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The way he said he would have to come daily,

I was shocked.

Has he really stopped loving me?

Doesn't he wanna see me anymore?

And here I am, still thinking about the ways we can have a moment together.

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XXIX

I want you,

But I should not.

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XXVIII

When movie was about to end where actor and actress finally reunite; for a moment I thought about you and that I should be with you, leaving everything behind.

But now if I think again, I can't do that. :(

There's a responsibility on me.

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XXVII

Why do I want you to act like a boyfriend but don't be a boyfriend?

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We haven't kissed yesterday. Did you even notice?

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Every new variant of corona virus is like a new season of a web series. More interested, deadly.

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Everything is gonna haunt you like a ghost.

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First you don't care about anyone,

Then somebody walks into your life and you start caring about that person.

Then that same person walks out of your life same way he walked in and now you don't care about anyone, anymore.

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Chapter 1

I was all prepared to go; everything packed; seats booked me and for my parents as well. It was like a family trip, much awaited family trip that we never had in last 23 years. Yes, 23 years as my parents have never planned a vacation or family trip or anything. They must have their reasons.

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I finally accepted that I was not happy, there was nothing like a relationship, imo.

It was again do or die situation but I made a choice, yes, I made a choice this time. I guess, I was avoiding this situation for long but now was the time.

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It's official now! 💔

180421 0654

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03:03 am chain of thoughts!

Can't sleep!

There are so many things that your mind reminds you at night when you rather just wanna sleep.

After a long time, I feel an urge to write again. To just frame my thoughts and get rid of them.

I got reminded of the time when other person didn't reply to my messages on time and I compared the time when I sent a message and when I got reply for that message with other person's messages reply.

And something about broken heart from one of the member; my mentor from a spiritual group. She said, " it's okay if you're heart broken at 22, mine was at 26." And I feel her now...

I wanna improve everyone's living, I wanna rebuilt my house, I want someone (I'm not sure if I still want someone now).

The office work is so boring, I hate doing that; actually I'm not even doing that properly cause it's rubbish and who wanna work like that?

I should switch the company again. But that doesn't guarantee the good work. Or I work my ass off so I can get a good company, good job and good work we well.

I'm not sure about my relationships in this life, with anyone. I'm not good enough for any relationship. I just wanna be alone.

Maybe continue again sometime, now my mind can't think; all blank.

When it's about writing, my mind stops functioning and when I was sitting idle, it was not letting me sleep.

3a.m. thought!

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Girl: posted a story on WhatsApp with a question, ' can anyone teach me about developer tool and debugging?'

Boyfriend: sad, you couldn't ask me. I ain't helping now, go ask anyone.

Girl: you could have replied " yes, I can! " to my story. I said, *anyone*.

Tbh, I can't handle your way of teaching.

Was she wrong to ask somebody/ friends for help?

Is it necessary to be always dependent on a man/ boyfriend/ spouse for help?

You have more people than a boyfriend in your life.

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writer turned 3 today!

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XVlll

You are perfect ❤ but in my dreams; You are just opposite in reality.

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XVII

I'm heartbroken not because my heart was broken by someone but because my feelings were not understood.

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XVI

I was not that much interested to know everything about someone but you are a different case. You said I consider you as a jallad but no, I don't . That's why I wanna know more and more about you. You don't tell about yourself and your actions; jallad types actions which tell a different story. I'm really obsessed which is Just a chemical reaction in mind and I can't help... Really!!