cherrysdoc

[cherrysdoc]

[cherrysdoc]

10/21/24

Warning-talks of struggling mental health

Ahhhh finally, today was the last day at my sucky customer service job!!! I feel alive again lol.

Here’s a quick recap of the past week—

Last week I started my training for my new job (assisting the elderly/disabled folks). It went a lot better than I thought it would actually. They’re gonna pay me more than I thought they would which is honestly a huge blessing. My husband and I aren’t doing the best financially since he lost his job, so I’m so glad to be starting this new job. And like I said in my last entry, I’m excited to spend more one-on-one time with the people I’m working with and getting to know them more personally.

My husband has a job interview coming up, so fingers crossed it goes well. He’s been working hard door dashing, doing school and working on his YouTube channel. And being a good house-husband lol.

Last week, my parents came up to visit me and my sisters who live around. I can’t help but feel that they might be disappointed in me. It’s not they’ve had the highest expectations for me since I started having my mental health issues—I think they must be glad that I’m just still alive.. but still, I have this need to make them proud of me. Sometimes it really hurts me when I think about it, so I’ll stop that train of thought lol.

I can’t believe it’s 10 days until Halloween! I’m excited even though I don’t really have any plans. I feel like Halloween has become less and less exciting over the years. I feel that way about a lot of holidays as I’ve gotten older. I suppose it’s just the childhood wonder just worn off. Everything used to keep me up at night just because I couldn’t wait to wake up the next day.. I wish I could still feel like that.

This post sort of became a bummer the more I wrote lol, but I am looking forward to what the future holds in store for me. Things are on the up and up for sure.

Love from,

Cherry <3

PS We watched ‘The Love Witch’ this past week. I’ve watched it so many times, but I’m still obsessed with that movie ahhh

[cherrysdoc]

[cherrysdoc]

10/11/2024

I have called into work all week. I just couldn’t bring myself to go. I know that sounds selfish, but I swear I haven’t been unproductive. I actually got a new job, so I put in my two weeks notice at my old one!!

I’ve been working as a customer service rep for a year and I’m so over it. The place that I’ll be leaving had a lot of snobby customers who had a high expectation to get exactly what they wanted. And my managers always bent over backwards to give them anything, even if it violated policy. They really take “the customer is always right” to heart. It pisses me off. And made me extremely tired.

I’ll be starting up as a caregiver for the elderly and disabled folks. I’m actually really looking forward to it. I think if I can help people, not only does it make the world a better place, but also gives me a better sense of purpose. Plus I’ll get to know more people in a more personal way, and I love making connections with others. Fingers crossed it goes well.

I’m also trying to take better care of my health since I’ve been out of the hospital. I’ve been trying to get more physical activity and try g to eat less fast food. It’s been a little more difficult on the diet side (since fast food is so convenient), but it’s made me feel a lot better energy-wise.

I’m also doing Duolingo everyday lol. I started learning Mandarin back in middle school and took it throughout high school and college. 我的中文很不好，但是我喜欢中文课。 哈哈。 It’s helped me have a more productive hobby that actually could be useful to me. I’ll hopefully make it over to visit China someday, 我的哥哥住在北境！I’ll need to get into a financially stable place with my husband before then of course, but still, one day.

Anyways, hope you like my word vomit, and thanks for wading through :)

Love from,

Cherry <3

[cherrysdoc]

Something I need to remember—I’m the one who controls my own reactions.

[cherrysdoc]

how it feels knowing that loneliness is still time spent with the world

[cherrysdoc]

[cherrysdoc]

Today is feeling like this

[cherrysdoc]

[cherrysdoc]

[cherrysdoc]

Thought: Verse 1

(preface- poems of someone falling asleep from sleep meds)

He goes to the other room

While I lie here on my side

It feels cold again

As the snow threatens to fall

Fidgeting around

In the other room

He finds himself

The snow drifts down

It feels so cold

While I lie here on my side

-Cherry

[cherrysdoc]

The kind of energy I'm working on putting out <3

I am thankful, I have good health;

My eyes work, my arms, my hands, my legs.

I can sing, I can dance,

I can laugh, I can cry.

[cherrysdoc]

Introduction to my documentation

My name is "Cherry" (she/her). I'm 21 years old at the start of this (10/02/2024) and ready to air out my jumbled mind. (very angsty, I know)

I've been married to my husband for a year now. Yes, we are both very young, but it felt like the thing to do for us and our relationship. I love my husband the most in the world. We live in a tiny apartment in the northwest US.

We're both working, but always looking for new job opportunities. Why settle less for what you have to do full-time? We have lots of money problems, but I think nearly every young married couple does haha.

TW for next paragraph-- mental health talk

I just got out of the psyche ward this past month. I was in for a week in order to calm my headspace and learn coping skills for some of my mental health issues. I'm doing much better right now and I feel pretty optimistic about life.

Anyways, I'm preparing this page to be a dumping-ground of sorts to all the things going on inside my head. I know the no one will read this, but in case you are- hi :)

Love from,

Cherry