chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

I know they’d be sad if I d!ed

I just wish they’d notice I’m alive

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

I was so tired of people destroying me

So I thought I’d do them a favor and do it myself

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

I’m definitely losing parts of myself

But I can’t go back now

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

My heart is tired of begging to be loved

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

I keep scribbling lines on my thighs

Like a canvas I’ll never be able to paint over

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

I need to stop overcompensating for my fear of falling in love by flirting with everyone who breathes.

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

Oh. Never mind.

I’m not meant to be loved

Am I?

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

You seem different

Like a flame that’s gentle

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

How stupid would I have to be

To be the person I used to make fun of

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

There’s nothing left of me

Except this longing to be loved

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

Imagine being pathetic enough

To lose everything for someone

You never even loved.

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

I told you I’d never fall in love with anyone but you

But when you left I wished it wasn’t true

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

When you’re burned enough times

You start setting the fires

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

I deserved a goodbye.

I deserved an I’m sorry.

And I deserved you to mean it…

But you didn’t and that hurt

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

It hurts to miss someone and have to hide it the way I do.

I see her and pretend to not see her.

I’ll hear her name and pretend I can’t hear it.

I’ll remember how much I loved her and pretend I never did.

You don’t ever really get over loss, or falling in love.

I might’ve just been a kid, and someday I’ll move on.

But I’ll never stop being the teenager crying in their room wondering why they’re unloveable

That person will never die.

Someday I’ll stop having feelings for her

But I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing who I used to be.

[chaotically-thoughtful-thoughts]

Am I doomed to always be the person who falls for the antagonist?