Hype it is, and i guess how much "Aura" it has as the inspiration for this post put it. Its still some of the best music in the series, some of the best I've ever heard, and its used just as spectacularly.

Honestly, i want to take shots at EW but this post is long enough, and i'll leave this essay hopefully without any hot takes, until i can back them up lol. God shadowbringers is so fucking good.

"what's the point of life?" glad you asked! it is of course to experience ffxiv shadowbringers and then never shut up about it

[blake448]

"insanely well crafted cinematography"

I'm not denying that the cinematography in Breaking Bad is really good, but a fly-pov cam will never not rip me out of the moment, violently, every time i see it. We had to pause the show for like 5 to 10 minutes to recover laughing from that. Its beautiful, just in a different way

Im always so delighted to remember that the blue meth in breaking bad was rock candy and the cast would constantly snack on it. It makes me want a show that uses breaking bad's insanely well crafted cinematography and wonderful writing but it's about an old witch and her young transgender apprentice opening a candy shop in a small village in the alps

[blake448]

[blake448]

Lower Celestial

[blake448]

[blake448]

There's this trans girl on twitter (@dewkissedherbas) who paints her whole body blue for gender affirmation and its the coolest thing in the world

[blake448]

la fucking creature

[blake448]

* methamphetamine, phetami for short

things to name my kids:

theorem (theo for short)

lemma (lem for short?? lem could also be short for lemniscate)

cora larry

[blake448]

[blake448]

Fun fact, in my experience, NOT if you are Manic-depressive bipolar (Alcohol is still literal poison). For me at least, the comedown and typically extremely minor withdrawls (agitations, insomnia, lack of appetite, usually barely noticeable it would seem to others) synergize extremely poorly with mania, as does paranoia that some people experience, not to mention what it does for my depressive episodes.

In effect, stopping or even reducing the amount i smoked caused my symptoms to flare up, essentially acting as more hardcore withdrawls, making the substance more addicting than it is for others.

YMMV, but if you're bipolar and smoke weed, and your symptoms mysteriously become unbearable when you go without it, you only have to hold out for a few days completely without it. Find any help you can, family, friends, professionals as needed. Maybe it wont get as bad as it did for me but if it does you aren't broken, you don't have to live like this forever, sleep will find you again eventually, as will happiness.

Personally i think a manic episode is safer to come off it, but for me it would have been 3 days without sleep if i didnt have sleeping meds. Granted, the time i quit before that (depressive episode), i tried to OD on sleeping meds, so the 3 days without sleep was the preferable option for me.

Shame because I love the stuff, the social aspect, the routine. And no shame on anyone who does it or anything, as long as they respect the fact that i cant do it for medical reasons, and that i have a history of addiction with it.

[blake448]

Can we find a sun god or diety from every timezone and make a map of them all?