chavlies-blog

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: u say that like its a regular thing lmaoo

NAT: nat n his fuckin demon boofs @ it again

NAT: do u think we can introduce winston to the girls or is he gonna like

NAT: want to eat them

NAT: ???

CHARLIE: make it a sitcom pls.

CHARLIE: i'd watch it weekly pls n thank

CHARLIE: i think ??? he should be okay. he'd just want to play with them

CHARLIE: he might get carried away but he wouldn't want to eat them.

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: u enjoy the safe spook

NAT: im goin after satan's guard dog meet u back at the car ok

NAT: boof boof 💥🐕

CHARLIE: STOOPOPOPPOOPPP

CHARLIE: you and your fucking demon boofs

CHARLIE: you could just pet my puppo instead

CHARLIE: better than ANY demon dog. i promise

[chavlies-blog]

natjpeg:

           the ghost of nat’s mother likes to come around and squeeze his shoulders, sometimes, until he squirms, ectoplasm cold and thin and loving, still crawling in his thoughts after all this time. a mother’s touch, but her hands are dead, just like the rest of her. charlie has shown up in his dreams as frequently as her, by now, and more often than his father. usually, it’s good dreams, with charlie happy and smiling and golden, looking every bit the prince he is, and his mother is younger, the way she was before she got all sad around the eyes. sometimes they talk, sometimes she asks how charlie’s course is going, and sometimes they just sit in companionable silence with hydrangeas growing around them, in all sorts of colours, until they eclipse nat’s heart. it’s given him an appreciation for delicate things, like lace and cobwebs, because they feel the same: because it’s a way nat can remember the people he loves when he’s awake. once, his mother had turned to him in a dream, voice like a spider walking up his arm, and said ‘ being in love isn’t a crisis. ’ the pace of his pulse as he blinked into consciousness contradicted the words, and the erratic thud of his heart is still against her now. nat’s chest is too big and lonely, and he wonders if it’s possible for his heart to migrate— if there’s a place for it go when the vacancy becomes too much. as charlie steps into him, he thinks it can— he feels it right up against his jugular, just beneath his jaw. beating; climbing; struggling. an elevator is not a quiet place, but even as the instrumental music plays and the mechanics grind, the space feels packed with cotton wool, insulated, and so, so distant. for a while, nat just listens to charlie’s breathing, and then his words. he didn’t have the foresight to place down the grocery bags he’s carrying — because nat’s never been able to predict anything charlie baudo does, something that was made clear in a confectionery isle back in brooklyn — so it’s an awkward task to hold him back, but he manages to, just as tightly, even a little more. if there was a world where nat wasn’t afraid to love him, they would tear the whole place down. they would never stop touching. nat would press his mouth against the blue veins that travelled up charlie’s wrists, and they would become rivers. he’d trace the dip in his spine with his tongue, and there would be mountains. that world isn’t this one, and when nat turns his head and dry lips brush the shell of charlie’s ear, there’s no creation, only a silent confession he’s never been able to drag out of himself. he shushes him, soft and quiet, a little uncertain in both tone and expression. love has never come easy to him; he doesn’t know if it was ever supposed to.    “ hey, ”    he says,   “ it’s alright. i know you did, char. come on, i know. ”   it’s another way of saying i missed you too, so fucking much, without any of the courage required to say it. nat exhales shakily, and he wants to— it’d be so easy to kiss charlie’s cheeks, his jawline, to give him something more than words that require bathymetry to understand the depth of them. he wants to ask what the fuck happened in san diego, what has charlie behaving like this, but the nauseous feeling in his stomach is already the answer.   “ i— ”   nat starts, opening his mouth to say something important, and then the elevator dings. 

           the tragedy is not in charlie. the tragedy is held in the tragedies of life. no one deserved the way nat wasn’t held, how life was torn from him and all he got was someone very angry in return. charlie had to find himself, learn self love existed far away from his parents. charlie didn’t want to have to see him like this and yet there was nothing he could do. no matter how far their love travels and how charlie knows it’s there when he hears him across that line in the dead of night. it shakes him regardless. waves of tragedy wash over his frail bones and he wants their lives to be different. where their touches and looks didn’t have to be cloaked by ‘good friendship’. where he could reach out, run his fingers over his cheeks until he counted each little freckle that would be forgotten. their bodies would tremble with quivering breaths and begs for more. they could have each other. if only they couldn’t be stopped by fear and whatever baggage nat had in him. whatever it was that haunted him. charlie wanted to set it on fire and scream that it’s 2017, and it’s okay to love him. because it is okay to love him. instead, charlie’s breath catches in his throat where his lips are on his ear and it’s as close as he’ll get to what he wants, so he holds him tighter, squeezing his eyes shut tight. the hush sending shivers down his back and just like that, he can get him calm in an instant.  one could assume his began to shake because his throat was closing up and his eyes burned, but charlie had just forgotten what being held by him was like and the feeling relieved him.

he has no idea what nat’s trying to say and he wants to scream at the elevator. for just a few more seconds. but he can’t. and charlie’s still shaking, the real world smothering him with the fact that they’re so far apart and it hurts to be so close, to move hours to be with him and just have them hit another wall. that phone call changed things. he couldn’t pretend that it didn’t. it instilled hope, and one could say that’s very dangerous. but he picks up his grocery bags, sniffing quietly as he heads out of the open doors. he wants to beg nat to finish his sentence the second they get through his door, but charlie would never push nat. not to a place he wasn’t willing to go himself. he just sets down a bag to fish for his keys, taking one out to slide into the lock. his body feels small, and he’s trying not to cry in front of him in the middle of the hallway for simply feeling too much. whether it was happiness, relief, or heartbreak, it was all inside him and it was very hard to control. so he pushes through the door, setting his bags on the counter and begins to put them away right then. if he pretends he’s not feeling it, maybe it’ll go away.   “ what should i make for us? “   he looks over his shoulder with a small, timid smile.

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: why r u like this

NAT: SAFE SPOOKS r boring

CHARLIE: why are YOU like this

CHARLIE: just like chill out.. we don't need all the extra spooks

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: tf is a safe spook

NAT: use it in a sentence

CHARLIE: a spook that does not mean i'll bring a ghostie back with me to my home

CHARLIE: i went to a haunted house and remained twenty feet away from the assumed paranormal activity and got a SAFE SPOOK.

[chavlies-blog]

text — open

PEARCE: have you ever thought about how absolutely massive the universe is?

PEARCE: like it's literally so big that it's impossible for us to ever know the entirety of it

PEARCE: how wild is that I mean imagine how much there is to see but humanity will never achieve that knowledge

CHARLIE: well they it gets even more crazy when you think about the possibility of other dimensions, right ? like what's AFTER our universe?

CHARLIE: other universes exactly the same as ours that are only slightly different

CHARLIE: it's all so crazy

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

[ nat DISLIKED ' NO BREA... ' ]

NAT: just like

NAT: a small one

NAT: like a prison guard or smth lowkey

NAT: not a high maintenance ghosty

CHARLIE: ok but like... u can't tell if it's a small ghosty or not

CHARLIE: but not even small ones i don't approve

CHARLIE: safe spooks only

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: read, baudo

NAT: do u think there'll be ghosts ??

NAT: we should try catch one

CHARLIE: NO BREAKING AND ENTERING GOVERNMENT PROPERTY PLS N THANK

CHARLIE: ofc there are ghosts u buffoon

CHARLIE: NO. ABSOLUTELY NO CATCHING GHOSTS.

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

[ nat LIKED ' i love i... ' ]

NAT: is that a challenge 🐸

CHARLIE: NATANAEL SVENDSEN TAKE YOU AND YOUR FROG EMOJI N GET OUTTA HERE

CHARLIE: it is NOT a challenge. at ALL.

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: yeh

NAT: nvr say art hoe to me again i will block ur number sakura petals can suck my dick

NAT: wtv im gonna go out on a wild one here and say u'd rather go w the public tour than break in by ourselves

NAT: so Spooks™️

CHARLIE: :( i love it when you go all art hoe tho.

CHARLIE: if we break in it'd be more spooky i dont think i could handle that

CHARLIE: also breaking into old houses is different than government owned landmarks babe

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: nerds get beat up at the dump thats why

NAT: i rly think its just tea and trees

NAT: like

NAT: thats it i dont kno if its gon' be a crazy time char

NAT: o shit do u want to go to alcatraz

CHARLIE: is that why u wanna take me to the dump? to beat me up?

CHARLIE: just tea and trees? come on nat where is your inner art hoe??? think of how pretty it'd be to paint!!! esp w the flowers!

CHARLIE: unless that males u sneeze in which case fuck it

CHARLIE: oooooo!!! yes pls that sounds like so much fun

CHARLIE: n very Spooky

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: what r u trying to say about the dump

NAT: next time i get scraps ur not invited

NAT: 😤😤😤

NAT: theres gonna be like blossoms n shit

CHARLIE: it's not my scene, natty

CHARLIE: im too delicate for the dump

CHARLIE: there are!! oh gosh well we HAVE to go. it's gonna be so so pretty.

CHARLIE: i haven't done anything fun like that in a long time.

[chavlies-blog]

imessage ⟶  charizard 🔥🐉

NAT: so what do u want to do in the city

NAT: theres a japanese tea garden somewhere in the park

NAT: idk what the fuk it is but is that something u'd like to see u fuckin weeb

CHARLIE: nat id go anywhere with you

CHARLIE: you'd make the dump fun

CHARLIE: but you know me so well. the tea garden sounds beautiful.

[chavlies-blog]

natjpeg:

              icarus is a lesson. icarus is a tragedy. icarus is old, and needs reinventing, because daedalus’ son didn’t fly too close to the sun— he flew as close as he meant to. there’s a flash of metal — charlie’s keys — and nat knows with a burning certainty that icarus knew his wings were made of wax, and that he flew towards the light anyway. if his father had ever found him, he’d have said worth it. he’d have said if only you’d seen it, said father, please, build my wings again, exactly the same. this is what love is, it’s how nat has begun to define it— love for boys is something that hurts their fathers. charlie, the light, a person nat would climb towards a burning furnace for, just to catch a glimpse of him— just to see his glory. his father would hate him the same way icarus’ hated the sun, with so much grief, and anger, and a love that became white-hot fury, losing all of it’s tenderness. nat doesn’t like to think what his father would think of his friends, and vice versa, because it’s terrible trying to explain the things that we love, especially to the people who know that they hurt us. he blinks hard, his fingers curling a fist into charlie’s jacket, before he’s gone again, slipping away— always just out of reach these days.   “ yeah, that’s mad, ”   nat says, dizzy, half following the conversation, half stuck on the impossible reality that charlie was here. he catches the next words and doesn’t know what to with them, how or where to put them down. nat tries to smile, but it probably comes out a little fake, too much like a knife wound. he and charlie — and jax and meredith, too, really. all of them. — have shifted, their alignment stretched slowly out of shape, and none of them are who they were anymore. nat can’t decide if it’s for the better, and won’t be able to until they all arrive back together in a honey-vague dream place that seems so impossible right now. still, charlie says natty, and it’s too natural to comply for him, for nat to take the grocery bags already in charlie’s hands, to ignore his upcoming shift at work, and to head back towards the elevator the way he came.   “ sure, yeah, ”   he says, and it’s the third time he’s said yeah in the space of four minutes, but charlie — christ, charlie. — still makes him nervous.   “ this is crazy, ”   it is, and even though the sharpness of their situation isn’t wearing off, nat’s body is remembering what it is to talk to his best friend without seven hours between them, and the words are coming back to him, easier now.   “ like, this is nuts. you’re really fuckin’ here. in san francisco. with me. fuck. ”    he’d call for the elevator, but his hands are occupied, and almost definitely shaking.   “ why didn’t you say anything ? like, shit, charlie—  how long were you gonna’ hang around until you gave me call ? when did you decide you were done with san diego ? ”

            people drift upon adulthood. lives change and priorities become different. their mutual friends had began drifting along their certain paths. whispers of one even possibly going back home, the change being too great. but maybe the saddest part of all of this--- all of the changing, was that charlie was okay with it. charlie liked himself. he loved california. he felt more free away from his parents. he was just happier this way. the only thing he missed was right in front of him, and there was a compromise for it the second he had heard nat moved to california. because fuck san diego. where his heart was broken multiple times and everyone was up their own asses. but he felt that no matter what, no matter how bad it could possibly get here, he could have nat by his side again. that was what he really wanted. that’s what he’s always wanted. nat and only nat. fuck everything else. fuck everyone else. but when nat complied with what charlie asked, he sighed with relief. he grabs the other bags on the ground and began to walk with him towards the elevator. it was crazy. utterly insane. but life was easy in that sense; how you could just pack up your bags and go somewhere else. the powers of being young. regardless of how easy it was, it was still exhausting, and he considers why he hadn’t at least sent a text. maybe because he was waiting until he wasn’t so frazzled with moving. or maybe he didn’t feel it wasn’t the kind of thing you text someone. or he was just scared. like maybe nat wouldn’t be happy to see him or charlie would just be an absolute mess. like he’d be unable to control himself upon first seeing him and he’d do something he would regret. but it seemed that didn’t matter now. it wasn’t about the why nots and the how longs. they’re here now. if nat wanted to play that game charlie could ask why he hadn’t kissed him yet. or how long he planned to go before bringing up that phone call in spain. no, charlie just reached to press the button. nearly instantly, it dinged and the doors slid open, charlie looking at nat with a grin.   “ i thought i’d leave it to chance. “   he quirks, stepping into the elevator and pressing the button to his floor, bags being set down. he’d asked when charlie decided to move. charlie just stared for a minute and shuffled through his then intoxicated mind to remember his deep voice and his own wandering hands. the next day he might have been miles away but he’d decided to end his lease and quit his job. he couldn’t take it anymore--- being so far. not after that. charlie didn’t have the courage to say though. instead he waited until the doors closed before turning, hands wrapping around nat’s waist, nose buried in his shoulder. charlie’s breath was shaken and maybe he should have just waited until they were in his apartment but his arms ached for him and he needed something.   “ i just needed out. “  his voice was muffled by skin and he grabbed him tighter, twisting his head to press into nat’s neck.    “ i couldn’t do it anymore. “   being away from him, that is.   “ i missed you. “   he said softly, never wanting to have to break away.

[chavlies-blog]

asiamaes:

          Asia wasn’t a big coffee person. She had always preferred hot chocolate, though there were few places that could replicate the taste and feel of a classic hot cocoa but with her beloved soy. Although Asia wasn’t vegan, she never trusted the source of such products and so decided to avoid them in most cases. Thankfully, the local cafe made the best drinks all round. Asia was just grabbing herself a cup to go when she was approached by a seemingly stranger. The girl had her curls tied up in a high pony that had fallen apart after her vigorous sprint, all part of her daily training of course. Her curls had fallen to cover her face, having to brush them away as she looked over at the figure. “Oh, just set them down here on the counter. Most people leave it at the tables but you’re a doll for bringing them back,” Asia gave him a small finger gun with her free hand accompanied with her signature wink. “I’d say same but I always get paper cups so I don’t even come remotely close to such a situation.” Asia let out a chuckle before sipping on her beverage, squinting her eyes as she looked the boy up and down. Why was he so familiar?

        charlie grins at the stranger, thankful for her help and whatever true charisma she was shooting back at him. he was thankful to anyone who could give back the kindness and energy he produced.   “ i just try to make other peoples’ lives less terrible. “   he shrugs casually, standing up from his seat to grab his coffee. it was now just cold and gross. there was no point in sipping it casually anymore. he knew where it was supposed to go.   “ i usually just like the experience of sitting down and enjoying a nice cup. “   charlie hated always being on the move. sometimes it was nice to just sit down and enjoy everything. he looked her over to observe her squinting, clearly gears were turning in her mind. but charlie was a boy who often forgot the people he met so he asked what she was thinking.   “ have we met ? “   in short, no, but he didn’t know that.

[chavlies-blog]

natjpeg:

            the story is called ‘ almost ’, it’s called ‘ thank god. ’ nat’s gaze doesn’t follow charlie’s downwards, just stays on him, the whites of his eyes dry because he can’t bring himself to blink, lest charlie with his half-mused hair and his big, brown eyes turn out to be some kind of trick of the light. his skin looks like the sun has spent months kissing it, like his veins could be threaded with gold. nat doesn’t tell him that. he still hasn’t learnt how to move his tongue in a way that he can say what he needs to, but he’s missed charlie so badly, he can feel it in his teeth. they stand like that for too long, nat’s hands on his back, moving to his shoulders, relearning the broadness of them, and trying to decode what exactly his friend is saying. this is what he has to go on: no text to say charlie was in the city, only his words now, and a pool of grocery bags at their feet. there isn’t a ‘ surprise ! ’ or an overnight duffle to indicate that this is a brief visit— nothing about the evidence he’s doing a shit job of deducing feels short term at all. hope both is and isn’t fragile, it’s stuck in the back of nat’s throat like a fishhook, like it’s the thing that could either gut him or keep him on the line. he wants to ask charlie ‘ are you staying ? ’, but he doesn’t want to be wrong. he wants to ask if he was in his head, half as often as charlie was on his mind. he wants to ask if wren loved him like something dying, if he kissed him like his last words, whilst nat’s mouth was pressed up against a receiver trying to touch him from towns over. questions are revealing and the feeling in his chest is too tight, so he keeps it ambiguous, a simple    “ yeah ? ”    and squeeze charlie’s shoulders. the answers aren’t important, not right now. the world feels very light, and nat is happily bright, sharply awake.    “ god, ”    he laughs, a terrifyingly weightless sound,    “ i fuckin’ missed you, you dick. ”    he removes a hand to rub under his eyes, because it itches, not because they’re no longer dry.    “ fuckin’ hell. ”

              it grew harder, being so close yet far enough away that it wasn’t feasible. charlie’s body longed to be by nat again. he wanted his hands to touch him and for that smile to crawl over ever inch of his face when he looked at charlie. he wanted his friend back, most of all. and now, here he was. in front of him. he was close enough to touch and charlie wanted nothing more than to press lips together. though, that’s been a dream for years, how on earth could charlie expect now would be different. no, now he just needed to focus on the way he stood, how he glowed and radiated and charlie missed seeing him like this. hair flopped over, obvious tiredness under his eyes. his hands on his shoulders and charlie knew he looked up upon him doting at the way he smiled. the way he called him a dick. charlie hadn’t felt this full in a long time. even with other strong hands holding him tight, with other whispers of his name. no, they weren’t nat. nat could do over the phone what men could do with their hands and charlie knew it. no one came close.  he looked up at nat, his thumb beginning to rub over the exposed skin on his neck.   “ i don’t think you can fathom how much i missed you. “   he said quietly, looking up sheepishly from his glasses. his long eyelashes fanning over his cheeks as he laughed quietly.   “ fuckin’ hell, indeed. “   a hand reaches up to pat his cheek gently before needing to remove himself. he couldn’t be this close, in public, without things becoming questionable. he wouldn’t subject nat to that. charlie digs for his keys again, and his body shivers without the touch anymore but he wasn’t going to just assume things were fine and dandy again. he spent nights crying on the phone. voicemails left in the dead of night. what had he done? why had nat decided to hate him so much? there was no way he could just turn over and be fine. charlie wasn’t going to expect it. so he bent down to grab his groceries.   “ my fall semester starts in a little over a week. “   he comments,   “ junior in college, can you believe? “   now he just feels like he’s making small talk, and it’s torturing him. but he stands with plastic bags in his hand, sighing heavily as he looked at nat.   “ i missed you so much, natty. “   he smiles, holding his look for a few moments, scanning over that beautiful face again, before looking down at the bags.   “ could you help me with these? i can make us something, maybe? “   for the love of christ, charlie wants him to say yes.

[chavlies-blog]

text — charlie

ADA: can't argue with that!!

ADA: ur inner fashionista is comin out!!

ADA: honestly they should be burned. all of them

CHARLIE: not fashionista, simply not having poor taste

CHARLIE: but i'll take it. thank you

CHARLIE: we'd be doing a service to the world is we burned them all